Dark Hearts

by Micalea Smeltzer

  She has a nice ass. Fucking sue me.

  She looks up at me nervously, and I can tell she’s out of her element.

  But that’s okay, because I can lead.

  And leading is what I do best.

  “Feel the music,” my voice hums against her ear. “Let your body move to the rhythm.”

  She breathes out a shaky breath and begins to move.

  My lips twitch with the threat of a smile.

  This is a whole different kind of dancing than what we did last weekend at Xander and Thea’s wedding, and I love it. I can tell she’s nervous, but this is me, and she trusts me.

  I move my hips against her, and I don’t miss her shaky inhale of breath.

  I lower my lips to her ear and sing the lyrics softly. She shivers and her fingers flex around my neck.

  The lights flash chaotically around us, creating the illusion that we’re more alone than we actually are.

  I skim my thumbs slightly under her shirt, grazing her bare skin, and her dark eyes flash to mine.

  I’m playing with fire but I’m not worried about getting burned.

  Her eyes reflect desire back to me, and I know she sees the same in mine.

  Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her.

  Every beat of my heart chants the words.

  Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her.

  I fucking want to. So bad. But I’m scared to go there.

  Nova’s different.

  A kiss would lead to sex, I know it would, and then what would happen? She’s my friend. She’s not a girl I can walk away from after the deed is done with no hard feelings.

  Her hips sway to the music, grinding against me, and I bite my lip to stifle my groan. When she looks up at me with surprise in her eyes I know she hasn’t missed the hardness straining against my jeans.

  Fucking hell.

  If this was any other girl I wouldn’t hesitate to go in for the kill.

  But this is Nova.

  My heart pounds like thunder in my ear and sweat breaks out across my skin as I fight the urge to kiss her and drag her out of this club so I can fuck her and show her what she does to me. How fucking crazy she makes me.

  But I can’t do that.

  I won’t do that.

  I tear away and leave her in the center of the dance floor.

  I push through the people and I’m gone.

  Nova

  My body feels cold at the sudden loss of Jace, even though I know there’s no way I can actually be cold. Not with this many bodies packed so tightly together.

  I watch his tall body push through the crowd as he gets further and further away from me.

  He was turned on. I know what I saw and felt, and I can’t believe he’d just leave. Probably to grab some random chick and fuck her in the bathroom—I’ve heard stories from Cade and Xander about things Jace has done, so it’s not a stretch of my imagination.

  I blow out an exasperated breath.

  I don’t know whether to keep dancing, get a drink, or leave.

  I settle on getting a drink. I push my way over to the bar and order a beer. There’s no stool available but I catch a guy getting up so I dash over and grab it.

  The bartender hands me my drink, and I down it like I’ve been stuck in a desert and it’s the only drink I could find. I motion for another.

  Fuck Jace.

  The bartender replaces my drink and I sip at this one slower—and by slower, I mean it takes me a full five minutes to drink it and not one.

  “Did you break up with someone?” the guy beside me asks, his drink halfway to his lips. He looks as miserable as me.

  “Something like that,” I mutter.

  “Feelings fucking suck,” he grumbles. “Cage.” He holds out a hand.

  “What about a cage?” I ask, taking his hand.

  He chuckles. “No, that’s my name. Cage.”

  “Oh, I’m Nova,” I say.

  “Nova,” I hear an angry growl behind me and turn to see Jace with a stormy expression. He looks like he wants to rip poor Cage’s arms off. Cage could probably take him, though. He looks like he’s tall, even sitting down, and he’s muscular.

  “Cage,” I drawl his name. “This is Jace—he likes me but he won’t admit it.” I hiccup. Fucking beer. “So, he probably just went and fucked someone in the bathroom, or even better in the back alley, all because he’s my friend and he won’t touch me.”

  “Nova,” he warns.

  I turn to him. “You don’t have to say it. I’m not stupid. I know you won’t touch me because we’re friends.” I spin on the stool. “It’s okay. I’m sure Cage would be happy to fuck me if I asked him to.”

  “Don’t fucking touch her.” Jace glowers at Cage, pointing at him in warning.

  Cage raises his hands in defense. “Fuck, I was just making conversation with her. I didn’t mean to get into something.”

  He quickly abandons the stool like his ass is on fire.

  “Thanks a lot, Cage!” I yell after him.

  “We’re going,” Jace says, his voice gruff with irritation.

  “I still have more to drink.” I lift my beer by the neck and wiggle it so the liquid inside sloshes.

  “Leave it.” He pulls out his wallet and slaps some bills on the counter to cover my tab.

  “I can pay for my own drinks. This is the twentieth century.”

  He rolls his eyes. “It’s the twenty-first century, Nova. How many drinks have you had?”

  “Um …” I count. “Three. Four?” I hold up five fingers. “I don’t know.”

  Jace covers his face with his hands and mutters something. When his hands fall, he has a determined look in his eyes.

  I squeak when he picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder like I’m a sack of potatoes. I feel slightly disoriented and my stomach churns.

  Please do not throw up.

  “Put me down,” I plead as he carries me out of the club.

  He ignores me or maybe he doesn’t hear me—which is possible with as loud as it is in here and seeing as how I’m basically speaking to his knees.

  When he exits onto the street I shiver from the sudden temperature change.

  “Put me down,” I say again, knocking my fists against his legs.

  “No.”

  “Ugh,” I groan.

  He walks a block or maybe two when I cry out in panic. “Put me down.”

  He must hear the panic in my voice because he obliges. I stumble over to a bush and try to empty the contents of my stomach but nothing will come up.

  His cool fingers touch my neck as he pulls my hair away from my face.

  I feel like crying. Reality is creeping back in and I realize what a fool I looked like back there. He probably thinks I’m pathetic and stupid, and I don’t blame him one bit for thinking it.

  His other hand rubs against my back, trying to offer me some small smidgen of comfort.

  It’s not working. If anything, it only makes me feel worse.

  I stumble away from him when it becomes obvious I don’t need to throw up. Tears wet my face, and I hadn’t even noticed I’d started crying. I wipe at my cheeks and walk away from him.

  “Nova—” he pleads.

  “Leave me alone,” I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest as I walk.

  A breeze blows my hair around my shoulders and the coolness feels good against my heated cheeks.

  I hear him groan behind me and I snap. I’ve already made a fool of myself—might as well make it a homerun.

  I turn sharply on my heel and face him, shoving a finger into his stupidly muscular chest. It’s stupid because I like the way it feels beneath my touch. I’m a goner when it comes to him.

  “How dare you dance with me like that and make me feel like …”

  His green eyes flash with a flicker of … annoyance? Desire? Confusion? “Like what?” he prompts.

  “Like you feel it too,” I finish on a whisper. “Like the attraction between us isn’t just one-sided. That you want me as much a
s I want—”

  In a flash, he has my face clasped between his large hands.

  In a breath, his lips touch mine.

  In a heartbeat, I fall into him.

  His large body shields mine, clinging to me like I’m the only thing centering him to the world.

  I forget that we’re standing on a street in Miami. Instead, all I can think about is the fact that he’s kissing me.

  Jace is kissing me.

  I’d pinch myself but my hands are otherwise occupied as they skim up his chest and latch around his neck.

  His tongue presses against the seam of my lips, and I gasp softly.

  I keep waiting to wake up back in my bed, but instead, the kiss continues.

  I’ve never been kissed like this before.

  I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true.

  He kisses me like I’m everything he’s ever wanted and hoped for. It’s a different kind of kiss. One full of fear, and longing, and regret, and passion.

  I never want it to end.

  I stand on my tiptoes so he doesn’t have to strain to my lower height as much.

  He groans, his fingers digging into the skin of my back where his hand has found its way under my shirt.

  My breasts push against his chest and my body aches all over.

  More. I need more. So much more than he’s willing to give—and me too, for that matter.

  I don’t want a relationship.

  Been there, done that, never going down that road again.

  But Jace?

  I want him like I’ve never wanted anything or anyone before.

  We’re both complicated people, and maybe that’s why we’ve been drawn to each other from the start.

  We’re made of the same stuff.

  Pain.

  Loathing.

  Anger.

  Betrayal.

  He’s my mirror.

  My fingers wind into his shirt, wrinkling the fabric as I try to get impossibly closer to him.

  I’m sinking inside him.

  Lost.

  Lost.

  Lost.

  I’m lost in him, and I don’t want to be found.

  His hands move higher, settling just below my breasts. I shiver from his touch, my lips moving against his, perfectly in sync.

  I don’t know who pulls away first, but the moment the cool air touches my lips, I duck my head down, burrowing against his shirt so he can’t see my face.

  I don’t want him to look into my eyes and see the swirl of emotion and confusion. He’ll panic, I know it, because I’m panicking.

  I don’t want to feel for him what I do, but I’m helpless to stop it.

  I’m falling, and I don’t see the end—which terrifies me, because I could crash land and never even know it’s coming.

  I like to be prepared and ever since Jace stepped into my life I’ve been completely unprepared.

  I inhale a shaky breath and step away, glancing up at him.

  His eyes are shuttered, his jaw tight, hiding his true emotions.

  I step away and force a smile, figuring it’s best to pretend he didn’t just give me the best kiss of my life.

  “So, I guess we should go back to the hotel?”

  Normal. Act normal.

  He nods and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, striding forward and away from me with his shoulders hunched.

  I follow, glancing up at the twinkling night sky.

  The cool air brushes my heated cheeks, and I pause, closing my eyes.

  I hear Jace’s footsteps stop and then start again, coming closer to me.

  “What’re you doing?” he asks.

  “Living,” I answer simply.

  I learned a long time ago that moments like this are precious. Times when everything might seem like a mess, there’s that single moment where time stops, and it feels … perfect. I don’t know what our kiss means, and I don’t want to overanalyze it, but I also know I never want to forget it.

  Jace

  I lie in bed staring at the ceiling.

  Sleep evades me while Nova sleeps peacefully in the other bed beside me—if her steady breathing is any indication.

  I keep replaying our kiss over and over again in my mind.

  It shouldn’t have fucking happened.

  I shouldn’t have let it.

  I shouldn’t have gone there.

  So many fucking should nots.

  Yet, I have no desire to take it back.

  It shouldn’t have happened, but I don’t regret it.

  Kissing Nova was everything I expected and more—somehow better than every fantasy I’ve played out in my mind over the last year we’ve known each other.

  I turn my head, looking over at her. She’s clearly not torn up about this like I am. Or maybe her way of dealing with things is different.

  Tonight went in a whole different direction than I’d anticipated. I only wanted to cheer up, show her a good time, and then when we danced … fuck.

  I’ve never been more turned on in all my life.

  So much so that I found myself jerking off in the club bathroom. I’ve never had to do that before, but I shouldn’t be surprised about anything when it comes to Nova.

  Her breaths are even, her blue hair fanned around her shoulders.

  I wish I could find a similar peace, but I can tell this is one of those nights where sleep is never going to come.

  I ease from my bed, stepping carefully across the floor so I don’t wake her.

  I bend down and rifle through my bag until I find my leather-bound journal.

  It’s where I write all my songs, and on nights like this, it’s my best friend.

  I walk back to my bed and sit down slowly so the bed doesn’t squeak.

  Undoing the spiral cord that holds the notebook closed, my pen falls out onto my lap. I flip the pages until I land on a new page.

  I pinch the cap of the pen between my teeth, writing with only the small light filtering in from the curtains, but I don’t mind.

  The words flow from me like water from a tap, and I instantly feel better.

  Nova

  I wake up before Jace. I glance at the clock, and it shows that it’s only a little after six. It seems my body is already on school time, seeing as if I was at home I wouldn’t have to be at work until ten.

  I work at a record shop a few blocks from the apartment. It’s a little hole in the wall place. Dark and grungy with exposed brick walls and piping on the ceiling, but I love it. Records line cardboard boxes and hang on the wall along with instruments.

  I stumbled upon the place walking with Jace in the early summer. There was a HELP WANTED sign in the window and the rest is history.

  I’m lucky that Paul—the shop’s owner—is really chill and understands that school comes first.

  Granted, school isn’t why I’m in Florida this weekend, but he understood that too.

  I was surprised by how easily I fell asleep, but I guess it was easier to sleep than to face what happened last night.

  But in the harsh light of day there is no denying it.

  I kissed Jace.

  Actually, he kissed me first, and I kissed him back.

  But the logistics of who kissed who first don’t matter, because at the end of the day, we still kissed.

  I groan and the spray of the shower stifles the sound.

  I don’t know what this means, and I hate not feeling on solid ground. Jace has been my rock since I met him, and last night might have changed that.

  There’s no point in dwelling on it, because I have no idea what he’s thinking and feeling.

  I’ll follow his lead.

  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

  I get out of the shower and wrap the towel around my body.

  My hair drips on the floor, leaving behind little droplets of blue. When I had my hair dyed red it looked like someone had been murdered in the bathtub every time I showered.

  I wipe the condensation from the mirror and startle when
there’s a light knock on the door.

  I open it and find Jace standing there sleepily. His blond hair sticks up wildly around his head and he’s wearing his glasses.

  I fucking love those glasses.

  His tall frame takes up the whole doorway and since he’s shirtless I get an eyeful of his muscular chest and washboard abs. My eyes stray to the colorful tattoo covering one whole arm. It’s a kaleidoscope of color that is at odds with his overall more serious personality, but somehow it still manages to suit him.

  When I continue to stand there gawking like an idiot, he motions with his finger to the bathroom.

  Right.

  “Sorry,” I mumble.

  I grab my clothes and he steps out of the way as I pass.

  The bathroom door clicks shut, and I exhale a shaky breath.

  He’s turning me into a mess, and I don’t know whether I love or hate it.

  I change into my clothes—jeans and a gray t-shirt that says CAN’T. ADULT. EVER. There have never been truer words.

  I gather my damp hair up in a messy bun and then clean up the room.

  Seeing as we didn’t spend much time in our room other than sleeping that means I only make our beds, but keeping busy makes me feel better.

  I open the curtains all the way and gaze out at the city. The sun is just beginning to rise and the streets are empty. It’s quiet. Serene.

  I sit on my bed and check my phone for any texts from Rae or Thea.

  There’s nothing—which means I have nothing to do.

  I flop back on the bed with a groan.

  I grab my phone again and shoot Thea a text.

  Me: Are you up?

  Thea: It’s six-o-fucking-clock in the morning! What do you think?!

  Me: …Sorry

  Even though she’s not in the room I swear I can hear her sigh.

  Thea: I’m up now. What do you need?

  I bite my lip. I don’t need anything from her, I just needed to do something to keep myself busy before I lost my ever-loving mind.

  Me: Are we eating breakfast here or going out?

  Thea: I’m not sure yet.

  Me: When are you telling Xander we’re here?

  I know there’s no way she’s waiting until tomorrow.

  Thea: I don’t know. I’m thinking about taking taxi over to the hotel the team is at and sitting all stalker like in the lobby and then when he comes down running after him screaming his name. I know him and he won’t realize it’s me at first and his reaction will be priceless.