Tirade

by Cambria Hebert

  And I was grieving for her. But maybe not in the way a loss of a parent deserved. There were so many things I was grieving over I could hardly focus on anything. Yet, I managed to make it through the morning. I thought it would be harder to choose a casket, pick flowers, music and decide who would be speaking, but all the choices were already made. Thankfully, Mom kept a last will and testament and everything she wanted had been outlined. It made things easy, and it went much faster than I expected.

  When we arrived back at Gran’s, Cole was sitting on the porch waiting. There were several glass bowls and dishes at his feet. Before I was out of the car, he was there opening the door and reaching in to grab me.

  “You made it through the morning,” he murmured in my ear as he slung an arm across my shoulders and led me toward the house.

  “Beelzebub has started taking his anger out on Sam. We have to leave soon.”

  “What is all this?” Gran asked, pointing to the dishes.

  “While you were gone, some people stopped by, most of them from Madeline’s church. They wanted to pay their respects.”

  I never did understand why people felt the need to bring food to pay their respects. Sometimes, it seemed like the people who came by were only being nosy and wanted an excuse to come inside to view the grief of others.

  “That was nice,” Gran said, picking up the largest dish. Cole released me to help her carry the food inside and put them into the fridge. “We’ll be able to put all this out after the funeral for the guests that come by.”

  I dreaded the funeral and the reception afterward. It was set for the day after tomorrow with two separate hour-long viewings at the funeral home tomorrow afternoon and evening.

  “Gran, would you mind if I went upstairs to lie down for a while?”

  “Of course not. It was a long morning. But before you go, I need to give you something.” She pulled a white envelope out of her bag and handed it to me. “This was in your mother’s room at the hospital. I forgot to give it to you last night with everything that had happened…”

  “It’s okay,” I said, taking the envelope. My name was scrawled across the front in black ink. It was my mother’s handwriting. “She left this for me?” I asked. “What is it?”

  “I didn’t look at it. I figured it was private.”

  After all the horrible things she said to me, I was shocked she left me anything at all. Part of me cringed at the note because it was probably filled with more words that would cut me like a knife. “I don’t think I want to open it just yet.”

  “Of course, honey. Take your time,” she said as she went to grab the tea kettle and fill it with water.

  On my way out of the room, I stopped and turned back. “Oh, Gran? If it’s okay, I planned to spend the night at Kimber’s tonight.”

  Gran looked up from the tea kettle she was filling at the sink. “You two made up?”

  I was aware of Cole staring at me, but I ignored him. “Yeah, after Mom… I figured whatever we were fighting about wasn’t that important.”

  “I think that’s wonderful. On the way home tomorrow, could you stop by your mom’s and pick out that outfit?” My stomach knotted at the thought of choosing an outfit for her to be buried in.

  “Sure. I’ll take it over to the funeral home after.”

  Gran nodded and I left the room. Cole followed, telling Gran he wanted to make sure I was okay. In my bedroom, I flopped down face-first on the bed.

  “How are you holding up?” Cole asked. The bed sank a little when he sat down on the corner.

  I groaned. But then I propped myself up on my elbows. “What’s the deal with you and Gemma?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Come on, Cole, it isn’t nothing.”

  “Actually, it is pretty much nothing. You know how hard Gemma is to talk to. She’s a closed book; trying to talk to her is impossible.”

  I rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. Lately, I’d been letting my brother down. I’d been so focused on myself and Sam that I hadn’t really cared or thought about what Cole might be going through.

  I sighed and scooted back until I was sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Cole was watching me and I patted the empty space next to me. When he was settled beside me, I rested my head against his shoulder. “I guess me showing up with Riley didn’t make anything any easier.”

  “I don’t trust him, Hev.”

  “Of course you don’t.” I smiled. “You’re a Supernal Being, a regular angel on Earth, and he’s a hellhound, a man twisted by sin.”

  “It’s not just that,” he began. “I mean, I’ve managed to accept Sam.”

  “I thought that might never happen.”

  “He’s not so bad. He might even be good enough for my sister,” he said with a smile in his voice.

  “He’s too good for me,” I said, focusing on the pain that ran through my body. Sam’s pain. Pain that I knew he wouldn’t be in if it weren’t for me.

  Cole made a scoffing sound and was about to disagree when I interrupted him. “Have you and Gemma talked since Riley got here?”

  A vision of Gemma flashed into my mind. She looked upset with tears in her eyes. I blinked and it was gone. Cole’s aura was flaring with vibrant reds and oranges, colors that were not his usual greens and blues. Clearly, he talked to her and was at odds with whatever happened. Was that vision of Gemma from his mind? Was I mind-robbing his memories like I had done with Sam? Could I even do that? I thought the Mindbond I shared with Sam was the reason I was able to see his memories.

  Maybe not.

  I settled my head a little more soundly on Cole’s shoulder and prepared to investigate. “Tell me what happened, Cole.”

  And just like that, I was transported. I may have been shocked if I hadn’t been so engrossed by the scene that played out before me. It was as if I were at the movies with the best seat in the house. I don’t have any idea how it happened. One minute, I was asking him a question, and the next, it’s like I slipped inside his head to witness his answer firsthand.

  They were standing in Cole’s bedroom. At least I think it was his bedroom. I couldn’t really be sure because I’d never been to his house. Our father left his mother for my mother, and I wasn’t exactly welcome. I tried to check out the room from all angles but couldn’t because I was seeing things from Cole’s point of view. What I could see was nice. It was a large square room with a large window framed by navy curtains. Various football posters hung on the white walls. There was a dresser against one wall that was large and wooden. It was in front of this dresser that Gemma was standing. She was clearly upset, more upset than I’d ever seen her.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about your past?” Cole was asking her.

  “Because my past doesn’t matter.”

  I felt the words spear right through him. “So I don’t matter?”

  “My past has nothing to do with you.”

  “I’m beginning to think that nothing about you has anything to do with me,” he muttered and he turned away.

  Gemma caught his hand and drew him back. “That’s not true, either.”

  “Then what’s the truth?” His words were barely a whisper, but he stared right into her gray eyes. It was odd being in someone else’s memories. I could feel what he felt and I could see what he saw. I wasn’t sure I liked it. I was used to my brother from my point of view. To me, he was a rock. He was overprotective, sometimes bossy, and always stubborn, but I loved him. I didn’t see him as unsure and vulnerable and I wasn’t sure what I thought of Gemma for making him feel this way. Why couldn’t she just love him too?

  “I don’t know.” Gemma couldn’t look at him and her eyes dropped, shielding whatever she felt from Cole’s sight.

  Cole laughed. It was bitter and incredulous. “You don’t know?” He spun away from her. I felt his disgust. He couldn’t stand to look at her. To look at the beautiful creature that he loved so much and have her dismiss everything he felt. Was he wrong, then? Did he
imagine the way her gray eyes seemed to deepen when he was near? Did her heart not race whenever his hand brushed hers?

  My brother was an open book, so he didn’t understand someone who was buried beneath lock and key. I thought about pulling back. This scene was so personal and private; it felt wrong to watch it. But I couldn’t; I was caught in his emotions and he desperately wanted to know how she felt. I desperately wanted to know too.

  “What do you know?” he asked, keeping his back to her, staring at the bed. It was a large bed, queen sized, and it was far more inviting than any guy bed I had ever seen (which wasn’t any other than Sam’s) with its navy blue down comforter and neon yellow throw blanket.

  Behind him, Gemma didn’t say anything.

  “I’ll tell you what I know,” he said quietly. Frustration welled inside him and he actually wished he didn’t love her. Loving her was too hard. Abruptly he spun. Gemma’s head snapped up and she stared at him. “You’re miserable. You think you have to be alone because it’s easier than caring. You act like you’re forced to live the way you do, but you aren’t. You act as if I’m nothing to you, and maybe I’m not, but you can’t seem to walk away.”

  “Cole.” A glimmer of tears shone in her eyes and turned her face soft. Everything about her seemed to soften from the way her flushed lips parted to the long strands of coffee-colored hair that fell over her shoulder and brushed her cheek.

  Cole lunged forward and grabbed fistfuls of her hair, tangling his fingers deep into the silky mass and groaned. “What do you want? What?”

  She didn’t answer because he kissed her. Fiercely, bravely, deeply. His lips devoured hers in a way that staked a claim, yet pushed her away. Violent passion slammed through him and he groaned in his throat. I felt the sound rip right out of him. One part of him was so thrilled to be finally kissing her. Her lips were just what he thought they would be: soft, warm and giving. Why couldn’t the rest of her be as giving as her lips? She tasted faintly of apples, sweet and tart. He smiled against her mouth. He like the comparison because it was exactly who she was.

  He pushed his tongue past her lips, not caring if it offended her. This might be the only time that he would taste her and he wanted to satisfy his thirst. To his surprise, her lips parted under his assault and his tongue danced with hers as he tried to gentle himself. He actually began to recite football plays in his head, but they didn’t make sense so he gave up and began kissing her with renewed force. When he was afraid he had pushed her too far, he pulled back, only to take her lower lip in his teeth and pull out, sucking it into his mouth and tasting her anew.

  He was holding her so tightly his arms strained and he broke the kiss. His chest heaved as it pushed against hers. He could feel her shake against him, but all he could think about was doing it again. He wanted to kiss her until there was nothing between them but skin and then he wanted to kiss her some more.

  She had to love him. She wouldn’t have been able to kiss him like that, to make him feel like this if she didn’t. He dropped his forehead onto hers and ran his fingers through the soft length of her hair. “Tell me,” he said, his voice hoarse and low.

  Somewhere in the house, a door slammed. Cole closed his eyes but tightened his grip on her. This wasn’t over.

  “Tell me,” he demanded again.

  “Cole?” his mother yelled from somewhere in the house.

  Gemma began to pull away.

  “Is it him?” Cole asked. “Is there something with Riley?”

  She stopped on her way out the window. Her long hair fluttered from the breeze. “No, definitely not. But even if there had been something with Riley, you would have erased it from my soul with that kiss.”

  “Gemma.” Cole half groaned.

  The door handle turned and he watched as the door opened soundlessly and his mother peeked inside. “Didn’t you hear me calling?”

  Cole looked back at the window, knowing already that she was gone.

  But he would see her again. And she would tell him.

  I pulled out of his mind with a gasp and sat up, careful not to touch him, afraid that I would slip back in. That was intense. I had no idea that the feelings between my brother and Gemma burned so deeply. It almost matched what I had with Sam. It probably would if she didn’t fight it so much.

  “Heven?” Cole asked. He was staring at me warily.

  “Sorry. What?”

  “Did you hear anything I just said?”

  “No.” I stuck my tongue out, trying to moisten my dry lips.

  “Are you okay?” He reached out and I flinched away.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because of what I’ll do to you.”

  “To me?”

  I nodded. “I didn’t hear everything you said because I saw it.”

  He looked at me like I was crazy. I probably was. “Explain.”

  So I did. I told him about how I accidently slid into Sam’s mind and how I found out where Riley was. I told him that when I laid my head on his shoulder I saw everything that happened between him and Gemma. When I was done, I waited for him to yell at me. To tell me I was horrible for stealing his private moments and thoughts.

  He didn’t say anything like that.

  “Do you think she loves me?” he asked instead.

  I drew back in shock. “What?”

  “You saw what happened. You felt what I felt. Do you think she loves me?”

  “Aren’t you mad?”

  He shrugged. “No.”

  “Why?”

  He seemed taken aback by this, like it never occurred to him to be mad. “Because you’re my sister?”

  I laughed. “You just want my opinion.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a good kisser, huh?”

  “Ewww. You’re my brother.”

  “Do you think she liked it?”

  I remembered the insecurity and doubt that Gemma made him feel. I didn’t like to think he felt that way. “Yes. I think she liked it. I think she loves you.”

  He grinned.

  “But I’m not sure if she’s going to admit it to herself.”

  His grin fell away. “Yeah.”

  “I wouldn’t give up just yet, though.” He lifted an eyebrow and I smiled. “Kiss her like that a few more times and then see.”

  He smiled smugly. “I’m the man.”

  I threw a pillow at his head, but he caught it and tucked it beneath his neck, leaning back and crossing his ankles over one another. When he closed his eyes, I let my face fall. Cole’s happiness was important to me, but there were other things that took priority right now. I glanced at the clock. I couldn’t wait another hour. I would just tell Gran I was having dinner at Kimber’s as part of our ‘make-up’ sleepover. That would give me a few more hours to get Sam out of hell.

  I picked up my cell and dialed Riley. He picked up on the first ring. “Can you be here now?” I asked without saying hello.

  “On my way,” he said, then abruptly hung up. I closed the phone and looked at Cole who was staring at me with his big blue eyes. I tossed him my phone and it landed in the center of his chest. “Can you get Gemma here?”

  He dialed, spoke briefly, then hung up. “She’s coming.”

  Seconds later, she was crawling through my window. Her eyes went first to Cole and lingered there for a second longer than they had to. He didn’t change his position on the bed or even acknowledge her presence. But his aura did. It reached out to her and some of the magenta wrapped around her hand.

  She looked at me. “Tonight, then?”

  “Right now.” I picked up my still-packed bag and tossed it on the bed.

  “Riley’s not coming?” Gemma asked, not looking at Cole when she talked.

  “He’s on his way. He doesn’t travel at angel speed.” It looked like everything I needed was in the bag and ready to go.

  “Do you really trust him?” Gemma asked.

  I stopped and turned to stare at her. “Yeah, I do. Can you gi
ve me a definite reason not to?”

  She sighed. “I didn’t tell,” she began, but her words were interrupted when Logan came into the room.

  “Logan, you’re up. I glanced in your room earlier, but you were still sleeping. Are you feeling any better?”

  He nodded, but in truth, he didn’t really look any better. I glanced at Gemma who was frowning. “Well that’s great!” I said, trying to add some pep in my voice.