I watch as he fights a mental battle with himself, one half of his mind telling him to kiss me, the other half telling him to hold back. I breathe a sigh of relief as the hesitant side loses and he crashes his lips onto mine. My hands reach instantly to run my fingers through his soft hair, feeling the strands weave like silk across my skin. His lips are smooth, like velvet on mine, his taste sweet and luscious. I tilt my head to him as he places his hands on my cheeks, holding me still as he plants hungry, almost aggressive kisses on my mouth.
With my palm on the back of his neck, I pull him closer to me, allowing his arms to enfold me, hugging me tightly to his chest. Gently and slowly, he leans me back onto the bed, hovering over me, breaking away from my kiss for a moment to look at me.
He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and a rush of affection hits me like lightning. I reach for him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to me, needing him as close to me as humanly possible.
With one hand firmly gripping my hip, the other tangled in my hair, he closes his eyes, keeping his lips pressed against mine and I let myself go, losing everything to him.
His scent clings to my skin as I cling to him, his hair brushes my cheek, his strong arms hold me tightly. With each of these sensations I breathe a sigh of pleasure and relief, as though all my pent up stress and anger is slowly dissipating.
The world and all my troubles disappear as I lay entwined with Malachy. He is all I see, feel and think of as he indulges in me.
I realise that all along, this is what I wanted. Not because of some feral, natural instinct towards him, but because I, Eve Ryder, want him.
I want every part of him; his smooth skin, soft hair, strong hands, addictive voice, even his sarcastic alter-ego.
I want him to be mine and mine alone. I don't want to share him, I don't want anyone else to have him, I don't want to leave him.
I want to stay wrapped in his warmth and pretend, for as long as I can, that he is mine.
'Eve?' His voice is barely a whisper though his lips are next to my ear. My mouth is busy against his neck and I mumble an acknowledgement.
'Eve,' He insists, gently placing his fingers beneath my chin and turning my head to face him.
My concentration broken, I stare at him, watching his eyes change colour from the brightest blue to sea green and back again. It's mesmerising and I stroke his cheek softly with my fingertips.
He hesitates, opening his mouth and closing it, trying to find the right words. A chill of fear shivers along my spine as I wait for him to tell me to leave, that we can't do this.
'I love you.' He murmurs, planting a soft kiss on my lips.
My breath catches in my throat and my stomach feels winded, like I've been punched.
I was not expecting that.
My first instinct is that he's joking, but without asking I know that Malachy wouldn't joke about something like this.
But surely he can't be serious?
I have no doubts that what I feel for Malachy is strong, confusing and intense, but love?
Love is the strongest feeling, the opposite of hate, love is dangerous and sometimes deadly. Love is baffling and stressful enough without the added pressures of mine and Malachy's detailed lives.
Perhaps all the confusion, the daily stress of my task, the escape, the fact that in just a few days Mal and I will have to say goodbye has stirred up feelings within him that aren't as strong as he thinks they are.
Perhaps he misses Aleks too much.
'It's okay.' He laughs, noticing my hesitation before I've had time to compose myself.
'Mal,' I breathe, not sure where to begin. 'We hardly know each other. We've been through a lot together in the last few weeks. I feel a lot for you, and care a lot for you, but...' I struggle to come up with the right words to say. 'You're an Auctorita, and I'm... me.' I shrug, earning a smirk from him.
'Eve, I said it's okay,' He assures me, his voice quiet and gentle. 'I know what you must be thinking. About Aleks, about my vulnerability in what has been a difficult few years for me. But I know what I feel.' He is determined and resolute and it scares me.
A hammering on the door jolts us both back to reality and whilst I fight the urge to jump up and scram, he remains calm.
'Malachy! Open this door right now!' A familiar voice shrieks through the wood.
'Lucrezia.' Mal sighs, sitting up and running his hands through his hair.
'Must be annoying that you can't sense her coming,'
'You think?' He raises an eyebrow, reluctantly sliding off the bed and heading to the door. I stand up, smoothing his bedsheets down and crossing to stand politely in the centre of the room.
She's through the door barely after Malachy has swung it open, eyeing me with fury, her stance aggressive.
'I went all the way to fetch Amber Mayfair, went all the way to Sir Alec's office, only to find that you'd already been and gone!' She snarls in Malachy's direction, her eyes bright with anger.
'Sorry, Luca,' Malachy attempts to soothe her. 'Amber wasn't needed in the end. Sir Alec's orders.'
'So what did he say?' She demands, placing a hand on her hip.
'He won't pursue it further.' Mal shrugs, as though the subject is out of his hands.
'What?!' Lucrezia shrieks incredulously. 'But she admitted it outright! What did you tell him?' She eyes Mal suspiciously.
'That a student had stepped forward and admitted skipping classes. He asked who it was, I told him, and he said that he wouldn't be pursuing her due to her task.'
'Did you tell him she was skipping classes without the safety net of Lorna Gray?' Lucrezia growls, her eyes flashing as Malachy nods.
'He's already pulled her up about it once but he won't do anything because he needs her. She's doing him a favour, he will return it.' Malachy shrugs.
Lucrezia lets out a high pitched noise, a mixture of a whine and a scream before rounding on me.
'I can't wait until you fail in your little mission. When you do, and you fall from Sir Alec's grace, when you're no longer his little pet, I'll be there.' She promises as I keep my eyes down.
'Luca.' Malachy warns, his tone low.
'What?!' She spins to face him, advancing on him. 'Why are you always backing her up, Mal? Are you and Sir Alec in cahoots together or something? Or...' Lucrezia's eyes darken, the ball of green fire burning brighter than I've ever seen.
'Perhaps she's your new toy? A replacement for the old one father managed to get rid of?' She smirks coldly. My heart tugs for Malachy and I have to curl my fists into balls to stop myself pummelling her.
His eyes flash with hurt but he hides it well, keeping his composure, his face neutral. 'Leave it, Lucrezia. Remember what father said.' He growls, his voice menacing, making even my toes shrivel up. Her eyes lighten and a look of panic crosses her face, enough to make me wonder just what her father warned her about.
'I'm waiting, Ryder.' She snarls before crossing to the door, opening it wide and looking to me.
I glance at Malachy who nods slightly, and with a sigh, I exit the room, jumping as Lucrezia slams the door behind me. I hear her screaming at Malachy from inside. The corridor is empty and with a heavy heart I tread its floor, with nowhere to go but back to my lonely room.
I curse Lucrezia for interrupting Mal and I; the thought of his lips on mine sends butterflies to my stomach, weakening my knees and plastering a stupid smile on my face.
The thought of him telling me he loves me sends a shiver of longing and fear down my spine.
I'm not sure how I feel about Mal. I can't deny that I want him physically, that I am attracted to him and that I care about him a great deal.
But I can't say for certain that I love him.
I press the button for the lift and wait patiently for its arrival. As Malachy's door opens behind me, my heart leaps into my throat and he emerges, heading straight for me.
'I'm so sorry, Eve,' He hisses as he reaches me, casting his eyes around the empty hall. 'Can you meet me he
re tomorrow evening?'
'I can,' I smile, stepping back from the lift and towards him. 'I'll meet you here.'
'Good, I'll see you...' He pauses, his face suddenly turning serious. I wait, studying his tense features.
'What is it...?'
'Shh!' He hushes me, putting his hand firmly on my arm. I cast my senses out to find the source of his panic. It takes a moment before I feel it, another presence, not far around the corner of the hall.
Light breathing.
The figure senses its discovery and swiftly scurries in the opposite direction, disappearing from my radar.
'Who was that?' I whisper, and Malachy shakes his head.
'I don't know. Make sure you're not followed tomorrow. And be careful in the meantime.'
Chapter Twenty-Six
As day slowly turns to night outside my bedroom window, I listen closely to the sound of the wind rustling through the trees. I've always been a bit of a loner – content with my own company – but spending so much time on my own as of late, it would be a lie to say I don't feel the sharp pang of solitude.
The only thing that comforts me is my thoughts of Malachy. I play and replay the events of the day in my mind, lingering a while on Malachy's hands running through my hair, his soft lips on mine. My chest aches to be with him like that again, and I pray that tomorrow I will be. That Malachy's feelings towards me won't have changed.
It's times like this I wish I had someone to share my thoughts with – a girl friend, to help me figure out these emotions and strange impulses I feel around Malachy.
It's times like this that I miss Tia.
I would trust only her with the knowledge that Mal and I had kissed, that he had professed his love for me. Only her.
Not even Diana.
My thoughts are broken by a presence outside the door and I leap up, hoping madly that it might be Malachy. I open the door and blink at Tia herself, standing with hostile eyes in the empty corridor.
'Can I come in?' She asks, her tone pinched. I nod hastily, closing the door behind her and turning to watch her stand awkwardly in the centre of the room. Her old bed has been removed, along with her wardrobe and other belongings. I had nothing to do with the removal but I feel self-conscious about it all the same.
'They came and did that while I was out.' I explain quickly, but Tia merely shrugs.
'I just came to warn you,' she folds her arms across her chest. 'Meredith knows about you and Malachy.'
My mind flashes back to the unknown presence in the corridor – the figure that vanished – and a chill of cold fear creeps down my spine.
'Oh.' I breathe, running my fingers through my hair.
'She saw you together,' Tia tells me what I already know. 'She was hysterical. She's still in our room, threatening to go to Sir Alec, to the Auctoritas... to Lucrezia.' She adds the last name in a whisper – even Tia is regrettable that Lucrezia might get involved.
'Why are you telling me?' I ask, sitting down on my bed to hide my weakening knees. This is bad.
'You're the one with the problem, Eve, not me,' Tia snaps. 'I shouldn't be telling you, after the way you dismissed me. I should be letting you fall flat on your ass. But I'm doing it for Malachy, not you,' She glares at me coldly. 'I've seen the way he looks at you; I don't want him to go through what he did with Aleks all over again.'
'So why not just go straight to Mal?' I frown, feeling hurt at her words though I know I deserve them.
'I can't, he's with Lucrezia tonight. They're visiting the Auctoritas.'
'He's gone?' I squeak, feeling faint.
'They visit their parents overnight every month,' She informs me. 'They'll be back tomorrow morning.'
'Jesus,' I shudder with fear. I'm stuck at the Institute without Malachy, and with a scorned Meredith, foaming at the mouth, ready to report me to Lucrezia the moment she gets back. 'Is she determined to tell Lucrezia?' I ask shakily.
'She certainly wants to,' Tia nods gravely. 'She was pacing the room threatening to go straight to the fourteenth floor. I convinced her to leave it for tonight.'
I jump up, crushing her into a vice-like hug. 'Thank you, Tia!' I gush, kissing her cheek. She stays stone still, but doesn't push me away.
'Yeah, yeah,' She rolls her eyes. 'Just make sure you go straight to Malachy when he gets back. I'll try to calm her down.' She moves to leave, but I call her back and she turns, her expression both angry and sympathetic.
'Did you really do this just for Malachy?' I ask. She hesitates, changing before my eyes back into the Tia I know – my Tia.
'No,' She admits reluctantly. 'I don't know why you dismissed me, Eve, but something tells me you didn't do it to hurt me.'
I shake my head, reminding myself to choose my words carefully. 'I would never deliberately hurt you, Tia.'
'That's what I thought.' She nods, hovering by the door, torn between leaving and staying. I wait patiently for her to decide.
'Meredith is unbearable,' She sighs eventually, crossing over to sit next to me on the bed. I try to hide a triumphant smile and nod sympathetically.
'I wanted to move in with Richard but O'Brien refused to move out. Meredith asked Cheryl Berry to and – you know Cheryl – she just does whatever she's told. At first I was happy to share with Meredith but now... it has its difficulties.'
I tuck my legs up and scoot closer to her on the bed. 'Like what?' I ask, relieved at the opportunity to listen to someone else's problems for a change.
'Well,' Tia leans in, licking her lips. 'If I want to go and see Richard for the night instead of staying in with her, she goes all sulky about it. Or if I feel like reading my book instead of chatting to her, she thinks I don't like her. I have to tread on eggshells around the subject of Malachy which of course, she never drops.' Tia rolls her eyes.
'Eve?' She asks, leaning towards me, her eyes sparkling with mischief. 'What exactly is going on between you and Mal?'
I smile, knowing it was only a matter of time before she asked. I decide to indulge her, telling her the events of the last few weeks and embellishing her with details of earlier – her need to know is as great as my need to talk about it.
She gasps when I come to the 'I love you' part and her eyes go wider than I've ever seen.
'Eve, you've got to be careful!' She hisses. 'Mal is broken hearted over Aleks. He might just be latching on to you.'
I frown, folding my arms across my chest. That wasn't the gushing, excited reaction I'd expected from Tia. 'Does Mal seem like the 'latching' type?' I snap.
'Well, no but...'
'He told me it was nothing to do with his feelings for Aleks. He assured me.' I interrupt, my tone final.
'Well, do you love him?' She asks, raising an eyebrow. I hesitate, just a little too long, and she breaks into a smirk. 'If you have to hesitate, I think there's a possibility that you do.'
'It's not that simple, Tia,' I shake my head. 'It's all too complicated.'
'Well,' she sighs. 'For the moment, he loves you, and you like him and you're both happy. If I were you, I'd hold onto that for as long as you can.'
I can't help but think that's not going to be very long.
'Aren't you mad at me for stealing Meredith's undying love?' I ask. She stifles a giggle.
'Please! Mal is never going to be interested in Meredith. We all know that; everybody's just too nice to tell her.'
'Do you think what she feels for him is, you know, real?' I ask, thinking of Malachy's uncontrollable powers.
'Yeah, I think so,' Tia nods, understanding my point. 'He's not around her enough to cast any witchy spell over her. I think she genuinely likes him, though he's never said more than a few words to her.' She rolls her eyes.
'I'd better get back to her, she's probably attempting to slit her wrists right now.' She vacates the bed, heading to the door, her flowery perfume leaving a trail in her wake.
'I'll try to help you and Malachy out as much as I can, but you know how the saying goes; 'a woman scorned' and a
ll that.'
'I know, thank you, Tia.' I smile as she opens the door, giving me a final glance before disappearing into the corridor.
*
Malachy isn't back before lessons begin the next day, and I sit nervously through Theory, paying no attention and trying to be invisible. Counselling is much worse; in a one-on-one setting, sitting mute in my chair isn't an option, so I answer Islwyn's questions monotonously, trying to ignore the anxious way he's peering at me.
'Eve, are you so mad at me for shopping you to Sir Alec that you won't even allow me to do my job?' He repeats this question twice before I respond, my mind on other – more pressing – matters.
'What? No!' I shake my head. 'Of course not. It was stupid of me to skip class, and even more stupid of me to do somersaults outside your window.'
The Gray Institute (The Gray Institute Trilogy Book 1) Page 39
