The Catherine Wheel

by Patricia Wentworth

  “Do I look all right?”

  Jane took in the heavy untidy hair, the overdone make-up, the dress, the shoes with their tawdry buckles, and said the only thing that it was possible to say.

  “Oh, yes.”

  She wouldn’t have found it convincing herself, but it seemed to go down all right with Florence. She put a large coarse hand with bright fingernails on Jane’s arm and said, her deep voice lower still,

  “I’ve had a most awful turn.”

  “What sort of a turn? What can I do for you?”

  Florence shook her head.

  “Nobody can’t do anything. That’s the way when you’re in a fix. You get yourself in, and you’ve damn well got to get yourself out-nobody can’t do it for you.” She stood on the bottom step but one and swayed a little. “Oh, gosh-why did I have to come!” Jane thought, “She’s tight. We are going to have a jolly party-”

  Florence gazed at her with tragic eyes and swayed. Jane said briskly,

  “Those cocktails were much too strong. We’ll feel a lot better when we’ve got some food inside us. There’s the gong now. Come along and see how Cousin Annie cooks.”

  The dining-room was opposite the lounge. Dark panelling rose to within a foot of the ceiling, which was crossed by massive beams. Above the cavernous hearth a wide brick chimney-breast ran up. It supported an irregular trophy composed of old flintlocks, bayonets, and heavy horn-handled knives. There was a long table covered with a coarse linen cloth. Someone had set a tankard full of evergreens half way down the narrow board. For the rest, the service might have been described as rag-tag-and-bobtail-here and there a heavy silver fork or spoon amongst cheap electroplate, old knives worn down to a point and three inches of blade, the flimsiest modern glass mixed up with half a dozen old cut beakers. The chairs were as mixed-rush-bottomed, Windsor, common kitchen. There were places laid for nine, with Jacob Taverner at the top of the table in a massive old chair carved with lions’ heads. A lamp hung down from the central beam and made of the table and the people round it an island of light.

  They took their seats-Marian Thorpe-Ennington on Jacob’s right, and Florence Duke on his left; Geoffrey Taverner beyond Lady Marian, then Jane; Jeremy opposite Jacob at the end of the table, with Freddy Thorpe-Ennington on his right; and beyond him Mildred Taverner, leaving an empty place between her and Florence Duke which was obviously destined for Al Miller whenever he happened to arrive.

  Luke White served them with soup in a variety of odd plates, and after the first spoonful Jane was aware that Fogarty Castell had made no vain boast of their Cousin Annie’s cooking-the soup was a dream. She looked across the table anxiously to see whether Florence was getting it down, and was a good deal relieved to find that she was. If the rest of the dinner was anything like up to this sample, there would be no need to worry any more about the Smuggler’s Dream.

  As her eye travelled back, she became aware with concern that Freddy Thorpe-Ennington had not so much as taken up his spoon. She kicked Jeremy, but before she could do any more about it Lady Marian was calling down the table.

  “Freddy-Freddy, my sweet-the most marvellous soup! Jeremy-that’s your name, isn’t it?-do make him have some!”

  Freddy stared at her with glazed eyes. That recourse had been had to the sobering properties of cold water was obvious-his fair hair shone wet under the lamp. That the remedy had been ineffectual was also obvious. He swayed where he sat, and on a repetition of his wife’s appeal pronounced very slowly and distinctly the only two words which anyone had heard him utter:

  “Bilge-water-”

  It was at this moment that the door opened to admit Al Miller. He had taken time to change out of his porter’s uniform and was wearing the suit in which he had attended at John Taylor’s office. It was also unfortunately apparent that he had taken time to have a few drinks. He was not drunk, but he was definitely exhilarated, and all set to be the life of the party. After hailing Jacob from across the room with a wave of the hand and a “Cheerio, Jake!” he advanced to slap Jeremy on the back, and casting an “Evening, all!” at the rest of the company, steered himself to the vacant place with a hand on the rail of Mildred Taverner’s chair and saluted Florence Duke as “Ducks.” After which he took his soup noisily and with gusto.

  Jane said to herself, “It’s going to be the most frightful evening-it really is.” And then all at once she wanted to laugh, because Mildred Taverner was obviously quite petrified at finding herself between Al and Freddy. She sat with her elbows well drawn in and picked at her food with an expression of concentrated gentility.

  The soup-plates were removed and Fogarty Castell produced a napkined bottle of champagne with a flourish and filled Lady Marian’s beaker. As he passed round the table, Jane saw Florence Duke lift her glass and drain it, an example quickly followed by Al Miller. Miss Taverner took a birdlike sip and returned to picking at a pea.

  “Freddy-” said Marian Thorpe-Ennington in rich poignant tones.

  Freddy uttered again. Dividing the words with care, he enquired,

  “What’s-marrer?”

  “My sweet, you know champagne doesn’t agree with you.”

  He shook his head solemnly.

  “Absolutely-not.”

  “Freddy, you’ll be ill!”

  “Absolutely.” He took up the glass with an air of serious purpose and emptied it.

  Lady Marian said, “Oh, well, he’ll pass out now,” and apparently ceased to take any further interest.

  Jane found herself engaged in a conversation with Geoffrey Taverner. It was a very dull conversation all about the things he travelled in, his dry, precise manner doing nothing to enliven the subject.

  “We have a washing-machine which I do not hesitate to say is twenty-five per cent better than any other on the market-gas-controlled eleven pounds seven and six, electrically controlled thirteen pound ten, which, you will realize, is a considerable reduction upon the standard price.”

  Here there was a hiatus, because Jane’s attention was diverted to Jacob Taverner, owing to the fact that she had just heard him say to Florence Duke, “Didn’t he tell you where it came out?” The words were spoken in an undertone, and why they should have reached her through the buzz of conversation, she had no idea. But reach her they did. She felt them slipping into her mind like small round lumps of ice, she didn’t know how and she didn’t know why. They gave her a cold, lost feeling.

  She came back to Geoffrey Taverner talking about something that did your washing-up for you, by which time Fogarty Castell was going round with more champagne. Her own glass was untasted, and as he came by, she asked if she could have some water.

  Geoffrey was saying, “ ‘Halves the labour and doubles the pleasure.’ Would you think that a good slogan? Or perhaps, ‘You give the party, we do the washing-up.’ Which of those would catch your attention and make you look a second time at an advertisement?”

  “Well, I think perhaps the one about the party.”

  He nodded complacently.

  “That was my own opinion. I am glad to find that you agree with me. I have given a good deal of thought to the advertising side of the business, and some of my suggestions have been adopted.”

  He embarked upon a full and particular description of the bright ideas which he had put up to Messrs. Hobbs and Curtin and the rather disappointing manner in which most of them had been received. Mr. Hobbs, it appeared, was old-fashioned. “What was good enough for my father is good enough for me- you know the style.” And Mr. Curtin was noncommittal and timid. “The pain of the new idea, if you take me. But as I ventured to submit, a business without new ideas is a business without new customers. I am sure you will agree with me on that.”

  Jane was wondering whether it was she or the firm which was to agree, and had just made up her mind that it couldn’t possibly do any harm to say, “Oh, yes,” when the voice of Al Miller came into the conversation with loud irrelevance.

  “Where’s Eily?”

  Fog
arty Castell leaned between him and Florence Duke, champagne bottle poised.

  “And where would she be if she wasn’t helping her aunt in the kitchen?”

  Al picked up his glass, gulped, and set it down with a bang.

  “Prettiest girl anywhere round about,” he said thickly- “prettiest girl anywhere. Oughtn’t to be in a kitchen-ought to be here.” He pushed back his chair. “Going to look for her- going to bring her here-good as anyone-better than half your society ladies.”

  By this time everyone was looking and listening. Jacob Taverner said,

  “Sit down, Al Miller! If you wish to see Eily you can do so presently.”

  There was nothing in the words. The tone had an edge on it.

  Whilst Al hesitated, Florence Duke put up a strong hand to pull him down. As he dropped back, she said not at all inaudibly,

  “You won’t get your hundred pounds if you don’t behave.”

  Fogarty patted him on the shoulder.

  “You’ll be seeing her,” he said, and passed on.

  The dinner proceeded-turkey stuffed with chestnuts-bread-sauce and vegetables so beautiful that they might have served as a pattern to any chef. One at least of the family could do something supremely well.

  Jeremy relaxed so far as to lean across the corner of the table and murmur the word, “Genius! What do you suppose she’s like?”

  Jane laughed.

  “Let’s go and see, shall we-after dinner? She’s almost an aunt, and we ought to thank her.”

  On the other side of her Geoffrey was saying,

  “Every hotel in the country ought to have our patent plucker.”

  Jane discovered that she was too hungry to care who talked about what.

  When the plates had been taken away Jacob Taverner waited a moment, and then got to his feet.

  “It is, perhaps, just a little early in the evening for speeches, but I propose to make a short one and to give you a toast. I am sure that you must all have been feeling curious as to why you have been asked here. Well, I am going to explain. It is really all very simple. Here we are, a lot of cousins most of whom have never met before. I thought it would be a good thing if we did meet. In the course of two world wars family ties all over the world have been strained, wrenched, and generally bombed to blazes. Annie Castell and I are the only two left in our generation-the only surviving grandchildren of old Jeremiah Taverner. He had eight sons and daughters, and we two are all that are left of his children. We are the grandchildren, and all the rest of you are great-grandchildren. I have no other kith and kin, and as I can’t take my money with me when I die, I thought I had better get to know you all before I set down what I want to happen to it. I naturally intend to live as long as I can, and as I don’t feel any older than I did twenty years ago, I should say I was good for at least another twenty. That is the first instalment of my speech, and at this point I will ask you to drink to the Family. Fogarty has just filled your glasses. Here is the toast-The Family.”

  Jane touched her glass with her lips and set it down again. Everyone drank except Freddy Thorpe-Ennington, sitting slumped in his chair and quite obviously dead to the world.

  Jacob’s bright malicious glance travelled down the table. He repeated the words of the toast, “The Family,” and added, “May it never be less.” Then he went on briskly,

  “Well, now I know you all, and you know each other.”

  Jane thought, “How much does he know-how much do any of us know? I know Jeremy, and Jeremy knows me. He’s raging under that polite look. What he’d really like to do is to drag me out of the room and beat me, but he can’t, poor lamb. Too bad. I shall have to make it up to him somehow. I always know just what he’s thinking-now. But the others… Something’s the matter with Florence, but I don’t know what. She looks as if someone had hit her over the head and she hadn’t quite come to. Al’s drunk, and he wants Eily. Mildred”-a little inward laughter shook her-“in a way she’s hating every moment- Al on one side of her and Freddy on the other-two drunk men, and she’s miles and miles away from her little fancy work shop. But in a way she’s thrilled. I don’t suppose anything has ever happened to her before, and I don’t suppose anything will ever happen to her again, so she’s simply got to make the most of it… I wonder what Geoffrey’s thinking about. Perhaps a slogan introducing the word Family-‘Our Potato-peeler-every Family needs one.’…”

  Marian… No need to guess about Marian. There she was, magnificent in Parisian black with three rows of pearls dripping down into her lap and her beautiful eyes gazing soulfully at Jacob. She had in fact taken the stage and was discoursing richly.

  “My dear man, I couldn’t agree more-I really couldn’t. We all need to get closer together, don’t we? After all, if we can help each other-that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? I’ve always said so. And as to wills, we don’t need to talk about them, because everybody lives to a simply incredible age nowadays if they don’t get killed by a bomb or something. My first husband, Morgenstern, would have been alive now if he hadn’t insisted on flying over to the States in the middle of all those air attacks. That’s why I really do feel a little prejudiced about wills, because, you know, he left simply everything to charities and to his secretary, a horse-faced woman with streaky hair. It only shows you never can tell-doesn’t it? Nobody could have imagined she wasn’t perfectly safe.”

  “My dear Marian, I am supposed to be making a speech.”

  She gave him a warm, indulgent smile.

  “You were doing it so well too. Men are so good at that sort of thing. René used to make wonderful speeches-my second husband-after he had won a trophy or something. But I always knew he would kill himself racing, and of course he did. So there I was-a widow for the second time and not a penny.”

  Florence Duke on Jacob’s other side said deep and slow,

  “Some people have all the luck.”

  Marian Thorpe-Ennington took no notice. It is doubtful if she even heard. She flowed on.

  “So you see why I don’t like wills-so dreadfully undependable. Of course René hadn’t any money at all, and now Freddy isn’t going to have any either. And what I always think is, how much better to see what a lot of pleasure you are giving whilst you are here to enjoy it, instead of waiting until you are dead. I mean-”

  Jacob’s smile became suddenly malignant. He said softly and coldly,

  “Thank you-I know exactly what you mean. And I am now going to go on with my speech.”

  He leaned forward and rapped upon the table.

  “Now that you have all had a breathing-space I will go on. I am sorry if you thought it was all over, but I’m going to be brief, and I’m not going to be dull-at least I hope not, but of course you never can tell. I expect you have all noticed that I have asked a good many questions as to how much you know about the old inn. All your grandfathers and grandmothers seem to have known something about its smuggling past.” He paused for a moment to address Castell. “All right, Fogarty, go on- serve the ice-pudding. Annie will never forgive us if we let it melt.” Then, turning back, he resumed. “They could hardly have helped knowing something, since they were born and brought up here, and had the advantage for a good many years of old Jeremiah’s company and example. What I have wanted to find out was how much of what they knew they had handed on. Anybody got any contributions to make?”

  The ice-pudding was quite terribly good-all the food was terribly good. Jane felt really sorry for Freddy, who was missing it. She looked sideways at Jeremy, and found him giving a polite attention to his host. She wasn’t sure if there wasn’t a momentary flicker in her direction, or whether it was merely that she knew with what energy he was saying, “No!” to the question which had just been put to them all. She transferred an innocent gaze to Jacob’s face.

  Nobody answered, nobody stirred. Mildred Taverner divided a small piece of her ice-pudding into three. Delicious-really delicious. She savoured the mouthfuls slowly, laid down a thin old silver spoon, and said i
n her high voice,

  “There used to be a passage from the shore.”

  Her brother Geoffrey looked across the table and said,

  “Those old stories!” His tone was bored and contemptuous.

  Jane had the oddest conviction that behind the coolness and the boredom there was a sharp edge of anger. Yet Mildred had really said nothing that had not been said before by one or another of them.

  Jacob grinned his monkey grin.

  “I wondered whether the old stories hadn’t been handed down, and it seems they have. Now just how much did my Uncle Matthew tell you, Mildred?”

  Mildred Taverner said in a confused voice,

  “Oh, I don’t know-there was a passage-the smugglers used it-”

  “Is that all?”

  “I think-” she broke off-“yes, I think so.”

  The grin became more pronounced.

  “Well, that’s pretty vague, isn’t it? I can do better than that, because I can show you the passage.”

  Everyone moved or made some involuntary sound-a shifting of the balance, a leaning forward or back, the faint rattle of fork or spoon, as a hand released its hold, a quick involuntary intake of the breath. Jane saw Geoffrey Taverner’s hand close hard and then very deliberately relax.

  Jacob nodded, delighted with his effect.

  “Surprised-aren’t you? I thought you would be!” He chuckled. “I could see you all thinking you’d got hold of a shocking family secret, and all the time it wasn’t a secret at all. As soon as everyone has finished, come along and I’ll show you. We’ll go and look at the passage while Annie is sending the coffee up, but before we go- We’ve drunk to the Family, and now we’ll drink to the Family Secret, its smuggling past, and its harmless present- The Secret!”

  CHAPTER 10

  They went trooping through a green baize door at the back of the hall, to find themselves in a confusing rabbit-warren of stone-floored passages. There was a smell of cooking, and of mould from old walls which held the damp. One passage ran straight ahead, not narrow like the one which had led from the front door, but wide enough for two men to walk abreast and carry a load between them. All the passages here had this convenience of width-and no difficulty in guessing why. The smell of food came from a half open door on the left, carried out and away by the heat of a noble fire.