Everything I want
Will Alfie and Lily’s love survive?…
K. L. Shandwick
AuthorHouse™ UK Ltd.
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© 2014 K. L. Shandwick. All rights reserved.
First Edition
Cover Design: Russell Cleary
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The author has asserted their moral right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work.
All Rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, copied, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the copyright holder, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
A disclaimer: This book has explicit references to sexual situations and is intended for adult readers aged 18+.
This book is a work of fiction, Names, places, characters, band names and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or names are used within the fictitious setting. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead. Band names or locales are entirely coincidental.
Published by AuthorHouse 06/17/2014
ISBN: 978-1-4969-8375-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4969-8377-0 (e)
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Contents
Chapter 1 – Reminiscing
Chapter 2 – End of an era
Chapter 3 – Tough decisions
Chapter 4 – Bumping chests
Chapter 5 – Coincidences
Chapter 6 – Dilemma
Chapter 7 – Trying to make it
Chapter 8 – Surreal situation
Chapter 9 – Honesty
Chapter 10 – Exposure
Chapter 11 – Mutual rewards
Chapter 12 – Stolen glances
Chapter 13 – Telling the truth
Chapter 14 – Facing facts
Chapter 15 – Last Chance
Chapter 16 – Striking a deal
Chapter 17 – My girl
Chapter 18 – Making plans
Chapter 19 – Sexiest Man
Chapter 20 – Surprises all round
Chapter 21 – Cheekinis
Chapter 22 –Slow Dance
Chapter 23 – Preparation
Chapter 24 – On tour
Chapter 25 – Cubbie
Chapter 26 – Bareback
Chapter 27 – Playing with the big boys
Chapter 28 – M&M’s
Chapter 29 – Buses
Chapter 30 – Alice
Chapter 31 – Testosterone
Chapter 32 – Electricity
Chapter 33 – Eavesdropping
Chapter 34 – Wedding Plans
Chapter 35 – Emotional day
Chapter 36 – Dresses
Chapter 37 – Okay I’m impressed
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1 – Reminiscing
“Jeez, Lily, will you sit still for goodness’ sake? I won’t be responsible if I injure you,” Holly huffed as she used the flat iron on my hair. I grinned into the mirror at my gorgeous, tall, blond friend. “Sorry, force of habit, you know I’m not great at this stuff.”
Holly twisted her lips and flicked her long, platinum blond hair, her big brown eyes smiling at me, as she wagged the straightener. “Well, that’s because you don’t like pampering. I don’t know why I’m bothering, you’re as cute as a button, and the men go ape shit for you, anyway,” she teased.
Holly was a beautiful, straight-talking Texas girl. She had proven herself to be a great friend to me during the past two years that I had shared an apartment with her and my friend Saffy, from Oklahoma City.
She had been Saffy’s friend first, but when Saffy had abandoned us to move back to Oklahoma, Holly chose to stay with me in Florida.
Saffy had been a long-time friend of mine, after I had met her on a camping holiday, and we planned for me to study music in Florida, where she was going to attend college.
After deciding that seeing each other during vacations and traveling back and forth over Atlantic Ocean wasn’t enough for us, we were supposed to be sharing an apartment and having the time of our lives together.
We had so many plans, but they just didn’t work out. This was mainly due to my music studies and performing taking up almost every waking moment.
Saffy fell into a relationship with Will, who I performed with. She began dating him almost immediately after we had met him. However, she had some unresolved issues from a previous relationship, which led to a mistrust in men.
Neither Holly nor I knew about James, her previous boyfriend, or that she had even been in a relationship. So we were very surprised to find out that this guy she secretly loved existed, and he had decided he loved her back. Apparently she couldn’t live without him and transferred back to her home state to be with him.
This happened about three months after I had moved halfway around the world to fulfil my part of the bargain between us.
After I had gone home for Christmas, Saffy had upped and left ‘The Sunshine State’ to move back to Oklahoma City. She left Holly and me high and dry. Saffy never even discussed it with me, and she hasn’t spoken to me since. I figured she probably couldn’t face me now.
There was another added complication to all of this though. I’d had oral sex with Will one night, when he was still with Saffy. If I said it happened by accident, well the start of it anyway, I didn’t think there was a person on earth who would agree with me.
So, although she never found out about it, I really couldn’t judge her for anything that she did. In hindsight, I didn’t hold her leaving against her. Being in a complex relationship with Alfie had blown my theories clean out of the water about what I was willing to do for love.
When I had swapped London for Florida at twenty-one years old, I was naïve and innocent. Although, I would have never believed it at the time.
During the early months of being in Miami, I had made a few massive misjudgements regarding my relationships with men.
I had been so single-minded about studying in Miami that I had never allowed myself to get involved with any boys at home, for fear of someone capturing my heart and putting an end to my plans with Saffy.
Holly laid the straightener down on the countertop and met my gaze in the mirror. “Perfect.” She smiled affectionately, before leaning in to hug me.
“I’m so proud of you, honey. This is going to be a fabulous day. We need to start getting dressed; it’s nearly time to leave.”
She h
anded me a Buck’s Fizz to drink. “Only the one. Remember, I don’t want you staggering and slurring during your graduation. You know how you get.” She winked, and I chuckled at her playful comment.
I stood and walked over to her as she began winding the wire of the hair straighteners as she tidied them away and hugged her. “You have no idea what you did for my sanity Holly. I will never know how to thank you properly for all that you’ve done for me during these past two years.”
She flashed her gorgeous smile. “Oh, I have a few ideas on that, don’t you worry about it. I’ve been quietly making a list,” she teased.
I held her hand. “Seriously, Holly, I could never repay you for all the support you have given me. You pulled me back from the depths of despair and put me back together again, more than once.”
I felt tears begin to well in my eyes. “Yeah, I’m great like that. But like I said honey, I have a list, you’ll pay alright,” she teased again, trying to make light of my genuine heartfelt thanks for her love and guidance during some really horrible times. This was especially true during the past eighteen months here.
“Now then, Lily, we’re not going to get all maudlin about things today. This is a very happy day for you, honey. Let’s get you fixed so that you sparkle in that drab graduation gown of yours.”
With that, she bustled herself out of the bathroom and into my bedroom before opening my closet door to find the outfit we had shopped for together.
I pulled myself out of my funk and stepped into the black and white silk, figure hugging dress that we had chosen. It felt luxurious next to my skin. My golden tan made my blue eyes sparkle and the white of my eyes shine brighter.
Looking like any other girl from Florida now, I looked like a completely different person than when I had moved here with my creamy, pale, skin and contrasting long dark hair.
My hair been cut and styled from the long, dark brown, curly hair I used to have. It was still long, but now cut into a style with long layers and fell midway down my back.
I always wore it straightened now, and it framed my face, seeming to make my blue eyes appear bigger. Holly loved it and said, “It’s a grown-up’s haircut.”
Holly turned the radio up. “I love this song. It makes me feel great when I hear it, but it also reminds me of you.” She was referring to Bruno Mars ‘Just the Way You Are.’
I smiled. It reminded me of her as well. The song was one of my favorites too. We had played this song in the car several times on the way to the Florida Keys, when we had a ‘girlie’ weekend last fall.
We both began to sing and dance around the room to the music, each of us trying to outdo the other as to who could sing it the loudest.
Holly grinned at me, and we burst out laughing after the song finished playing, and I turned to face the mirror. I began to put some mascara on, and my mind flitted to the boys who were coming to see me this afternoon.
My band, XrAid, consisted of four hot men plus me. They were guys who’d been my world for the last eighteen months. Cody, Lennon, Digs, and Shawn had shown me loyalty and had protected me from day one, and I loved all of them dearly. To be honest, I didn’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t been for them.
I think if they hadn’t come into my life when they did, I would probably be at home in London now, working in some dingy nightclub.
As if on cue my cell buzzed. I swiped the screen, and Cody’s ID flashed with a text message.
Cody: Good luck today honey. I hope you’re wearing something that isn’t too distracting up there. : wink.
I smirked at his text. My bandmates had a standing joke about how I looked. They were always ragging on me about what I was wearing and telling me I was too distracting if I wore something a little risqué.
Obviously, they were afraid I would meet someone and leave the band. I couldn’t blame them; that was really how I had gotten my start with them. The original female in the band had met someone and left with him to follow his career.
They should know me better than that. I split with up with Alfie for that exact reason. I couldn’t give up everything I had worked for to follow his career, no matter how much I loved him. I knew I would have ended up resenting him further down the line if I did.
In another life Alfie would have been, without a doubt, the perfect man for me. His appearance, the way we connected, and how he made me feel were the things I still missed about him every day.
The way those hazel eyes took on that green hue when he looked at me, showing his desire for me. And how those same eyes had worshipped me with an intense stare, especially after he’d told me he was in love with me. How they looked as we locked eyes with each other.
Those same eyes, searching my soul when we made love, still made my throat constrict. A lump formed there, making it difficult to swallow, whenever that particular memory flashed back to our time together.
His eyes were a hazel color, but they changed like mood stones, and were mostly green when he was with me. They took on that green hue when he was turned on, excited, or angry.
When I think of his eyes, memories flooded me of the times he hovered above me on the bed giving me a sexy, lopsided smile.
It always took my breath away and never failed to thrill me. When he smiled wide enough, the one dimple in his left cheek would appear, and it melted my heart every time.
Alfie was a case of the right guy for me, at the wrong time, and in the wrong circumstances too. My heart had beat to his tune far too much at the time, and it has taken me a long time to feel okay about us, now.
Our chance meeting during my registration day at college was one that will stay with me. He made a proposition; which, had I been offered the same now, I would have run a mile from.
Alfie offered me a no strings, sexual relationship, which in my naivety I had thought I would be able to handle. We both lived and breathed music, and I was in a place where I didn’t want the complication of a boyfriend. I was young and sexually inexperienced and, I guess, ready to experiment. I mean, what in the hell was I thinking?
It was probably the worst decision of my life to date, because I fell for him like a stone falling from a great height. So smitten with love for him, I struggled for a long time to go forward with my life after we split up.
These turbulent times during the first year of college were horrible for me. The highs and the lows I endured in the following months, when I was learning to live without him, were excruciating.
Alfie kept telling me for most of our relationship that he couldn’t love me, but I fell for him anyway. The other thing about our complex relationship was, although he kept reiterating it to me, Alfie wouldn’t or couldn’t leave me alone.
He seemed to keep playing with, and plucking at, my heart even after he knew what my feelings were for him. Falling for Alfie was too easy. I couldn’t believe how quickly it had happened. I was drawn to him before I even saw him.
I think I fell in love with his voice first, and when I saw who it belonged to, I guess I just kept on falling for the rest of him as well. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I still thought, even now, he was definitely the sexiest man alive.
Alfie was drop dead gorgeous. All I had to do was allow his name to enter my mind and a mental image of him was instantly in my mind’s eye. The image in there was not really about how he looked at the present time, but rather the man that was with me the night before he left me.
Alfie was tall, lean, and muscular, but not bulky. He had a strong, athletic build. His beautiful, even features, and gorgeous, full lips were to die for. And the way he could always wear just about anything and ooze sex appeal. Alfie was a magnet for women.
Can still remember how his dark blond hair with sun kissed tips felt when my fingers thrummed through it. I would also never forget the feel of his satiny, smooth, silky skin when the palms of my hands skimmed over it.
Most of all, I missed the feel and the scent of him; his big strong arms wrapping around me, and the way he felt when he pulled me into his body, keeping me close.
I always sighed when I thought of him. Apart from how Alfie looked, he was super talented as a musician too. In private, he turned me on with his passionate, lusty, intense stares, and drove me wild with desire. He seemed to be completely wrapped up in me behind closed doors yet treated me like dirt in public.
I just couldn’t separate my emotional feelings from a sexual relationship, so I tried to resist Alfie on multiple occasions during that first year. He was quite relentless in pursuing me though.
Alfie would turn up at my gigs or catch me on my own, playing mind games and plucking at my heart strings. He even found me in London.
Every time I tried to resist him, he would tell me he “needed to be with me,” and that “he wanted me.” Not enough to put me first though. I had never come first in Alfie’s list of priorities, yet he still managed break down my resistance to him.
It was probably that, and maybe, if we had started out differently, with him being more honest with me, I would have felt more secure in the relationship. Who knows, I might have given everything up for him. Deep down, though, I knew that would just have made me bitter in the end.
I could analyze how things were and what might or might not have happened between us some time down the line, but it wouldn’t change my reality.
Alfie was on the verge of being discovered when I met him two years ago. His band, Crakt Soundzz, has been signed, and he was going places. When it finally looked as though we could be together, and he had declared how much he loved me, I just couldn’t be what he wanted from me.
Besides, although he could have been my everything, he had repeatedly proved to me that I wasn’t his. There would have been no compromise. He was in a band that was going to the moon as far as their career was concerned. When Crakt Soundzz was signed, I was still playing pub gigs with Will.
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 1
