Sixth - Prequel to Oleander: One of Us Series

by Faulks, Kim

  My hand was just a damn hand, yet she flinched when I neared, and that spark inside me flared, burning deeper, calling with the kind of hunger no food could ever ease.

  I won’t hurt you….

  “I won’t hurt you.”

  The words echoed…and echoed and echoed.

  I saw her…saw her lying on the ground, saw her staring at me, and lifting her hand from the ground before her face changed into someone else. Purple hair…purple hair and wide dark eyes. Not the same girl. A different girl…somewhere else.

  She lifted her hand and grasped mine. I’m here…I’m waiting…she said, but the words were in my head.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  The voice wrenched me from the vision—away from the purple-haired girl and the sweet sound of her voice to the one on the ground. The one with sand on her face.

  She stared at me. “Your eyes…they look funny.”

  I dropped my hand and looked away as she pushed herself from the ground. I trembled with the need to touch her…trembled with the echo for someone else…

  Some other girl with purple hair…

  Some other girl who called me…and called me…and called me.

  Chapter Three

  2014

  Noise pounded inside my head.

  Boom…boom…boom.

  White walls closed in.

  Mom…

  Mom please!

  They hurt me in here…MOM! THEY HURT ME!

  I wrenched awake, trembling and shaking.

  Breaths burned like fire in the back of my throat.

  I licked my lips, working moisture into my mouth before I swallowed and turned to the wall.

  The sound blared, leaking out of my memories, thunder of bass with no words boom…boom…boom…images filled my head. A woman screaming. Blood. Words blazing over and over and over again. It was always the same…same dream…same fear…same need—the same pain.

  A fragment of the past drifted to the surface. I was younger, just a kid standing over a girl lying on the dirt in a playground. Her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She lifted a hand and reached for me, and it was that desire to protect her…that unfulfilled need to be her strength that drew the feeling of another to the surface of my mind.

  Purple hair filled me with fire. I tried to find that connection, tried to find my way to her, but as always, she hovered just out of reach.

  Boom…boom…boom.

  I pressed my fingers to the wall. The house trembled with the sound. But this was different…this wasn’t the sound from my nightmares or my fear—this music was real.

  I shoved the sheets aside and rolled. Faint sunlight speared through the gap in my curtains, blinding me as I rose from the bed. Glowing red numbers blinked from the bedside clock. I stared at the number six-twenty am. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

  Muscles flexed as I gripped the hemline of my shirt and heaved, dragged the sweat-soaked fabric over my head.

  There was no sound of Mom’s footsteps thudding along the hall now. No soft words filled with safety and love to bring me back.

  There was only the edge and its memories—I looked down at the marks on the inside of my wrist—and the remnants of what’d been done.

  What had been done to me…

  I made for the high timber drawers and yanked out a fresh shirt, and then underwear and jeans. Open letters sat on top of the cupboard, acceptances to not just one, but three colleges.

  My future was in there, all mapped out…all perfect.

  A perfect future for an imperfect man.

  Agony tore through my head as I made for the door, gripped the handle and yanked. “Jamie! For fucks sake…Jamie!”

  There was no answer. Not that I expected any. I crossed the hall, gripped my clothes and beat the door. “Turn that shit down!”

  No answer. Asshole. Pain tore along my neck to spider over my skull. I hated that sound, hated the thump…thump…thump…I slammed my fists against the door, shuddering the frame, over and over, until the thing was wrenched open.

  Black and studded filled my view, brown eyes peeked out from between greasy strands of hair to peer up at me. He was a stranger with a faintly familiar face—nothing like a brother. I sucked in a breath and growled. “Turn that shit down.”

  “Fuck you,” Jamie spat and tried to shove the door close.

  But he was still small, still skinny, with a gut full of hate that never went away. I took half a step, blocking the door with my thigh and stared down at him. “Turn it down. Mom’s asleep.”

  He just sneered, lifted his hand and shoved back greasy black hair, drawing my gaze to the shirt he wore. Cradle of Filth, blazed above an image of a naked woman…a woman defiled.

  My gut clenched at the sight, and my head pulsed and pulsed and pulsed. Who the hell was this stranger?

  “You are one clueless freak aren’t you? Mom’s not here. She hasn’t been here in days.”

  Freak. I smothered a wince. It was the go-to name for me. He wielded it like a sword, but the edge was blunt now, this sword didn’t hurt me. Not anymore. “Where is she?”

  “She’s with her new boyfriend. They’ve been fucking for a while now.”

  I flinched at the words. “Don’t…don’t talk like that about her.”

  Menacing eyes sparked as he laughed. “Ohh… Little Marky’s upset cause his Mom stuffs some bald guy’s cock in her mouth every other day. You’re too late to wake the fuck up and start giving a shit, freak. Hell, you’re too late to even wake up.”

  I looked behind him to the open duffel bags on his bed. It wasn’t like him to be up so early…wasn’t like him at all. “Where are you going?”

  “Like you give a fuck.”

  I stepped further in the room and clenched my grip around the door. “Where are you going?”

  He looked away. “I’m outta this fucking dump. I found dad, said he’d put me up for a while until I can find a job.”

  My heart hammered. “You can’t do that, you’re only sixteen. Did you find dad?”

  “Looks like your fucked up eye didn’t show you that, did it?”

  I tried to think…tried to breathe. He was my brother. We were a family…we were a family.

  “Get out,” Jamie snarled, and shoved the door against my thigh. “Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.”

  I hate you! Don’t you get that? Dad left us because of you!

  Old wounds resurfaced. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. Nothing that hadn’t been said over and over again. I stepped backwards and felt the wind against my face before the door slammed shut.

  He was leaving.

  Mom was gone.

  A boyfriend?

  My hand trembled. This changed things. Changed things a lot. My feet moved on their own as I made for the bathroom. I shoved the door closed and made for the sink.

  Your fucked up eye didn’t show you that, did it?

  The words seemed to bubble up from inside me…New family…new future…just one without me. They weren’t my words. A woman’s words, faint, sifting through my mind.

  I gripped the basin and lifted my head. The faint glow of silver light flared from my eye. Purple hair…Purple hair. The glow shone brighter, blinding, until in an instant the shine died away.

  And the feeling of her was lost…

  “I got you, Purple Hair,” I whispered and stared into the mirror. “I got you.”

  I shoved from the sink and dragged my shorts to the ground before I stepped into the tub. Copper pipes howled and shuddered as I twisted the taps and moved to the side, catching the freezing spray before it warmed.

  Mum had a new boyfriend.

  Jamie was leaving home.

  This changed everything…it changed my purpose…it changed me.

  The college invitations filled my mind as I washed and rinsed. Purpose filled me as I stared at the black numbers on the inside of my wrist. Freak, Jamie called me…maybe I was…maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.

 
; I twisted the taps and stepped out, grabbing the towel and dried. The slam of a door stilled my hand…it was quiet out there. So very quiet. I didn’t need the flare of silver light in my eye to tell me what I already knew.

  Jamie was gone, but really he’d been gone for years—just hadn’t packed his shit, that was all.

  I yanked on my clothes and opened the bathroom door. The house was already a little colder—already a little stranger.

  The strings around this illusion of family were breaking.

  But they were never really strong to begin with. No matter how much I wanted them to be.

  The strands were rotten…

  And it all started and ended with me.

  Jamie’s bedroom door was open, leaving a mess on the floor for all to see. I stepped closer, inhaling the stench of hate and weed before I grasped the handle on his door and yanked.

  I couldn’t be here anymore…not now…not today. I couldn’t look at this empty house, or stare at the letters on my damn cupboard—not for a second longer.

  I headed for my room and snatched my wallet and keys from my desk. Everyone was moving on…finding happiness…purpose—everyone except for me.

  I was stuck doing the same old thing, waiting for dad to come home—waiting to be a real family. I glanced at the numbers on my wrist again and shoved the keys into my pocket before I shoved my feet into my sneakers. It looked like there was no more pretending.

  I strode from my room, then along the hall to cut across the kitchen and out the back door. Mom’s car was gone from the garage. How had I not noticed that before?

  My life was one big haze, school…life…hate, hurt...and the nightmares—I massaged the nape of my neck—always the nightmares. Always purple hair waiting for me...I closed my eyes and thought of her, and as always our connection flared bright like a shining star inside me.

  Fragments pushed through into my mind… A woman screaming, blood, always the blood, and with the images pain followed.

  I opened my eyes to stare at the marks on my wrist...two nine zero one…two nine zero one. White walls closed in.

  Snatches of the past returned. I'd always known I was different. Mom once said something about some kind of flare from the sun. She blamed it on the government…blamed it on dad. Blamed it on everyone, but I didn't want to be weighed down by that feeling.

  I just wanted to be normal...just once...just one night without the nightmares—one night without the pain.

  I cut across the lawn and stepped onto the street. Curtains were opened and then closed just as fast. I kept my gaze down and shoved my hands into my pockets—hiding the shit no one wanted to see.

  You’d think a small town like Jackknife would be friendly and safe. Safe was one thing, low crime rate, and high employment made everything quiet… But friendly, that was a whole other thing.

  Cars started up in the early morning. I kept my head down and worked my way, street by street…and block by block, all the way into town. People were bustling by the time I got into the heart of Jackknife. Kids dressed in uniforms skipped and danced holding their parents hand.

  I could see them react when they saw me. Hands were grasped a little tighter, most parents just crossed the street. No one wanted to look at the kid with the strange eye. No one wanted to think this could happen in this quiet town…

  Not here, they said as their gazes narrowed and lips curled.

  Not here, they said as the cut through the busy traffic just to get away.

  Not here, they said as they moved on with their lives, finding estranged fathers and new lovers.

  Not here.

  I grabbed the door to Kosta’s Diner and yanked. All heads turned as they caught sight of me. Conversations dimmed. I kept my head down and slid into the first single seat with a table.

  “Whatcha want?” the waitress called from across the counter.

  “Flat black and…” I scanned the mountain of cakes and pastries. “Just some toast.”

  She gave a nod and turned to the guy standing beside her. Then came the whispers and the sniggers. I glanced out the window as the hiss of the coffee machine smothered the muffled laughter.

  The ache never went away…not really, just moved to the back of mind and then surfaced on days like today. Days where I realized I was an outsider. Days where I understood with blinding clarity I didn’t belong.

  “Here you go.”

  The smack of the saucer hit the table, followed with the side of a plate.

  “That’ll be five-fifty.”

  I glanced at the half-filled cup, and the blackened edges of the toast.

  They just never left it alone.

  I swallowed the knot in the back of my throat and reached for my wallet. The notes were snatched from my fingers before I had a chance to hand them across.

  She spun on her heel and marched toward the counter. Her boyfriend was there…little Tommy Weasel—just as skinny as Jamie, and just as cruel. He glared at me with black, beady eyes and then shoved the blond strands of his fringe from his pimpled face.

  Eat it and get out. The message was clear.

  The other diners glanced toward me and then turned away. I slipped my fingers through the handle and lifted the cup to my lips. Something flared…a memory of something…but not a memory of mine.

  Dad was coming. That’s what he said.

  ‘Coulda had car trouble.

  The van was a piece of shit.

  The words came to life inside my head…a child’s voice…a girl… “Purple hair,” I murmured and took a sip of my coffee. “I got you Purple.”

  My hand shuddered, coffee spilled, scalding my skin. I tried to hold on as the white walls came back to me…white walls and music blaring in my ears. A woman screaming. Blood…so much blood.

  They hurt me in here...my own screams filled my head as I closed my eyes. The cup slipped from my fingers to crash against the table. They hurt me in here, Mom! THEY HURT ME IN HERE.

  Fragments came back to me. Needles in my arms…cruel hands gripping me…forcing me down.

  Hold still! A man growled as they came closer. The buzz of the gun filled the air. Pain on my wrist…digging, clawing. I kicked and fought. Screaming as I stared into his dark eyes.

  I hated him…hated his face…a face that was burned into my memory. I glanced down at the name stitched into his jacket…a name I couldn’t remember.

  But I remembered his face, and I remembered his words.

  Hold still now, son. The man snarled. This won’t hurt at all.

  The walls in my nightmare shuddered and shook.

  The air in my nightmare turned icy cold.

  The silver glare cut through the room in my nightmare. Silver that burned bright until I closed my eyes.

  “You gonna clean that up?” the girl snapped.

  I jerked from the memory and opened my eyes. She shoved a wad of paper napkins toward me. Coffee raced across the table, some already trickling to the floor.

  I swallowed the hate in her eyes. “No,” I murmured and shoved up from the table. “I don’t think I am.”

  Coffee cooled against the sting on my hand as I left them there and made for the door. White walls…white walls haunted my steps as stumbled out of the dinner and into the pavement. I lifted my gaze to the morning sun as someone cleared their throat.

  “You okay there, son?”

  A male voice cut through the glare. I lifted my hand catching the murky silhouette before I kicked something…hard.

  “Careful there,” he muttered and stepped closer to grasp my arm.

  Military blue filled my gaze. Medals glinted in the sun. There were rows of them. Green and blue, red and gold, blue and white…over and over.

  “You okay?” he muttered, holding my arm steady.

  “Yeah…I mean, yes, Sir.”

  I glanced at the board I’d kicked. There’s only one battle a Marine needs to conquer, and that battle is within. Are you ready for the fight?

  Everything about the offic
e was temporary. Painted white walls of the old accountants office was chipped and peeling. I could smell the musty stench of old from out here.

  “You interested in joining?” the officer asked as he straightened the sign.

  He was perfect and shining. Creases in his trousers were razor thin, mirroring the glint in his eyes.

  I stared for a split second as the words came to life…no, thank you. Open college applications came to mind…my future in black and white.

  “We’re all brothers here. All family.”

  I flinched with the words.

  “Being part of the Marines is more than a job, son. It’s a purpose. Looks to me you could do with a little of that.”

  Are you ready for the fight? The words resonated like an earthquake, sending a tremble though the surface to something deep inside.

  A family…

  “We take all kinds here,” the Officer murmured. “As long as you can pass the basic tests. You’ll have to prove yourself, and you strike me as the kind of young man that will do just that. I sense something special in you, son. I think the Marines are what you’re searching for.”

  I fucking hate you! Dad left us because of you!

  You’re too late to wake the fuck up and start giving a shit, freak.

  Hell, you’re too late to even wake up…

  “How soon do you ship out?” The words slipped from my lips before I knew.

  I lifted my gaze catching the ghost of a smile on his lips as he answered.

  “Picked a good time to sign up, son. Got a shipment of new recruits heading out today. How about we get some paperwork drawn up and we can talk about what you need?”

  This time I nodded. This time I knew what I’d known all along.

  My future wasn’t written in black and white.

  It was paved with blood, sweat and tears…it was paved by Marines.

  Chapter Four

  The barking commands of a Drill Sergeant filled the cramped bus.

  But this time there was no deafening music, and there was no blood.

  This time there was only commands as the Master Sergeant barked. “Stand up!”

  “Aye, Ma’am!” My roar was swallowed by the deafening drone of thirty others as I shoved to stand, ducking to miss the overhead carrier.