In the Middle of Nowhere

by Julie Ann Knudsen

  I was surprised he took the time, not only to eat a sandwich, but to make it, too.

  “Kay,” I said and went into the kitchen to search for some food for myself. I decided on a bagel and was just about done spreading some cream cheese on top when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” I shouted to James.

  At first I thought it was my mother and that maybe she had forgotten her keys, but when I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only one, I realized she wasn’t due home until dinnertime. I put down the knife and bagel, licked my fingers and headed for the front door.

  A chilly blast of wind, littered with tiny snowflakes, greeted me when I opened the door and nothing else. An unfamiliar car sat in my driveway and when I took one step outside to investigate, I found Tessa leaning against the side of the house, smoking a cigarette.

  “Hey. What’s going on?” I asked confused.

  “Can’t smoke in my mom’s car.”

  Just then the wind picked up and blew some flyers out of the overstuffed mailbox, which was attached to the side of our house.

  Tessa motioned with a swing of her head as she took another drag. “You might wanna get those.”

  I carefully sidestepped Tessa, trying to avoid the plume of smoke that surrounded her, and grabbed all the mail.

  It was so cold that I started to shake. “Want to come in when you’re done with that?” I asked, referring to her cigarette.

  “Nah. I’m fine.”

  “Then what are you doing here?” I asked as I moved back inside the front door, trying to seek refuge from the cold.

  Tessa moved closer. “I wanted to know if you wanna come over to my house and hang out.”

  I glanced back over my shoulder at my brother. “Can’t. I’m babysitting.”

  “Bring him.”

  “No,” I snickered. “I don’t think so.”

  Tessa looked over her shoulder at James. “Can’t he stay home by himself?”

  I shrugged.

  “How old is he?”

  “Gonna be nine.”

  “He’s old enough,” Tessa said as she flicked her butt on top of a snow-covered azalea bush. We both watched as the glowing paper melted the surrounding snow, turned it into water and finally extinguished itself.

  She looked at me. “I used to stay home by myself all the time when I was only six.”

  “That’s not saying much,” I gestured toward the Range Rover, which was still running in my driveway. “You’re driving all over the place and you don’t even have your license yet, or permit, for that matter.”

  Tessa wagged her finger in front of my face. “You’re wrong. I got my permit yesterday,” she said and smiled from ear to ear.

  “You did not.”

  “I swear. I have my new photo ID in the car.”

  Tessa pleaded. “Come on. Just for a bit, to celebrate the fact that I got it. What the hell else do you have to do?”

  I looked at James who was practically in a catatonic state as he played his game.

  “Plus,” she said, “I’m freezing my ass off out here.”

  I hesitated, but caved. “Alright, just for a little while. Let me get my coat and I’ll meet you in the car.”

  Tessa turned and walked away as I closed the front door behind her. Gingerly, I approached my brother.

  “James, would you care if I went out with a friend for a little while?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive,” he answered then quickly cheered and hollered after slaying the King of the zombies.

  “Okay. Listen to me,” I said as I stood in front of the television, blocking his view.

  “What?” he moaned. “I’m listening.”

  “First,” I instructed him, as I grabbed the cordless phone off of an end table. “Keep this with you and you can call my cell phone any time.”

  James took the phone and put it on his lap. “Fine. Anything else?”

  I thought. “No eating or drinking. I don’t want you to choke.”

  “I’ll be fine, Willow. I’m not a baby, you know. I’m just gonna sit here and play my game.”

  “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “Also, you can’t tell mom and if you keep it a secret, they’ll be a reward in it for you …”

  I thought quickly, “… like a new video game or something.”

  James rolled his eyes. “Fine. Please move now.”

  I left my brother and grabbed my wool Pea Coat off a chair near the front door. I still held the mail in my hand and quickly flipped through it. Most of it was junk mail, as usual, but one small, red envelope caught my eye. It was addressed to me, but had no return address on the front or back and I didn’t recognize the handwriting. I wondered who it could be from and was just about to open it when Tessa beeped her car horn. I threw the mail down on top of an antique side table, grabbed my scarf, put on my coat and decided I’d open it later.

  • • •

  Tessa drove me to her house and pulled up next to Jaques’s pickup.

  I turned toward Tessa before climbing out. “Are your parents home?”

  “Of course not. My dad is away at some seminar and my mom is in the city hosting some fancy luncheon.”

  Living out in the boondocks, I quickly realized that whenever anyone referred to the “city” they were talking about Portland.

  I followed Tessa inside her foyer, which was fully decorated for Christmas. A huge, evergreen wreath, accented with metallic gold poinsettias, hung from one wall and garland, made up of fresh holly and bright red velvety bows, snaked up the curvy iron banister all the way to the third floor. Electric candles glowed softly in the windowsills. It smelled like a field of Evergreen trees.

  “Your house is decorated so beautifully,” I commented.

  Tessa continued walking toward the back of the house. “The gardener did it.”

  Tessa made her way into the kitchen and immediately stepped into her walk-in pantry.

  “You hungry?”

  “No thanks. I ate,” I lied.

  “What’d you eat?”

  I didn’t have an answer because I remembered I never actually did end up eating the bagel and cream cheese. Tessa had rung the doorbell before I even took a bite.

  “Actually, I guess I forgot to eat.”

  Tessa peeked her head around the doorframe. “How the hell can you forget to eat? I’m starving and there’s no food in this place. Wanna order a pizza?”

  “Sure,” I shrugged. “But I didn’t bring any money.”

  “Don’t worry, I—“ Tessa started to answer, but her brother interrupted us, appearing out of nowhere.

  “Did I hear someone say something about pizza?” Jaques asked loudly as he entered the kitchen. He looked cute in a navy blue sweater and tight pair of jeans.

  “You wanna order some pizza with us?”

  “Sure, count me in,” he said as he plopped down on a stool at the island.

  “And here.” Jaques leaned back and reached into his pants pocket. He pulled out his wallet and threw it on top of the island. Tens and twenties spilled out of it.

  “It’s on me,” he half smiled. He seemed like he was drunk.

  “How’s it going, Willow?” he slurred.

  “Good,” I said as I stood awkwardly in the middle of the huge room.

  “Come here,” he said as he patted the seat next to him. “Come join me.”

  I looked at Tessa. “Go ahead. I’m just gonna go in the study to grab the phone book and some take-out menus. You guys decide what you want on the pizza.”

  Slowly I walked over to Jaques and he pulled another stool out for me. Reluctantly, I sat.

  “So, young lady, what brings you here?”

  I didn’t want to, but I felt I had no choice but to look Jaques in the eyes. The blueness of them was dulled by the fact that the whites of his eyes were completely bloodshot. He was either drunk or stoned and I was a bit unnerved considering it was the middle of the day.


  “Not much. Just gonna hang out with your sister.”

  Jaques looked around. “Where is that slutty sister of mine, anyway?”

  Just then Tessa came into the kitchen with a phone book and a stack of menus tucked under her arm.

  “Shut the fuck up, Jaques!” she yelled.

  Jaques, whose eyelids were half closed at this point, struggled to open them and mocked his only sister, “Sorry, Tess. I thought you liked it when I called you a slut.”

  With the reflexes of a wounded animal in the wild fighting for survival, Tessa hurled the phone book and menus at her brother. The menus flew through the air and the phone book slammed straight into his stomach. Jaques was so wasted he barely flinched.

  “Why don’t you go back in your drug cave and curl up and die?” she hissed at him.

  Jaques pushed the phone book onto the floor. “Chill out, dude.”

  Tessa pointed down the back hallway from where Jaques had come. “Go, Jaques. Get outta here. Now!” she screamed.

  Jaques stood, uneasy on his feet at first, got his balance and slowly sauntered away.

  I looked at Tessa. She rolled her eyes. I was alarmed by this interaction. Apparently she wasn’t.

  “Remember you were afraid for me to drive you home last time and I told you it was better than having my loser brother do it.”

  Tessa bent down, picked up the phone book and menus and placed them on top of the counter. She shot me a look, as if to say, “I told you so.”

  She chose a menu and opened it up. “So? What do you want on your pizza?”

  CHAPTER

  THIRTEEN

  I was finally turning sixteen on the sixteenth of January. My dad had always said that that was going to be my “special” birthday celebration. His birthday was March seventh, so his special birthday, he felt, occurred when he turned seven on the seventh.

  He thought mine was much more exciting because I would be older and could appreciate the specialty of it even more. He would always joke, too, that he hoped I’d abide by the old saying, “sixteen and never been kissed.” My dad had told me time and time again that no man would ever be good enough for me, his little princess.

  My sixteenth birthday was the very next day and I definitely achieved my dad’s hope of never being kissed, but it wasn’t necessarily my dream. Even so, I would have settled for “never, ever been kissed” just to have my dad around to celebrate my birthdays with me.

  I tried not to make a big deal about my birthday, but I was very excited on the inside. It fell on a Saturday, so I was bummed that I wouldn’t be in school hanging out with my friends.

  Plus, I wasn’t going to be able to get my driver’s permit until the DMV opened back up on Monday, if my mom let me try and take the test at all. Even though I could have gotten my permit at fifteen, according to Maine’s law, my mother said there was no way she would let me drive when I was only fifteen. She thought that even sixteen was too young for teens to be let loose and out on the roads.

  When we first moved to Pike’s, she said she would consider letting me get my permit when I turned sixteen, but when I asked her right after Christmas, she changed her tune.

  “In order to drive, Willow, you have to exhibit responsibility and after the way you left your brother home alone during the break, I’m not sure you’re ready for any kind of responsibility, especially getting behind the wheel of a four thousand pound, potentially deadly weapon.”

  My mother was so over-dramatic. I had no comeback. How was I to know that my mother would end her shopping spree early and get home before me because she had a migraine?

  I had only stayed at Tessa’s house for a couple of hours. We ordered pizza, ate it and checked out people’s MyWeb accounts on her laptop. I told her I had to get back before my mother got home, but didn’t tell her the other reason, which was that I wanted to leave before her brother resurfaced.

  I knew I was in trouble the minute Tessa dropped me off. My mom’s car sat in the driveway. I quietly entered the house and closed the front door behind me. My brother was smack dab in front of the television just like I had left him. I was about to tiptoe upstairs to my room when my mother yelled to me from over on the couch where she lay, a damp washcloth draped across her forehead.

  “Willow Ann Flynn!” Slowly she sat up. “Don’t you go anywhere!”

  She scolded me, not only for leaving James, but also for forgetting to feed the cat. “Your cat!” she reminded me.

  I was grounded the rest of vacation and was not able to meet up with Erica and Taylor after all. With nowhere else to go, I proceeded to stay home and either read and reread my books or surf the Internet. By the end of the week I was bored to tears. When the weekend came, my mom was home, too. When I asked her why she wasn’t out with Mr. Roberts, I mean, “Brian,” she said he was off somewhere, visiting relatives.

  Thinking back, it now made sense why my mother promised me I could have the whole weekend to myself as long as I stayed home with James during the week. Brian was going to be gone and she wouldn’t have had anyone else to go out with. How convenient for her, I thought. And after all that bargaining and babysitting, I ended up being stuck inside the whole time anyway.

  But I wasn’t going to let my worthless Christmas vacation put a damper on my special sixteenth birthday the next day. I got up bright and early that morning to ensure that I wouldn’t be running late for the ferry. I took extra time getting ready, picking out a new outfit that I had gotten for Christmas and hadn’t worn yet.

  I tried to get through most of the day by staying calm and not letting my excitement show too much. I had made plans to go out with Erica, Taylor and two other girls from school for my birthday later that night. No one was available on Saturday evening, so we decided to hang out on Friday night instead. We were going to go to a local Italian restaurant for dinner and then to a movie afterwards.

  I had planned on meeting up with Taylor and Erica during lunch so we could finalize my birthday plans, but neither of them showed up.

  I sat at a table by myself, took a bite of my French bread pizza and texted both of them. Where could they be? Maybe they were in the library. I ate and waited, but no texts ever came back.

  I looked around for the two other girls we were going to go with, Victoria and Megan, but I quickly remembered that neither of them was in our lunch wave.

  I texted Erica and Taylor, again. I was just about to give up when Taylor texted me back.

  “Sorry,” she wrote. “Something came up and Erica and I can’t make it to Luigi’s tonight. We’ll do it another night. Happy Birthday anyway!” She ended the text with a sad face.

  Why the hell couldn’t they “make it” and, more importantly, where the hell were they? What was so important that they had to cancel my birthday plans the day of and why didn’t they tell me in person? I was fuming and crushing my empty chocolate milk container in my hand when someone appeared behind me.

  “Whose head do you wish that was?”

  I turned around to find Tessa alarmed and genuinely concerned for whomever I aimed my wrath.

  She patted my shoulder. “You need to calm down, Willow. I’m sure it’s not that bad,” she said before turning and heading toward a testosterone-filled table where all the football players congregated.

  I watched as she walked away and was perturbed by her, too. How would she know how bad it was? I couldn’t tell Tessa what was going on, especially since we didn’t invite her to join us for my birthday celebration. Erica and Taylor knew I was friendly with her, but I still hadn’t told them that I had been to her house twice. They would still gossip about her almost every day and, as much as I didn’t approve of it, I didn’t feel close enough to Tessa to defend her. I would just sit and listen to them and remain mum.

  In my own way, I liked Tessa and suspected she may have felt as lonely as I had at times. Maybe that’s why she sought me out. Maybe she figured she could befriend the new girl who no one had claimed yet. I didn’t know. I wasn’t a
part of any clique and really didn’t want to be.

  Most days I missed the close friendships I had had with Gabby, Sarah and Becca back in Massachusetts, but I realized it might take some time to make similar friendships with others in my new school. It had taken over eight years for ours to develop into such a strong bond. I just needed to be patient.

  Lunch finally ended and I didn’t end up seeing any of the girls the rest of the day. After my last class, and as I headed toward my locker to collect my books for the weekend, I spotted Victoria in the hallway. I waved to her, but she ignored me and answered her cell phone instead. I would text her later and hoped that she and Megan could still meet up with me. I figured three was better than none.

  I sat by myself on the boat ride back to the island so I could pout in peace. All week long I had so been looking forward to the five of us going out for my birthday. I was disappointed to say the least. And just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, Victoria answered my text. She apologized and said that she and Megan couldn’t make it either. I couldn’t believe it and thought I would burst into tears.

  Very quickly my sadness turned to anger when I realized that everyone ditched me, yet didn’t have the decency to tell me to my face.

  I sulked the rest of the evening and stayed in my room, trying to forget about the night I was supposed to be having. My mom knocked on my door and popped her head inside.

  “Are you staying in tonight, Willow?”

  I looked up from my book. “It’s either that or going out to dinner at Luigi’s all by myself.”

  “Well,” my mother reminded me, “don’t forget. We’ll be going out to dinner tomorrow night to celebrate your special day.”

  I rolled my eyes and mumbled, “Thrilling.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind,” I said as I continued to read.

  After my mom left, I closed my book, turned off my light and hoped that sleep would make me forget about the misery I’d be facing the minute I woke up on my “not-so-special day.”

  • • •

  I purposely slept in late on my sixteenth birthday, not wanting to think about the cancelled plans from the night before. When I finally did roll out of bed, I sluggishly walked over to my full-length mirror and stared at my reflection. I didn’t look any older and certainly didn’t feel it. My hair was sticking up in a million different directions and my cheek had a light, white mark on it from where a puddle of drool had settled and dried overnight. I didn’t look any different, I concluded… just pathetic.