Brothers & Best Friends

by Rose, Ashley

  ***

  Janine opened her eyes slowly and the first thing she saw was Jess's sweet face. She smiled softly. "Hi," she murmured.

  He looked worried as he gently smoothed her hair back out of her eyes. "Are you okay? Do you feel okay?"

  She nodded with a sleepy smile. "I had the strangest dream."

  He smiled slightly, gently running his finger along her jaw. "Did you?"

  She started to answer but then she noticed Jess was not alone. John was standing above Jess, looking equally worried. Her eyes widened. "It wasn't a dream?"

  Jess glanced up at John, then back to her and shook his head. "No, that wasn't a dream."

  Her eyes widened a little more, and she whispered, "And the last few mornings?"

  A flash of guilt went through his eyes and he averted his gaze. He opened his mouth to speak, but ended up closing it again.

  "I wasn't dreaming, was I?" she asked.

  He shook his head wordlessly.

  "Oh, my gosh. No wonder you thought I was a one-night-stand girl," she whispered in horror.

  "No," he said quickly, firmly. "No, I do not think badly about you. I-I'm only mad at myself, because I never should have let it happen in the first place," he said.

  "Apparently I didn't give you much choice. Oh," she groaned, thinking of the way she behaved with him. "You must think—oh," she groaned again. "Can I go back to sleep?"

  Jess looked over his shoulder at John. "Can we have a minute?"

  John sullenly nodded his head and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

  "I thought you knew, Janine. I never would have taken advantage of you that way if I had known you thought it was a dream. I felt guilty even thinking you did know, because you're not like the other girls I've dated. You were all over me, and then during the day you just acted like nothing ever happened. But then...you fainted."

  Her eyes widened. "I did faint. Did I hit the floor? Do you think the baby's okay?" she asked, her panic rising.

  "No, you didn't. I caught you," he assured her. "Calm down."

  "Thank you," she said, closing her eyes.

  He paused for a second before saying, "Your brother's going to have to know about the baby. You can't keep it from him anymore, Janine."

  She sighed. "I know."

  Jess glanced over his shoulder, then he looked at her, leaning closer and lowering his voice. "I need to know what you want."

  "What are you talking about?" she asked, bewildered.

  "I need to know what you want to tell your brother about the baby."

  "I'm the new virgin Mary?" she said hopefully.

  He ignored her, his face and voice resolute. "Do you want me to tell him it's mine?"

  It was a good thing she was lying down, because she would have fallen down for certain. In fact, she somehow managed to jerk backward with her head already on a pillow, her eyes widening. She had to have heard him wrong, right?

  "What did you just say?" she asked, her mouth hanging open.

  "He already thinks we're lovers, Janine."

  She wasn't prepared for her heart—and other parts of her body—to thump at his words, but they did. There was something hot about hearing Jess refer to her as his lover, whether it was true or not.

  "If you don't want him to know about the rape, you don't have to tell him. You're right, it will only hurt him. And you said you don't know the guy's name anyway, so you probably wouldn't really be able to file charges against him. Maybe if you told John...but if you don't want to tell him, we don't have to."

  "But...but..."

  "And I can fix the friendship even if he does think I knocked you up. But I need to know what you want."

  "I want you to explain to me what you're saying, because I think I may be having hallucinations."

  He sighed. "I've been thinking about what you said the other day. The stuff about being a single parent and the cruddy guys that tend to gravitate toward single mothers. You're right. Then you said you'd have to explain to the kid why it has no father, and...can you imagine hearing that? That your mother was raped and that's what brought you into the world? And I was thinking about what you said about John blaming himself, and you're right about that, too. John is my best friend, even if he does want to kill me at the moment, and I don't want to see him hurt any more than you do."

  "Jess, I appreciate your offer, but I can't. That would be complete suicide for your friendship."

  "No it wouldn't. He'd get used to the idea. Did I ever tell you I was a salesman for the longest four months of my life? I was. I wasn't half bad, either. I can sell him on the idea if you want me to."

  "No, you can't. Jess, think about it. If he thinks you've knocked up and abandoned his sister, he is never going to speak to you again, unless he's saying very unkind words. I can't ask you to ruin your friendship for me."

  He frowned. "Who said anything about abandoning you?"

  "Jess, unless you commit to me and play daddy he's going to feel like you abandoned me."

  Jess just looked at her levelly.

  Her heart dropped and then jumped in the same moment. Then her eyes widened and her jaw fell open. "Are you offering...?"

  He nodded seriously.

  "Why?"

  He sighed, taking her hand. "Your baby needs a father. You need someone to take care of you." He put his other hand on her belly. "You both need someone to look after you." He sighed again. "You need a father for your baby, John needs someone to blame this on, and I'm the likely candidate."

  It wasn't quite the declaration of undying love she would have liked, but she wasn't going to be picky. He hadn't thought things through, though.

  "Jess, I'm almost four months pregnant. If we went at it like rabbits all this week we wouldn't have been able to create a baby that long ago. It doesn't add up."

  Jess looked her right in the eye. "I visited your brother for a weekend almost four months ago. It was actually the week before you went to visit him, but a week's nothing. I could have easily stopped over to see you before I left."

  Her eyes widened. "But...he'll kill you if he thinks you took my virginity and then left."

  He nodded. "At first, yes. I'll just have to take the heat for a while. But he'll chill out eventually, and he'll see reason. I mean, if someone had to get you pregnant, isn't it better that it was me?"

  "I don't follow."

  "Well, we're friends, and while he doesn't seem to think I'm the most honorable guy in the world—"

  "But you are!" she put in loyally.

  "—he knows that I'll stick around, if for no other reason than because I don't want to lose his friendship. Not to mention he could beat the crap out of me. There is that."

  "Jess, are you sure about this?"

  "Yes, Janie, I really am. I'm going to go into the living room now. I suggest you stay here while I talk to him, because right now he's going to be angry and he's probably going to say stupid things that he doesn't mean and I don't want your feelings to get hurt." He placed a kiss on her forehead and then stood up. "I'll be back to get you when it's safe."

  She smiled and watched him walk out, wondering how in the world she was actually feeling happy at this moment.

  Through the thin walls she heard bits and pieces of their conversation, including plenty of booming from her big brother. Much to Jess's credit, he only yelled back a couple times. Then John got louder and Jess had to raise his voice to be heard and Janine heard Jess blurt, "She's pregnant!" It fell completely silent on the other end of the wall for about four seconds. Janine couldn't help herself. She walked over to the wall and put her ear against it, and all she could hear was repetition of the word no. She heard Jess's muffled voice, trying to calm John down, then John saying, "No, she could not be pregnant. You've only had her here for a couple days. Even if you did get her pregnant you couldn't know that yet."

  "She was pregnant when she came here," Jess told him.

  There was silence for a second or two, making Janine nervo
us. Then she heard the insensible yelling again. The only thing she could clearly make out was, "Janie is not that kind of girl!" The voices lowered again, and she heard Jess say, "I know that. I'm the one who got her pregnant. I'm the only one she's been with."

  "You live five hours away. You never see Janie. How could you get her pregnant?"

  "Remember when I came to see you the weekend before she did?" John must have nodded, because she didn't hear a response. Then she heard Jess sigh. "Remember you had a lot of work to do so I decided to leave a few hours early? I said I had a few other people to see anyway. Well, I don't really know why, but I decided to stop over and see Janie. After all, I hadn't seen her in years, and you have to understand, I didn't expect to see her grown up. I think I still expected her to be fourteen. So, I went over...and obviously she isn't fourteen anymore."

  There was silence for a minute and then, "So, you're telling me my mom actually let you go to Janie's room with her and, more than that, close the door and have sex with her? Funny. Doesn't seem like something my mom would do, especially for you."

  Janine's eyes widened. He was caught there. Jess wouldn't know what to say. Janine jumped up and went to the door, walking out. She did her best to look embarrassed and maybe a little bit ashamed, but not too much.

  "I was home alone," she said. "Mom was at the store."

  Jess let out a silent sigh that could have only been relief, and walked over to her. "I thought I told you to stay in the other room," he said, but she knew that it was more for John's benefit than hers.

  "It's not fair that you're taking all the blame here. I mean, you didn't exactly tie me down and impregnate me against my will. It takes two to make a baby, Jess, so don't act like this is all on you." She turned her gaze to John and did her best not to look away, which was her cowardly instinct. "This is as much my fault as it is his, maybe more."

  "Bullshit, Janine. He's the experienced one, and he should have known better."

  "It is not his fault. You know I've always had the world's biggest crush on him, John, even as a dorky little girl. Did you seriously think that if I grew up and got the chance to...If I could make Jess see me as more than his best friend's dorky little sister, did you seriously think I wouldn't?" She swallowed, wishing she was still making it up. "I may be your little sister, John," she said quietly, "but I'm a woman, too."

  She hated the way his jaw tightened, and the silent disapproval she saw in his eyes. Luckily, Jess came to the rescue again, taking her by the arms and backing her up, saying, "Thank you, Joan of Arc, but I can handle this. Now stay put until I come get you," he said, guiding her into the room and shutting the door. Janine practically slumped with the relief.

  She only heard the muffle of talking, so she assumed that she had at least diffused John or he would be screaming. It felt like a hollow victory. Now John didn't blame Jess, he blamed her. But, she reminded herself, it wasn't Jess's fault at all. The only thing he was guilty of was welcoming her into his apartment and being her shoulder to cry on. That thought renewed her bravery. She could handle her brother's disapproval, as long as it didn't ruin things for Jess. She wouldn't be selfish. She wouldn't let Jess be blamed.

  By the time Jess came back for her, she had herself prepared to fight another battle. She also had clothes on, which seemed to give her a little more leverage.

  But Jess just offered one of his lopsided half smiles. "All's clear."

  She brightened. "Really?"

  He nodded. "Now come out here so John can father over you."

  "Bite me," John said.

  "No, thanks," Jess replied easily. "Now, I have to go take a shower and get ready for work, so I'll leave you two to talk."

  "Where's Todd?" she asked, looking around as if he might scamper out from under a piece of furniture.

  "He has enough sense of self-preservation to take off."

  "Wow, so he does have a brain. I wondered."

  Jess smiled and went back into his room to grab some clothes.

  John sighed, looking up at Janine. "So, I'm going to be an uncle, huh?"

  She nodded tentatively.

  He nodded. "Congratulations. I mean it. I do know how you've always felt about Jess. I guess it just never actually occurred to me that you guys could ever be together. I mean, you're my little sister, you know?"

  She nodded. "I know."

  "And it's weird."

  "I know it is," she agreed.

  "And I had already planned to have an attitude with your future boyfriend, and I just never imagined it would be my friend, which...honestly threw me off. I always thought Jess just thought of you as...well, you were younger then. I didn't realize you had grown up."

  "It kind of snuck up on us all," she replied lightly. "You should have seen Jess's face when he first saw the new me. I wish I'd had a camera on me."

  He smiled. "I'll bet. It's probably a good thing I wasn't there, though."

  She smiled. "Probably."

  He sighed. "I still have fleeting thoughts of killing him."

  "That would be bad," she said.

  "Are you sure? Because the protective big brother in me thinks it sounds like a really good idea."

  "He's your best friend. You can't kill your best friend."

  "Yeah, and he's also the father of my niece or nephew, so I should probably leave him alone."

  Her heart did an enormous flip and she actually thought she felt something in the vicinity of her stomach as well. The father of his niece or nephew, her child. That sounded...well, perfect.

  He smiled slightly. "You certainly look like you're in love," he said, gesturing to the loopy smile on her face.

  "Don't tell him that," she said, her eyes widening. "I mean, of course I am, I always have been, but I don't want to freak him out."

  His eyes widened. "You haven't told him you love him?"

  "Of course not. It's too soon. Normal people do not carry torches for people they don't see for years at a time. It isn't sane."

  "Janie, you're having his kid," he stated.

  Her heart fluttered at the thought, but she tried to keep her mind on the matter at hand. "I know that, but..." She shook her head, trying to think of how to explain it gently. In order to do that she had to imagine that she actually had a one night stand with Jess. He would have actually slept with her, taken her virginity, and then gone back to New York City without contacting her. Wow, he did sound like a jerk. "We haven't been together all this time. With the distance and everything...I mean, he wanted to to do the right thing and make it work, but it would have been a long distance relationship. That's a lot of strain on any relationship, but especially on one so new. It's not as if we've been in love for years and we have to be separated for a few months. I may have had a crush on him for years, but he surely didn't feel the same way. I was just a kid to him."

  "Well, he apparently didn't think of you as a kid when he slept with you. And he didn't even give you a way to contact him?" he asked with a frown.

  "No, he did," she improvised.

  "Then why did you have to ask me for his address?"

  "I deleted his number," she blurted. "I didn't want the temptation to be there just to call so I could hear his voice, and I didn't want to know his address so I would constantly wonder what his apartment must be like and thousands of other things. I didn't want to think about it, about him."

  He nodded, seeming to understand. "I guess that makes sense. I don't understand why you didn't come to me, though. If you're feeling down, I'm always the one you turn to. We're constantly mocked because we're friends instead of being on each other's nerves all the time, and then you don't tell me one of the biggest events of your life."

  "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. I guess I thought you'd react badly, but clearly I was wrong," she said playfully.

  He had the decency to offer a sheepish smile. "I guess I didn't handle it very well, did I?"

  She shook her head, but without censure. "I don't really blame you,
Johnny. So, how long are you staying?"

  "Well, not long. I just came to beat Jess up and I brought you some clothes and your recipe box, per your request." He gestured to the pink and black duffel bag on the floor. "I can stay a couple days, but then I have to head back to get ready for school." He raised an eyebrow. "You need to call Mom and have her change schools for you, too. I guess you're going to be living here with Jess?"

  "Is that what he said?"

  "He implied it."

  She smiled, and inwardly she danced. "Well, good, but I'm not planning to go back to school."

  "Excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "I thought I'd just get my GED. I need to get ready for the baby, and I need to get a feel for the finances. I need to see how much money I have, figure out how much I'll need. I'd like to find a job until the baby's born so I can get some money. I don't know what we're planning when the baby's born, I have to talk to Jess."

  "You are not not going back to school."

  "I'm going to be having a baby, Johnny. I can't go to school and have a baby."

  "You'll go to school until you can't go anymore, then you'll get your GED. You can even go to college if you want to, or you could wait until the baby's a little older."

  "I am not going to college. I am going to be a mother. If I need to work, I'll do something common and normal like wait tables or be a cashier or something like that."

  "You don't want to do more than that?"

  "No. And I don't want to argue with you any more right now," Janine said.

  He sighed. "I don't want to argue with you, either. But—"

  "No but," she interrupted.

  He sighed again, seeming even more put upon. "Fine. We will discuss this again later, but right now just answer me one thing."

  "What's that?"

  "Are you happy?"

  His question caught her off guard, but she naturally replied, "Yes." And as soon as she said it, she realized it was true.

  Chapter Six

  When Jess went off to work, Janine hauled her brother out to show him the city. John continued to torment her all day, and she continued to ignore him, pointing out some shop or restaurant or statue. She told him how exciting it was, grinning and gesturing to emphasize her happiness. Then she told him about babysitting for Jess's friend and John took the moment as an excuse to lightly tickle her belly and tell her Jess was going to be having his own baby to watch soon enough. Her heart flipped again, and she wondered if it would ever stop doing that. Surely she would get used to hearing it.