Chasing Charlie

by Linda McLaughlan

  Claudia shook her head.

  ‘Claud, I cannot bear any more secrets. Tell me!’

  Claudia bit her lip, tensing with indecision, and then sighed. ‘I think Rebecca was actually flirting with Ed to make you jealous, Sam.’

  What? I looked at Ed. His face was magenta and he was frowning at Claudia. I couldn’t read what was in his eyes but he wasn’t pleased.

  Claudia put her hands in the air. ‘Sorry, Ed, but that’s my theory.’

  ‘Why would that make me jealous?’ I wondered aloud and then wished I hadn’t. It dawned on me – God, I was slow on the uptake today – that Claudia meant Rebecca was trying to make me jealous of her closeness with Ed so that I’d want him. I blushed with Ed and lowered my head, cringing.

  ‘That’s embarrassing.’ I managed a weak smile.

  ‘You’re telling me.’ Ed’s frown slid into a sheepish grimace, his eyes flashing at me across the table.

  Whoa. This was all too much. Way too many revelations and emotions for one day. I rubbed my face vigorously with both hands.

  ‘The thing I don’t understand is why you’re sitting here telling me Rebecca’s having it off with Charlie when it wasn’t her I just walked in on.’

  ‘What?’ Claudia and Ed said at the same time. ‘Then who the hell was it?’

  We all jumped on a bus soon after that and rode towards Claudia’s. I was grateful they didn’t slag Charlie off the whole way back although I’m sure they wanted to now that we knew he wasn’t a two-timing bastard but a three-timing slimeball. The crazy events of the last few weeks kept playing over and over in my mind, all of my encounters with Rebecca coming into sharp focus. Every time I’d mentioned Charlie, Rebecca had reacted. At the time I’d put it down to her being incredulous that I was making a play for someone so out of my league – someone from Rebecca’s precious circle. But it wasn’t that at all – it was envy! When did it all begin? Was he seeing Rebecca before I even started seeing him? Or did it start after? My stomach roiled in nausea when I thought about sharing him with my own bloody sister, intimately sharing with her. Yuck, yuck, yuck. What was he thinking? What was she thinking? After all, Rebecca knew we were seeing each other – why would she want to see him as well? And the scene in the Chinese restaurant with Mum loomed in all its cringing glory, over and over again. There I was with my sex toys, trying to spice up my love life, to entice Charlie further, and that bloody dildo – it was still in its packet, what a fucking waste of money – was bandied about for all to see, for Mum to see, when all along Rebecca was the little sex kitten. No wonder we’d only got it on once over the past few weeks. What the freaking hell was Charlie thinking?

  And it kept coming back to that. As the bus stopped and started, with Claudia and Ed boxing me in, protecting me from the rest of the world and quietly letting me process my thoughts in my own time, I ultimately kept coming back to that question. What the hell was he thinking? Yes, Rebecca had crossed a line even I never would have thought she was able to. But Charlie – why? Why the fuck why?

  73

  SAM

  The first couple of days that followed passed in a numb cloud. I went to work mechanically and returned to Claudia’s every evening to be distracted with sufficient liquor and trashy television. I ate, I slept (thanks to Claudia’s special hot chocolates), I walked, I worked. I did all of these things without trying to think about the horrible truth and, more importantly, without feeling anything. But underneath I knew my anger was rising, like bile creeping up my oesophagus, and before long it would break the surface. It happened on Thursday morning, much sooner than I expected. I awoke feeling significantly thawed. I shook my head, once, twice. The numbness was definitely fading. I stood and stretched and felt fury flood every vessel, warm every limb.

  The hurt from his betrayal was there, sharp and hot in my belly, but there was something else in there with it. Something about this not being all about being the sad, thwarted one. If I was really honest with myself, I had been waiting the whole time for this to happen. I was angry and it was a relief to feel it.

  I dressed, I ate breakfast, I stared out of Claudia’s perfectly clean windows. What was he doing right now? Smarming his way through his morning, completely oblivious to the way he’s made me feel. What an arsehole. I wished I had the bottle to throw this all in Charlie’s face somehow. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I had clawed pathetically after him for too long. I didn’t want to see him again. I didn’t want to get burnt by his smooth tongue. Rebecca was right – I didn’t belong in his world and, quite frankly, I was so glad I didn’t. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him and she was welcome to him. They deserved each other.

  74

  ED

  From: Ed Minkley

  Date: Monday, 6 April

  To: Covington Green

  Subject: Why not?

  Cov,

  Sorry I’ve been out of touch for a bit. Major newsflash here. Sam may finally be over Smooth Features. She caught him in bed with his ex-girlfriend – the leggy blonde that I’ve told you about before, I think. Yes, you read that right, his ex-girlfriend. He obviously has a thing for them. It’s never going to work for us but at least she’s not going to be chasing Charlie any more.

  Oh, and more craziness – before any of the above happened, Luke and Rosie ran off and managed to get lost when Sam and I were looking after them. As you can imagine, it was terrifying. And Mara was furious about it all – so much so she kicked Sam out of the flat. She blamed her completely for it, which was completely unfair – although Mara’s been through so much lately, and Sam isn’t always the easiest of housemates, so in a way I could see why she overreacted. Anyway it meant Mara and I sat down and had a long chat about it all. She came back down off her high horse and admitted that perhaps I had something to do with losing the kids too. It’s going to take her some time before she forgives Sam but it was good to get her to see it wasn’t all her fault. We sat up late and talked about everything – I might have accidentally let slip about how much interest you’ve been taking in her . . . sorry, mate! But she was really chuffed actually, in a low-key Mara way. Maybe I’ve been wrong about her.

  But all that drama aside, you must be looking forward to visiting home soon. What about a stopover in Old Blighty beforehand? It’s kind of on the way. Why not?

  Ed

  75

  SAM

  On Friday morning I was still furious. I power-walked to the Tube, seethed for all five stops, then stomped from Oxford Circus all the way to Katherine’s office. When I arrived, Vic and Katherine looked like they’d already been talking for a while already.

  ‘I’m not late, am I?’ I surveyed the duo. Katherine was sitting right on the edge of her seat, a bundle of excited energy. Vic was smiling at me.

  ‘No, don’t be silly, we just started a little earlier. We had some details to discuss before we all got together,’ said Katherine.

  I took a seat and waited to hear what she had to say. As nice as it was to see these wonderful women, especially given how I was feeling, it was very strange to have a meeting at this stage of the project. Katherine had just had the green light on a TV series that she’d been trying to get off the ground for years. Vic was down to first on it. It was massively exciting of course. But when I was the third on dramas, it was much more usual for me to get a phone call from Vic to book me in. We’d only meet up further into pre-production to talk details.

  I listened as Katherine outlined the project. A ten-week shoot, mostly on location near Inverness, story centres around a small-town medical practice, a couple of child leads, two camera units, a promising cast. I’d completely forgotten about the Scottish connection for this project. Katherine went to film school in Glasgow, had old friendships with people in the Scottish industry and looked for any excuse to film there. It sounded brilliant. Ed loved his time on her last Scottish shoot – I knew I would too. It would be such a relief to escape this tow
n for a bit and there was no way I could bump into Charlie up there.

  ‘When are you shooting?’

  ‘We’ll begin the middle of June.’

  ‘Right, that’s . . .’ I tried counting in my head.

  ‘Ten weeks away.’

  ‘Punchy.’

  ‘Exactly, so I want to get crewed up quickly then we can really get down to business. Most of the HODs are in place but there is something I wanted to run past you.’

  ‘OK . . .’ I looked at Vic enquiringly. What was this all about? Vic didn’t give me any clues, just smiled at me.

  There was a small pause and then Katherine said, ‘Would you like to first the second unit?’

  I looked at her in shock.

  ‘Really?’

  Katherine didn’t laugh. She leant forward over her massive notebook and looked me seriously in the eye.

  ‘Yes, really. I think you’re ready for it, Vic thinks you’re ready for it. What about you?’

  ‘I . . . fuck me, I’d love to!’ I laughed.

  ‘Excellent, that’s settled then.’ Katherine pretended to make a massive tick on her page.

  Vic and I walked to the Tube together after the meeting. It felt quite mad that after I had power-walked in edgy fury all the way to the meeting, I was now walking back on a high.

  ‘Thank you for that, Vic.’ I put my arm around my friend’s shoulders. It was so kind of her to put me forward for the job, especially as it meant she would have to find someone else to third with her, and she might end up with someone she hadn’t worked with much before. Vic and I had such a well-oiled thing going on. Communication was so easy and made such a massive difference to our job satisfaction, especially when we were working under pressure. If Vic didn’t get the right person to third . . . well, everyone will know about it if that happens.

  ‘It wasn’t me. I mean, I do think you’re ready but it was Katherine who thought of you for the job.’

  ‘Really?’

  We separated for a moment to dodge a clutch of teenage girls who were hogging the middle of the footpath.

  ‘Why are you doubting yourself?’ Vic continued as we came back together. ‘Has what’s-his-chops knocked the job confidence out of you too? I get that you might be feeing heart sore and everything, mate, but what’s he got to do with all the work you’ve put in over the years to get to this point?’

  I had told her about Charlie when she’d called about the meeting. Good old Vic. She’d given me a characteristically blunt reaction and for once I welcomed someone describing Charlie as an effing great waste of space.

  ‘You’re right, you know. Why should I feel insecure? I’ve just got my first first-AD gig—’

  ‘On a hefty-sized shoot.’

  ‘On a blinking hefty-sized shoot, not even in London!’

  Vic and I grinned at each other. What fun we were going to have.

  ‘So what are you going to do about him?’

  ‘Do about him? Oh, I don’t know, forget about him eventually. Like you said, Vic, he’s a waste of space. I just want him out of my head.’

  ‘Fair enough but doesn’t that mean he’s just going to walk off scot-free to break some more hearts?’

  We were at the Tube. We paused once we were inside, finding a spot near a grimy tiled wall, out of the tide of people pouring in and out of the barriers.

  ‘I can’t affect what he does in the future, Vic. I’m the last person who should try – I’ve managed to put myself through the same heartache with him twice now. What more could this muppet do?’

  Vic was staring unseeing at all the people going past us.

  ‘I don’t know, mate, but wouldn’t it feel great to show him up somehow?’ She turned to me and her eyes were gleaming with mischief. She gave me a hard hug.

  ‘I’ve got to scoot. It is bloody lovely you’ve said yes to that job.’

  ‘It’s just what I needed.’

  We moved into the queue and beeped our way through the barriers. Vic was heading left along a corridor; I was going right to the escalators.

  ‘We’ll speak soon and let me know if you want any help with getting him back won’t you?’ Vic said as we started moving apart.

  ‘Sure thing,’ I said. ‘You’re a crazy woman.’

  ‘You know it!’

  We waved once more and I was just about to step onto the escalator that would take me down into the earth when she added, ‘Do you think Katherine might ask Ed on that job too?’

  ‘Put it away, Vic!’ I yelled back, and I stepped onto the metal grooves of the escalator step and down I went, grinning to myself, cheeks blazing.

  On the train, my head spun out from the excitement of the morning. My first job as a first AD! Running the set on the second camera unit meant I’d be getting up close and personal with the heather, the mountains, the rivers, in all weathers. Katherine had explained in the meeting that the intention for this story is that the landscape would be more than just the backdrop but a character in itself, a force that shapes and echoes what’s going on for the little humans living in the town. The second unit would be shooting all of this while the main unit concentrated on the central storylines. It was a good introductory first job for me as it wouldn’t involve huge numbers of people and complicated sequences. I couldn’t wait to tell Dad about it.

  At Notting Hill Gate I came up to earth. I headed down Pembridge Road towards Portobello, painfully aware of how close Charlie’s house was. ‘What are you going to do about him?’ Vic’s words rang in my head. Nothing, I answered. Absolutely nothing. I had been well and truly shown my place by him and I didn’t have any bravery left. On top of that, I was still trying to process the whole thing with Rebecca, who was so obviously guilty. She had been pointedly silent for the past few days. Surely by now she would know what had happened with Lucy, and she’d be dying to rub it in my face. Charlie would have told her. I laughed out loud. What was I thinking? Of course he wouldn’t have told her – telling the truth to girlfriends was noticeably absent from his skillset. But Lucy would have told her friends – she was bound to have – and they would all be gossiping about it. I shuddered as I imagined them sitting around in their suits laughing at me.

  She just wouldn’t let it go!

  Who was she again?

  Oh, she was at his party, in a blue dress I think.

  I can’t remember her.

  No, she’s not very memorable.

  Gah.

  But when I played out this little bitchfest in my mind, I just couldn’t put Lucy in there. I tried and failed. Despite the fact I had found her in Charlie’s bed, in my heart I knew she was a decent person. Like me, she’d been swayed by a beautiful charmer but in her core she was much stronger than that. Maybe, just maybe, she could help do something about him.

  I was almost at Portobello Road. The pretty gift shop I was on my way to was waiting for me, a little island of loveliness and calm. I wanted to concentrate when I got there so I paused my striding and ducked into a doorway to pull out my phone. In my contacts list was Lucy’s number, tapped in the day I’d worked with her. I looked at the number for a moment. Could I do this? Yes. She answered almost immediately.

  Mara’s birthday was a week away, the big three zero. In the background of all the latest drama, I had been thinking vaguely about what to get her but I couldn’t quite find a scrap of head space to think about it. I wasn’t sure she’d even want something from me; she still hadn’t spoken to me since losing the kids. But quite aside from however Mara felt about me I felt like it was the right thing for me to give her something. I wasn’t going to let Charlie get in the way of our friendship any longer. He had monopolised everything for long enough, even affecting my friendships and my judgement. Even though he wasn’t around when Ed and I had lost the kids, he may as well have been. My head was crammed full of him, and I was sure I would’ve paid much more attention if I hadn’t been in this stupid shaken-up state that he’d brought on.

  I pushed open the door to th
e gift shop. Mara and I have dawdled in here many times together over the last couple of years. It was full of things you’d never buy for yourself but were always lovely to receive. We have bought notebooks and picture frames and fairy lights and all sorts of things. There was something for everyone in there, even things with clean lines that Claudia loved. I had a long way to go to win back her trust but this felt like the right place to start.

  I thought I’d get her a nice notebook and maybe something functional with a link to the past. A letter opener or something. Mara would like that. But then right at the back of the shop I found a print of a tree in silhouette, with little birds and beasts sitting in its branches, in the simple, quirky Scandinavian style that Mara loved. It reminded me of the beautiful bare trees across the road from the house in Harvist Road and for a moment I had a strong pang of yearning for the little home in Queen’s Park. It was perfect.

  76

  ED

  From: Ed Minkley

  Date: Wednesday, 8 April

  To: David Willis

  CC: Covington Green

  Subject: Water project

  Hi David,

  Thanks for your email about Covington’s project. It’s great you’re still interested in investing. I’ve cc’ed him here so you can now talk directly. He could be passing through London shortly, in which case you could potentially meet in person. He could do with finding out what proper beer tastes like.

  All best,

  Ed

  77

  MARA

  I could hear them coming up the stairs.

  ‘It’s my turn first!’

  ‘My turn, my turn!’

  ‘MUM, it’s my turn! Tell Rosie that!’

  ‘Luke, cut it out, will you? He might not even be around. Now pipe down, we’re almost there. Look, there’s Aunty Mara now.’

  ‘Hello, Luke. Hello, Rosie!’