In the Middle of Nowhere
Page 22
Michael tried to console me as he ran his fingers through my hair. How ironic. Michael was comforting me, when I needed to be comforting him.
I sat up and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand. I dried my eyes and nose.
“Hey,” he said. “None of us knows when the end is near, so why waste time and be sad thinking about it?”
I sniffled. “I know.”
“Sweet dreams, my dear, sweet dreams, you dare? Be done with dreams, and face your fear,” he recited.
Stunned, I looked at Michael. That was it. That was the very first poem Michael sent to me in the form of a tiny paper airplane back in September.
“You remembered!”
He nodded. “It just came to me. We all need to face our fears, Willow. Otherwise, life isn’t worth living.”
Slowly I nodded and kept my head down. Michael was right. I was afraid of loving him, of loving anyone, especially after losing my father, but I would never know true love if I wasn’t willing to take the chance and find out.
As if reading my thoughts, Michael carefully removed the oxygen tube from his nose and placed it under his pillow. It made a soft hissing sound. He took my other hand and spoke ever so quietly. “Come here.”
Right away, the butterflies came. Michael pulled me toward him. The sick boy lying in the hospital bed raised his head toward mine and closed his eyes. I closed mine and somehow found his lips touching mine, the softest lips I had ever felt before, lingered on top of mine.
Michael gently took the back of my head in his hand and kissed me tenderly at first, and then more eagerly, as if it was the last kiss of his life. I felt his desperation and the passion from deep within in him. I cried as I kissed him back, as tears of contentedness fell from my face onto his.
The butterflies in my stomach flew away and were replaced with a sense of knowing, knowing in my gut that everything was going to be all right. I stopped crying, pulled back and looked at him. Michael opened his eyes and met my gaze. No words were needed. We both smiled and came together again as I shared my first real kiss with a boy I was finally getting to know.
EPILOGUE
As I straightened my hair, I studied my reflection in the mirror. I had moved to Pike’s Island less than a year before, but felt as if I had lived there my whole life. I felt older and wiser than when I had first arrived. A lot could happen in a short amount of time, I realized, as I brushed my hair and fastened a clip with a delicate, red rose to the side of my head.
I turned from side to side and was happy with what I saw. I put on the least amount of makeup, only eyeliner and mascara, and looked naturally healthy because of my tan, which was a fringe benefit of the warm, summer weather.
I picked up the last poem that Michael had written me. It had its own special place on top of my vanity table. It read:
“Days will pass,
Lives will change,
Futures are uncertain.
But love remains the same,
It’s timeless and unbroken,
And holds onto good times past.
Always remember me.”
Michael
I put the poem back in its special spot and stood up. I slipped off my T-shirt and carefully put on my simple, black linen dress. My mind drifted back to the end of the school year as I did. To me, it seemed to finish off rather uneventfully. I kept to myself, studied, did all my homework and got straight As.
Eventually, my mom and I had the “talk.” She read me the riot act and cautioned me that every decision I made had a consequence and it was possible that, someday, I could make a bad one that could be detrimental and irreversibly change my life forever. And, as promised, I was grounded until the end of the school year. I didn’t fight it and after a while, almost relished the quiet and calmness that accompanied it, especially after hanging out with some crazy characters, including Tessa.
Tessa Anderson didn’t stay idle for very long. Once she realized that I was going to be stuck at home for a very long time, she quickly and effortlessly found a replacement for me. Conveniently, about a week into my sentencing a new girl moved to the island. She was taller and thinner than me, but not as pretty, I felt. Nonetheless, she filled a void in Tessa’s life and Tessa quickly took her under her wing and taught her the ropes of being a soph-whore-more at Portland High. Luckily for Tessa, the newbie seemed to be a quick study.
Connor and Rocky were easily cast aside as they were getting ready to graduate and move on to college. With the help of her new protégé, Tessa sought out the most popular, cute and athletic boys that reigned supreme in the junior class. Out with the old, in with the new.
While I would sit with a nice bunch of girls in the lunchroom, I’d watch as Taylor and Erica sat by themselves and continued to gossip and whisper about Tessa and her unsuspecting new friend. The two of them needed to get a life, I concluded, or at least get a clue and figure out what was really important.
• • •
All my fears for this day were for naught, I realized. I wasn’t as scared or nervous like I had thought. I walked over to my full-length mirror and adjusted the matching thin black belt. I liked what I saw and was satisfied with the dress, which I hoped to never wear again.
I thought back to months earlier, when I had returned home from visiting Michael during the snowstorm, as he lay so sick in his hospital bed. I had walked through my front door and found my mother standing in the kitchen doorway, her small arms wide open, ready and waiting for me to fall into them.
I sobbed as she held me and, afterwards, we sat and talked for hours. I told her about Michael and how I felt about him. With as much sensitivity as she could, my mom told me that she felt the same way about Brian and she assured me that he would never, ever take the place of my father, her first true love. I wanted to believe her, but I had to get answers to some very important questions first.
Initially I was hesitant and didn’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, but I took a deep breath and plowed ahead anyway. I told her about the suspicious woman I had seen Brian with in the store parking lot. My mother had chuckled at this, especially after I had described the “other woman.”
Apparently it was Brian’s older brother, Greg, who lived in New Hampshire, and his girlfriend, Christine, who lived on the island whom I saw. The two of them had met years earlier when Greg was staying with Brian. Greg was visiting Brian and his girlfriend when I saw them in the parking lot together. That was the reason my mom stayed home with James and it was the same night that I got into trouble with Tessa and the boys. My mom told me that Brian and Greg looked so much alike, they were often mistaken for one another or even twins.
Still, I wasn’t done and needed more answers. “Why is it that Brian used to be a principal and now is only a teacher?” I had asked, as I thought back to what Connor and Rocky had said. “And what about the fact that he used to live with some lady!”
My mother gently took my hands, became serious and explained. “A long time ago, Brian did live with a woman. She got very ill and eventually died of cancer. Brian cared for her during this time and was devastated by the loss. He couldn’t handle the stress that being a principal entailed, so he opted out of his job and took one as a fifth grade teacher instead. Eventually they offered him his job back, but he realized that his first love was teaching and that he had missed the classroom interaction with the kids.”
I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Everything was so easily explained away. I really let my imagination get the best of me, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t liked Brian and would have found any excuse not to trust him. Plus, how many people had siblings who looked exactly like them? It had been an honest mistake on my part.
I lifted each foot and fastened a pair of pretty, black sandals with small, shiny rhinestones on the top. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs. I was home alone and the house seemed eerily quiet on the beautiful, sunny morning.
Princess was cozily curled up at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me when
I got closer to her. I bent over and petted her softly.
“I’ll see you later,” I said.
I grabbed my mom’s car keys off the side table and headed out the front door. I was going to drive by myself for the first time, actually the second time, even though I wasn’t supposed to until I got my driver’s license in two more months.
But this day was an exception and my mother said I was an excellent driver and to be very careful when I did drive off, especially because I was running late. A migraine had kept me in bed much longer than I had planned. At least I felt much better and only a dull headache remained.
Before I backed out of the driveway, I skimmed the directions and luckily knew exactly where I was going. I looked at myself in the small, rearview mirror and was glad that I remembered to wear waterproof mascara. I didn’t want to cry, but if I did, I wanted to make sure my makeup didn’t run down my face.
It only took me ten minutes to get to my destination. I parked the car and saw that others were there already. I climbed out and grabbed the flowers off the front seat next to me. I had to remind myself that I didn’t need to be nervous.
I quickly walked to the hilltop, looked around and realized I wasn’t as late as I had thought. I scanned the crowd and spotted Michael’s mother. I would talk to her later.
I walked away from the others, toward the back of the event and finally found my mother. I hugged and kissed her. She hugged and kissed me back.
“How do you feel?” she asked me.
“Much better, thanks,” I smiled. “Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said as her pretty green eyes sparkled.
I looked around. “Where’s James?”
My mother seemed to panic for a spilt second until James suddenly appeared, animatedly playing his DS game.
“Put that away, now, James!” my mother scolded. “This is neither the time nor the place.”
James looked up, flicked off the game and put it inside his coat pocket. Some things never changed.
“Do you have the rings?” my mom asked my brother.
“Oops!” he said and ran off.
My mother rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently. Even mad, she still looked beautiful.
James quickly came back holding a small silk pillow with two gold wedding bands pinned on top. Even though he was annoying, James was so cute in his little black suit.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Ready?” I asked my mom again.
She smiled and nodded.
I casually stepped out from behind the white drape and subtly signaled to the string quartet at the very front. On cue, they began Wagner’s Bridal Chorus.
Two guests pulled back the drapes and fastened them with satin ropes. James went first and looked anxious as he walked toward the protected altar, shaded by a weeping willow.
I quickly followed and tried to keep my nerves in check. I smiled at the small groups of people who sat on either side of the short aisle. The sun was still low in the sky and the air felt crisp and clean.
I reached the altar and turned to watch as my mother followed. She looked lovely in the vintage, ivory wedding dress, as real pearl pins held her wavy hair off of her neck. I looked over at Brian. He beamed as he watched her approach. His brother, Greg, stood by his side and served as his best man. I, of course, was the maid of honor.
I looked in the audience and again noticed Michael’s mother and the empty chair next to her. She saw me and smiled. I smiled back. I couldn’t believe how much Michael looked like her, especially when she smiled.
My mom reached us and took Brian’s extended hand. Hers looked so small and delicate inside his. The preacher began his sermon and I anxiously scanned the crowd. Just then I saw him emerge from behind a row of chairs in the very back. He finished coughing and quietly crept forward. He ducked down as he moved to the empty seat beside his mother.
We locked eyes and smiled at one another. Michael looked so darn handsome in his light gray suit and red tie. Finally content, I turned and listened as the preacher spoke about compromise and faithfulness, forgiveness and eternal love, while standing on a hillside, overlooking the ocean, on an island, in the middle of nowhere.
ABOUT
JULIE ANN KNUDSEN
Julie Ann Knudsen received her B.S. degree in Technical Writing from Clarkson University, but found that she preferred writing creatively, especially after penning the play for her children’s drama club for many years. She lives with her husband and three children in Connecticut. Find her on the Web at julieannknudsen.com.