by C. A. Harms
~All Better Beautiful~
By C.A. Harms
Text Copyright © C.A. Harms
All Rights Reserved
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
August 24th 2010
I was eleven years old when my mother left. Maggie my mom just couldn't deal with it anymore, but why didn't she take me with her? That was a question I seemed to ask myself every day. I haven't seen her since and that was over 6 years ago.
I am stuck here with John my father. He has always been a heavy drinker. I can honestly say... I can't remember a time that he hasn't been drunk or drinking. Alcohol to him was like breathing, something your body must have to survive. He is a miserable man. He yells all the time and no matter what I do it's never right. No matter how hard I try…in his eyes I still screwed it up. He looks at me as a younger version of Maggie and believe me he is not her biggest fan…not anymore.
Chapter One
Here I stand in front of Kemper High School on the first day of my last year. I'm a senior now and that much closer to being away from John for good. In Fact just this morning he wished me good luck on my first day by saying..."Good you leaving…get the hell out of my face you look just like that bitch." Funny thing is that was probably one of the more calm moments we have shared lately. It wasn't followed by some form of physical threat or abuse, the mental abuse well that was just every time he opened his mouth.
"Payton," I heard from behind me. Ah yeah, Casey no she was the only person I could count on. She was my breath of fresh air, my savior and very best friend. Without her in my life to help me through all the rough times and to rescue me from the hell I was left to live in, I'm not sure I would have made it to this point. "Hey I called you last night did the asshole tell you?" Can you feel the love…Casey knows just how John is and she hates him as much as I. "You know he never gives me messages so... what do you think,” I never had a cell phone because John said he wasn’t spending any money on me. Trying to reach me at home well you should just save your time because if he was home I never got to talk.
Over the summer I spent most of my time at her house by the pool. I would do anything to keep my distance from John. The best part about the summer was Dylan, Casey’s oldest brother. Now he was a nice distraction, he was off from college and spent a lot of time lounging around the pool with us. I must say a shirtless Dylan is a MAJOR bonus in my book. He is so handsome and I think I have been addicted to him for what seems like forever. He is twenty now, six foot tall and naturally tan. He spends a lot of his time working out so his muscles are defined and so yummy. His hair is a light shade of brown and just long enough to run your fingers through. He has Dreamy blue eyes the kind you could get lost in for hours. It was all linked to the absolute most perfect smile. He's gorgeous and he knows it. Dylan is amazing in so many ways but when he looks at me he sees his little sister’s best friend.
"Are you daydreaming again?" Casey whispered in my ear to bring me back to reality. "Sorry Case I'm just a bit distracted," I told her. She knows that I am completely in love with Dylan. Of course she has no idea why, she thinks he's a jerk. "Please just tell me that your little time warp has nothing to do with my brother and we can continue are day in peace?" Her eyes pleaded for me to tell her it wasn’t Dylan on my mind. When I just looked at her without speaking a word she knew the answer was not what she wanted to hear. "Really Payton why don’t you just tell him you like him already," she groaned in such frustrated tone. "You've been drooling over him since we were thirteen, don’t you think it is time to just tell him!" Um Hell no! What was she thinking, "No, no way!" I gasped, "He would laugh at me that’s why…he looks at me as some annoying little girl...I can’t and...you can’t...Promise me" Casey paused for what felt like a lifetime and then, "Fine okay I won’t say anything but you need to make a choice either move on or tell him you have feelings for him." We walked off toward school to begin are first day of our senior year.
The day came and went pretty quickly. Casey invited me over to her house after, which is pretty common considering I try to stay away from home as much as possible. Karen her mother has really taking me in as one of her own and never seems to object to the fact that she has an extra child around eighty percent of the time. Karen's a nurse and an amazing mother. Casey’s father passed away ten years ago to cancer and she has worked so hard to take care of her three children. She is determined to give them everything they need and more in life. I find myself imagining that she really is my mother most days. Carter, Casey’s youngest brother is thirteen and such a little player or so he thinks. He walks around like he is just the best looking guy there is. He is a cutie but, that has really gone to his head. Give it a few more years though and he will for sure have heartbreaker written all over him.
"Hi Girls," Karen yelled over her shoulder as she was checking dinner in the oven. "Hey mom what’s for dinner?" Casey asked as we walked by, "Roast, but you girls are going to have to finish things up for me and clean up after," Karen explained as she placed the Roast back into the oven to finish baking. "I have to cover a shift at the hospital tonight," before Casey could argue with her mother I responded quickly, "We sure can…no problem." From the corner of my eye I could see Casey glaring at me but I never turned her way. She really has no idea how good she has it. We found our way down the hallway toward her bedroom as we walked through the family room Carter looked up from his current game of PlayStation winking at me and saying, "Hey there Sexy"... nodding his head with that little cocky grin. He thinks he is such a little stud. Casey kept walking shooting him a nasty glare, "Shut up Carter you’re such a brat". I don’t know what came over me usually I just ignore him but I turned toward him slowly walking his way, "It’s okay Case," I sat down really close to him wrapping my arm around his shoulders. I leaned in really close and in this sweet low tone I asked, "Carter…have you ever kissed an older girl?" I leaned back just slightly as he turned to face me I lightly licked my lower lip. He was floored, rendered speechless this is definitely not normal he never shuts up after a moment he responded, "Well I uh....um sure I uh." He got off the couch quickly mumbling something about calling his friend and left the room. I got up walking toward Casey as I looked at her and we both laugh, "That’s just gross Payton you do know that now you are the subject of his next nasty dream!" Casey wrinkled her nose as she walked through her doorway. Right before I entered her room I caught movement in the hallway. Standing there leaning against the wall with that sexy little grin of his, the one that makes me melt from the inside out was Dylan. He winked right before he asked, "So Payton have you ever kissed an older guy?" Still feeling a little daring I lifted up my hand to my mouth lightly tracing my finger across my lower lip and then went for it, "Sure all the time Dylan older guys are so much more experienced. Why mess around with the ones that are still learning right?" He stood there holding my gaze and then turned toward the kitchen, turning to look over his shoulder one last time before he was out of sight.
I closed Casey’s door and collapsed on the bed my heart was racing from the look on Dylan's face. Worry struck suddenly, "Oh God...I can’t believe I just acted that way to Dylan do you think he thinks I'm a slut?" Overly dramatic Casey begins her fake little cough, "You a slut…Please Payton you're like a nun. You have kissed two guys your entire life and the first one didn’t even really count. Jake was a slobbe
ring dope your freshmen year and it was a dare. Then there was Matt your junior year at Homecoming." Okay so it was true that my experience level was much lower than Casey’s but I was just not that confident. Sure it was easy with Carter I had nothing to lose he's a kid but when it came to guys my own age or older I just froze. The comment I had just made to Dylan was way out of character for me and frankly I was still shocked that I even had the nerve to act that way especially to him. Casey has been dating Seth for over a year now and lost her virginity to him within the first 6 months. She was always telling me to just find a guy and get it over with. It just meant more to me than something you did to get it out of the way. I felt that I was not very pretty and extremely self-conscious about my body. Even over the summer I was constantly covering myself up when Dylan was around. When we were in the pool I never got out until he wasn’t looking. I'm sure her thinks I have some terrible mutant growth or skin rash. Casey is always trying to play dress-up with me telling me to show more skin and to stop hiding in the baggie clothes…dress more like her. John has called me a slut and a whore ever since my mother left. He said she left him for another man and somehow...now apparently I'm just like her. I guess it was completely my fault or so he makes me feel that it is.
Chapter Two
There was a hard knock on Casey’s door followed immediately by it flying open and Dylan barging in, "Casey dinner's ready and you girls need to set the table." Wow I felt like such a little sister around him. I hated that he looked at me as some frumpy little girl. It seriously made me feel like I still wore pigtails and braces. So I wasn’t beautiful by any standard but I wasn’t hideous either. I was 5'3 around 110 pounds I had dark brown hair to the middle of my back and green eyes. A few little freckles speckled across the bridge of my nose and lightly across my cheeks. But I hid behind big t-shirts and baggy jeans. I followed Casey out of her room and to the kitchen where I helped her set the table and we poured the drinks. Carter entered the room and seemed to still be a little embarrassed about our encounter earlier...he refused to make eye contact. I seemed to be having the same issue with Dylan about my comments to him. After we finished our dinner and everything was cleaned up I decided it was time to head home. Casey had walked me to the front door and Dylan hollering over his shoulder as he was running up the stairs toward his room, “Bye pain in the ass." He always seems to refer to Casey and me as the two biggest Pains in his ass. Not really the category I want to be in from a guy I found absolutely adorable. Looking at Casey and I knew at that moment my face showed my disappointment smiling slightly she said, "just tell him". I let out a slow breath looked her in the eyes, "Case I’m just not enough for Dylan, I am nothing like the girls he dates...I'm just me." She leaned in hugged me tightly and whispered, "Well you would be too much of a good thing for him and he would be too stupid to realize it." I smiled a halfhearted smile and thanked her for her compliment but I was definitely not convinced. I walked to the rusted rundown Camry parked in the driveway and drove home to the place I call "HELL"
It was a quarter passed seven when I pulled up to my house and there was a car that I didn't recognize in my spot in the driveway. I parked along the road reaching across the seat grabbing my bag and started for the house. I heard voices spilling from the windows definitely John and a woman’s voice. I couldn't make out the words they were saying but it was mixed in with some laughter. For a split second a hint of hope that maybe just maybe she had come back. What was I thinking honestly after six years it really was just a lost hope. I turned the knob and walked in to John on the couch in what looked to be the start of a very heated moment with some woman. Before I knew what happened John was in my face shoving me back out the door. He pushed me up against the side of the porch. Two inches from my face smelling of extreme alcohol and slurring heavily he said, "You better keep your ugly ass outta my house until I say you can come in. I am busy in here and you are not welcomed!" He pulled back and stayed staring at me then turning slowly to go back into the house but just before entering he looked toward me one last time and with such hatred in his voice said, "You know how much I hate you?" Letting out the air I'd been holding in my lungs in one long breath I thought to myself at least this time he didn’t hit me. I had to leave and go for a walk because the noises that were coming from the house five minutes later were definitely way more than I could handle. After about an hour passed I returned home to find the vehicle from earlier was gone. I walked slowly up the front steps and lightly knocked after no answer I slowly opened the door and walked in. The living room was empty, as a walked down the hall I heard the shower. I snuck quietly passed the door and straight into my room. I climbed into my bed hoping that he would just go to sleep. After about an hour or so I hadn’t heard anything and I began to relax and slowly drifted off to sleep.
I woke up to a dark figure standing over me. I quickly glanced over to the clock on my dresser it was 4:38 am. What was he doing here in my room what could I have done I was sleeping. He was silent as he stood there…the time seemed to stand still. Then from nowhere he struck me hard across my right cheek with the back of his hand. I knew better than to cry out that only made things worse. I couldn’t see the expression on his face but by his tone I could tell he felt no remorse, "Don’t you ever walk into my house again without knocking first." Just like that he turned and walked out of my room. Tears slowing began falling down my cheeks I turned into my pillow hiding even the possibility of letting any noise escape. I knew he would be leaving for work soon he had to be there at six and he has to drive for forty five minutes to get there.
Once I heard the truck come to life I knew I was safe to get up. I quickly went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. When I turned to get a towel from the cabinet I caught a glimpse of the mark across my face in the mirror just below my eye. I stood there in the bathroom looking at my reflection mirror. The mark had already started to turn slightly purplish in color. I stepped into the shower and the reality of the entire morning hit me I slid down the shower wall and began sobbing uncontrollably to the point where I felt exhausted I knew I needed to pull myself together. I found the strength to stand and quickly finished. As I stepped out I looked at my reflection again and realized I was going to need some help hiding this. I made my way to the hallway grabbing the phone I called Casey. I knew she would be up she gets a head start on the bathroom before her brothers take it over. After two rings, "Payton...What in the hell are you doing up this early?" It took everything I had to stay calm and simply state, "Casey I need your help can I come over?"
Fifteen minutes later I was lightly knocking on her front door and almost immediately she opened to greet me. I was looking down at the ground and when I lifted to meet her gaze the tears built in her eyes. Without saying anything she led me into her home and straight to her bedroom. She hugged me so tightly without saying a word…she didn’t have to talk I just knew what she was saying. I loved her so much for being exactly who I needed her to be when I needed her the most. After hugging me she pulled back still with tears in her eyes but smiling the best she could she said, "Let’s get you fixed up." She led me down the hallway to the bathroom where she started applying makeup. A half hour had passed without me even realizing the time had gone and she was done. I turned to the mirror, "It looks better, at least it's Friday and I only have to hide it for a day right? Then I can just hide out the rest of the weekend". She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and that is the moment I realized that I had left the house in my pajamas without any clothes to change into for school. Looking up at her and knowing I was going to regret my next statement I said, "Casey I’m going to need to borrow some clothes". Glimmering eyes stared back at me in the mirror and she was glowing, "We get to play dress up," she was seriously in heaven. This really could be dangerous I wasn’t sure that Casey actually owned anything I would leave the house in. Her idea of shorts I am afraid would probably barely cover my underwear. I allowed her to put me into a pair of Khaki shorts which were short but longer
than most of her collection and a tighter than I normally wear yellow t-shirt. I would have to refrain from raising my hand today unless I wanted to bare my entire stomach. It was time to leave and I found myself looking in the mirror and thinking Payton you actually look nice, like a girl not hiding behind those big clothes. Casey touched my shoulder from behind me, "Hey you ready to go?" I turned holding my hands out a little and looking down at myself then back up at her waiting for her opinion. She smiled this huge smile and said, "Honey you look hot!"
Walking out the front door we both turned ours heads quickly to the sound of a loud whistle. "Damn Payton who the hell knew you had a pair of sexy ass legs." Dylan stated from his seat at the kitchen snack bar. Casey glared at him and I know I turned a shade of red and smiled. The expression on his face changed instantly and he got up quickly coming toward us pointing at my cheek he demanded, "What the hell happened to your face." Before he got any closer I quickly placed my hand on my cheek and replied, “Oh this, I am such a klutz I tripped in the middle of the night walking into the kitchen and hit my cheek on the counter. It looks worse than it is." I rushed it off by shrugging my shoulders and Dylan did not look convinced. We turned quickly and went straight to Casey’s car. We had already decided that she would drive us today and she demanded that I was staying at her house tonight. Even though I thought it was probably not the best idea I never argued. I stuck to my story all day about falling in the middle of the night whenever someone paid enough attention to notice the mark on my cheek. Mostly everyone kept commenting on the fact that they could see my legs. I have to admit that the compliments I received throughout the day were flattering with the exception of a few perverted Jocks. The one that really stuck with me though came from Dylan that morning. He actually noticed me and not to call my some dorky name, but to compliment me in his own little way.
