Chapter 2 – End of an era
As painful it was, I had ended things between us for the second time with a phone call. We had made love all night, the night before, then he’d left me without telling me, because he, “could never say goodbye to me.”
I haven’t seen him face-to-face or spoken to him since. Although it almost broke my heart, it was the right thing for me. If I had given up my music to follow Alfie’s dream, I just knew I would have lived to regret it.
Now Alfie was a global superstar, from zero to millions of followers, idolized by women the world over. His name has been linked with various models and movie stars. I didn’t actively follow how he was doing, it was just… unavoidable.
His beautiful image or voice seemed to be everywhere I went, like he was haunting me. His eyes always drew me to his image on posters or on web pages. They were a constant reminder of the way he used to stare at me intensely, unblinking, except for the hazel color staring back at me.
Apart from the pictures, live images on TV, and chat shows and of course the unmistakable rich, deep timbre of his voice during radio interviews or when singing his music, which played on a loop on the radio stations and in stores, I didn’t think about him at all, well that’s a lie as well.
I coped okay with these constant reminders of him, but I have to admit, my heart still thumped faster, or I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, when I heard ‘our song’, or saw him linked to some glamorous model on TV.
As for me? I was tremendously busy with XrAid and loving every minute of it. My heart has mended to some degree, but I was too busy with the band to be in a relationship with anyone. I had gone out with guys for dinner and even kissed a few. However, that was the extent of my contact with the opposite sex.
Mostly, I spent time with my four bandmates, Holly and her fiancé, Brett, and my friends in London, Jack and Elle. They were still the two most important people to me, apart from my parents, and had stuck with me through thick and thin.
Jack was more than my friend though, he was my platonic soul mate, and we had been in each other’s pockets emotionally since we were four years old. I’d like to think I never took Jack for granted, because he was the single most important person in my life. He was the family I chose.
Elle, on the other hand, was a free spirit. She happened to be engaged to Drew, the lead guitarist of Crakt Soundzz and one of Alfie’s closest friends. If I were Elle I would have felt weird being around Drew and Cody together; Elle had a ‘thing’ with Cody once too, but they all seemed fine together.
She met Drew for the first time when Crakt Soundzz played in London a couple of years ago, then met him again when she came to see me in Florida. Being with Drew has added a bit of a complication in our friendship, but we made it work.
Elle and I saw each other when Drew was over in the USA, or if we happened to meet up in London. Unlike me, Elle gave up her career to follow her man and has spent the last eight months on a world tour with Crakt Soundzz. Being a dancer, Elle knew her career as a performer would have a limited shelf life.
We had an agreement that we wouldn’t talk about the band. She could talk about Drew, but I didn’t want her to tell me what was going on in Alfie’s life.
“You all ready and set to go?” Holly’s voice broke into my thoughts. I looked wistfully at her. “What?” She stared at me with bunched brows.
“Just thinking…”
She cut in, “Well, don’t. Let’s go.” She tugged at my wrist. “Think of all the people that love and are waiting for you, honey.” I smiled at her and nodded. “You’re right. Come on, we don’t want to keep them waiting in the sunshine.”
Holly turned on the radio in the car as we headed to campus. The Fray ‘How to Save a Life’ was playing. We sat through it silently. To be fair, it was a great song.
Afterwards, the DJ said, “Now for one from one of my favorite bands, this is Crakt Soundzz, ‘Insatiable.’”
My eyes darted to look at Holly. This was the song that Alfie was writing the day we met. I had helped him with a line when he had hit a sticking point. That line? ‘Music is the sound of feelings, and she listened to what he felt.’
The timing of the song, and hearing his voice, couldn’t have been worse for me. It had been there at the beginning of my college time, and now there it was again. At the end. Holly quickly switched channels on the radio, and Kelly Clarkson’s ‘What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger’ filled the car.
My eyes had been welling up with tears, but we both burst out laughing. “Now Lily, listen to Kelly, that’s definitely a sign your college days are over.” She chuckled and leaned over to squeeze my hand. Sucking back the tears, I forced myself to smile.
We arrived in the college parking lot just in time. I dug deep not to cry, even though hearing his voice singing that song had felt as if he’d picked a scab off my heart. It felt raw.
Will, Mandy, Neil, and Nick were all waiting for me. They were the perfect distraction from Alfie. Will came over and hugged me tightly. It was great to see him.
We had gone through a lot in the early days of college. He was a fabulous saxophone player. Will took me under his wing when I first arrived.
Musically, we had been good together, until one night of insanity between the both of us nearly ruined our friendship.
I didn’t know how, but we managed to recover from it. Maybe it was because we were both playing music in bands now, and not working together. Anyway, I was so happy that we were able to remain friends; he meant a lot to me.
Mandy and Neil were with Will the first day we met, and it was actually Mandy’s invite to watch them perform that began the friendship between all of us.
I remember envying Mandy’s sense of identity back then; she looked fabulous with her petite frame and dark, almost black, edgy, bobbed hair. She seemed so self-confident then and was a brilliant singer.
Who would have thought I would progress to be more successful than she was with my career to date? Strange how fate took that turn with me.
There have been a few ups and downs between Mandy and me. She was still in contact with Alfie, but we had the same arrangement as I did with Elle. I didn’t want to know about Alfie’s life, and I didn’t even suppose he’d be that interested in mine these days.
Nick was Neil’s friend first but was now also one of mine. If he hadn’t invited me to an ‘Open Mic’ when I was at a low point after Alfie, I would never have met Louie Dyer or been invited to audition for XrAid.
Nick’s always had a soft spot for me. He was a great-looking guy, tall and muscular with dark brown cropped hair, chiseled sharp features, and almost black eyes. He had olive skin, and the way he seemed to always have a five o’clock shadow of hair growth to his jawline made him very appealing.
We’ve never been anything but friends, which I was really glad about. Nick never seemed to let girls get close. I’ve lost count as to how many girls I’ve been introduced to by him in the past two years.
Although Nick was instrumental in Louie discovering me, I liked to think that fate had more to do with my life than I had given it credit for. I had always thought we made our own luck in this world.
All of us stood in line to collect our graduation cap and gown. We had opted for a rental company who provided them. None of us wanted dusty old graduation gowns hanging around for the next forty years.
“Sexy!” Nick chuckled at the strange cap and gown with my killer heels. “Do you have any black rimmed spectacles you could put on, Lily. I feel a fantasy coming on.”
Will let out a loud, rumbly, belly laugh, and Neil snickered, but his eyes flicked to Mandy, checking to make sure he hadn’t been caught getting involved in their banter.
We took our places in the rows of seating at the front of the auditorium. I knew that there were a lot of people rooting for me back there in the ‘spectator’ section.
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I had seen my mother, father, and Jack when they arrived last night. Jack had brought his girlfriend, Rosie, with him. He joked that she might be a keeper, because she was named after a flower just like me. It felt weird to have him here in Miami, but not with me at the apartment.
I was very fortunate that Will’s surname was Patterson. We were placed in alphabetical order, and because I was Parnell, it meant that he was sitting next to me.
Will clutched my hand and squeezed tightly. “You look wonderful.”
He smiled, glancing down at me with affection in his eyes. “Life friends, Lily, right?”
I smiled back at him. “Absolutely.”
We sat patiently while the dean droned on about how well this year’s group had done and how proud he was of each and every one of us, then we had to file row after row up toward the stage to collect our pretend parchment paper with a red ribbon tied around it. The real diplomas were being sent to us through the mail. It was all about the ceremony and what it symbolized.
There were a few people that had gotten loud cheers, and we just knew they were either the ‘bad boys’, or there was some kind of special story behind them being up there today.
When the ceremony was over we went to find our visitors. Jack gave me his usual greeting, running toward me with his legs slightly bent and his arms wide to receive me. “Oh. My. God. You look absolutely ravishing in that, you don’t have any eye glasses do you?”
I snickered and looked past him to my parents. My eyes caught the look on Rosie’s face, and boy, she looked pissed over Jack’s comments. I made a mental note have to have a word with him about toning his flirting down.
“Thank you for coming,” I said, making a special effort with her to appease Jack’s behavior. She nodded, but pursed her lips at me, not smiling at all. I immediately thought she was going to be hard work.
My mother pushed past her. “Lily, darling, I am so proud of you. I can’t believe how much you have grown as a person since you came here. I’m glad I talked your dad into accepting your choice to study here.” I grinned at my dad. My mom never missed a chance to get back at him if he was wrong about something.
When my mom released me, I moved over to my dad and cuddled him tightly. He whispered in my ear, “My beautiful little girl’s all grown up now, huh?”
Tears pricked my eyes and I squinted up at him; the sun was behind his shoulder and made his face difficult to see. “I guess.” I smiled, and he kissed the top of my head.
I heard a loud whistle behind me. My bandmates were standing there smiling. Lennon asked, “Anyone comment on that hot outfit you’re wearing yet?”
Jack smirked. “Beat you to it, mate.” He grinned, looking smug.
I smirked and shook my head. “Actually, Nick beat all of you, even down to your spectacles comment, Jack.”
He muttered, “Jesus, the guys here are predatory. I hope you’re taking precautions, honey.”
Rosie shifted from one leg to another. “Don’t mind the silly talk, Rosie, these guys are all hot air.” I smiled, trying to include her, but she threw me a dagger-look back. Somehow, I knew we’d be having words at some point but definitely not today.
Louie, our band manager and owner of three of the best nightclubs in Miami, arranged for my friends and me to have our graduation party at D’mond, one of his clubs.
We were due to play the day of our graduation and I asked him to keep us on the usual schedule. My parents had never been to one of our gigs yet, and I wanted them to see the progress I’ve made.
We had late afternoon drinks on one of the balconies at D’mond, and it was lovely. Will’s dad came, and I met all my friends’ parents in one hit. Everyone got along well, and I was so happy to see that they mingled easily with each other. Cody signaled to me when it was time for my sound check.
I slipped out and went through it with the sound guys, then headed back to let them know I would see them after our performance.
Lennon came over and put his arms around my shoulders from behind. “So… you’re ours now.” He smirked. “Now, we can make lots more music!” He grinned and scooped me up in a hug.
We had been writing like mad and had some great songs now. Louie had introduced me to Barney Sherman, a producer, who was showing more and more interest in us as recording artists.
Barney had told me that when I finished college he’d set up a meeting to discuss our development as a band. I was on board and mentioned this to Louie. As far as Louie was concerned, we were bound to get signed, and he had no intentions of interfering with any chance we might have in the bigger scheme of things.
I changed into my outfit for the gig in the bathroom and walked into the dressing room. I was wearing some leather hot pants and a baggy, green, silk top that hung off one of my shoulders.
I had a black lacy bra on underneath and my signature stilettos. “Fuck,” Lennon grunted. “You’re just determined to try my patience now. I don’t want guys leering at you, Lily. Put something else on.”
I shook my head. “Don’t sweat it, Lennon.” Digs and Shawn erupted in a bout of raucous laughter, instantly remembering something Cody had said at my audition for the band.
Cody had commented on my appearance that day, saying something like, with the way I looked he would have to learn to bounce around on stage with a permanent hard on. I had flushed but stood my ground.
“Fine! Wear it, don’t mind me,” he snickered.
“I think Lennon needs a girlfriend,” I quipped. Shawn spurted out his soda drink and nodded exaggeratedly.
“Stop it, you’re killing me. What happened to the innocent little English girl we used to know?”
I grinned cheekily. “Guess she grew up fast being around you guys. So watch out… all of you.”
Digs high-fived me and smirked. “Yeah, baby, you’re one of the guys now, huh?” It was more of a statement than a question, so I just smiled back at him and winked. To think, I was scared of him in the beginning because of his tattoos and mohawk. But he was actually a really hot guy and one of my best allies.
Chapter 3 – Tough decisions
Although I had been playing in Louie’s clubs for almost two years, it never got old. I still got nervous stepping out in front of everyone. That didn’t mean I wasn’t confident though.
I was a far cry from the meek girl that first crept out on stage for my first gig with XrAid. I was pretty recognizable in stores too these days.
The occasional club goer would approach me to tell me they loved the gig they had seen at one of the clubs. It was cute when that happened.
It seemed strange to see my parents standing in front of me tonight. We were used to people in their teens, twenties, and sometimes their thirties as our audience.
I played well, and as usual, Cody and I had a real rapport going with the crowd up there. The best part was seeing the look on my dad’s face when he saw me rock out with Lennon on our guitars. I almost burst out laughing as he began to get carried away by our music.
We finished our set, and everyone got together again out at the front of the bar. Before I could speak, Jack pushed in front of everyone. “Mine! First dibs on the dancing,” he called out.
My eyes flicked to Rosie, and I pulled on the hem of Jack’s t-shirt. He leaned into me, and I spoke into his ear. “You need to tone it down, Jack. You’re making your girl uncomfortable.”
Jack turned his head in her direction and sure enough, Rosie’s face was like thunder. Her eyebrows were knitted tight, and if her mouth pursed any more it would have looked like a butt hole.
Jack looked back and chuckled. “Damn, she does look pissed, huh?” I nodded and gave what I hoped was a sympathetic smile in Rosie’s direction. “Hmm, this is a difficult dilemma,” Jack said. “Do I wait until tomorrow and piss her off by telling her we’re not changing or do I do it now? The thing is if I make her deal wi
th us now, I’ll need to accept that I won’t get laid tonight.” He looked confused by the choices he had given himself.
Jack’s eyes flicked to Rosie then back to me. “I’ll be right back, bathroom break.” He walked off in the direction of the men’s restrooms.
Cody leaned in. “What was that about?” I told him, and Cody mumbled, “Poor Rosie, she’s going home alone tonight, huh?”
I scowled at Cody. “What makes you say that?”
Cody chuckled. “Seriously, Lily? He’s never going to put anyone before you, even if they have a vagina that does tricks.” I couldn’t help but giggle at Cody’s comment.
“Ask her to dance Cody, please… for me?” Cody’s eyes flicked across at her, and he smiled. Her face froze, and then she cracked him a forced smile.
He looked back at me and sighed. “Poor girl, next you’ll be asking me to fuck her so that Jack can go home and spoon with you.”
I smirked, and I fought for it not to turn into a wicked grin. “Damn, you’re thinking about that now, jeez, Lily.” He walked up to Rosie and bent his head close to her ear. Cody was used to getting his way with women. He could be charming and attentive, and he was extremely hot looking too.
He took Rosie by the hand, his other hand gently placed at the small of her back as he led her toward the bar. I saw his hand go up from her back as he signaled with two fingers. The bartender placed two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila on the bar.
Good boy, Cody had taken her to loosen her up a little before heading to the dance floor. Maybe he’d tell her that she had nothing to fear with our relationship, but if he did that, I knew he’d also tell her not to mess with it because she’d only get hurt.
By the time Jack came back, he looked way more relaxed than when he went to the men’s room. “Okay, Lily, dance time.”
I looked puzzled. “What about Rosie?” I wondered what he was doing and raised one eyebrow.
He looked over at the bar where she was standing. “What about her? If she can’t deal with us, then it’s best we figure that out now, don’t you think?”
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 2
