Chapter 31 – Testosterone
Staring at the pictures, I could see that there were about forty new ones posted since we’d left the tour. There was a common theme in them though. All of the ones of Alfie contained Alice.
She was either in the background, or he was sitting with her. This one Cody showed me was by far the most damning. Alfie looked like he was having the time of his life. Elle was sitting smiling in one of them as well, and I felt completely betrayed by her.
When I started reading some of the blurb the reporter had written, judging by this guy’s account, the tour had livened up since we’d left and Bubble Card had taken over. Alice was a hit with the reporter apparently, he had mentioned her in almost every article, either by way of being in Alfie’s presence or from some antic she had pulled on stage.
My heart was thumping in my chest, and I felt sick. No wonder he wasn’t contacting me, he looked like he had his hands full. Glancing up at Cody with tears brimming, the look of sympathy on his face was almost too much.
He swatted beside me to sit beside me, pulling me tight to his chest. “Sorry, babe.” It wasn’t so much what he said, as the way he said it, and the look of pity when he let me go made me feel like a fool.
Swallowing hard, my spit stuck in my throat. I stood up and pushed Cody away, suddenly feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I was feeling panicked. Stricken by how comfortable she seemed on his lap and that Alfie was happy for her to be there in the first place. It came as a massive shock to me. I was so dumbstruck by the whole thing by then. Alfie and I had been great until the night before I left, and then everything seemed to go to shit.
My eyes widened as panic gripped me, and I stood up to find my phone. “The letter,” I stated. Lennon looked confused.
“The letter?” he repeated. I started to pull out my cell, and Cody swiped it away from me. “Don’t Lily. Think about this.”
Sniffing and staring back at Cody, I commented, “I’m not calling him again, Cody. I want my fucking letter back. I gave it to Jerry to take to London. I don’t want him to have it now.”
Cody gave me back my cell, and I called Jerry, Kieron’s PA, and asked him to shred the letter instead of passing it on. Still talking, I walked back in the direction of my bed and climbed in.
Overwhelmed with grief, I knew I wouldn’t be able to function, so I felt I needed space. How could he treat me like this after everything we’ve been through?
Cody pulled my curtain back and started to squeeze into my cubby beside me. “What the fuck, Cody?” I sniffed, blowing my nose on a sock I’d left on my bed, because I had no tissue.
“You need a hug,” he stated. He shuffled up alongside me, and scooped me into his strong arms. He smelled of his expensive bodywash, coffee, and caramel. I melded into his chest and cried harder. Cody was a great support just lying beside me kissing my head and rubbing my back, allowing me to let all my pent up feelings loose. He was right, I had needed a hug.
Lennon called out, “Cody where in the hell did you go?”
Cody’s arms tensed, and he relaxed. “I’m in here with Lily, dude.”
Lennon pulled my curtain aside. “Get the fuck out.” Lennon was really angry.
Cody tensed again and he exhaled loudly, “What the fuck is your problem, Lenny? Can’t you see the girl’s upset?”
Lennon smacked Cody’s foot. “Out here, now, before I drag you out.” I started to sit up, worried about Lennon’s rapidly escalating temper.
Cody pulled me back into his arms. “Lennon thinks I have designs on you, Lily. He thinks he’s the only one of us who’s allowed to comfort you when you’re not happy.”
I scooted down the bed and dropped out the end to stand directly in front of him. “He wasn’t doing anything wrong,” I said quietly.
Cody had made his way out and straightened the leg of his sweat pants that had ridden up. “You know what, Lennon, I’ve been around Lily for over a year now and I’ve never touched her. Or made her feel uncomfortable, have I Lily?”
We must have had the same thought about the time he slept in my bed after a drunken night out when we all ended up at Lennon’s place. He smirked. “Okay, once, but that was only because of your sleeping habits dude.” He chuckled to himself, then squared up to Lennon and tried to get his point across again.
“What I’m saying is, maybe I should make a play for Lily. I’d make her much happier than the fucker in those pictures, letting women drape themselves all over him.” I almost defended Alfie. He wasn’t someone that did that, but the evidence seemed clear from the pictures that he’d changed his stance on that.
Lennon crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Yeah, Cody, and I’d beat your ass if you tried. She doesn’t need any more complications to add to what she’s already trying to deal with.” I stood there listening to the guys talking about me as if I wasn’t even there.
I was beginning to understand the concept, “Everyone wanting a piece of you.” Alfie had wanted me with him, Lennon wanted me for the band, and Cody, according to Lennon, wanted me in another way too.
It made me sick to think that everyone had their own agenda for being with me. I had never really thought about it before, but no one seemed to want me just for being me, apart from Alfie, and now it was too late to think about that.
“You know guys, when this tour is done… I’m taking some time off on my own. As soon as we’ve had Elle and Drew’s wedding, I’m taking a month off. Sorry if that doesn’t fit with the plans for the band, but I need to deal with some personal stuff before I can go forward.”
Lennon turned and punched Cody on the arm. “I fucking warned you this would happen,” he spat, shoulder barging past him and headed back down the stairs.
Cody looked hurt. “I wasn’t making a play for you, Lily, I wouldn’t, but he pisses me off, making decisions for me as to whom I’m allowed to talk to. What matters to me, Lily, is that you know there was no hidden reason why I came to comfort you, other than I knew you were hurting, honey.”
Nodding, I did know that. So I stepped in, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I felt that Cody. I’m sorry Lennon can’t see that you always offer support to me without expecting anything in return.”
Cody smiled. “That’s okay, Lily, it doesn’t matter to me as long as you have the right idea about why I do it.” I pushed myself up on tip-toe and kissed Cody’s cheek.
“Thanks Cody, you have always supported me. There are times when I wouldn’t have been able to do this if it wasn’t for you. I can’t tell you how much your words have meant to me, every time we’ve waited to get out there on stage. Keep doing what you do for me, if I don’t like it, I’ll tell you to stop, not Lennon. Don’t worry about him by the way. I’m going to talk to him about all of this.”
Cody squeezed my shoulder and crawled into his cubby, pulling the curtain closed. I went downstairs to seek Lennon out. “I need a word Lennon.” Turning my back on him, I walked to the small private space in the bus.
Digs was playing ‘Call of Duty’ on the gaming box. He looked at me and smiled, and his face froze when he saw that I had been crying. “Shit Lily, what’s wrong?”
I smiled in reassurance. “I’m fine, Digs, but would you mind if I had a private word with Lennon in here. Shawn and some of the support guys are sitting out front, and I don’t want anyone eavesdropping on my conversation.”
Digs hit pause on the game and kissed my cheek before stepping out and leaving us alone. “You need to stop doing this Lennon. It’s really not fair to Cody.”
Lennon’s eyes flicked up to mine. “I’m tired of the way that Cody eye fucks you, but acts all innocent.”
I sighed; this was becoming too difficult. “Lennon, Cody has always supported me. You’ve usually been too uptight before a gig to notice that’s all. Did you know that every time we go on stage Cody holds my hand and gives me words of encourage
ment that help get me out there?” Lennon stared widely at me, but said nothing. “I thought not.”
Exhaling heavily, I explained further, “You need to cut him some slack. It isn’t fair to put that on him. I’m not with any of you guys. You are all like brothers to me, but you need to stop fighting like this. Especially, when I’m the problem. You are proving Digs right, maybe there shouldn’t be a girl in the band.”
I sat down beside Lennon and took his face in my hands. “This stops now, Lennon. I want you to apologize to Cody, and no more comments about his feelings about me.”
Lennon shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, Lily. Have it your way.”
My cell buzzed for the first time in five days, and my attention was immediately diverted to it. I walked away from Lennon to get some space. My heart was pounding in my chest as I expected to see a text from Alfie, but it was from Rick.
Rick Fars: Ready for dinner? B ready in ten limo is out front.
Shit! I’d forgotten all about dinner. I wasn’t ready at all. Running up to my trunk, I pulled out a silver grey dress that was a godsend. It was my pull-on-and-run dress made of that magic material I didn’t need to iron and it never crushed. The only thing was, it was figure hugging and not forgiving, but with my slender frame it fit perfectly on me.
Spraying my hair with product, I scrunched up my curls. My hair looked wild but then again, it hung just right. So with a little mascara and lip gloss, some moisturizer and a little dab of perfume, I headed out.
Lennon scowled at me. I couldn’t blame him really. One minute they were all fighting over me, the next I was running out the door to meet a rock star for dinner and leaving them behind to fester.
Rick smelled freshly showered and was wearing expensive aftershave when I stepped into the limo. “Hey, Lily, it’s great to see you.” He smiled and took my hand guiding me to the seat next to him.
Being so well-known, Rick’s PA had arranged for us to have dinner at a restaurant he’d been to every time he was in Strasburg that offered discreet dining for celebrities. We’d been back in France for two days again, and I felt like I’d been going around in circles, having been here only five days earlier with Crakt Soundzz.
The restaurant was opulent looking. Dark, ruby red flocked wallpaper walls, oversized gilt mirrors, and crystal chandeliers were everywhere. The ceilings were high with intricate plaster borders and ceiling molds, decorated with gold leaf paint. The heavy period features made the place reek of ‘old money.’
“I fancied fondue, is that okay for you?” Rick asked explaining his choice of restaurant.
I loved fondue. “Of course, it will be a treat after the past few days of pizza, pasta, and fried chicken on the bus.”
I grinned at Rick, feeling a little nervous, and unfolded the crisp white napkin, flicking it across my left knee. Rick was more than impressed when I ordered in French. I had studied it in school and spent a term at a Swiss finishing school, where all our lessons were conducted in French.
“Is there anything you can’t do?” Rick smirked and drew his forefinger across my cheek. I blushed, feeling a little uncomfortable at his familiarity. He noticed my flush and grinned. “Damn, you’re way too innocent for me, Lily.” I didn’t know how to respond. So I sat still saying nothing. “So…tell me how you think the tour is going, Lily.”
I smiled widely, this was a safe subject. “Well, I think we’re doing okay. The fans seemed to have accepted us. It’s hard when we have to get out there and play to a bunch of people that aren’t really there to hear us, but I think we’re holding our own.” He was nodding while I was talking, and his lips were curved into a slight smile.
“We’re impressed with you guys. You’re much more polished than Bubble Card.” He pursed his lips like he was thinking. “I’d definitely have you guys as our support next time.” He was looking at me like he meant it as well.
“Anyway, Lily, what’s wrong? I have a feeling that something isn’t right with you.” Rick was perceptive as well as smart. I wasn’t sure that I could share what was really wrong with me though, he was my boss in a way.
“Oh it’s just stuff,” I said, trying to sound kind of carefree.
“Nah, I don’t want bullshit, it’s that fucker Alfie isn’t it?” I shrugged not really able to avoid speaking to him about it now. “I’m just really confused about him.” Rick leaned over and placed his hand on top of mine.
“Tell me what’s been going on.” He sat quietly while I recounted the past couple of weeks with Alfie, my leaving to join Cobham Street, and Cody finding the pictures on the blog.
Rick sat back in his chair and stared intensely at me. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, honey.” I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see the hurt I was feeling. This was one notoriously sex driven rock star telling me that another rock star wasn’t playing away on me.
“Seriously, Lily, I’ve spoken to Alfie every day since you’ve been here. The guy is crazy about you.” Hearing Rick tell me this should have been music to my ears, but it only made me even angrier about Alfie’s behavior.
“You call him?” Rick smirked and took a swig of the Stella Attoire beer the waiter had set down for him. “The hell I do. He calls every afternoon, like he wants some kind of update on you. How you’re playing. How the boys in your band are treating you. Is anyone hitting on you?”
He chuckled. “He always adds, ‘touch her and I’ll break your fucking legs…right after I cut your dick off’.’” He gave me a half smile, his eyes softening. “I think he’s pussy whipped. In fact, I keep listening to hear the crack of the whip, but then again, you’re here with me right now.” He laughed softly.
Rick chuckled again. “Man that totally pisses him off.” I hugged my arms not sure what to think about what Rick was telling me. “He hasn’t called me since I left.” I bit my lip, worried just thinking about that.
“Yeah, he can’t bring himself to call you, in case he comes after you. It would mean leaving his band in the lurch. To be honest Lily, I think y’all are as bad as one another.”
“What do you tell him about me when he asks, Rick?” He smiled and took another swig of his beer eyeing me appreciatively. “I tell him that you’re doing great, enjoying the buzz, and were born to do this.” I smiled at Rick, because he’d just given me the validation that I was looking for, he really did rate XrAid.
Chapter 32 – Electricity
Dinner was really relaxing with Rick, and I thought he’d be a friend for life after spending time with him. He was really easy to talk to, and he paid me the biggest compliment I could ever have had when he told me that he knew I’d be special to him when he met me at the 02.
I couldn’t believe when he told me that one way or another, he knew I’d be in and out of his life from that point on. I never figured him for an old hippy, but he was changing my mind fast. He told me that from what he could see of Alfie, he’d never let me go.
When we were eating Rick told me I shouldn’t waste my time worrying about Alice, because she was batting for the other team, so any pictures I saw should be taken with a grain of salt.
He reminded me of the quote, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity,” and suggested maybe we should mock-up some pictures of our own to keep the media chins wagging. I smiled but didn’t feel one hundred percent sure, because Alfie was just about sexy enough to turn someone straight.
When Rick told me a few things about himself, I wasn’t surprised about how he had lived life to excess, after hearing some of the stories about his deprived upbringing in a poor area of New York City.
Amazing he was so normal, really, considering the life he had come from, and his contrasting success as a superstar.
I was touched when he said, “I’d give anything to have what Alfie has with you, Lily, but the poor guy doesn’t know what to do with it. Equally, I don’t think you do either. Something’s got
to give, though, because I don’t see either one of you giving yourselves to anyone else if it doesn’t get ironed out.”
He smiled and leaned over, holding my hand across the table. A camera flash almost blinded us and a short, dark-haired, balding guy weaved his way out of the restaurant at high speed.
“Fucker.” Rick chuckled. “Sorry honey goes with the territory. Don’t worry, I’ll deal with Alfie. You never know, might do you two some good.”
He noticed my worried look and took a deep breath “Listen, sweetheart, one of you will come to your senses over this. You’re not the first couple to both have successful careers. Most celebrity marriages never work out, but I have hope for you guys. I’d hate for you two to be casualties, because this fucked-up crazy life doesn’t last forever. It means having close relationships with people who love you becomes even more important when the ride stops.”
Understanding his stance I said, “I agree, but right now, we seem a million miles from that.” I dropped my head and stared at my lap. Rick put his index finger under my chin and lifted it so my eyes would meet his.
“You just have to believe this is what you want, Lily. Anything’s possible. You just have to want it enough.” He smirked. “Or is it that you’re not sure that’s really what you want? Alfie, I mean.”
I swallowed hard and met his gaze. “He’s everything I want, I just didn’t realize how much until he cut contact with me and let me go on my own last week.”
Leaving the restaurant, all eyes were on us. I knew people reacted with curiosity. I probably would have too, if I were in their shoes. However, it would be nice sometimes, if guys like Rick and Alfie could just enjoy a quiet dinner now and again. Without having to smile, nod, and put on a show when someone spoke to them, because they didn’t want to offend their fans.
More than once I’ve wanted to say, well he may be famous but I’d like to eat my dinner in peace if you don’t mind. If we are getting more recognizable I’m going to have to invest in wigs and glasses, because I valued time out on my own, now and again.
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 26
