Monsters in the Dark

by Winters, Pepper

  “No. I got it.” He passed me, slapping my shoulder. “Pleasure working with you, Mercer.”

  “Likewise.” I gave him a tight smile and headed down the stairs.

  I managed to keep my calm all the way through the house. I managed to smile at a few of the girls we’d rescued from Rio as Suzette and Mrs. Sucre arranged temporary staff to make sure they all had rooms and whatever they needed.

  I kept walking at a normal pace right out the front door and away from the house, but the moment I was away from view, I ran.

  I fucking bolted across the grounds, heading toward one of the many outbuildings at the back of the property. Birds flew, squawking in indignation, and the freshly mowed grass filled my nose with freshness.

  Skidding to a stop outside one of the many converted barns where my father’s priceless cars rested, I punched in the pin on the keypad and entered the hushed world of mechanics.

  I hated these cars and never used them. I didn’t want to sell them either, as in my mind locking them up in a garage was a way of sticking it to my father one more time. Plus when I got angry, I liked to take my rage out on the pristine panelling and immaculate upholstery.

  I beelined for the back of the garage, toward the overstocked toolroom where any builder would’ve come in his pants with the top-of-the-line gadgets.

  Bending, I placed the blood-smeared tracker on the concrete floor and paced toward the rack where all the hammers hung. I selected the baddest, heaviest sledge hammer from the rack and turned to face the electronic nightmare on the ground.

  Howling, I swung with all the rage trapped inside and brought the wrath of the hammer on top of it.

  It smashed into a billion teeny tiny fragments. It turned from small to microscopic dust, but I didn’t trust its evilness was truly dead.

  I hit it again and again and again. I swung until my back ached and sweat poured under my shirt.

  All I could see was Tess tied to the bed in Rio. Her sweaty, sickly skin. Her protruding bones and dilated pupils. Her agony was caused by this shitty piece of technology.

  Vous avez tout pris de moi! You took everything from me!

  I hit and hit. Growling, straining, cursing.

  It wasn’t until I had a crater the size of a bowling ball in the concrete when I finally conceded it was no longer operational.

  Breathing hard, I dropped the hammer and let it rest where it landed. The last two and a half weeks caught up with me in a rush and I stumbled against the wall. My head swam with tiredness; my bones screamed for a bed.

  You can rest. Tess is safe.

  I fucking thought she was safe last time, and she wasn’t.

  You’ve hit that wall. You have to rest.

  I let my body crumple to the floor and bent over my folded knees.

  For the first time in my life, I let weakness consume me and I grieved. Grieved for what I lost when Tess was taken. Grieved for myself for what was stolen.

  Because one thing was for sure.

  Tess had changed.

  And I feared I’d never get her back.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tess

  Tied to a rack or down on my knees, it’s you my master I long to please. Own me, take me, you can never break me…

  The first thing I did was scream.

  Sleep left me, dumping me into a world of severe pain. My finger, my ribs, my…neck. It was too much. Too much!

  Then the bugs scurried from their hiding place, taking refuge in my skin, chewing me from the inside out. Maggots wiggled in my hair, termites bored through my legs.

  I screamed as if my soul wanted to escape. I screamed as every single hellish thing I’d lived through crushed me with the force of a logging truck.

  Unsurvivable guilt suffocated me, latching around my brain and heart, squeezing me to hell. Those girls. What I did. I couldn’t live with myself.

  “Shoot her, slut.”

  “Beat her harder. Harder!”

  “I’m gonna fuck you next, cunt. Oh yeah, I’m gonna split you in half.”

  “See, Tess. No one wants you anymore. Die already.”

  “I’m always here for you, Tessie. Don’t give up.”

  “You ruined everyone’s lives, Tess. You deserve to die for your crimes.”

  “You’re strong, precious, but that’s her blood under your fingernails.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I can’t breathe!

  “Get out. Get out. Get out!” I bolted upright, then immediately fell back down again. My ribs stabbed me and I saw stars, tripping into faintness. Wet coughs grabbed my lungs, drowning me even as guilt pushed me further into madness.

  Drugs. I needed drugs. I needed something to dull this murdering emotional agony. I needed the smog to take me far, far away so my mind didn’t crack.

  “I want to die. I deserve to die. I hurt them. All those birds. I did it. I did what they asked. Give me something. Anything!”

  Hard pressure landed on my shoulders; my eyes wrenched open.

  “Shit, Tess. Calm down.” Q’s tortured gaze met mine. Seeing him only sent me spiralling into more madness.

  He’d found me. Just like I knew he would. But now I could never be worthy. I killed. I hurt women instead of saving them. I was the exact opposite of Q and he’d kill me if he ever found out.

  I hyperventilated, panting hard. “Don’t. Please. I didn’t mean to. I know you can’t forgive me. But don’t kill me. Don’t.”

  The bugs chomped harder at my flesh, tearing another scream from my lungs. “You need to beg if you want something to stop the craving, little girl.” White Man appeared and I knew what I had to do.

  I grabbed at Q, fumbling with eager hands, so desperate for the calm fog. I’d do anything. Be anyone. Beg. Steal. Lie. Kill.

  Oh, God. I’d kill again if I could escape this madness.

  “Give me what I need. Please!”

  Q cursed, hoisting me into a sitting position with his strong arms. The liquid in my lungs drained from horizontal to vertical, making my cough even worse.

  He clutched my shoulders. “Don’t panic. Tess. Stop. You’re safe. You’re safe with me, mon amour.” My love.

  He lied. I’d never be safe. Never be free from the haunting of my villainy. Don’t look at me. Don’t see the horrors I’ve committed.

  “Tess. Goddammit, esclave.” He shook me, his fingers digging deep into my shoulders. His touch wriggled with beetles, nipping at me, devouring me alive.

  If the guilt doesn’t kill me the bugs will.

  “Stop it. Relax. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Q captured my chin, holding me still and every single abhorrent thing I’d done smothered me, sending me into a free-fall.

  I pulled the trigger.

  I swung the baseball bat.

  I scratched.

  I tortured.

  I inflicted never ending agony on those girls.

  My heart destroyed itself with every memory, unable to withstand the pain. White Man entered my thoughts. “What did I tell you about pain? Run from it like a good little slave. Do anything in your power to avoid it. Be good. Obedient. Otherwise I’ll make it twenty times worse for you.” He threw away the pliers he held and brandished a welding torch, holding it near my body.

  I wanted to curl up and die. I waited for the burn, the melting of my skin. I deserved to be set on fire—burned like a witch. I was a witch. Cursed and riddled with evil.

  “Do it. Kill me! I don’t deserve to live.”

  “Tess, fuck, you’re killing me. Come back to me. Stop this now!” Q’s voice changed from pleading to a roar.

  I trembled. I’d never been so close to death. I felt as if I was one step away from my grave. All I had to do was let the guilt consume me and then I’d be blessedly free. Tarantulas crept over me with their furry legs and I gave up. I relinquished my sanity.

  Q may have found me, but I lost my mind to what I’d done. No amount of help or cure could save me.

  I let go of my straining grip on life and fe
ll. Falling, falling, surrendering to death.

  But something happened.

  A wall sprang up from nowhere. Soaring into being, faster and faster. Brick by brick, mortar by mortar, a huge impenetrable barrier sprang up between me and the horrible memories. Me and what I’d become. Me and Q.

  I fell deep into the heart of this newly made tower. It was lonely. It was dark. It echoed with sounds of chains and irons—being fortified with barbwire—completely impassable.

  The second the noise stopped and the tower was fully erected all I felt was heavenly release. Nothing could touch me. No guilt. No pain. No memories of what I’d done.

  I was free.

  Opening my eyes, I stared deep into Q’s gaze, trying to figure out what just happened. He searched mine, his face hard and tired and so, so handsome.

  “Are you okay?” he whispered.

  His hand on my face was so familiar, but his touch was never gentle. He’d caused me pain and misery. And my tower did not permit such things.

  The rest of my soul withdrew to huddle deep in the structure, sucking every last emotion, every single thing that I’d ever felt deep inside.

  A void grew wide, creating a moat between the outside world and my heavily armoured mind. The guilt was gone. The pain and memories hidden. But so had everything else.

  I waited for the feeling of home. The love I once felt for Q, or even fear. But there was nothing but a large cavernous hole. Everything that made me me, had disappeared deep inside my bombproof barricade.

  The moat filled with creepy crawlies as the steady itch of needing something came back. My mind might be safe, but my body was being eaten alive by insects.

  Q sighed, stroking my cheek. His pale eyes never stilled—swirling with so many emotions. “You’re safe. I won’t ever let anything happen to you again.”

  The promise reeked of guilt. It was a promise he’d made before and a promise he broke. My emotions were no longer accessible—hidden behind this thick barrier, and I sat there feeling nothing.

  Nothing.

  My trust in him was broken. My belief that he would always be there for me—my monster in the dark— was gone.

  But although I knew it should rip my heart out, I only felt empty, cold, forgotten.

  I wanted to ignore the coolness I felt toward him. I wanted the blankness and wall to disappear. I wanted to remember. But if I did, I’d die from the weight of guilt. I’d perish from everything I’d done.

  Focusing inward, I rattled the door of this newly formed tower, looking for a way out. But there was no exit. No key to get free. Whatever my mind had done to protect me, it had shut down everything else.

  My heart was boarded up and unfeeling. The same heart that tumbled with lunacy and need for Q. The same organ that ballooned with madness for this man who beat me, fucked me, wanted me.

  Now it deflated, a shrivelled raison-like thing, hanging useless in my chest.

  Q ran his hand down my cheek, avoiding the fresh bandage on my neck. His fingertips whispered down my arm before capturing my hand. He flinched when I curled my fingers, avoiding his touch.

  I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want any sort of contact. I didn’t need it. All I needed was to be left alone. Alone forever in my unfeeling tower.

  Pain etched his eyes as he swallowed hard. His five o’clock shadow was scruffier than normal, his hair unkept and longer. He kept his eyes trained on my hand before leaning forward, bringing the shadow of his body over mine. His arm tucked under my shoulder blades, gathering me in a crushing embrace.

  I squirmed as claustrophobia clawed, then stiffened as I forced myself to allow him comfort. I may not want this, but he did. And I wasn’t such a shallow bitch to deny him.

  Somehow, I’d gone from Tess who cared to a blank replica and I had no desire to go back. I wouldn’t survive the past.

  Q squeezed me harder, hurting my ribs, flaring my bruises. I didn’t move away, but I didn’t move to console him either. His large body pressed hard against mine and all I could focus on was the vacuum my soul was in. The vacancy deep inside. No longer did I suffer.

  You deserve to be in pain. I had no right to forget what I did. Pain was my life-long affliction.

  Pain.

  “Pain is bad, little girl. Run from pain.” White Man blazed into my mind, stealing me from Q’s arms and the safety of his home and dumping me back into the rank dungeon.

  The vacuum suddenly reversed and spewed every splinter of pain into me. The trauma of the drugs, the nightmare of doing their bidding—all came back with hammers, impaling me with stakes.

  “No. I can’t take it!”

  My throat seized, my lungs drowned with liquid, and I went nuts. I couldn’t go back there. I couldn’t go through it again. I wanted my tower. I wanted to go back to the void and never feel such agony again.

  The bugs roared and multiplied, scurrying over me, their pinchers and claws dragging me back to hell. I struggled to run, but something held me tight. Held me firm for the bugs to find me.

  “You took my life. You’re just like them.” Blonde Hummingbird floated before my eyes with a bloody bullet hole in her forehead. “You did what they asked. Why? Why did I have to die?”

  “Pain used to be your saving grace, didn’t it?” White Man appeared over Q’s shoulder, waggling a finger at me. “What did I teach you? Pain is bad. Don’t make me get the pliers.”

  Arms tightened around me and I flipped. “No. No. Don’t. You don’t need to do that. I’ll behave. I promise.”

  “Fuck, esclave. Stop it!” Q shook me so hard my teeth rattled. “Stay with me. Don’t listen to whatever figments are taunting you. Please, I beg you! I fucking beg you to fight.”

  I opened my eyes at the agony in his tone. Q’s eyes were red-rimmed; shadows darkened his haggard face. His angled jaw was locked tight and forehead furrowed with over-whelming concern.

  “Fight. Don’t give in. Okay?” He bent his head, whispering his lips against mine. His eyes imprisoned me. I froze, trying to control my erratic gulps against his mouth. “I’ll do anything. Tell me what I can do to make this better,” he pleaded.

  I searched my brain for answers. Something that would help me back from the scrambled eggs my mind had become. But nothing made sense. I saw no quick fix. No way out of the maze I was trapped in.

  “Put her down. You’re hurting her ribs.”

  Q glared toward the door where a man appeared in a white coat over a casual suit. I curled up, trying to become invisible. I hated strangers. Hated that I didn’t know what to expect—that they might pretend to be nice, but they only wanted to rape and kill me.

  Let me back into the tower!

  Pain and fear crested and the guilt—shit, the guilt, came at me with the sickle of the grim reaper, hacking me into pieces.

  Q looked down at me, dragging me closer, not listening to the man’s orders. “She’s freaking the fuck out. You have to give her something for the hallucinations.”

  The man came closer; I whimpered.

  “He’s there to finish you off. You disobeyed. He’s here to hurt you.” White Man laughed.

  Never again would I go without a fight. Panic made me crazy and I bit Q square on the shoulder.

  “Let me go. I just want to go back to the tower!”

  He sucked in a breath, but didn’t push me away or strike. Instead, he looked at the doctor with such tragic weariness in his eyes. “Just give her something to ride out the worst of it. I can’t stand seeing her like this.”

  The man nodded, and I tried to scramble out of Q’s arms. Not even the pain in my ribs or neck or finger could stop me from fighting. I couldn’t go through more. I couldn’t. My mind was already dead—I’d never find my way back.

  I moaned as clammy sweat sprouted on my skin, chilling me. Bright lights erupted behind my eyes as the craving intensified.

  The mouth-watering, teeth-clenching need for something. Something thick and syrupy and foggy. Something that I didn’t have a
name for, but fuck, my body wanted it.

  “Please. I’ll do whatever you want. Give it to me.”

  “What’s happening to her?” Q asked but his voice was far, far away.

  “She’s hit the second level of withdrawal. They must’ve kept her on a high dose for it to be this bad so fast.”

  A tidal wave of insects consumed me, all chittering and chattering as they scurried around in my brain. “Give me it. I’ll fuck you. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything!”

  Arms let me go and I collapsed against the mattress. I yelped against the pain, but it could no longer compete with the craving. “You have to give her something. I’m going out of my fucking mind listening to this.”

  “All right. I think it’s for the best that she sleeps through the worst of it.”

  Sleep. Yes. I could do with sleep. Vacant, never-waking sleep.

  Something icy trickled into my veins, moving stealthily through my body. Instead of the horrible smog, this was clear and fresh, and it granted me wings to fly away from the putrid memories and leave it all behind.

  I found the tower and returned, locking myself deep inside.

  I was safe inside. Protected.

  I would never leave my sanctuary again.

  * * *

  After that first morning, my life became a patchwork of fragments.

  Waking up with the consuming need.

  Going back to sleep.

  Waking up coughing my lungs out.

  Going back to sleep.

  Waking up in the dead of night to find Q sprawled out exhausted beside me.

  Going back to sleep.

  Each time I woke, the insects were fewer in number, and I no longer wanted to rape someone to get my hands on whatever I needed.

  One afternoon I awoke to soulful, tortured music playing through the house.

  You told me you were strong enough. You told me you were brave.

  Yet now you lie next to me and all I can do is save.

  I’m here for you. I’m there for you. I’ll help you with every fight.

  But no matter what I do for you, I see no end in sight.

  The lyrics tugged at some numb part of my heart, but no emotion cut through my tower. Ever since that first day, where I almost died from the mental onslaught, I made sure to never leave. The tower was the only thing keeping me alive.