Costume Not Included

by Matthew Hughes

  Now Hardacre was finally moving however. "Yesterday," he said, "the whole world witnessed my complete vindication. He who had mocked me loudest and longest was revealed to have himself been for many years in thrall to the forces of darkness."

  He paused as if to savor the thought of Hall Bruster under the demon's lash, then said, "There can be no further question about the identity of the prophet I have brought before you. He is, indeed, the Jesus of the Gospels. And, as prophesied, he has come back."

  "Where is he?" said a reporter, while another said, "Bring him out, Billy Lee!"

  Hardacre said nothing until the silence was restored. "The question now," he said, "is what does it mean? Why has he come? What will happen next?"

  He looked around with a showman's air, until finally one of the reporters said, "Well, what does it mean?"

  The preacher showed the camera a wide smile. "It means," he said, "just what it's supposed to mean – the end of the world."

  Behind him, Chesney saw his mother's face set itself into a frown that was even deeper than usual. Then his attention was drawn to the other people in his own living room as Melda responded to Hardacre's announcement by bursting out with, "Oh, Jeez! Tell me he didn't say that!"

  The prophet himself rose from the couch and said, "He said it, but he shouldn't have."

  "What kind of game is he playing?" Melda said, then turned back to the screen and said, "Wait a sec, what did he just say?"

  Hardacre was looking straight at them from the screen, having chosen to speak into the camera of the cable news network they were tuned to. "I'll repeat that," he said. Then he carefully enunciated an address, complete with apartment number.

  It was Chesney's address.

  "We've got to get out of here," said Melda. "And right now."

  Chesney said, "Xaphan!"

  The demon appeared, a smoking cigar sticking out of the side of its muzzle. Joshua gave the fiend a hard look but the weasel-headed creature drew itself up to its full semi-height and said, "Don't look at me. I just do what I'm told."

  "We've got to go somewhere and hide," Chesney said. The nearest TV broadcast center was only blocks away. It could not more than minutes before the first camera crew came knocking on his door.

  "You can't take him to Hell," Xaphan said. "Last time he showed up there, he made a real mess of the files."

  "He'll be recognized anywhere we go," Chesney said.

  "Maybe some remote cabin?" Melda said. "Or a desert island? Just until we figure out what to do."

  Joshua said to the demon, "It was you who brought me out of Nazareth, wasn't it?"

  "Yeah. What of it?"

  "Where did you get that power?"

  The padded shoulders shrugged. "I dunno." A stubby thumb gestured at Chesney. "I operate on his will."

  "But not his power," said the prophet, "because he doesn't have that much." Xaphan, inspecting his spats, said nothing. "Come on," said the bearded man, "out with it."

  "Aw, lay off!" said the demon.

  "I can compel you," Joshua said. "You know I can."

  The fiend looked to Chesney. "You gonna let him push me around like this?"

  The young man said, "I want to hear the answer."

  The weasel jaws clamped around the cigar. The huge eyes became slits as it looked from Chesney to the prophet. "You know the answer," it said.

  "Where is he?" Joshua said.

  "Away. And I'm not supposed to disturb him."

  "But not so long ago you were passing on a message that he wants to see me. Now, where is he?"

  "That place," said the demon. "Where it all started."

  "What place?" Chesney said, but the prophet was already telling the demon to take them there. The padded shoulders shrugged again, just as they heard a knock on the door that led to the hallway. A gleam of bright light showed all around the portal, as someone on the other side aimed a television camera at it.

  The knock came again and a voice said, "Hello, in there. This is the First Response news team. We're looking for the son of God."

  Chesney said to the demon, "Wherever Joshua's talking about, take us there! All of us! Right now!"

  The demon took the cigar from its mouth and blew a puff of blue smoke that expanded to become a rectangle taller than Chesney. Xaphan bowed like a potentate's doorman and gestured for the three of them to step through. Joshua went first, then Chesney, holding Melda's hand and drawing her after him. The living room disappeared: they were again in the gray haze, but only for a moment. Then they were standing among some chesthigh plants, breathing pristine air laden with the scents of sweet grass and a dozen different blossoms.

  Joshua looked around and said, "Under the Tree, I suppose?"

  "Natch," said the demon.

  "Lead us there."

  He set off between the plants. Chesney followed, still holding Melda's hand. There was a faint path worn in the luxuriant grass and they followed it to a clearing. In the middle of the open space, a huge tree towered over every other plant, its branches heavily laden with ripe fruit. Beneath the lower limbs stood a table and chair, the latter occupied by a slim, dark figure who was writing with a fountain pen on a pad of paper.

  The Devil finished the line he was writing before pausing to look up. "Ah," he said, "there you are. Welcome back to Eden."

  THIRTEEN

  "I thought this was a meeting of the Twenty," Seth Baccala said, frozen in the doorway to the big conference room. He looked around the great table. All the other chairs were empty.

  "No," said Tressider, seated in his usual place. "just you and me. It's good that you showed up. I thought we should have a talk about where things stand."

  This was to be a test, the younger man knew. He could turn and run. The old lawyer would not pursue him. But between here and his car, parked in the basement garage, someone would surely intercept him. Fighting down a tremor that began at his knees and rose to trouble his lower bowel, he stepped into the room.

  The lawyer watched him take a seat, his aquiline face unreadable, his fingers interlaced over the slight bulge of his belly. The silence in the room was broken only by the measured ticking of an antique pendulum clock on the far wall. When it had first been hung there it had been brand new.

  Baccala pulled out a chair that rolled smoothly on silent casters and sat down. He summoned up the whole of his training, first as a lawyer, then as a student in one of the country's best business schools, and met Tressider's gaze. He leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs. Look confident, and you'll feel confident. Or so his mentors had taught him.

  "So," the lawyer said, his voice soft, "how bad is it?"

  Baccala imitated the tone. "He knows."

  "What does he know?"

  "All of it," said the younger man. "You, me, Hoople."

  "How?"

  "Remember the tale about the time traveler?"

  Tressider's answer was his raised eyebrows.

  "It's real," Baccala said. "He's real." The lawyer digested this in silence. The younger man did not trespass on the older's thought processes.

  Finally, Tresidder looked down at his interlocked fingers, pulled them apart and put them tip to tip. Staring at them, he said, "So now what?"

  "So now we give Denby what he wants."

  "And is that us?"

  "No," Baccala said. "It's in."

  The lawyer looked up. "He wants in?"

  "He's already made his move," the other man said. "Hoople's retiring, and before he goes he'll name Denby his successor. Hanshaw will rubber-stamp it."

  "He moves fast." Tressider made a thoughtful noise in his throat. "The question is, where does he move next?"

  Baccala had anticipated this question, but he said, "How do you mean?"

  "The time traveler changes the game. Denby could take down all of us."

  Baccala made a show of thinking about it, then said, "Except for one thing. The time traveler doesn't work for Denby; it's the other way around."

  "You're
sure of that?"

  And now came the hard part: lying to a man who did it for a living, and who had a long lifetime's experience in judging whether others were telling him the truth. But Baccala had not only been to one of the best business schools; he had graduated with honors. "I am," he said. "I challenged him to produce a recording, anything to link me to the crime. He folded."

  Tressider studied him for a long moment. Then he slowly nodded. "You should have stayed here," he said at last. "You'd have been a first-rate lawyer. You're wasted on Paxton."

  Baccala inclined his head.

  The older man was thinking again, working it through. "The question then becomes," he said, "what does the mystery man want?"

  "That we don't know, and may never know." Baccala uncrossed his legs leaned back, studying the clock. "It might be that, even if he told us, we wouldn't understand it." When the lawyer shot him a sharp look, he explained, "Could you explain credit default swaps to a medieval baron?"

  "I could explain anything to anybody," Tressider said. "That's why I bill at a thousand dollars a half-hour. But I take your point." He rubbed his hands together as if kneading something between them. "So the time traveler has an agenda that has nothing to do with us. He needs Denby to make it work, and Denby uses that need to get what he wants."

  "That's my read on it," Baccala said.

  The clock ticked on. Tressider's eyes were unfocused for a while, then they came back to the younger man. "I never took Denby for an ambitious man."

  "Maybe he never had the opportunity. At least he never made waves."

  Tressider went back inside his head. After a while, he rubbed a fingertip down the bridge of his long, thin nose and said, "Then I think we're all right."

  "Business," said Baccala, "as usual."

  The lawyer made a noncommittal motion of his head. "But we watch him," he said. "Watch him well."

  Baccala stood. A trickle of sweat ran down his back, but it wouldn't show under the well-tailored suit. He rode the elevator back down to the garage, and was sensible enough not to let his posture show even half of the relief he felt. There would be cameras, and Tressider would be watching.

  For a while there, Billy Lee Hardacre had been sure it had all been going wrong. First, Chesney had refused to have anything to do with the new chapter in the great divine book. Then he had brought back Joshua bar Yusuf, the historical Jesus, from a discarded draft, and the prophet had lit up The New New Testament of the Air with all the power of a snuffed out candle wick.

  But then it had all turned around in two minutes on Hall Bruster's show. Hardacre had taped and replayed more than once the few seconds of video of Bruster in his hospital bed, when he looked into the camera and said, "Billy Lee was absolutely right. He has brought us the Messiah!"

  Now the media were camped outside on his lawn, cameras trained on his front door, with behind them half the world waiting for his next prophetic utterance. And, more than that, beyond the closed gates of his estate – now guarded by a police phalanx – thousands of people were standing, sitting on lawn chairs they'd brought or in their cars and pickups, lying in any shade they could find, wandering around, trying to get a peek at the man who had brought them the first act in the end of the world.

  Thousands had already come; thousands more kept arriving. Billy Lee had gone up to one of the dormer windows in the mansion's roof and peered out through a slit in the curtains. The police were trying to keep the crowd off the road, but had let them spread out into the empty field across the way. The cops had even cut down the wire fence – it was either that or see the crowd tear it down with their bare hands.

  But the mood was carnival-like. People had brought instruments – mostly guitars and amplifiers – and several church choirs had come. Or maybe they had formed spontaneously. it was definitely a church-going demographic out there, the preacher thought, people who had been looking forward to the end of the world the way rock fans used to look forward to a farewell tour of their favorite groups. Now here it was, come at last, and they were determined to make the most of the experience. If Billy Lee had thought to secure the Armageddon teeshirt concession, he could soon be even richer than potboilers and TV preaching had ever made him.

  He came down the stairs and went into his study, poured himself a twelve year-old single malt and let the first sip of it dissolve in his mouth. It was all working out as the angel had led him to believe. "Mysterious ways, indeed," he said, and took another sip. It wasn't the money; he already had plenty of that, and money had never been for him what it was for so many of the rich, just a way of keeping score.

  Billy Lee had always known, deep in his core, that he was special, that he was marked out for some great purpose. When he'd had the revelation and gone to divinity school, he thought he'd found his path. Then they'd mocked and ridiculed him. But now he saw – and soon they would all be brought to see – that he was the most important man of the age, even of all the ages. The world would never be the same, and that was because of his doing.

  And now he didn't need his wife's oddball son. He didn't need the ancient Judaean. He refilled the glass and carried it over to the big desk – the same one on which he'd written The Baudelaire Conspiracy and The Rimbaud Killings, all those years ago. Instead of a typewriter, he turned on a slim-bodied laptop, leaned back in the plush recliner chair, and set the wireless keyboard on his lap. His word processing program came up automatically and he opened a new file.

  His fingers descended to the keys and he typed: The Book of Jesus. He centered the five words then dropped the cursor down and began to type. As it was in the beginning, so it was at the end. God looked down upon the Earth and said, "I will choose me a messenger and raise him up above all the tumult of the world, that men and women may know that he speaks with my Voice."

  A light shone on the man at the desk and he looked up. The angel with whom he had composed the Book of Chesney had appeared in the corner of the study. "Be not afraid," it said.

  "I'm not," said Hardacre, "but I'm busy. What do you want?"

  "To see if you needed assistance."

  "No. I know how to do this. Especially now that it's just me."

  "As you wish," said the figure in white and disappeared.

  Hardacre paused for a moment to recapture the thread, then typed: And God said, "To bear witness before all humanity that the chosen one speaks my truth, I will send unto him my only begotten son, and the world will see them sit down together."

  Hardacre took another sip of the good whiskey and read over what he had written. He moved the cursor up a line and put the word "inerrant" between "my" and "truth," and smiled. "The thing writes itself," he said to the empty room, and put his fingers to the keyboard again.

  Down in the smoky bowels of Hell, in an anteroom just off Lucifer's main office, the figure in white that had just come from Hardacre's study popped into view. The Devil's first assistant, an elephant-sized demon with rank of Archduke, the general shape of a mouse, and the dentition of a Nile crocodile, looked up from a ledger in which it had been making an entry, slitted its coal-black eyes against the glare, and said, "You've been told!"

  The light dimmed, the angelic form shimmered. A moment later, in its place stood a demon with the limbs and body of a mantis and the head of a four-eyed ginger cat. It offered no apology but said, 'Where's the boss?"

  The mouse finished the entry, the quill pen scratching on the parchment. "Out."

  "Still?"

  "You question?"

  The thin fiend said nothing, that being the wisest course. The huge mouse stared at it for a while, to reinforce the slight difference in rank between them, then said, "Report."

  The mantis shoulders shrugged. "Hook, line and sinker," it said.

  "He's going for it?"

  "If the world does not end," said the insectoid fiend, "it won't be for any lack of effort on the part of Billy Lee Hardacre."

  "Can I offer you some fruit?" said Lucifer, gesturing to the laden boughs above t
hem.

  "That's not funny," said Joshua, "but then you never were."

  Melda reached up and touched one of the hanging orbs. It was pale yellow and smooth-skinned. "It's not an apple," she said. "I thought it was an apple."