Sand Witches in the Hamptons (9781101597385)

by Jerome, Celia

  Cousin Lily’s official title was housekeeper, with a large staff of cooks, maids, and handymen—the groundskeeper had his own crew—but she looked on herself as hostess of the place. As such, she would never be rude to a guest. I hoped.

  She bit her lip, but gestured to the platters of sandwiches she’d prepared, the pitchers of iced tea and cider. Kenneth snagged a half sandwich and a napkin before going back out to help sort the luggage. He and Colin were to have the same rooms at the gatehouse they’d had when we chased down a kidnapper. Lou would stay at Grandma Eve’s, as usual, and Harris got assigned to me.

  “I don’t need a bodyguard,” I tried to tell Lou, who had filled a plate and sat at the table. “Not with you right down the street at the farmhouse.”

  “Yeah, but I need a man to listen to the phone, check the security, watch out for stalkers. You get Harris.” No discussion. No arguments.

  I tried anyway. “It’ll be crowded when Mom gets back.”

  “We’ll have the perps behind bars before then.”

  I started to lead Carinne to the nearest bathroom, an elegant affair toward the front of the house, but the professor stepped out of what had been the servants’ elevator, right into the large kitchen area. He looked pale and thinner, but his eyes lit up when he saw me. Or Carinne.

  “Ah, Willow, my dear. At last. You must do something about finding poor Oey. Then we can speak about the Andanstans.”

  I cleared my throat, behind Carinne.

  He adjusted his glasses. “Ah, what a lovely surprise. You must be our new guest, Miss O’Dell. Charmed to meet you.”

  Carinne didn’t seem to know whether to curtsy or offer her hand. I kissed the old dear’s cheek and said, “I am happy to see you, too.”

  He patted my shoulder, peered at my pink hair without commenting, then turned back to Carinne. “I hope you do not mind, but I have hired you on as my assistant. That’s to satisfy our resident cabbagehead, Monteith, who wanted to house you in the students’ dormitories in the attics. I work odd hours, so you’ll have a room next to mine, with your own bath, of course, but sharing my balcony and the hot tub. There will be a small monthly stipend, with room and board included. Is that agreeable to you, my dear?”

  “I never expected . . . That is, how can I ever repay . . . I have a cat,” she babbled, overcome.

  “Excellent. I adore cats. Please call me Jimmie. Oh, do you play chess?”

  “Yes, but I may be rusty. My father was state collegiate chess champion in Florida, and I managed to defeat him several times before he passed on.”

  “Better and better. Come, we’ll show your furry friend its new residence and allow you to refresh yourself. Then we can return for Miss Lily’s excellent tea.”

  But I needed to talk to him. And I needed a bathroom, too, and some of Lily’s oatmeal cookies. “You’ll be happy to know we might have solved some of Carinne’s problems already. She can explain later.”

  “Excellent. I cannot wait to hear about it.” Professor Harmon smiled at her, then at me. “I am so glad you brought Miss O’Dell to us.”

  “Well, I am not,” came from a newcomer striding down the hall. “Especially if that is an animal in that carrier case.”

  “Milo Monteith,” my old friend said on a sigh, before making the formal introductions.

  Monteith was tall and lanky and needed to have his brown curls trimmed and styled. He obviously hadn’t been eating Lily’s cooking for long, or been introduced to Janie at the hair salon or Vincent the barber. Perhaps the gardener had cut his hair last. He did have nice blue eyes, except for the cold glare in them. Worst of all, he wore a suit.

  Nothing marked a man as an alien to Paumanok Harbor, an outsider, more than a suit. No one around here ever wore them except lawyers and undertakers. Even Mr. Whitside at the bank stuck to a bow tie and a vest.

  On one memorable occasion, when a local fisherman died, his friends and prospective pallbearers discovered they had one jacket between them. They gave it to the dead guy to wear.

  Monteith’s suit did not even fit properly, with the coat lopsided and the pockets baggy. I was not impressed.

  Carinne stepped closer to me.

  Monteith crossed his arms over his chest, barring the elevator. “We do not permit animals. Not for the ancient mariner”—he jerked his head toward the professor—“and not for a person with no credentials or documented history.”

  Carinne gave me a beseeching look. We both knew the cat wouldn’t be happy at my house, and Carinne wouldn’t be happy without the cat. Saggy suit and stiff posture aside, Monteith annoyed me. Pick on Jimmie, intimidate my sister? I’d had a bad enough day and I needed to pee. So I crossed my arms over my own chest and let him have a piece of my mind, one of the few I could spare. “What’s with the royal we, Monteith, eh? Who made you commandant of this outpost?”

  “The directors at—”

  I didn’t let him finish. “The directors at Royce wanted this place to serve and protect the uniquely gifted and talented. Well, Carinne O’Dell is both. In fact, Lou is thinking this very minute of how her skills can save lives.”

  “Not this minute,” Lou grumbled from across the room. “Right now I’m eating Miss Lily’s amazing rice pudding.”

  I ignored him, after checking to see he’d left some oatmeal cookies. “Have you met Lou? Heard his reputation? You wouldn’t want to mess with him, trust me.”

  The ruthless DUE agent spooned more pudding into his mouth, then grinned. “You tell him, Willy.”

  “And trying to deny Dr. Harmon an assistant? Do you know how valuable his work is? Priceless, that’s what. The whole village would be underwater if not for him.”

  The professor blushed.

  “If he wants to keep a parrot or a . . . pet goldfish, that’s his business. And I’ll bet the powers that be at Royce care more for his contentment than they do for yours.”

  “Please, Willow, don’t yell at Mr. Monteith,” Carinne pleaded. “He’s only doing his job.”

  “No, his job is to meet our needs. We need you, you need the cat.” I turned back to Monteith. “She has no other family nearby.” Lily and Lou, Harris, Colin, and Kenneth all cleared their throats or coughed or clattered their silverware. “The cat stays. Do you understand?”

  Carinne promised the cat would never leave her room. “And she won’t hurt anything either. She’s fastidious about her litter box, and I change it twice a day. I wouldn’t expect anyone to clean up after me,” she told Lily, “and I’d be happy to help in the kitchen or whatever else you need.”

  Lily smiled at her and dished out another serving of pudding. “I’ll save it from the ravening hordes for after you get settled.”

  Monteith fumbled in his baggy jacket pocket and took out a heavy silver yo-yo that had ball bearings spinning on the outside. No wonder his clothes did not fall right. A freaking yo-yo. That made me angrier than ever. “See? She’s willing to do anything. What are you willing to do except make people miserable? From what I hear, that’s your only talent, aside from crunching numbers. And now you’re playing with a toy?”

  “It soothes me. So I don’t lose my temper, like an intemperate, spoiled child.”

  “Who are you calling an intemperate, spoiled child?”

  Carinne touched my shoulder and whispered in my ear: “Willow, his yo-yo has no string.”

  “Of course it has a string. It wouldn’t come back and circle and land on his finger and . . .” Bloody hell, the yo-yo had no string. Nor did the other one he took out of another pocket and had spinning and doing tricks in perfect unison with the first.

  “Okay, you’re a wizard. But that doesn’t give you the right to run ragged over everyone else. You are supposed to be furthering the cause, discovering and developing unknown talents. Protecting them, encouraging them, using them to benefit
people everywhere.”

  “Hear, hear,” Dr. Harmon said, bringing me a glass of cider and a cookie. “I did not want to throw my own weight around, but you have put the blighter in his place nicely. Too bad Monte’s my godson.”

  “Your godson?”

  “I’m not proud of it either,” Monteith said, making one yo-yo whiz around his head, the other around his shoulders. “And yes, one of my duties is to see the old codger is safe and not jauntering off to face down monsters by himself, or following some otherworld avian into the unknown.”

  “You should have told me,” I said to Jimmie.

  He shrugged his narrow shoulders. “You didn’t tell me about Miss O’Dell, did you?”

  Hmpph. “That’s not the point. He has to treat you better. And Carinne, too.”

  Monteith replied to that: “I should think it might be a great deal easier than dealing with you. Miss O’Dell appears quite agreeable, except for the cat.”

  Carinne stared at her toes, bright color in her cheeks. “Willow’s had a hard day. She’s really very kind.”

  The blasted yo-yos rolled up his arm, across his neck and down the other side. If he was trying to distract me, it was working.

  “And Carinne’s had a hard time, too. But not as hard as you’ll have if you keep picking on senior citizens and women in awkward circumstances. She’s been picked on all her life and it stops now, this instant. Her own mother did not understand. We do. She is one of us. You treat her like the treasure she is or . . . or I’ll sic Lou on you.”

  Lou was pushing me out the door. “You’ve done enough for now. Carinne will do fine, won’t you, kiddo?”

  Carinne nodded and smiled at him, and at Monteith.

  “Monte and Lily and Jimmie will take good care of her,” Lou told me. “And her cat. You’ll see her in the morning. Right now your grandmother is waiting for us. She and I are headed for dinner on Shelter Island. She wants to ask Doc Lassiter to come back and work with Carinne.”

  But I was supposed to have supper with my grandmother. Squash soup and cornbread and apple pie on her hand-thrown pottery dishes.

  * * *

  Instead she handed me a recycled plastic ice cream tub on her way out the door.

  “Two minutes in the microwave. Even someone dumb enough to dye her hair pink should be able to get that right.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  I had Harris, and a heavy heart.

  I got the idea he’d rather be at Rosehill with everyone else and Lily’s cooking. So would I.

  He stayed polite, but aloof and efficient, setting perimeter alarms and listening devices and security cameras. I made up the bed in the guest room. We both figured he was wasting his time and DUE’s money. Deni’d never know where I’d gone, so I was safe. Except from my own insecurities.

  He made test runs. I made phone calls.

  The first was to Susan, warning her of the alarms.

  “Won’t the deer set them off?”

  “I tried to tell him how many creatures ramble through the backyard every night. He says his technical gadgets are advanced way past that. Infrared, sonic, electromagnetic, body temperature.”

  “Is he hot?”

  “No, I haven’t turned the heat up yet. Oh. He’s good-looking, I guess, in a rugged military way. You know the type, all muscle and perfect posture, ready for action. He’s nice, but he doesn’t smile much.”

  “Bet I can make him smile.”

  Just what I needed, Susan coming on to the bodyguard.

  “Yes, I’ll bring home the leftover brownies.”

  That was better. “But don’t get cozy with him. Carinne says he’ll be off chasing aliens across the globe, like Grant.”

  “I don’t believe all that crap. Word is she looks like you.”

  Lou must have given Grandma Eve advance warning. Now every person in Paumanok Harbor knew.

  “I guess so.”

  “You guess? They say Cousin Lily mistook her for you. Is it true?”

  “I suppose.”

  “I’ve got to see this for myself. Why don’t you bring her and the hunk over for dinner? We’re pretty full, but I’ll save you a table.”

  “No, I’m exhausted. And Carinne’s at Rosehill with Lily and the professor. Grandma Eve gave us some squash soup for supper.” Nothing else. The restaurant sounded good, except that Matt was going to be there, with his ex. “Maybe tomorrow.”

  Maybe never, if I could keep Susan and Carinne apart.

  * * *

  Speaking of Matt, I decided to call him before he left for dinner. Just to tell him I’d arrived safely, of course. I asked if he could go to the beach with me tomorrow morning to look for Andanstans. It was too late today, with the sun setting so early, but I wanted his opinion. And the reassurance of his company.

  He couldn’t go with me. He’d promised to show Marion around the Hamptons on his day off. She was in the shower, but he knew she’d be happy for me to come along.

  No, I did not wish to go sightseeing and shopping with them. I’d spent most of my summers out here, seen it all, and still couldn’t afford the Hamptons prices.

  “Oh, and I have pink hair.”

  “Bubble gum pink,” Harris called out when he came into the room with a tool box in his hand.

  “Who the hell is that?”

  “Harris, a kind of bodyguard.”

  “Another one? Does he have his clothes on?”

  “Of course he does. Does your ex-wife?”

  The call ended, abruptly. Harris disappeared, wisely. He didn’t like squash soup, but he’d eaten enough of Lily’s sandwiches to hold him. And he had the cooler in the car for later.

  He didn’t offer to share.

  * * *

  My father wanted to know if Carinne arrived safely, if people were being mean to her. Did she have a decent place to stay and what about her pet? The cat meant a lot to her.

  I assured him she was fine, the cat was fine. The professor adored her, and Lily had started fattening her up. Even Milo Monteith showed an unexpected gentler side. Carinne seemed to bring that out in people.

  “And we may have found a remedy, if not a cure, for her headaches and brainstorms.” I explained my suggestion about the drawing.

  “I knew sending her north was a good idea.”

  Yeah, sending her was his idea. Putting the voices in her head on paper was mine. He didn’t mention that.

  “Tell her to call me tomorrow. I’ll be home after tennis.”

  “Tennis? What about your blood pressure? You know, the reason you could not bring her here yourself.”

  “You’re sounding like your mother.”

  Yikes.

  “The important thing is that Carinne is safe.”

  “But what about me, Dad?”

  “Oh, you can take care of yourself. Except for the damned Irish tenor on his mustang. I just worry Carinne might backslide into depression or go bonkers from the stress. You’ll look after her, right?”

  Right, Dad. Better than you did.

  “And you’ll watch her back?”

  Carinne had Colin and Kenneth and Lily and Milo and Professor Harmon. I had Harris and a three-legged Pomeranian. “Got it.”

  * * *

  Russell, the computer genius, came over after calling, on Lou’s orders. Russ was suitably impressed with Harris’ gizmos, and Harris appreciated the tweaks Russell made to the security system now taking up half the dining room and the guest room.

  Then Russell asked for my passwords. “You might as well write them out for me. Save me about fifteen minutes. You can change them later.”

  “That’s all it would take to open my programs and read my email? Steal my credit card numbers and my identity?”

&nbs
p; “Unless you got real creative. Then it’ll take twenty. I bet you use one of your dog’s names. Or a character from one of your books.”

  Shit. “Iverthehero1. My first title.”

  “Cute.” He copied my hard drive, accessed all my Internet files, including the messages from Deni. “Lou wants the source of these found tonight. His people said they need two days.”

  “The sooner the better, so I can go home.”

  “The sooner the better, so I can get back to the new game system I’m developing. Hey, do you think that new esper you brought in can tell if I make it big before I’m forty?”

  “What if she tells you you’re broke and living on the streets?”

  He grinned. “Then she’s bogus. I can’t miss. And don’t use Little Red for your new password.” He left.

  * * *

  For once, my mother didn’t know everything going on in my life. “What’s this about pink hair? And all the paramilitary types invading the Harbor? And that woman you brought with you. No one is saying who she is. And how could you leave Mrs. Abbottini with strangers?”

  “She’s fine. I called. She’s teaching the Rashmanjaris blackjack for when they all go to Atlantic City as soon as she recovers.”

  “They’re going to want to move more of their family into her apartment.”

  Which was fair, if she stayed in theirs. But then my mother couldn’t sublet Mrs. Abbottini’s rooms. Which meant she’d stay in mine. Ugh. “Maybe you should start thinking about looking for a short-term rental?”

  “Pay rent when my daughter lives in my old apartment?” She sniffed. “Did I charge you rent for staying in my house in Paumanok Harbor all summer?”

  “You insisted I come to take care of your old dogs!”

  She sniffed again. “And now?”

  “Now Grandma Eve demanded I come help with the beach erosion and the rashes.”

  Now that I thought about it, my rash was almost gone, and no one else had complained about theirs or showed signs of allergic reactions. “Besides, I had to help get Carinne here. Dad asked—”