Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?...

by K. L. Shandwick

  At one point, something flirty he said made me make the comment, about his womanizing ways. Rick was honest with me.

  “I know I’ve slept with a lot of women, but they’ve done that willingly with me. I’ve been clear on each and every occasion, it would be sex only. I told them, if they were looking for something more, they needed to walk away. I’ve known the name of every woman I’ve ever been with. That’s not to say I would remember all of them if they came up to me again. I’m pretty ashamed of that part. Drinking makes people do stupid things and being in the music business has its excesses, you know?”

  He drifted off into his own head for a second, as if in contemplation, before looking me in the eye again.

  “I’m never gonna let a poor woman lose sleep over what I’m doing, or who I’m doing it with. When I’m ready to settle down, I won’t be touring anymore. I’m not ready to find ‘the one’ yet, but when I do, I believe in being faithful to the mother of my children.” With those words, Rick Fars’ womanizing was completely justified, as far as I was concerned.

  When he finished his statement, his mouth spread into a grin. “Well, well. Don’t look now, Lily, but we have company. My night just got a whole lot more interesting.”

  Looking over my shoulder, I almost dropped through the floor. Alfie was striding toward us. He was as stunningly handsome as ever. My hungry eyes ran over the length of him, feasting on how good he looked. Finally, I registered the scowl on his face. Alfie was extremely pissed.

  Chapter 9 – Honesty

  Rick got to his feet and extended his hand. “Alfie, dude, how the fuck are you doing?” He smirked. Alfie’s angry eyes flicked from me back to Rick.

  “I’m good. I need to talk to Lily.” His gaze flicked back to me, and I almost allowed mine to connect but dropped them to the floor before looking back at Rick.

  Rick stared silently at me for a second. It was as if he was waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t think of anything except how to get the fuck away from the table.

  Rick exhaled, and with humor in his voice, smiled at me. “Everyone needs to talk to Lily tonight, dude,” he emphasized. “Right now though? She’s talking to me.” He smirked, looking pleased with himself, and it was evident that he had no intention of granting Alfie’s request.

  Alfie shifted from one leg to another. “Dude, I want some fucking time alone with Lily.” Rick scratched his chin. I could hear the bristles of his spiky unshaven skin grating over his calloused fingertips.

  “Why?” Alfie’s jaw ticked, and I knew that Rick was really aggravating him.

  “It’s personal,” he huffed. I could hear the aggravation in his voice, as he ran his hand through his hair.

  Rick smirked again. “Hmm, don’t believe you have personal stuff when you have a girl already, Alfie. Where is Zoe anyway?” Oh, great. I suddenly felt sick. The woman I hated had a name, and Rick knew her as well.

  Feeling awkward and hurt, I just wanted to run away. How mortifying for me. There was Rick, someone I barely knew, and he was defending my position to Alfie.

  Incidentally, the fact that they were both world famous recording artists, made the situation even more obtuse. I mean this stuff just couldn’t be made up.

  I cleared my throat and both men looked in my direction. “It’s okay Rick, what do you want Alfie?”

  “Alone, please?” His eyes pleaded with me. I sighed heavily and swallowed hard. My heart felt like a medicine ball sitting in my chest.

  “Can we have a couple of minutes Rick?” Alfie ran his fingers through his hair again and mouthed, “Thank you.” He gave Rick a small smile while raising his brow.

  Rick stood up and squeezed my shoulder. “I’m giving you five then I’m coming back for her. Is that okay with you, Lily?” I nodded, too emotional to answer.

  I clasped my hands on my lap and looked down at them. Not trusting them to be anywhere else. Alfie smelled amazing when he walked past me to sit down at the table. His faint cologne was making me feel heady.

  He gave me his signature slow, sexy, lopsided smile, and my heart melted. “Hey,” he cooed. I tried hard to control my breathing. My heart was beating erratically, and my palms had started to sweat.

  His hand reached out. He placed it over both of mine, still clasped on my lap. “Don’t,” I whispered, swallowing hard again. My eyelids fluttered closed. “Please don’t touch me.” My voice was still barely a whisper.

  He pulled his hand away. “Please Lily, talk to me.”

  I met his gaze. “This isn’t fair, Alfie, please. Just let me go. I don’t want to talk to you. It hurts me.”

  Alfie’s fingers ran through his hair. “Then don’t talk, just listen.” His voice was low and rumbly. “You are so fucking incredible, Lily. You have grown, in every way, since I first met you. I have no idea how to explain this to you. How I feel about that. About you.”

  My eyes flicked up and were met instantly with his, the green hue apparent in them. I knew there were feelings behind the color, feelings that I also had but refused to give in to. The lust and want his eyes were holding for me were clearer than any words he could have ever found.

  “Alfie, I don’t care how you feel. Our relationship is dead and buried. We love each other, but you have a new life now, and I have mine. I like my life, Alfie. How would your girl feel about you being over here? Talking to me, and telling me, I don’t know how you feel?”

  His body remained still, but his head looked over his shoulder in the direction, I guessed, she must be. I didn’t follow his gaze, so I couldn’t be sure. He looked back at me. “I would really like to talk to you. Alone.”

  He gave me a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. My face was deadpan. “And I really wouldn’t like that,” I whispered back.

  “Why? It’s a fair question.” His eyes searched my face for a response.

  I unclasped my hands and twirled a lock of my hair as I thought about how to say it. I couldn’t say what I really felt. No, because I still love you, because I want to feel your arms around me. I just want to find an island and keep you there.

  “I’m with someone else, Alfie.” The shock and hurt on his face almost killed me.

  “Who? Not the smooth guy from the club?” I nodded and smiled at Alfie’s description of Luca.

  “Yeah, Luca’s great, I’m having fun with him. Don’t come along and interfere with that…not now. I’m happy,” I lied.

  Alfie looked around the room. “If you’re so fucking happy, where is he?” His hands went out from the sides of his body.

  I smirked because there was a genuine reason that Luca wasn’t here tonight. “He’s in Milan right now. He had a prior engagement that he was responsible for. He couldn’t get out of it, but he’s coming home in two days.”

  Alfie was digesting this news when Rick came back carrying two glasses of champagne with Zoe in tow. “Are we all done here?”

  Alfie pushed himself up from the table. “Take care, Lily, until next time,” he mumbled and strode back across the room with his hand on the small of Zoe’s back. She glanced over her shoulder at me, then she turned back to look up at Alfie. He dropped his hand from her, and she was left walking behind him.

  I watched as they disappeared into the crowd on the far side of the room. Rick rubbed my back. “I felt you needed rescuing, did I do the right thing?”

  I managed a sad smile. “I think we’re going to be good friends Rick Fars, but you know I’ll never have sex with you, right?” He laughed, throwing his head back.

  “That’ll be a novelty for me. A girl who’s my friend? That I haven’t fucked? I won’t get bored of that. It guarantees we’ll be close friends.”

  Rick punched my number into his phone and called mine. “You won’t call me will you?” He smiled shaking his head. “I mean it, Lily. You can call me… anytime. But I think I’ll be checking in on you from t
ime to time, if that’s okay with you.”

  I remember how I felt when I got on the ‘crazy boat’. I was way out of my depth, and there were always plenty of sharks circling the water around me.

  “At least your guys are protective of you. I’ve seen the looks I’ve got tonight while we’ve been talking. All of them making sure I wasn’t going to whisk you off and have my wicked way with you.” I giggled at his shrewd assessment of my bandmates. Nothing much gets past this guy.

  I excused myself to freshen up, and Rick commented, “Yeah, I suppose I should be getting back to my date.” I felt really bad when he told me that. All this time, he’d been sitting with me, and some poor girl had been in the room waiting for him.

  Cody caught my arm as I walked past him on the way to the restroom. “That looked cozy,” he scowled.

  I smirked and decided to play with him. “You have no idea, Cody. The guy wants me to take part in a threesome. I’m just going to freshen up first though.”

  The look on Cody’s face was priceless. “Jesus, Cody, I’m teasing you. I’ve already told Rick he’s never getting in my panties, and guess what, he’s okay with that. We swapped numbers though…in the event we change our minds, of course.”

  I winked and walked away stifling a chuckle as Cody moaned loudly behind me. “Over my dead body.”

  Passing the elevators on my way to the restrooms, I turned my head and smiled at the wife of one of the executives. I’d briefly spoken to her on another occasion. My eyes were just focusing forward again when the elevator door opened.

  Alfie was alone inside the car. His hand jutted out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me inside. The buzz from his touch on my bare skin distracted me, and I stared at his hand. It happened so suddenly, and it seemed like a completely opportunistic act on his part.

  The doors closed and the elevator began to move upwards. Alfie had pressed the PH button. His key was still in the lock from his trip down. “Please stop this right now,” I hissed. He shook his head, staring into my eyes as the car sped up the shaft and stopped at the Penthouse suite.

  When the doors opened two burly security guys, with white flex wire protruding from ear pieces, greeted us. When they saw it was Alfie, they retreated to a discreet distance. Alfie pulled me out to the hallway beside the double doors leading into the suite. “I’m not going in there with you,” I said with determination.

  “You don’t have to, Lily. I don’t expect you to. I saw you heading for the restrooms and took my chance. I wanted to be alone with you… so now… I am.” I swallowed and licked my dry lips.

  “Always the same, Alfie, aren’t you?” I shook my head. “Can you even hear yourself? You wanted to be alone with me. What about what I want, Alfie?” I smacked my hand against my chest. His sexy smile never wavered for a second. I’ve always found it so seductive, so I looked away in fear of caving in to him.

  “Well you say one thing, but you forget, Lily, I know your body. It’s telling me a whole different story.” He smirked.

  “What about Zoe? What the hell are you doing with me…to me? You gave me the whole, “I’ve never been with anyone since you, Lily.” You expect me to believe that now? After the little display you’ve been putting on for me right now? What’s your girl doing while you’re here with me?”

  Alfie ran his hands through his hair. “What I told you was true. I had never looked at anyone else but you, Lily. From the day I met you, until about thirteen months after your last call. Until Zoe, I wasn’t interested in anything more.” A lump formed in my throat, stunned by his admission. Until Zoe. How could he have had all those women throw themselves at him and not take the bait?

  “I’ve never been with anyone else since Zoe either. That’s not how I work.”

  “So this isn’t being unfaithful to her? Lusting after me? Kidnapping me and pulling me into the elevator? Bringing me up here is you being faithful to her?”

  Alfie pushed me back against the wall and straddled his hands either side of me. I had an instant flashback to the times when he did this before, when he was relentlessly pursuing me for a sexual relationship.

  The intensity in his eyes was unnerving as they locked onto mine. We connected for the briefest time until he let his head drop, his forehead resting against mine. His eyes reconnecting again. I swallowed hard and fought the pain of loving him and what we were doing to each other.

  “Don’t Alfie. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t.” I said softly, shutting my eyes and pinching my lips, I was fighting helplessly against the tears I knew were beginning to fall. I couldn’t stand to be this close to him and not feel his lips on mine or his arms around me.

  Standing there silently with him, the tears overflowed and rolled down my cheek. Alfie’s forehead left mine, and I was about to open my eyes when soft lips brushed against my cheek, catching my tear.

  I heard him swallow hard. It clicked. And he inhaled deeply through his nose. He held it and exhaled forcibly. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Please…you’re killing me, Lily.” He followed his verbal words by mouthing another silent, “Please.”

  When I said nothing, his hand banged against the wall then stabbed at the button to call the elevator. Moving away from me, we stood silently until the elevator car arrived.

  When the door opened, Alfie didn’t move. Just let me step inside. He pushed his key in and as he was about to turn it, he glanced back at me.

  “Press the PH button when you leave and send my key back.” He stepped out of the elevator and didn’t turn around. I stared at his back as the doors closed.

  Tears pricked my eyes and flooded my face as I stood in silence, while the car sped back to the ground floor. As soon as it stopped, I knew I couldn’t leave things like that.

  I pushed the PH button once again and let the doors close. I was still inside the small softly lit cabin, propelling me back in the direction of the only man that would ever hold my heart.

  I had no idea what I was going to say when I got there. No idea what I wanted to happen. I just knew that I couldn’t leave things the way they were.

  As the door opened, Alfie stood in front of me. His face tear stained. The sight of that destroyed me. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt him.

  I didn’t get the chance to speak. Alfie rushed me, his arms pulling me hard against his whole body as his mouth crushed mine in a move that was epically important for the both of us. I couldn’t help but kiss him back.

  Goose-bumps radiated across my skin and juice trickled from the sodden folds of heat onto my panties. When he broke the kiss, he began frantically peppering kisses all over my neck. His vise-like hold on me was leaving me struggling to breathe. I felt dizzy.

  An array of emotions rushed me. I struggled with feelings of euphoria, pain, fear, and lust. These were all overridden by the feelings of love, and the pleasure of being against his body again. We just seemed to fit together like the finest set of hand- forged spoons.

  I pushed him back against the wall and staggered back against the other side. “Stop, Alfie. I came back because I knew I couldn’t leave with a bad feeling. I came back to speak to you, not for that to happen.” I pointed to where we had been kissing.

  I sobbed. “I hate the fact that we can’t even be in the same room, but I can’t get involved with you again. It’s not what I want. I am beginning to do something with my life, Alfie.”

  I tried to sound convincing. “You need to leave me alone. I can’t stay strong when you’re pulling this shit with me all the time. I’ve struggled with the decision I made about us. Please don’t let it be in vain for me. You have achieved everything you set out to do. It’s my turn now, Alfie.”

  Alfie’s jaw twitched. “You don’t have any idea how I feel about you, do you?”

  I smirked. “Alfie, you moved on. Zoe’s your life now. I bet that poor girl did what I wouldn’t, and gave up everything, just to be with
you. I would say she loves you more than I do after that, wouldn’t you?”

  Alfie ran his hand through his hair again. “Leave her out of it.” I bunched my brows and scowled at his lack of consideration for the girl he was currently with.

  “You’re a piece of work, you know that? You’d blow this girl’s life just like that, huh? Poor girl, you’re so fucking selfish. I’m glad I made the choice I did, but I don’t want this constant mind fuck every time we see each other.” He growled and held me by my arms.

  “Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll walk away.” I swallowed and held his stare. It was boring holes into me. The thought that he’d cheated with me on his girl, that I was responsible for making another man cheat on his girl, just like Will did with Saffy, gave me the strength to do the only decent thing I could now.

  “Part of me will always love you Alfie, but I am not in love you anymore. I just don’t like to see you hurting.” My face was passive.

  “I’m still attracted to you, but that’s not the same thing. Don’t blow everything you have now with Zoe because of me. I’m never going to change my mind about you. Luca’s my future now.”

  As soon as the words were out, I was shocked that I had been able to deliver such a bold lie with such conviction. “The reason I came back up here was because it is totally possible we are going to run into each other from time to time. We both need to be able to handle that. We’ll be pleasant to each other, but apart from that, I don’t want you to converse or seek me out to do this shit again. Do you understand me?”

  Alfie continued to stare at me for the longest time. He finally threw his hands up. “Fine, go.” He hit the elevator button again for me to leave.

  He traveled down with me this time. When I stepped out, he let the door close again. Leaving me standing in the foyer alone.

  Digs was coming out of the men’s room and as soon as he laid eyes on me, his hand swept under my armpit, and he frog marched me into the deserted breakfast room.