Going for Gold

by Ivy Smoak

  I sighed. "You think?"

  "Yes. Why else would he have chased you to your dressing room and even found a security guard to help let him in when you wouldn't answer."

  "Wait, you mean security wasn't there to arrest me?"

  "What? Is that why you escaped out a window and disappeared?"

  "Yes. I thought I was going to get arrested for public sex or something and spend the rest of my life in some Brazilian prison."

  Kristen starting laughing even harder. "Why would they let you get the gold medal and then wait until you ran off stage to arrest you? Why wouldn't they just stop the performance?"

  "I don't know! Clearly I wasn't thinking straight or I wouldn't have..."

  She stared at me for a second. "I'm sorry, I just have to ask...what was it like?" It looked like she was trying hard not to smile.

  "You mean, getting gangbanged on live television?" I cringed as I said it.

  She laughed. "Not the last part." She leaned on the counter. "Just the first part."

  "Can we please not talk about it? How are you even looking at me after seeing me do that?"

  "What, you mean because I'm so jealous of you?"

  "Jealous?"

  "Yes. And proud. The way you went out there and handled all those beautiful men. I don't know if I would have had the confidence to do that. And the way you hugged Gabriela and got cum all over her. That was priceless."

  I couldn't help but smile. I should have known Kristen would have my back. She was the best. Knowing there was someone in the world who didn't think I was a disgusting whore significantly improved my mood.

  "So it was awesome, wasn't it?" she asked.

  "I don't know." I hadn't really thought about how I felt during it, just how horrible I felt when it was over. I laughed.

  "Oh my God, you loved it!"

  "I didn't love it." I could feel my face turning red. "I don't know, it was weird. And this doesn't make it any better, but it seemed like Bryce was all around me. I felt comfortable despite being in front of all those people. It was...intoxicating."

  "See, I knew I should be jealous."

  "Ugh," I said with a laugh. "I wish it had been you."

  "Me too."

  I shook my head. "You're so ridiculous."

  "I'm ridiculous? You're the one that doesn't realize how big of an opportunity this is. You could have your own reality TV show now. Everyone gets their start these days by leaking a sex tape."

  I started laughing. And once I had started, I couldn't seem to stop.

  "Can I please be on your TV show?" Kristen said as she gasped for air through her own laughter.

  "Absolutely." It felt so good to laugh after my week of shame hibernation.

  Kristen got up and grabbed a bottle of wine. "Okay, so you know I need all the juicy details, right?"

  I put my hand over my eyes. "What details?"

  "Like how it felt to have Python's enormous thunder cock inside of you."

  We both burst into laughter again.

  Chapter 52

  Alina

  "So what are the odds that my family saw the full video?" I asked. Kristen and I had just pulled into my neighborhood. We were on the way to my house for my welcome home dinner, and I was getting more nervous with every second that passed.

  "I don't know," said Kristen. "They had to have been watching the tiebreaker, right?"

  "Not necessarily. Everyone thought it was going to be you dancing until a few minutes before. But let's assume they were watching. What would they have seen?

  "Okay, so they definitely saw that your backup dancers got naked and that you took your bra off, but that was all censored. I think the broadcast cut out before you started giving head. And then it didn't come back on until Owen Harris gave you the towel."

  "Hmm...so they heard what the judges said to me." I tried to recall exactly what the judges had said to me, but I couldn't remember for sure. "I think that French lady said the most. Do you remember if she specifically mentioned that I had sex?"

  Kristen shrugged as she turned into my parents' driveway. "I don't know, Alina. It'll probably be pretty obvious if they know or not. And if it isn't, I'll help you figure it out."

  I took a deep breath and we walked to the front door.

  "Don't be nervous," said Kristen. "Your parents will still love you no matter how much of it they saw."

  Oh God.

  My mom answered the door. "Alina." She pulled me into a hug. "Sweetie, we've been so worried about you. Where on earth have you been?" She released me from her hug but kept both hands on my shoulders.

  "I just needed some time to myself," I said.

  She nodded. "Right. I know how upset you were about the final. But silver is nothing to be ashamed of. That's a huge accomplishment."

  Does she really not know about what happened? Or is she just pretending like she doesn't? I glanced at Kristen and she gave me a subtle thumbs up.

  "So what's for dinner?" asked Kristen.

  "I cooked up a big turkey dinner. I hope that's okay. In fact, I need to go take it out of the oven. Why don't you go put your things upstairs and then join us in the dining room."

  My mom disappeared down the hall and left Kristen and me at the door.

  "I think she's oblivious," said Kristen.

  "I don't know. She was acting kinda weird. And why didn't my dad or grandma come to greet us?"

  "They're probably just already at the table. Come on, go put your stuff upstairs and come eat. I'm hungry."

  I walked upstairs and dropped my duffel bag on the floor of my room. There was a picture of Chris and me on my nightstand. I walked over and picked it up. Chris had his arm around me, his hand resting on my ass. I always thought his physical affection was a good thing. I had been too blind to realize that it was the only thing that was important to him. I opened up the drawer in my nightstand and tossed the picture inside. Screw Chris. Bryce was who I really cared about. But just like Chris had fucked things up with me, I had fucked things up with Bryce. Even though Kristen had cheered me up a little, the thought of Bryce still brought tears to my eyes. I tried to cheer myself up by looking at the other picture on my nightstand, a picture of Grandma and me in front of Nona's Bakery when I was young. But that picture didn't cheer me up either. It just made me think about how I still had to convince my dad to give me more time to come up with the money to fix up the bakery. And convincing him that the money was coming involved admitting that I had participated in the tiebreaker and won gold and that the US ITA Committee was withholding my winnings until a review of my behavior was completed.

  Shit.

  I turned away from the picture and went downstairs.

  Kirsten, Mom, Dad, and Grandma were all seated at the table already.

  "Alina!" my grandmother said. "My beautiful, Alina." She was smiling brightly. It was questionable if my mom knew or not, but it definitely seemed like my grandma was in the dark. Thank God.

  "Hi, Grandma," I said and gave her a hug before sitting down.

  "Welcome home, honey," said my dad. He glanced up at me and then turned his attention to carving the turkey.

  I looked over at Kristen to see if she had figured out if they knew, but she just shrugged.

  We all served ourselves and began eating. With each second that passed in silence, I began to think that my family had seen the video. Usually we had such free-flowing conversation during our family dinners, especially after not seeing each other for three weeks.

  "So, girls," said my mom finally. "We want to hear all about the games."

  "They were a lot of fun," I said. I wanted to avoid giving any details at all costs.

  "What was Brazil like?"

  "Hot. Really hot," I said. "You know, in a temperature way." I ate a big spoonful of mashed potatoes and hoped no one picked up on the innuendo.

  "Yeah, I saw on the news how hot it was there," replied my mom.

  Please be talking about the temperature. "Yup. High 90s and very humid
."

  "What I want to know is what it was like to be surrounded by all those athletes," said my grandma.

  "Intimidating," said Kristen. "And a little overwhelming. But I thought Alina handled it really well."

  I kicked Kristen under the table. What the hell is she doing!?

  "What about that boy you were telling me about?" asked my mom. "Are you two still together despite the tie..." She coughed into her napkin. "...Time difference? You said he lives in Pasadena, right?"

  Shit, was she about to say tiebreaker? I looked down at my plate and tried to hold back the mix of tears about Bryce and embarrassment that my mom almost mentioned the tiebreaker. I was pretty sure she knew all about it and was just pretending like she didn't.

  "I'm not sure they've talked since the games," said Kristen.

  "Can we talk about something else?" I asked.

  Kristen nodded. "Can someone pass the dark meat? I wanted to get my hands on it before Alina shoves it all in her mouth."

  My dad choked on whatever he was eating and my grandma giggled. My mom pretended to ignore it completely.

  Oh fuck. They definitely know.

  "So uh...what'd I miss in Delaware?" I said, changing the topic as quickly as possible.

  "We sold the bakery," said my dad matter-of-factly.

  "What?" I asked. "No. You said you wouldn't until I got back..."

  "It's done," said my dad. "End of discussion."

  I looked to my grandma for help. "Grandma? Are you going to let him do this?"

  She looked down at her plate.

  I turned back to my dad. "But I'm going to get the money. Just give me a few days."

  He slammed his fist on the table, making everyone at the table jump. "What are you going to do? Host a charity strip show to get the money you need to fix the place up? Or maybe you could go do some more porn."

  I swallowed hard. I had never been more ashamed in my life. Or more embarrassed. But it wasn't just that. I was mad. I was so mad. "Dad, I made one mistake."

  He scoffed. "That's not what I heard."

  I winced. It wasn't just one mistake. There had been eight guys on that stage. I looked over at my grandmother. She was looking everywhere except for at me. Before she had started getting sick, she loved putting my father in his place, making him feel like the son she still viewed him as. But not even Grandma was on my side this time. Had she really heard about it too? Why were they talking about that in an old folks home? Her lack of support hurt the most. It was her dream to pass the bakery on to me.

  "Bill, please..." said my mom.

  "God damn it. I can't just sit here and pretend like nothing happening." My dad turned to me. The disappointment in his eyes was heartbreaking. "We heard all about what you did, Alina. You didn't deserve that bakery, not after that. I sold it to the highest bidder."

  "She won gold," said Kristen. "You should be proud of her, not slut shaming her."

  My dad shook his head. "We didn't raise you that way, Alina."

  "What do you mean you didn't raise me that way? You're who I got my competitiveness from. You always told me to do whatever it takes to win. You always said..."

  My dad stood up. The chair squeaked across the floor. "To be a prostitute? I can't even look at you!"

  I bit my lip. I didn't want to start crying again. "It was a mistake."

  He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

  "Then give me more time. Dad, please, I'm begging you."

  He finally made eye contact with me. "It's too late. The sale is final. I need some air."

  I closed my eyes and squeezed them harder when I heard the front door slam. "I'm gonna go to bed."

  "You barely touched your food," my mother said. She put her hand on top of mine.

  I opened my eyes. "Did you know?"

  "Yes. I saw the video on Twitter..."

  Oh my God. The thought of my mom watching that video made me want to vomit.

  "I think she meant about the bakery," said Kristen.

  My mom cleared her throat. "Oh, right. No, I didn't know. I would have told him not to do it, but I don't think that would have helped. Someone came in with a last minute bid that was way higher than the price he had been negotiating with the developer. Either way, my opinion didn't matter. It wasn't mine to sell."

  "It wasn't his either. It was Grandma's."

  Grandma continued to stare at something that no one else saw. Clearly she didn't want me to have the bakery either.

  "I'm already beating myself up over what happened enough," I said. "I don't need anyone else against me." I stood up.

  "Sweetie..." but my mom's voice died away as I ran up the stairs. It felt like I was a kid again, being reprimanded. Only what I had done was nothing like what a child would do.

  I collapsed on my bed. I remembered being upset after getting my silver medal. Bryce had held me. He made me feel safe and secure. Like nothing bad would ever happen to me. Like he'd be there making sure it didn't. I needed him. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it felt like with his arms around me again. But all I could see was his bruised face.

  Kristen entered my room a second later. She sat down on the bed and put her hand on my shoulder. She didn't have to say anything. I knew she didn't mean to set my dad off like that. She was just trying to help me figure out if my parents knew.

  "I can't believe he sold it," I said.

  "Maybe it's not final. He was probably just lashing out because he was mad at you. He'll probably come to his senses in a few days and cancel the sale."

  "I don't think so. He's never looked at me that way before. He hates me."

  "He doesn't hate you," said Kristen. "He's just adjusting to the fact that you're all grown up."

  "That's a nice way to put it. But I really think he hates..."

  A knock on the door interrupted me. I was about to tell them to go away when my grandma poked her head in. "Can I come in?"

  "Of course." I sat up and Kristen scooted over to make room for her on the bed.

  She was looking down at her hands. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything in front of your father."

  "You don't have to apologize. I know how upsetting what I did was for all of you. I'm so sorry."

  To my surprise, Grandma laughed. "That's not why I didn't say anything. I just didn't want to embarrass your father."

  I looked over at her.

  She laughed again. "I understand what happened completely."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Do you girls promise that what I say will never leave this room?"

  Kristen and I looked at each other. "We promise."

  "Well," she said and lowered her voice slightly. "Before I dated your grandfather, I was dating this handsome farm boy." She smiled, remembering him. "Two of his friends worked on the farm too. And they all shared a small house right next to the farm. They were all gorgeous. Tan from the sun, ripped muscles from heavy lifting. Short days, long nights. Very long, very cold nights." She sighed. "Some of the best nights of my life."

  I just stared at her and then looked over at Kristen. Her jaw had dropped. "Wait, are you saying..."

  "That I know what it's like to give into my hormones? To be shared? That feeling that you're already in so deep? And that all you want to do is satisfy everyone the same way they're satisfying you?"

  "Um, yeah."

  "Let's just say those were some of the best nights of my life. Up there with when you were born, my beautiful, Alina." She put her hand under my chin.

  I didn't know what to say. "But only you and them knew. Not the whole world."

  She waved her hand in the air. "And the next scandal will come soon enough. Everyone will forget. It's a burden that you'll carry alone, making it a monster in your own mind. I carried mine and lived through it. It'll be the same for you. But really, once you settle down and have children, you'll remember it more fondly. You'll think back and know what it was like to be so utterly satisfied that you completely lost control. To know what it was
like to truly live." She sighed.

  Oh my God.

  "And your regret will turn into a memory. There's only moving forward. Stop looking back, Alina."

  I was still having trouble processing the fact that my grandmother was into foursomes. I shook away the thought. "How can I look forward when my dad just took my future away from me?"

  My grandmother shook her head. "Your father is incorrigible. I signed over the lease to him years ago. He didn't even ask me. Don't worry, I'll be giving him a piece of my mind. That bakery was for you. All I've ever wanted was for you to take it over."

  None of us said anything for a long time.

  "So you think he'll get over it and change his mind, right?" asked Kristen.

  "I think the deal closed this afternoon," replied Grandma. "He was serious when he said it was done."

  It was what I had been fearing. "I can't believe it's really done. I always thought it would be mine." My voice sounded small.

  "There's other ways. You'll start your own bakery somewhere else. You'll make your own legacy."

  "But my dream is your bakery."

  My grandmother nodded. I knew she understood. The bakery had probably been even more important to her than it was to me.

  "One day at a time, dear granddaughter." She patted my knee. "Now, who is Bryce?"

  I sighed and leaned my head on my grandma's shoulder. "The most amazing guy I've ever met."

  "You know, I got together with your grandfather right after dating my farm boy."

  "Did he know about your time on the farm?"

  "I told him everything."

  "And he was okay with it?"

  My grandmother laughed. "I think he liked that I was a little wild."

  What I had done was probably classified as more than a little wild.

  Chapter 53

  Alina

  I listened to Bryce's message again: "Alina." There was a sigh. "I need to talk to you. Please, please call me back. I..." his voice trailed off. "I need to see you." The recording beeped, signaling that it was over.

  He had left that message the day after I had fled Brazil, but I hadn't heard it until today. My phone was finally charged again and I was quickly losing battery from replaying the message over and over.