She Wore Black

by J L Park

  “So, you’re saying to be fearless, I have to have fear when it counts?”

  “Yes. Fear is what drives us to fight. You just can’t let fear control you - that's when it harms.”

  “How do you know all this?”

  She smiled, “Our son, Alyx, chose Ferox for his Selection Day choice. We heard about the theory of fear for months before Selection Day.” A wistful grin crossed her face, softening as she remembered, “It helped me, without him knowing.”

  “Now, it’s helping me. Thank you, for this,” I waved my hand at the food, the room, “and helping me see I can do it.”

  “Reed, I can see you doing more.” I frowned, “You’ve got this look in your eyes that makes me wonder that you aren’t going to be finished with just being in Ferox. Whilst it’s the tougher of the choices, and it’ll push you, I don’t think it will be enough for you. Sure, I didn’t know you before, but I can see it in your eyes.”

  I smiled, thinking about what she meant.

  “See…. you understand what I’m talking about. The world pisses you off, and you’re fixing to do something about it. You might not know what yet, but I'm certain you will achieve it.” She paused, and looked at me, “And by God, don’t you dare not take me along for the ride when you do it.”

  I laughed, “I don’t know what it is, but sure.” I peered at her, thinking, “You reminded me of something, but I might get punished for it.” She fixed me with a look that told me if I didn’t tell her I’d pay for it, “I, uh, found a book from Before.” Her eyes widened, but she said nothing. “I liked to go looking in old buildings and hiding spots and found it one day. It was under my bed at home. It had been in my bag for Selection Day. It talked about Prophecies. You reminded me of some of them when you were speaking. That's all," I glanced down, admitting to having the book was risky.

  “Reed, if you still have it, can I see it?” she whispered, a grin breaking over my face as I nodded, silent. I hoped I could still find it.

  I filled the next few weeks with getting fit, running with Maria before and after work, putting back on the weight I lost in the Shed, and when I was by myself, working on the things that bothered me. Seriously unfit, it took a few tries to build up to where I kept up with Maria the whole time, whilst being able to speak at the same time. She had the giggles most of the run the first few days, I was that bad. Working hard, I out-sprinted her near the end of our training runs.

  “You know, when you go, I'm going to miss you,” she blurted one day as we jogged around Arator on our way back to the house.

  “I’ll miss you too. You changed my life when you picked me up from the side of the road, I can never repay you for that.”

  She nodded, “You don’t need to.” She stopped running for a moment, “You’ve helped me too. And hey, it's about pay it forward, isn’t it? Someone stopped and helped me, I stopped to help you, you need to stop and help someone if you see someone in need.”

  “I will. Race ya home?” I giggled and sprinted off, with a protesting Maria behind me.

  Between all the training and running, I needed to face my parents one last time. I needed to pick up my Selection Day bag, and a few other things I had left at home. Maria had to accompany me but stood outside whilst I collected my things. Both of my parents were home, Father busy at the dining room table, reading the newspaper. My mother knew better than to follow me into my room and left me to gather my things. Checking that in the bottom of my bag, the little black book still hidden there, wrapped in several layers of clothing. Aside from clothing, and a couple of notebooks, I didn’t need to take much with me. I made to leave, and Mother was standing in the doorway.

  “Reed.”

  “Mother.”

  “Have you decided where you are going?”

  “Ferox, if they’ll take me, otherwise… I have no idea. I’ll be a Non-Sel again if they decide I’m not worthy.”

  She nodded. “You’ll be fine, I know it,” She moved into the room, and shut the door behind her, “How are you doing?” Her face softened once the door was shut, and she knew Father couldn’t hear, as she sat on my bed.

  “I’m doing okay, Ma,” Looking her in the eyes, “You?”

  She flinched almost imperceptibly. “Ah, I’m fine, why do you ask?” Her tone had changed, a closed, clipped statement. I frowned and took her hands.

  “Ma, you know what I’m asking. You knew I was Taken. Only two people know, other than me and the person who took me. The other person has been Taken herself. You don’t have to say anything. I need to know you are okay.” I caught a flash in her eyes, as she looked down at her hands, resting in her lap.

  “Reed, I’m fine.” She sighed, “It was a long time ago, I’ve gotten on with my life, and tried to forget it ever happened.” Her fingers traced a scar at the base of her thumb, one I’d noticed over the years, but never thought to question where it had come from. Several other light, thin scars followed it, down her arm further. I reached over, and touched several with my fingertips, looking at her.

  “Him?” I murmured, “Them?” She shook her head and tapped her temple with the other hand.

  “No, most of my scars are in here.” She whispered, “These were me.” It took all I had not to gasp and reached over to lift her head to look at me. Raising my other arm, so the backs of my biceps were visible to her. She frowned at me.

  “I know your Father used to ‘correct’ you, why are you showing me this again?”

  “The fresher ones were him. A couple are from Father when I was being insubordinate, the rest… are me.”

  Her eyes filled with tears.

  “Don’t. I’m just saying I understand. They were before I was Taken. Ma, I’ve never fitted in Pius, I’ve always been at odds with the Laws as they are followed here. The wait for Selection Day was too long to manage without… an outlet.” I chuckled, sadness evident in my laugh, “Just my luck I had to wait even longer, and in a less desirable place than this!”

  She nodded, her eyes clear now. “Was he from Pius, Reed?”

  I looked at her, shocked. It wasn’t allowed in GreyBrook to speak of those who had taken us or acknowledge in public we were one of the Taken. GreyBrook’s dirty little secret, but not out of character. It merely spoke to how the Founders thought of women.

  “Ma, we’re not supposed to.”

  She interrupted me, “I know we aren’t. We’re not supposed to admit to it happening either. Was he from Pius?” She demanded.

  I swallowed. “Yes.”

  She swore under her breath. “Do I know him?”

  “Mother, I’m not going to tell you. If I could I would, but you’d kill him, and you have no idea what he did over three months. Hell, even I don’t remember everything. You’d kill him, just because.” I smiled, “I knew I mattered to at least you, Ma. Even if Father didn’t care too much for his daughter, I knew you did. So, I’m not letting you get punished for something that someone else did. I’m okay, and I will be okay, all right?”

  She nodded, then smiled. “You always were a stroppy little miss. You’ll be fine in Ferox, love. I know you didn’t fit here, and I’m sorry it wasn’t that easy for you. But you’ll be fine.” She hugged me and walked me down the stairs to say good bye to my Father, who barely acknowledged me. Mother scowled at the back of his head and smiled at me.

  “Jeff, you might like to know Reed will select Ferox tomorrow.”

  He folded his newspaper slowly and turned to us. “You think you’ll even get in? You ran away because you didn’t want to decide, and now you think the Ferox, the strong protectors of GreyBrook will want you? A scrawny thing, a female at that.” He snarled.

  I took a deep breath, a glance at my mother and answered him. “Yes, Father, I think they will. You have no idea what I’m capable of, as you’ve never paid any attention to anything that wasn’t Jameson. You have no idea what I’ve done, or what has been done to me. You never cared. Frankly, I no longer care what you think of me. I know you didn’t want a da
ughter, and hell, there’s nothing I could have done about that. You never made it a secret. There is more to me than you will ever know. So scoff all you like. I will be the child that will make my mother proud because I don’t care what you think of me anymore. Have a good life.” I paused for a breath, taking a small amount of joy in the stunned look on his face, “Mother. I love you, and I hope to make you proud. Thank you for everything, and look after yourself.”

  She hugged me and let me leave with Maria, who had witnessed it all.

  “Holy shit, girl! You told him,” she exclaimed when we were far enough away from the house that no one would hear. I grinned

  “Felt good, too.”

  “So… that's it then? All done, no going back?”

  I nodded. We sat on the train between sections in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

  “Maria?” I called, alone in the spare room. Feet padded down the hallway, a head poking through the door.

  “Yeah?”

  “Come in. I’ve got something to show you.” Fishing around in my back pack, I found the small black note book. Extracting the book from the shirt I had hidden it in, I handed it to Maria, “That's the book…. from before.”

  Her mouth opened, and closed, unable to say anything as she took it from my hand,

  “It’s okay, open it.”

  Nodding, she gingerly opened the book, pouring over the pages. “Oh wow. This is… oh… really? I didn’t know that!” She looked up, grinning, “This is amazing, Reed.”

  I watched her face as she read. “I’d like to take it with me, but you can read it tonight. You’ll see what I meant the other day.”

  The grin on her face said it all, as she lay back on the end of the bed, the book above her. I waited, watching her face, then lay down next to her, and read together, forgetting about what would happen tomorrow morning.

  Waking to the sounds of a clock radio alarm, disorientated. Wrapped in a blanket, lying sideways on the bed, I jumped as I turned my head, a sleepy Maria next to me.

  “Sorry, love. We must have fallen asleep reading that book.” She handed it over, “You better hide that at the bottom of your bag again. We don’t have long before we need to leave, you ready for this?”

  I nodded, and climbed off the bed, heading for the shower.

  Under the shower, I thought about how I had come this far. The wounds on my back healed and didn’t seem to restrict my movement. I hoped I didn’t need to change in front of others too soon, the wounds had given my Taken status away to Steve, and so it wouldn’t be long before they figured it out. Washing my hair, I smiled, realising I wouldn’t have got this far without Maria and Steve, and that Alyx had transferred to Ferox from Arator helped Maria plan my fitness program. I would owe so many if I was successful today.

  “Ready?” I nodded, feeling a little weird in Selection Day clothes this late in the year, “Come then, we’ve got a train to catch.”

  The stares on the train annoyed me even though I was aware that I stood out in Selection Day clothes. Maria kept patting my knee, seeing I was getting wound up. The posters of me as a Non-Sel hadn’t made it easy for me to hide. They all knew who I was, which made me feel vulnerable, pissing me off. I shook my head and stood up. Maria smiled, shaking her head in disbelief.

  “Right. You can stop staring now.” I paused, staring a few of them back, “Yes, I’m Reed Taylor. Yes, I’m this year’s Non-Sel. If you’ve got something to say, I’d say it to my face, and I’d say it now, or keep it to yourself. I’m not in the mood for your shit.” And sat down in a hurry. Silence permeated the train carriage, shocked that I’d stood up to them, shocked a female had dared to speak up in such a way. A couple of people clapped, a few people shooting them, and me, disapproving looks for applauding such an unbecoming outburst from a woman, and a Non- Sel at that. I glanced at a grinning Maria as several people made to come to speak with me.

  A twenty something guy patted my knee, grinning.

  “You choosing Ferox?”

  I nodded, as his smile grew.

  “Good girl. I’ll see you there.”

  One or two older men glared and made their opinion on a female speaking in such a way known, but I expected nothing less.

  What surprised me was the older woman in Pius Blue, patting my knee and whispering, “Well done girly, I wish I was as brave as you.” With a smile, and wink as she left the carriage.

  Rather than feel angry any longer, I smiled and relaxed into the positivity I had received. Trying to avoid the disproving looks took my mind off just how nervous I was, my hands trembling in my lap, but I tried not to let it dampen the positive.

  As we reached the City, Maria and I disembarked and began the long walk to Confederation Circle. All the Leaders from the various sections, plus a high ranked section member would be here, and I could make my case to them all individually if I needed to. If they accepted me, I still had to pass certain tasks to be a full member of the section. We walked in virtual silence, brain going over what I needed to prove to Ferox that I should be accepted and admitted to the section. Nervous sweat ran down my back startling me so much, I stopped walking.

  My vision suddenly changed, and I was no longer in the street, but back in the shed.

  “Reed?”

  I could hear Maria calling, as I was frozen to the spot. Blinking, I struggled to fight off the overwhelming vision, combined with the physical sensation of warm blood running down my back, pain searing across it. My voice failed me as I tried to call out. A hand on my arm started me out of my thoughts, vision clearing, the sweat on my back now cold, and a lot less sticky than blood.

  “Reed? You okay?”

  I nodded, still not trusting my voice yet.

  “You looked like you went somewhere else, are you sure you are okay?”

  I coughed, nodding.

  “Yeah. I think so.” I murmured, walking again, still shaken by the experience. Maria frowned

  “Do you want to do this another day?”

  I shook my head, “I’m fine, Maria. I promise.”

  She gave me that look that told me she didn’t believe me in the slightest, but let it go. I rubbed my fingers over the palms of my hands, needing to keep them moving, to concentrate, given I was already nervous and now shaken. Maria let a knowing look slide across her face as she caught sight of me doing it.

  We presented ourselves at the gates of the Confederation Circle, where Maria was forced to bid me farewell. She would wait until after I had made my selection, to ensure I had somewhere to stay should the sections reject me.

  “You’ll be fine. Be strong and know I’m proud of you.”

  “I’ll say hi to Alyx for you, and thanks for everything. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.” I gave her one last hug and turned to walk up the steps, to register at the desk.

  “Reed Taylor.”

  The clerk at the desk looked blankly at me, as though they didn’t know who I was, “I’m the Non-Sel here for selection.”

  She blinked, and nodded, looking me up in the appointment list.

  “Yes, please take a seat, I will alert the leaders you have arrived.”

  I nodded and sat in the hard, curved plastic seats she had directed me to. All the technological advances we had made in the time we had been a nation, yet we still had hard chairs. I smiled to myself, some things would never change. Footsteps echoed in the hallway as I looked up to find the five leaders of the sections walking towards me.

  “Reed. Come.” Barrett Marshall, GreyBrook Grand Leader, motioned for me to follow them. I was taken through the building to a room near the back, and left there for several minutes, alone. Barrett came back into the room alone.

  “You may speak with the leaders of each section one at a time, you can choose the order in which you speak with them. However, as you did not arrive at Selection Day, and ran away instead, this is the only concession you will be given. The rest of the process will be harder for you than it would have been if you had been brave
enough to arrive at Selection Day when it was held. It is only fair. Understood?” I nodded, “Questions before we start?”

  “Sir, I’m of the understanding that Pius will not have me back, due to being a runaway. Why is Mr. Stanford Beutner, here?”

  “Your understanding is correct, Miss Taylor. He is here to ensure we follow the process correctly and wishes to speak with you afterwards.” I nodded.

  “Thank you for that, sir. No further questions.”

  “Which leader first?”

  I paused, not wanting to seem too eager with my first selection, in case I got offside with Barrett and needed to be in his good graces later in the day.

  “Maddox Cohen, of Ferox, please, Mr. Marshall,” I asked, as politely as a Pius raised woman should.

  Barrett tilted his head, peering at me, a curious expression on his face before he smiled. “And after Mr. Cohen?”

  “Mr. Morin, Mr. Wolfman, and then Mr. Border.”

  He nodded, glancing at a two-way mirror I figured Pius’ leader Stanford was behind.

  “Very well. Please prepare yourself for Mr. Cohen.”

  I sat in the hard, metal chair, and waited, arms resting on the table in front of me, picking absentmindedly at my finger nails, as I waited. A sparse room, only two chairs and the steel table in front of me, and the two-way mirror, much like an interview room in a police station. I was about to be interrogated about why I wanted to gain acceptance to Ferox, so it fit I was being held in a room similar to that of an interview room or holding cell, I couldn’t help but grin at the nature of it.

  “Miss Taylor, what's funny?” Maddox Cohen commented as he walked through the door and shut it behind him, pulling the chair out with a scrape of metal on concrete, spinning it around to sit on it backwards, “Tell me, what made you smile just then?”

  “I was just thinking it was fitting to be in a room like a police interview room when I was about to be interrogated.”