by Cari Quinn
Tris smiled down at her. “Don’t worry. I’ll just show him off to the guys outside. We wanted you to the be the first to see him.”
She swallowed down a lump. “Thanks.”
He winked at her and did this walk sway thing with the baby to the door. She heard voices and the cooing excitement of their friends seeing the baby.
She answered the nurse’s questions with a half an ear. Then suddenly, she snapped in. “Do I have to feed him?”
“We’d like you to breastfeed if you’re able.”
She nodded. “I want to, yes. He didn’t act hungry.”
“We gave him some formula to get him through until you woke up.”
“Yeah, scared me too. I was here and then I wasn’t.”
“The doctor will be here in a few minutes to explain everything. Essentially, your blood pressure just took a dip. Stress of labor and the fact your labor went into neutral. We just wanted to make sure you were both safe and sound.”
“I appreciate it. Honestly.” She moved slowly and winced.
“We can’t give you too much since you’re breastfeeding. Pain all right?”
Jules nodded. “I’ll be fine.” She craned her neck. Then sighed as Margo came through the door with Simon bringing up the rear, hovering around her just like Tristan did with her.
“I’ll let you guys visit.” The nurse smiled and left.
Margo was holding Joshua and there was blank terror on her face.
Juliet’s fingernails dug into her palms with the urge to snatch him away. “How’d you get him out of Tristan’s arms?”
“I threatened siccing your parents on him,” Simon said with a wide grin.
Jules laughed and relaxed a little. “That would do it. Where are they?” She wasn’t quite sure she was up for her very repressed parents.
“Checking into a hotel.” Simon winked. “Tris didn’t need to know that.”
“Bad.” Jules held out her arms and Margo slowly transferred the baby to her.
“Look at you. Didn’t even hold him out like he was an alien.” She settled Joshua against her with a sigh. Everything evened out once he was in her arms again.
Margo linked her arm through Simon’s. “I’ve had a little practice with all the babies coming out of the woodwork with our friends.” A little look passed between her and Simon before she stepped forward to stand by Juliet’s bed.
Jules would have asked about that, but suddenly, there was nothing but the warmth and weight of her baby that she could focus on.
“He’s beautiful.” Margo ran a light fingertip over his hair. “So much hair.”
“I know. The baby books say it will fall out, but I don’t know.”
Margo curled her fingers around the guard “Seems like he’s got a full head already. Just like you.”
“Yeah?” There were some pictures of them as children, but their parents weren’t exactly the follow-the-kids-around-with-a-camera types.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Margo’s hushed tones brought the waterworks back up. “Don’t get me going.”
“I can’t help it. You scared us with the rush down the hallway. Always gotta make a spectacle.”
She laughed. “Nope. Not this time. It’s Joshua’s fault.”
“Joshua?” Margo swiped away tears.
She nodded. “Joshua Randall Eves, meet your Aunt Margo.”
Margo bent down enough to press a kiss on his head. “Nice to meet you.”
“Oh, and your Uncle Simon.”
“Fun Uncle Simon, thanks.” Simon dragged his wife into his chest and gave Jules a big smile. “You done good, kid.”
“Kid? Please. You are a six-foot toddler.”
“That’s why I’m the fun uncle.”
She rolled her eyes. Then Joshua decided to let himself be known as the star of the show with a wail.
“Whoa. Hello, has a pair of lungs on him.” Simon’s eyebrows rose.
“I heard the magical tones.” The nurse came in. “Let’s get you guys set up and try a feeding?”
“Oh. Yeah, definitely.”
“That’s our cue.” Simon swiped a gentle hand over Joshua’s head. “We’ll be back after we get some dinner into this one.” He hugged Margo.
“Thanks, guys. Sorry I scared you.”
“Just glad everything ended up being okay.” Margo frowned. “You’re okay, right?”
“As rain.” Joshua let out another bellow, his face scrunching up. “Okey doke, guess we gotta feed this guy.”
It was frustrating work. Somehow she thought it should have just been instinctive. Put the boob in the baby’s mouth and here we go.
After twenty minutes, everyone was frustrated, including the nurse.
He wouldn’t latch and when he did, good Lord, she hadn’t known that kind of pain was possible. Tristan was hovering at the end of the bed, unsure if he should come closer or not. Frustrated tears tracked down her face.
Finally, another nurse came in with a bottle. Jules tried to feed him with the bottle. She was an utter failure. The one thing she should have been able to do and it wasn’t working. She didn’t understand why.
Tristan moved closer. He stroked the baby’s head as Joshua slowly surrendered to the special bottle that literally drop-fed formula into the baby’s mouth.
Theoretically, she understood that it would take time. The nurse explained all these technical things about why it wasn’t working right. They had a lactation specialist that would come in and help figure it all out. Not to worry.
But how could she not worry? She was supposed to be able to do this.
Eventually, they were both so exhausted that the baby slept on her shoulder and she dozed off.
When she woke, the soft sounds of a female voice invited her to drift back to sleep. But the soft words were sweet and musical. A song she’d never heard before. And with her musical knowledge, that was pretty impressive.
Elle had one arm draped over the railing of Juliet’s bed as she lightly stroked Joshua’s hand.
“Hey.”
Elle snatched back her hand and sat up. “Hey. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“What was that song?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged. “Just something my mom used to sing to me.”
“It was beautiful.” Jules kissed her son’s head. “Think he liked it too.”
“Yeah?” Elle peered at him, her face soft.
“You guys thinking about kids?”
“Us?” Elle blinked at her. “Me and Mal?” She leaned her cheek on the rail. “I hope so. I don’t know if I deserve to have kids,” she added quietly, lowering her gaze. “But I want them.”
“Yes, you do.” Jules curled her fingers over Elle’s. “You’d make a wonderful mom.”
It still hurt in the smallest, most selfish chamber of her heart that Mal had to choose who to save and Randy hadn’t been his main focus. But now, with the baby resting on her chest, she wasn’t so sure anymore. The choice must have killed him.
And with Joshua only hours old, she knew she’d literally raze the earth for him.
“Mal loves you so much. So much I just couldn’t understand it all. I mean, I love my guys. I understand that kind of devotion, but the fierceness that lives inside of Mal is different. It took me a really long time to see that. But this guy right here?” Jules lightly rested her cheek against her baby. “I’d do anything to protect him. I didn’t realize a love like that could even live inside of me.”
Elle’s eyes filled.
“I wish it was different. Every single day, I wish it was different. But it was never your fault. It was never his fault.”
The problem Jules had was that Mal had never apologized for not choosing Randy. But how could he? That was thing that had festered inside of her for so damn long. There was no other choice. No other option when your heart was involved.
Especially for someone like Mal.
“I love Mal for exactly who he is, flaws and all. For that one
little moment, sometimes I wish he’d been a different man. That he would’ve—”
Juliet’s chest constricted. “No. No, never. Don’t say that.” Jules had to swallow a sob. “Don’t ever wish you weren’t here. I don’t wish that.” It shamed her sometimes that she played the scenario in her head. Some nights, the guilt washed over her like the waves she’d ridden in Australia. The kind that pulled you under and jarred every bone in your body.
But in the end, this was her reality.
And her reality included this woman who loved so hugely. Who never hurt anyone—other than herself. And Jules couldn’t allow her to go on feeling guilty for another second. The fact that Jules had stayed quiet about it for so long was bad enough.
“You’re like a sister to me. I can’t wish you harm, even for my own happiness.”
Elle’s shoulders shook as she buried her face in her hands.
Joshua was still sleeping on her chest, so all Jules could do was reach for Elle’s arm and drag her hand away to pull her closer to the bed. “Don’t. Please, don’t. Today’s a happy day. I promise.”
Elle shook her head. “It is. I know, I’m sorry. It’s just been a rough few weeks.” She dashed away tears. “A crazy few weeks.”
“I know. But we’re going to change all that. This little angel is going to wipe our slates clean. Probably with drool, but it’ll still be clean. You know, with a baby wipe or something.”
Elle laughed around a hiccup. “You’ll be drowning in drool and wipes. Believe me. Nicky’s girls were…just wow.”
“I can’t wait.” She laced her fingers with Elle’s and brought them up to her lips. “I can’t really hug you right now, but I will later. When I can feel below my waist again.”
“God, that’s horrifying.”
“Just you wait, girlfriend. This is your future right here.”
Elle rested her cheek on the rail again. “I guess that sounds really amazing. Under the terrifying.” She dashed away the last of her tears. “Is it okay if I stay for awhile?”
Jules smiled. “I’d really like that.”
Eleven
Tristan sipped his coffee as he stepped off the elevator. Coffee was already his lifeblood. Add in barely any sleep since the baby had been born, fielding phone calls from family members and extended family, and he was done in.
He’d gone home only long enough to shower, change, and take a ninety minute nap. It was better to nap than sit in traffic for the same amount of time. At least the nap would help push him through. Especially since his in-laws had declared their intention to visit the hospital once the band people left.
Good luck with that.
Some of his employees asked him about living with a rockstar. Most just took it as gospel at this point, but the restaurant business had more turnover than a morgue. Especially in Los Angeles.
He wasn’t sure if Warning Sign and Oblivion were the norm—but it was like having a huge Italian family that couldn’t help but be nosy. Between the siblings and the friendships, there wasn’t room for quiet. It had taken a lot of adjustment for him, but after Randy, the silence had been so much worse.
He liked the chaos. Welcomed it most of the time.
He just hoped the baby would bring some of it back.
Laughter poured out of Juliet’s room. Enough that his eyebrows shot up to his freaking hairline. He finished the rest of his coffee and slowed his steps. A cart of flowers was sitting in the hall. Huge arrangements poured out of the top and bottom shelves.
Had she been moved?
“No, we are not renting out a restaurant.”
“Hello, my guy is head chef. We’ve got one on tap.” Jules sounded outraged, but the old way. The way she used to when things were happier. When she was busting on someone because it was her favorite thing to do on this planet.
He had to swallow down a healthy lump because she’d also called him her guy.
Fucking sap.
He ducked his head in. “Ladies.”
“Hi.” Jules was sitting up and her hair was in one of her usual messy topknot things she was forever wearing. There was a bassinet beside her with their baby sound asleep. The room was filled with flowers, which explained the cart in the hallway. Every spare corner had a basket or a vase and dozens of balloons bobbed along the ceiling.
Elle, Denver, and Molly were piled onto the couch. Lauren was on the sleep chair he’d spent four unsuccessful hours on the night before. But his abject exhaustion didn’t mean anything next to the huge smile on her face. Or the laughter between all the women in the room.
“What about my restaurant?”
“Listening at doors?” Lauren tugged her legs up to sit cross-legged in the chair.
“The whole hospital can hear you.”
“Oh.” Lo’s expressive eyes got larger. “Whoops. We were discussing our fair Elle’s engagement party.”
“Ah. Well, that explains The Hollow mention.”
“Yeah, but Mal won’t go for that.” Elle winced. “No offense.”
“None taken. Though we do a mean steak if you guys would ever like to come in.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. Part of him felt like he should take a hike. The estrogen levels in the room were daunting, but he really wanted to see Joshua. It seemed like he’d been away from him forever.
“Thanks. Maybe we’ll do that one night. As much as I love all the food trucks in a thirty mile radius, sometimes I want to bring that big lug in to sit down and have a nice dinner.”
“Anytime, Elle.”
Things between them had been rocky for sure. But after Jules had told him about her visit with Elle, he’d been hopeful that maybe they could get back to the close-knit family he knew Warning Sign was. And that also meant getting Jules back on an even keel. He tried to be supportive, but the more she held herself away from her people, the longer the grief was squeezing the life out of the woman he’d fallen in love with.
Elle popped off the couch and came at him with a hard hug. “We’ll let you guys visit. More on Operation Engagement Party later.”
“Oh, are you sure?” Jules sat forward. She swiped a hand down Joshua’s back as she did. And she meant it, but he could see the tiredness around her eyes. Happiness too. And God, he’d missed that.
The rest of the girls came around to give him hugs, a quiet little goodbye to Joshua, then Jules.
Molly held Jules just a little tighter than usual before they all added their gift bags to the pile. God, he’d need a truck to get it all out. They’d had two baby showers as well.
The baby wanted for nothing. And neither did Jules.
He didn’t care if he had to rent a goddamn U-Haul. The huge smile on Juliet’s face was worth everything.
The girls filed out with promises to come to the apartment when she got discharged. Elle was last to leave, her eyes shiny and happier than he’d seen in a damn long time.
Tristan crossed the room to his girl, then braced his hands on either side of her and dropped a soft kiss on her upturned mouth.
It was the first time a kiss felt all the way natural between them.
The night they’d finally made love was still jumbled in his brain. He’d felt ecstatic, twisted, loved...heartbroken. There was so much to unpack and now the protective instincts he had to wrangle were leaping out of his chest like fireworks. He couldn’t contain them. He wanted to bundle both of them up and hide them away.
It wasn’t good for her.
It sure as fuck wasn’t good for him, but he couldn’t turn them off.
Jules lifted a hand to his cheek and his kiss softened. He tipped his forehead against hers. “How are you doing? How’s my boy?”
“Good. I got him to do the boob thing.” She made a little roar sound. “And the crowd goes wild.”
“Lucky kid.” He nuzzled her neck.
She laughed. “It still hurts like fire, but we’re getting the hang of it. Mostly.”
“Is it supposed to?”
“Everyone’s different, I
guess.” She shrugged. “I guess we’ll figure it out. Not really any choice. He’s the boss now.”
Tris stood up. “That is a very true statement.” The downy soft hair of Joshua’s head tickled the backs of his fingers. He didn’t want to wake him, but the big baby blue eyes were addictive. “I was hoping he’d be awake.”
“Nope. Sorry. Totally milk-drunk.”
“I’m not really jealous. I’m just delirious.”
“I was gonna say. Sorry, I’m not into that kink, dude.”
He barked out a laugh. “No, thanks. Though I will miss access to those beauties for a bit. I just got my hall pass back.”
Her laugh was absolute music. “Give it time, Dad.”
“I really like the sound of that.” He was just about to bend down for a little more of that perfect mouth when the sound of a clearing throat made his heart sink. He really hoped it was Lila.
“Juliet. I didn’t think your friends were ever going to leave.”
And there went that dream. He linked his fingers with Jules before he turned. “Hello, Jayne. We’re glad you could make it in.”
“Well, we’re certainly not going to miss meeting our first grandchild.” The smart click of his mother-in-law’s heels filled the space. She wore her Sunday best in a cranberry suit that looked like it was fresh off the costume truck from Mad Men. Minus the lush bodies from that era. She was lean and severe from her crisp swing of chin-length hair to her sensible pumps.
How Margo and Jules came from her, he’d never know.
“Mother.” Jules smoothed her blankets. “I’m sorry I was sleeping the last time you came in.”
“You needed your rest. I’m just sorry we didn’t get in until later. Your due date wasn’t for another few weeks. I barely had time to change my schedule to come out.”
Heaven forbid her social calendar become disrupted.
Jayne hesitated for a brief moment before crossing to the bassinet beside Jules. Was her hand trembling as she touched the baby? Maybe she truly wasn’t a cyborg. He was too tired to be polite in his head. Jayne Reece barely tolerated him. Things had been a little better since Randy passed away, but he’d been waiting for the hammer to drop.
Juliet’s father went to her bedside. He patted her arm. “I’m glad to see your color up. You gave us a scare. I thought you were taking care of yourself throughout this pregnancy.”
