by Shuler, Tara
I jumped as someone rapped at the door behind my back.
“Alice? Are you okay?” I heard Kai ask through the door.
I cracked the door and peeked out. Kai was standing by himself, looking very concerned. I opened the door wider and stepped back, allowing him to enter my room. Then I closed the door behind him.
“What happened? Why did you run off like that?” Kai asked.
“Oh, God,” I groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I collapsed face down on the bed in exasperation. The bed sagged as Kai sat down beside me.
“Come on. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“No,” I mumbled, my face still buried in my blankets. “I don’t want to.”
“Please?”
I sighed. After a moment, I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.
“I overheard Liam telling Alexi he’s leaving.”
“Leaving. Like… leaving town?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? For how long?”
“Permanently, from what it sounded like.”
“What? Why would he do that?”
I sighed again.
“He told Alexi he’s in love with me,” I groaned.
Kai was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Another one?”
“I don’t get it!” I lamented. “Why does this keep happening to me? It’s like I’m poison. Can’t I just have one uncomplicated relationship in my life?”
This time is was Kai who sighed.
“You’re hardly poison. There’s just something about you. You’re irresistible.”
I groaned. He had no idea that his feelings for me were, quite possibly, the product of some kind of special ability. Part of me wanted to tell him, but another part of me definitely wasn’t ready to.
“I don’t want to be irresistible. I want to be completely and totally resistible.”
“Impossible.”
“It’s not fair! I just want to live a normal life! I don’t want people to keep falling for me like this!”
“I understand, but we can’t just snap our fingers and stop loving you, Alice.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly feeling regretful for being so forthcoming with my feelings. “I shouldn’t have…”
“Don’t apologize,” Kai interrupted. “You can’t help how you feel any more than any of us can.”
“I know. I just hate that all of you keep getting caught in the crossfire.”
“We’re dealing with it.”
“Yeah, and I appreciate that. I just wish you didn’t have to.”
A quiet knock sounded at the door, and I heard Liam call, “Alice?”
“Come in, Liam,” I called back, sitting up.
The door opened slowly, and Liam peeked meekly around the corner.
“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” Kai said, standing up. “You know where to find me, Alice.”
I nodded at him, and he left, closing the door behind him.
Liam stood by the door, staring down at the floor. With one hand, he fiddled with the fingernail of the thumb on his other hand nervously.
“What is it, Liam?” I asked after a moment.
“I guess you heard.”
“I did,” I admitted.
“I didn’t want to tell you, Alice. I know you have enough to deal with, already. I didn’t want to make your life any more complicated than it already is, and I certainly didn’t want to hurt Alexi.”
“Don’t worry about it, Liam. I understand.”
“You always understand. That’s part of what makes me… why I… it’s part of what makes you special.”
“So you’re leaving?” I asked solemnly.
“I have to, Alice. I can’t stand being around you and knowing you’re betrothed to my brother. I can’t stand seeing you with Kai. I can’t stand knowing how you feel about them, and how you don’t feel about me. I can’t stand any of it. I have to go.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I implored. “You’re my best friend.”
He shook his head.
“No, I’m not. Not even close.”
“You are the only person I can talk to without worrying…” my voice trailed off, because what I was about to say was no longer true.
“Go ahead and say it,” Liam urged.
“You were the only person I could talk to without worrying about things being weird.”
He scoffed.
“That’s hasn’t been the case for a while.”
I had to think for a moment to understand what he’d said.
“Wait… how long have you felt this way?”
“I don’t know. A while.”
“Wow…” I whispered.
Liam still refused to look up from the floor.
“Liam, please don’t leave,” I begged. “If you’ve gone this long without even telling me, maybe…”
“I can’t, Alice,” he mourned, shaking his head. “It’s just not possible. I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”
“Why not? Why can’t it be like it’s always been?”
Liam finally looked up at me. His eyes were a storm of emotion, and he suddenly became very animated.
“Do you think I would have told Alexi all of this if I wasn’t at my wit’s end? I’ve tried to keep it all inside – to just ignore it!” he shouted, throwing his hands into the air dramatically. “I can’t do it, anymore! Just being around you is too difficult!”
“Maybe it will get easier as time…”
“No!” Liam yelled. “It’s not getting easier! It’s getting harder!”
“I’m sorry…”
“It’s not your fault, Alice. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I sighed. That was the problem. It really was my fault, but I had no idea how to control my ability to keep this kind of thing from happening.
“I know, but I’d do anything if I could just keep from hurting the people I care about. Maybe I should leave. I’m a curse to everyone I come in contact with!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. None of this is your fault. You’re not doing anything to cause this. It just happens.”
“Please don’t go,” I begged. “We have so much fun together. I don’t think I can deal with any of this without you.”
“I’m going to go, Alice. There’s no way I can stay. Maybe I’ll be able to come back at some point, but right now I just can’t handle this. Please try to understand. I would never leave you if I thought there was any way I could keep dealing with this.”
“There’s something I have to tell you, Liam,” I said softly.
Instantly, I regretted saying it. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to tell anyone. But I couldn’t let Liam leave. He really was my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose him. It was time to come clean.
“What is it?”
“Father Jacobs told me something. He said…”
I gulped. I really didn’t want to say it.
“Go on. What did he say?”
“He said I have an ability I haven’t been aware of, and that I am probably using it without even knowing it.”
“What ability? What are you talking about?”
“He said I have the ability to charm people. That’s why people keep falling in love with me out of the blue – for no reason at all.”
Liam looked as though the wind had been knocked out of him. His face looked pale, and his mouth gaped open slightly.
“Well, that explains a lot,” he said at last.
“Yeah, that’s what I said,” I admitted.
“And you think that’s why everyone keeps falling for you?”
“I can’t think of any other reason why anyone would fall for me.”
“Right, because it couldn’t possibly be the fact that you’re witty, and charming, and kind, and beautiful, and completely selfless. No, it couldn’t be any of that.”
Liam rolled his eyes mockingly.
“I’m serious, Liam. It never made sense. Kai was madly in love w
ith me within hours of meeting me, and Max didn’t take much longer. It was always so insane.”
“But didn’t you fall for Kai pretty quickly, too?”
“Yeah, I thought about that,” I admitted. “But I think what happened with him was that I developed an emotional attachment based on two things. First, the fact that he was the first guy my age I really had much contact with. And second, because I felt so sorry for him.”
“So you mistook pity for love?”
“I wouldn’t say that, no. I mean… I guess that was part of it.”
“And what about Max?”
“Physical attraction.”
“That’s it?”
“No, that’s not everything, obviously. I mean, he’s a really great guy. He’s sweet, and kind, and he loves to take care of people. You should have seen him protecting my friend Jamie at school. It was amazing.”
“But physical attraction was the main thing.”
“Yes, I suppose.”
“Hmm. And how do you feel about me?”
I blinked at him. I couldn’t believe he was really asking me that.
“You’re my friend, Liam. My best friend.”
He looked hurt.
“That’s all?”
“I never thought of you as anything else,” I admitted.
“Why not? Are you not attracted to me?”
“Oh, gosh, Liam. I never thought about it!”
That was a lie. There had been plenty of times when I noticed how attractive Liam was. It was just that I’d never thought of him that way. He was Alexi’s brother, and my friend, and it never even occurred to me that he might ever be anything else.
“I see,” he said quietly.
“Look, Liam. You’re probably just charmed, right now. I don’t know how to control it. Even Father Jacobs admitted it was working on him when we were talking. So you probably don’t even really have feelings for me at all.”
“You really think that?” Liam asked, clearly hurt.
“What else would I think?”
“Alice, this isn’t some crazy spell that had me blubbering over you in hours. I’ve known you for a while now, and it’s just been a gradual thing.”
“Maybe it just took longer to work on you.”
Liam sighed and threw his hands into the air.
“I guess you’re never going to believe anyone might actually love you now that you’ve learned about your stupid ability, huh?” he shouted. “I guess it’s just impossible to think someone might actually love you for you!”
“No, it’s not impossible,” I disagreed.
“Oh. I get it. Alexi, right? Because he loved you before he met you, his feelings must be real, right? Great. Just great!”
“Liam, please calm down,” I implored him. “I understand this is…”
“You clearly don’t understand anything!” he yelled. “This isn’t some stupid charm spell, Alice! I love you!”
I groaned. I didn’t mean to. It just slipped out. Instantly, I regretted it. I could see the look of disdain on Liam’s face as soon as it happened.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean that the way it…”
“Just stop,” he muttered. “I said I was leaving, and I am.”
He turned to leave, and I grabbed his arm.
“Liam, wait,” I begged. “Please.”
He stopped, but he did not turn around.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I said. “Whatever it takes to make you stay, I’ll do it. Just tell me what you want from me.”
He shook his head and sighed.
“You can’t give me what I want,” he muttered, and he stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
I knew he had to be charmed. That was the only explanation. Like Max and Kai, he’d simply fallen victim to this latent ability I had no control over. I was so angry. If only I’d known sooner, I could have learned to control it, and I wouldn’t be losing the only real friend I had. He was my best friend, and now he was leaving.
Dmitri still hadn’t shown up, and I was getting more and more anxious about it. I decided to go find Alexi. Perhaps he would have some idea of what we should do. I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. I was going crazy. As soon as I opened the door, I nearly ran into Alexi.
“I was just coming to check on you,” he told me.
“I’m surprised you left me alone to sleep, earlier,” I told him.
“You were never alone,” he corrected me.
“You and Liam were arguing, and no one was outside my door when I came out,” I argued.
“No one was…” Alexi started to say. “What? Kai was supposed to be standing guard outside your door!”
“Don’t get mad at him,” I said. “I don’t need to be guarded twenty-four seven!”
“You most certainly do!” he shouted. “Dmitri could come in and take you away in a split second! You cannot ever be left alone!”
“Oh, get a grip, Alexi. I’m fine.”
“I will have a word with Kai, later. But first, I want to know what it was you and Liam were discussing.”
“Can’t you just read my mind and find out?” I growled.
“You know I do not do that if I do not have to, Alice. It is draining, and it is intrusive. I would rather not use it on you, especially. You deserve your privacy.”
“Or maybe you are afraid of what you might find out!” I snapped.
“Please do not say things like that,” Alexi pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” I said gently. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Just tell me what you and Liam were talking about. Please.”
“Fine. I begged him not to go, because he’s my best friend. And I told him about what Father Jacobs told me.”
“You mean the thing you chose not to discuss with me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you wish to tell me now?”
“Not really, but I suppose you deserve to know. Father Jacobs told me I have an ability I didn’t know about.”
“And that ability is what?”
“I apparently have the ability to charm people – to make them fall in love with me – without even knowing I’m doing it. He even said I was using it on him while we were talking. Man, was that embarrassing! A priest!”
“And you believe Liam is under the effect of your charm ability?”
“Yes, of course. He has to be.”
“I see. And what about Kai? And Max?”
“Yes, them, too. Obviously.”
“What about me?”
“I don’t know, honestly.”
“I was in love with you before I even met you, Alice. Remember? I could not possibly have been influenced by your ability.”
“I know, I thought about that. Liam mentioned it, and I’d already thought about it briefly.”
“Then you realize what I feel for you is real.”
“I don’t know, Alexi. I really don’t know anything, anymore.”
“Have you told Kai? Or Max?”
“No. I only told Liam because I thought it might get him to stay. I figured if he knew it wasn’t real, maybe he’d just snap out of it. I didn’t intend to tell anyone. At least, not right away.”
“You really should be honest with us. We will not be able to help you if we do not know what you are going through.”
“I know, but this was… it affected so many people.”
“You need to tell Kai and Max.”
“I will. Just not right now. Alexi, I really need help. I have to learn to control this thing. It’s tearing my life apart, not to mention everyone else’s.”
“We will figure this out. I promise you that. For now, we have other matters to attend to.”
“Oh, right. I was coming to find you when I nearly ran into you. Have you heard anything from Dmitri?”
“No, nothing. I do not think we will right now. He is probably waiting in order to gain the element of surprise.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.
I was wondering if maybe we should attack him. I mean, he wouldn’t be expecting that, right? He probably thinks we’re going to just sit around and wait for him.”
“I would not be so sure of that. Dmitri is very astute. He probably plans for, and expects, more than you might think.”
“Maybe so, but I think it’s better to take the fight to him than to just sit around and wait for him.”
“I think we should discuss this with the others.”
“Alright, let’s do that,” I agreed.
Chapter Ten – A New Plan
We gathered in the dining hall. Alexi invited Father Jacobs to join us, as he was eager to get his opinion about what we should do, especially since he was risking so much to help us.
“Thank you all for coming,” Alexi began. “Alice has expressed a desire to go to Dmitri, rather than waiting around for him to come to us. I told her we should get all of your opinions before making a decision.”
“I think we should go kick his ass,” Kai said quickly.
“I think we need more time to prepare,” Liam argued.
“Fair enough,” Alexi said. “Father Jacobs? What is your opinion?”
“I don’t really know if it’s my place to have a say, but I believe you should do everything in your power to solve this peacefully,” Father Jacobs stated.
“Do you really think that might be an option?” Alexi asked.
“I think a peaceful solution can always be found when you try hard enough,” he answered.
“I am not entirely convinced that is the case where Dmitri is concerned,” Alexi stated.
“You might be surprised,” Father Jacobs said. “I’ve mediated some very tough situations. I could try in this case, if you like.”
“Do you really think Dmitri would listen?” I asked.
“Do you really want to know what I think?” Father Jacobs asked me directly.
“Yes, of course,” I replied.
“I think if you and I go see him together, we just might be able to come to an understanding with him.”
“How so?” I asked.
“Alexi, forgive me for what I am about to suggest,” Father Jacobs said. “Alice, if you and I go together, and you use your charm on him, I might be able to convince him it is in his best interest not to harm you.”
“With all due respect, Father,” Alexi said. “I do not believe Dmitri wishes any harm to come to Alice. He has already said he wants her for her abilities. He cannot make use of them if she is… if he kills her.”
