by Jim Ladd
“On behalf of the crew, we’d like to say a few words,” said Legg. “Firstly, we’d like to say sorry for voting for Goldstar. It just sounded like a lot of fun; you know, the supernova floss…”
“And the grum…” shouted someone.
“And the funfairs…” shouted someone else.
“Yes, yes, I get the idea,” said Comet snappily.
“And Goldstar sounded like he would be such a good captain…” Legg continued.
“Aye, and you’ve been rubbish!” said Pegg. “Most of the time we’re lost and we’ve never found any treasure, ever. Not even by accident.”
“OK, OK,” said Comet. “This must be the worst apology in space pirate history.”
“But even saying all that, we’re glad you’re back,” Pegg finished. “You and the Jolly Apollo go together like…”
“Bowling balls and hoverpins,” shouted Vulpus.
“Pirates and grum,” shouted Jonjarama.
“Scab-beetle stew and slime-moss sandwiches,” said Barney.
“Aye, like all of those – though perhaps not the last one – but you know what we mean,” said Legg.
“So we think you need this back,” said Sam. He picked up Comet’s captain’s hat from the deck and handed it to him. It was a bit bent and battered, but Comet didn’t seem to mind. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed his eyes, even the ones with eyepatches on.
“Why, thank you, me hearties,” he said, carefully placing the hat back on his head. “And I think we’ve all learned something from this. You probably more than me, I’d say, but it’s good to be back all the same.”
Sam rolled his eyes – the old Comet was definitely back. A sudden banging from the bowling alley made him jump. “But what are we going to do with Goldstar?” he asked.
“Oh, I’ve got a plan for Goldstar – and his brother,” said Comet with a smile. “You can be sure about that. Just leave that to Captain Joseph Hercules Invictus Comet!”
The crew members were spread in a semi-circle on the main deck, gathered round a large holoscreen that was hooked up to the ship’s telescope. They were perched on barrels, or sitting cross-legged on the floor, all keenly awaiting the entertainment that was about to come. They chatted and joked and clinked their tankards of grum together. It wasn’t often that you could take anything for granted on board the Jolly Apollo, but this time everyone was pretty sure it was going to be brilliant.
“I think I see it,” said Vulpus, spotting the tiny dot on the holoscreen.
The dot grew larger and as it increased in size it took on a form. Slowly the shape became clearer – it was Black-Hole Beard’s ship, Gravity’s Revenge. Everyone booed and hissed as it approached. Sam grinned – this was by far the best way to see the Revenge: from a very safe distance. Bit by bit the menacing form began to fill the screen; the hull bristling with laser cannons, the midnight-black sails billowing in the solar winds.
“Can you zoom in any closer?” asked Comet. “I’d hate to miss anything!”
There were conspiratorial chuckles from the crew. Sam fiddled with the dial on the telescope in front of him. The image on the holoscreen went blurry briefly, then focused in on the approaching ship, showing what was happening on the main deck of the Revenge. The enormous first-mate, Yarr, was striding about directing Black-Hole Beard’s crew, who leaped around the ship in an impressive display of almost robotic efficiency. One-Hand Luke, a particularly fearsome-looking crew member, was using his hydraulic hook to winch in the sails. Much as the Apollo’s crew were looking forward to what was going to happen, they were still intimidated by how good the Revenge’s crew were. The door to the Captain’s cabin opened.
“Ah, the main attraction,” said Comet.
The crew giggled.
“And don’t he look fancy!” said Pegg.
Much to the Apollo crew’s amusement, Black-Hole Beard did indeed look very fancy.
Black-Hole Beard, scourge of the galaxies, terror of the interstellar regions, voted meanest pirate alive for the last twelve years running, was dressed in what looked like a pirate outfit designed by the girliest girl in the Universe – one with an addiction to lace.
“That’s the dress uniform of a fleet admiral,” Comet explained longingly.
“It’s very … flouncy!” Sam giggled.
There were more ruffles on the sleeves than on anything Sam had ever seen before. The formal frock coat rippled to the floor and pooled on to the deck in a long train. Even Black-Hole Beard’s wiry black beard was neatly combed and plaited, the ends tied in a bow. He looked like a Yillapian Gorilla squeezed into a dress.
“He’s wearing knickerbockers!” shouted Legg in hysterical disbelief.
The crew exploded in laughter as Black-Hole Beard strutted around his deck in a pair of frilly pantaloons that even he couldn’t make look tough. He stopped and adjusted the pale, baby-blue tricorn hat with lace edging and smiled happily.
“Bless his frilly pants, he looks so pleased with himself,” said Comet, taking a sip of grum.
“Ain’t he going to be disappointed?” laughed Pegg.
“It’s just a pity we haven’t got any sound,” said Sam. “I wish I could hear what he’s saying.”
Gravity’s Revenge was fast approaching the asteroid where it was meant to meet the Jolly Apollo. Things were getting so exciting that Jonjarama let out a squeaky little trump. On screen, confusion flashed over Black-Hole Beard’s face as he caught sight of the asteroid.
“There he blows!” Pegg crowed as Black-Hole Beard’s face turned redder and redder.
“Bring up the asteroid please, Sam,” said Comet.
“Aye, aye, Captain,” Sam replied.
He swivelled the telescope towards the asteroid that they were currently speeding away from. On it cowered Goldstar. Black-Hole Beard’s younger brother was marooned there wearing only his gold cape, his pants and a look of extreme embarrassment. As he stared at his big brother he mouthed the word, “Sorry”.
Sam swivelled the telescope back so that it focused on the Revenge. As the delighted crew watched, Black-Hole Beard snatched the baby-blue admiral’s hat from his head and screwed it into a tight ball. He let out a bellow of rage, which Sam could have sworn he heard even though they were twenty space-knots away.
The crew rolled round the deck, roaring with laughter. Sam laughed until he cried, and his stomach ached more than it had after he’d had second helpings of Barney’s Stovacian Surprise Stew.
Finally Captain Comet wiped tears from under his eyepatches and flicked off the screen, where Black-Hole Beard was jumping up and down and hitting his brother with his ruined hat.
“Right-ho me hearties, that’s enough,” said Comet, beaming at his crew. “All we’re going to get now is Captain Fancy Pants prancing around in his frilly knickers, and frankly, I’m in too good a mood to see that hairy old party-pooper! Piole, would you be so kind as to find somewhere to store our treasure?”
Comet passed over Goldstar’s solid gold bowling ball.
“Best give the old treasure chest a clean first,” Comet continued. “It’ll be a bit dusty, no doubt.”
Sam glanced round the crew and felt a surge of happiness. “What next, Captain?” he asked.
“It’s no good hanging around.” Comet patted his hat as if to check it was still there, then nodded to his first mate. “Mr Pegg and Mr Legg, please set the wheel hard to starboard and plot a new course. We’ve still got a planet to find. The Jolly Apollo is back on its way to Planet X!”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” both of the first mate’s heads replied.
“But first a toast,” said Comet, rising to his feet. “To Planet X and success!”
“To Planet X and success!” the crew cheered and each took a long drink of grum.
“Captain, with your permission I’d like to make a toast, too,” said Sam. He raised his glass high in the air.
“To Captain Comet and the best crew in the entire Universe! The Jolly Apollo!”
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“To adventures and excitement!” Barney added as they clinked their grum glasses.
“And to Black-Hole Beard’s frilly pants!” Sam laughed.
“Hear, hear!” everyone shouted. “Hear, hear!”
Can’t wait for the next intergalactic adventure?
Turn the page for a sneaky peek!
Samson Starbuck leaned on the rail that ran around the crow’s nest of the pirate spaceship, the Jolly Apollo, and looked at the endless stretch of the Universe around him. The deep black of space was scattered with colourful clouds of gas, the short, bright tail of a slow moving purple comet and countless pinpricks of light. Sam knew that each one of those lights was a star, and each of those stars could be surrounded by planets. And on one of those planets, his parents were space-shipwrecked and waiting to be rescued.
Sam turned his attention to the tattered piece of cloth in his hand. It was a rough map that his mum had managed to draw on a scrap of spacesuit material and send to Sam in their ship’s homing beacon. It showed the way to the planet where his parents’ spaceship had crashed while they’d been scouring the galaxies for new forms of plant life.
Sam’s only hope of rescuing his parents had been to stowaway on a space pirate ship. Luckily, they had landed on the fabled Planet X, which space-pirate myth claimed was a famous treasure planet made of solid gold, with islands of rubies. When the pirates found out he had a map to Planet X, they were happy to let Sam join the crew.
As Sam had discovered, choosing the Apollo was both the best and worst decision he could have made. The crew were terrible at being pirates: they were always getting lost, they never found any treasure, they argued with each other and the food on board was terrible. However they were also kind-hearted, loved a good space-shanty, enjoyed a game of ten-pin bowling (all pirate ships had at least one bowling alley on board), and always looked out for each other – including Sam, who was now the cabin boy.
“Korraaaackkkkkk! Korraaaackkkkkk!”
A terrible sound battered the silence of Sam’s lookout post.
“Korraaaackkkkkk! Korraaaackkkkkk!”
The deafening screech rattled around the Apollo again. Sam groaned. The noise was coming from a Pgtargan cockerel, the noisiest type of bird in the tri-galaxy network. Captain Comet had bought it at the last space port. He reckoned the crew needed something to get them up in the mornings, which was probably true, but the cockerel had swiftly become the least popular thing on board the ship. In fact, it was probably the least popular thing to ever have been on any Space Pirate ship, and that was saying something. Even from the top of the main mast Sam could hear the curses of his shipmates.
But it wasn’t the only noise Sam could hear – there was also the unmistakable sound of someone climbing the rigging to the crow’s nest. And by the awful smell wafting upwards it had to be Barney, the ship’s cook, with breakfast. A large tentacle curled over the edge of the rail and moments later Barney hauled himself up next to Sam. It was a bit of a tight squeeze in the crow’s nest as Barney was a huge multi-tentacled Kraken. He looked truly terrifying…
Copyright
With special thanks to Paul Harrison
To the parentals: steering the ship safely through choppy waters
Space Pirates: Mutiny!
First published in the UK in 2014 by Nosy Crow Ltd
The Crow’s Nest, 10a Lant Street
London SE1 1QR, UK
This ebook edition first published in 2014
Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and / or registered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd
Text copyright © Hothouse Fiction, 2014
Cover and interior illustration © Benji Davies, 2014
The right of Hothouse Fiction and Benji Davies to be identified as author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictiously. Any resemblence to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
ISBN: 978 0 85763 229 6
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