Loving Rowan

by Ariadne Wayne

  “I’ll hold you for as long as you need.”

  “I haven’t slept for so long, but I don’t know if I can”

  “I just want to cuddle up in bed, and I think sleep will come. Dad held the fort for a while at home while I had a sleep but I could do with just being with you.” I kissed her again, and she sighed, her shoulders slumping as she relaxed in my arms.

  “I don’t suppose you brought a toothbrush, too? I’m sure kissing me isn’t fun right now.” She grinned and I kissed her again.

  “It’s not too bad, though I don’t know if I’d use my tongue.”

  She laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound I’d heard in days. “If I shower, you can use your tongue elsewhere. It might just put me to sleep.”

  I gaped at her in mock offence. “Are you saying you want to use me?”

  “Always.” She slid her hands down my back, groping my butt and waggling her eyebrows.

  “You always did know how to get what you want from me.” I laughed, nuzzling her cheek. “In answer to your question, I didn’t grab a toothbrush, but I notice that there are those kinds of things for sale at reception. I’ll go and get you one while you shower. I need to grab a razor to take care of this.”

  She nodded, letting me go and turning towards the en suite. She squealed with delight as she entered the room. “There’s a bathtub. I’m going to run a bath.”

  “You do that,” I said, laughing.

  It wasn’t far to walk, but when I came back she was already immersed in the water, washing her hair with a little motel sample-sized shampoo.

  “This feels amazing,” she said, yawning. If her head hit the pillow, I was sure she’d be asleep.

  “I bet it does.”

  “There’s room for you here. Come and have a bath with me.”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice.” I grinned. “Straight after I shave this off.”

  I lathered up, shaving as I watched her from the mirror. She was exhausted, but the joy of simply being able to bathe was obvious. I frowned as she scrubbed her wrists, the tape leaving behind a sticky residue that was a pain in the butt to wash off.

  Now, all we needed was time together. Nothing would ever make up for what Andrew had done, but being with each other was enough for now.

  She wriggled forward while I stripped off, climbing into the tub behind her, and I settled back, my arms around her, my legs either side of her.

  “Comfortable?” she asked.

  “No, but I’m with you. That’ll do.” I pulled her closer, resting my chin on her shoulder as I stroked her thighs. “I missed you so much, Rowan. Never want to be without you again.”

  “I missed you too,” she whispered.

  “I don’t know what happens to Andrew now.”

  She shrugged. “After what he did, I don’t care. He tried to blame me for Charlie’s death.”

  “What the hell?”

  “He said he told Charlie that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me. She got upset, ran from him, had an asthma attack and died.”

  I sighed. “Rowan, even if it was true, it’s not your fault.”

  “I know,” she said, her voice dropped to barely above a whisper. “He told me Mia nearly killed me because of the seizure. I was terrified he’d killed you with that vase.”

  I hugged her tight, knowing that tone in her voice, the one that told me she had tears in her eyes.

  Planting a kiss on the nape of her neck, I held her until she turned her head to look at me. I leaned forward to look into her eyes.

  “If anything had happened to you, I would have hurt him,” I whispered.

  “I know.”

  Her soft kisses reassured me, and I hoped my presence had the same effect on her. I ran my hand up her thigh, to her belly.

  “Kyle,” she whispered, and I lay back in the tub, tracing my fingers down from her navel to her clit. She gasped, and leaned back against me, tilting her hips to meet my hand.

  “If you want to go and get some sleep, this can wait,” I murmured.

  “I just need you.”

  I kissed her shoulder and neck while picking up the pace with my fingers, stroking down either side of her clit. She guided my other hand to her breast, rubbing her nipple with the tips of my fingers.

  In silence, we sat, with just the gentle sound of the water moving as I felt her body tense. She moaned, rubbing hard against my fingers as she found her release, reaching for my hand under the water and stroking the back of it.

  “I love you,” she whispered, raising my hand from the water and gripping it in hers.

  “I love you too. More than anything.”

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  Falling asleep was easy, my arms around her, feeling her soft body beside me, listening to her breathing get slower as she fell asleep. Despite the sleep I’d had at home, exhaustion overtook me.

  She was safe.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  Rowan

  Mia slept for most of the night, stirring in the small hours just before the sunrise. Before I could react, Kyle sprang up, picking her up out of the cot, and changing her nappy before bringing her back to bed. I smiled as he cooed to calm her. Only a few months old, but she knew exactly who she belonged to as she let out a big grin for Daddy.

  She yawned sleepily, and I nuzzled her face as he passed her to me, breathing in the milky, baby smell of my daughter. I never wanted to be away from her again.

  “Hey,” I heard Kyle whisper, slipping his arm around my waist. He sat beside me in the bed, his eyes filled with concern for the tears that had started inexplicably falling from my eyes. I didn’t know why I was crying, but with the release of the tears, anxiety flowed out of me. I was still so wound up over the events over the last few days, but I was so happy to be reunited with my family. Still, just a little part of me mourned for the friendship that would be forever lost.

  Nothing would ever heal the wound in my heart from Charlie’s death. Despite our differences, I had loved her for so long, and the thought of a world without her still tore me apart when I thought about it. Where Andrew was concerned, I felt numb, and I wondered what my life would have been without him in it.

  Kyle kissed my cheek, wiping my tears with his thumb and pressing his nose to mine as I turned toward him. I laughed as Mia let out a hungry wail. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I hadn’t forgotten you.” Lifting her to my breast, I closed my eyes as she fed, gulping the milk down as if it were the last feed she would ever have. I looked down at her, stroking her head with my fingers. Poor little mite, she probably thought it would be the last feed.

  “Mummy’s not going anywhere, again,” I whispered, feeling Kyle’s chin resting on my shoulder. I leaned my head towards him. Just the contact was enough to soothe my aching soul. Sitting here with Kyle and Mia, I felt safe and loved.

  We watched the sun come up as Mia continued to feed, and my eyes were trying desperately to close as she drew closer to filling her stomach.

  “Here,” Kyle whispered, taking her in his arms. Her little eyes were already closed, and he kissed her forehead as he turned to place her back in the cot. “She’s as exhausted from all this as we are.”

  “I can’t wait to go home.”

  He climbed back into bed. “Neither can I.”

  “When are the police coming to talk to us again?”

  “In a few hours. Get some more sleep, Rowan. I’ll be right here.”

  I nodded, sinking into the softness of the pillows. My own bed would be preferable, but this one would do quite nicely right now. The world closed in around me as I sunk into the oblivion of sleep, safe in the knowledge my family was with me, and we would be okay.

  ~

  I had never been so glad to see our house in all my life. Kyle’s dad was there to greet us, and he hugged me and Mia, welcoming us home.

  Home. This place felt more like home than ever. I’d fallen in love when we’d found it, but now it meant so much more to me. This was where Kyle and
I would raise our children. Mia would play with her siblings in the backyard, which wasn’t like the orchard, but it was still perfection.

  The events of the last few days felt distant now, even though it was only yesterday when the whole thing had ended. My earlier fierce loyalty to Andrew had dwindled to the point where I felt nothing. Separating me from Mia had been the last straw. Nothing mattered to me more than Kyle and Mia; there was simply no competition.

  My only worry was going to court with Andrew. The thought of seeing him again turned my stomach, but then he confessed to everything and pleaded guilty, removing the need for me to see him. There would be jail time, though this was reduced in part by his lawyer bringing up the death of Charlie. Despite my disgust at him, I understood

  Kyle was by my side through it all, never judging me when the memories of Charlie’s death came to the surface and I cried for all three of us. He knew that Andrew spending time in prison saddened me, but also knew that my family came before anything else.

  And then we got on with our lives.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Rowan

  Three years later

  Preparing dinner was so much easier when I didn’t have a toddler running circles around me. Literally. There was nowhere I could move where Mia wasn’t under my feet as she tried to play.

  “How do you still have energy?” I asked, picking her up as she giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. We shared a lot of mannerisms, but she was a lot more outgoing than I had ever been, and was one of the popular kids at her day-care.

  I’d gone back to work when she was one year old, part-time at first, and then full-time when Ross retired. Kyle’s father had gradually given me more and more to do as his faith in Ross diminished. Realising his time was up, and with no chance of pushing me out of the way, he moved along. Now, I was the IT Manager, with an assistant of my own, and complete control of everything.

  I worked the hours I wanted, which suited me down to the ground. Leaving mid-afternoon every day meant I could pick up Mia and spend time with her before Kyle came home. Other than Kyle, she was my world, so much like me and yet enough of her father that she wouldn’t have to deal with the same taunts I did when I had been growing up.

  “Daddy,” she squealed in my ear, spotting Kyle before I did. She wriggled in my arms, and I dropped her to the floor so she could go running to him.

  “Hey, princess,” he said, opening his arms for her to jump into. He stroked her hair as she hugged him tight, and she let go just enough for him to give her a kiss.

  “Hi, princess,” he said again, coming to my side. I grinned as his lips lingered on mine, Mia giggling at the sight of us kissing.

  Mia fell asleep at the dinner table, and Kyle tucked her into bed before joining me in the kitchen where I stood, loading the dishwasher. He patted me on the butt as I placed the dishes in the tray, and I stood up to kiss him. Pressing me against the bench, his tongue pushed at mine and he ran his hands down my back. All this time and we were still like newlyweds.

  “Want to go to bed early?” I asked, when he finally let me go.

  “We need to talk first.” He looked serious, and I stroked his cheek with my palm, trying to get him to meet my eye.

  “Kyle? What is it?”

  He took my hand, leading me into the living room, and we sat on the couch hand in hand as he tried to come out with whatever it was he had to tell me. My stomach churned at the thought of what it could be. We were so blissfully happy, I couldn’t think of anything.

  “Andrew wants to see you.”

  I could feel the colour draining from my face as his words sunk in. That was one possibility I’d never considered.

  “How do you know?”

  “He called me. He knows he can’t make contact with you, Rowan. That would get him into far too much trouble. Hell, I nearly hung up on him, but I wanted to make sure there was no more bullshit going on. I think he wants to apologise.”

  Kyle looked up at me, his blue eyes filled with concern. “Look, Rowan, whatever you decide I’ll back you. I’m not letting you be alone with him, but if you want to give him the opportunity to say he’s sorry, I’m not going to stand in the way.”

  For the first time in a long time, I just didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to see him, hear what he had to say for himself and then send him on his way. But another part of me felt I’d turned my back on that part of my life, so immersed in my new life as I was.

  “Let him say his piece,” I croaked, “but I want you with me the whole time.”

  He nodded. “Okay, I’ll call him tomorrow and give him your rules. He was very humble on the phone. I’m the last person to stick up for him, but we talked enough that I think he just wants to say he’s sorry. I guess Charlie’s death was a few years ago now; maybe he’s put to rest some of the things that haunted him.”

  Kyle wrapped his harms around me, kissing my cheek. “Either way, I’m happy for you to make the decision to see him or not. Any time you want to change your mind, just let me know. You don’t have to go through with this.”

  “I know. But I think it’s best to get this over with, and then we can get on with our lives.”

  He ran his finger down my chest, between my breasts, and lingered at the top of my stomach. “I think we can make a start on that now. Let’s go to bed and worry about it in the morning.”

  I grinned. “That sounds like the best offer I’ve had all day.”

  ~

  Andrew sat on the park bench, throwing bread at the ducks. This was the same place Kyle had told him to leave me alone, as I discovered after the fact. If only he’d listened, maybe we would have been able to salvage some kind of friendship. Now, that was impossible.

  Kyle grabbed my arm as we approached. “Remember, Rowan. He’s not supposed to get within a hundred metres of you. You don’t have to be here.”

  I took a deep breath. “I know. I want to do this.”

  “I’ll be right here watching. You just have to wave if you need help.”

  Wrapping my arms around his waist, I hugged him tightly. “I love you.”

  He kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, just breathing him in. I let go, and looked at him. “I won’t be long.”

  Andrew didn’t even look up when I approached, and I sat just watching him throwing bread for a moment. He looked up when he ran out of bread, smiling, his eyes filled with sadness.

  “Hey, Rowan. I’m glad you came to talk to me.”

  “I’m not here for long, and Kyle is right over there.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not going to try anything. We’re way past that. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I did, and I can’t really believe that I did it.”

  “I get that you were a bit crazy over Charlie’s death. I was devastated too, and you knew it. There’s no excuse for what you did, Andrew.”

  He looked at the ground. “I know, and I’m so sorry. All I could think about was trying to get you to understand that we needed to be together, and yet, I knew you were far happier with Kyle than you ever would have been with me. The thought of leaving your baby behind just kills me now. You were so right; I didn’t check that Kyle wasn’t more badly injured, and just left without another thought. If anything had happened to her …”

  I could see the struggle he fought within himself as he relived those days. It was nothing I hadn’t been through, and maybe I should have felt for him as he realised the extent of what he’d done. But I still felt nothing.

  “How is she?” he asked. “How is your little girl?”

  “She’s amazing. Looks a lot like me, straight brown hair. No freckles, though. Well, maybe the odd one, but she’s more like Kyle in that way. She’s smart and pretty.”

  “Just like her mother.” His blue eyes bored into me, his mouth upturned in a small smile.

  “We’ve got another one on the way. Early days, but we’re hopeful everything will go well.” I looked down at the ducks, gradually comi
ng closer and closer for bread. “I wish none of this had happened, Andrew. I could have just pictured yours and Charlie’s children playing with mine. We all could have been happy.”

  He sighed. “I lied about what happened on our honeymoon. Charlie did get upset, but it didn’t quite go the way I said. She noticed the way I reacted to Kyle at the wedding, and picked up that I had an issue with him. She loved you so much, she was worried that I might interfere with your relationship, push you further away. That’s what we argued about. It was my problem, not yours. I wanted you to know”

  I buried my head in my hands as the tears came, and when I looked up, Kyle was running towards me. I held up my hand to tell him to stop, and saw him come to a halt.

  “I loved both of you,” I whispered, “but Kyle’s all mine. I don’t share him with anyone but Mia, and that’s different. Maybe I needed for you two to be together in order to find myself. I’m only sorry Charlie’s not here to share this, for me to tell her just how full my life is now. All it took was for me to get over you.”

  I stood. This had been the last goodbye to my old life, and my husband waited for me as we started on the next part of the new.

  Andrew looked up at me. He looked the way he did at Charlie’s funeral, full of loss and remorse.

  “Get better, Andrew. Find a way to move on and be happy. You deserve that.”

  “Love you, Rowan. Always have, always will,” he said softly.

  I turned, walking towards Kyle, and then running as the weight of the conversation lifted. Throwing myself at him, I flung my arms around his neck, and he spun me around, laughing before kissing me in that way only he could.

  “You okay?” he whispered.

  “I’ll be fine. Let’s go and pick up Mia from day-care. I think we all need to spend the rest of the day together.”

  He grinned. “Good thinking. You should put your feet up anyway. I’m sure today will be stressful enough without running around after the rest of us.”