Dark Hearts

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Thea must spot him, though, because she hops up from her hiding place and runs, jumping onto the back of who I hope is Xander.

  We hear him cry out in surprise at being “attacked” and then his surprised exclamation of, “Thea?” can be heard.

  The other guys head out of the hotel and one claps Xander on the shoulder before he leaves.

  Rae, Cade, and I go to join Thea.

  “Surprise!” Thea dances excitedly in front of her husband.

  “Wow.” Xander shakes his head. “You’re all here. This is crazy. I didn’t expect this.”

  We were all supposed to have dinner earlier in the week but Xander ended up having to leave early, so I haven’t seen him since the wedding.

  “We couldn’t miss your first game man,” Cade says, going to hug his best friend.

  “Your parents and sister are here too,” Thea tells him. “Xavier might make it but … Yale,” she says like that’s explanation enough for his brother’s absence. “Jace is here too,” Thea continues. “But we lost him.”

  “Lost him?” Xander asks, placing his hands on Thea’s waist and pulling her into him. She smiles up at him, completely in love.

  My heart pangs with … it’s not jealousy, but a longing for that.

  I thought I was over wanting to be in love, that I’d been through enough, but I was wrong.

  Thea shrugs. “You know Jace. He disappears but he always returns like a loyal yard dog.”

  I press my lips together to hold in my laugh.

  Only Thea.

  “I’m really happy to see you guys,” Xander says, smiling at each of us. “This is the best surprise. And you—” he bends his head to Thea “—I’ve missed you.”

  He whispers something else and then kisses her.

  “Ew.” Cade gags. “That’s my cue to leave. I have no desire to watch my sister make out. Bye.” He quickly turns on his heel and strides out the hotel doors.

  Xander breaks from Thea with a grin. “I love you and this is amazing, but I have to go before I get in trouble.”

  “I understand.” Thea stands on her tiptoes and kisses him one last time. “Can I see you later?”

  “If I can get away I’ll let you know. No promises, though. Thanks for coming, guys,” he says to Rae and me. He hugs each of us before heading outside.

  Thea watches him with a dreamy sigh. “I hope his ass always looks that good.” When she notices us watching her with amused expressions she adds, “I mean, I’d still love him anyway, but it’s a very nice bonus.”

  Rae shakes her head and loops her arm through Thea’s while I take the other side.

  I never thought I’d have friends like these—yes, they’re nosy, and all too curious about my love life, but they’re also the kindest, most thoughtful people I’ve ever met, and I’m lucky to know them.

  Sometimes life gives you what you think you don’t need when you need it the most.

  And me?

  I needed friends.

  We arrive back at the hotel and file into the elevator.

  Thea gets off first, then Rae and Cade, and then I’m left alone, riding up to the eleventh floor.

  The doors slide open, and I look down at my feet as I walk.

  It’s a habit I developed because it means I don’t have to talk to people as often. If you’re not looking people tend to ignore you.

  A pair of dark boots that are not mine enter my vision, and I freeze.

  My gaze slowly travels up, and I find Jace sitting on the floor in front of our hotel room door. His head is bowed, his jaw firm. He must feel my stare because his head suddenly whips up and his green eyes connect with my brown ones.

  “I didn’t have my key,” he says by way of explanation.

  Anger surges in my veins, and I sling my room key at him so it lands in his lap. I turn promptly on my heel, heading back to the elevator and away from him, because I can’t stand to fucking looking at him.

  I feel so humiliated.

  He left me.

  He put his fingers in me, his mouth on me, and he fucking left me.

  “Nova,” he calls, and his hand grabs my arm a second later.

  I swivel around and out of his hold. I’ve never been a violent person but I shove him as hard as I can and I’m pleased when he takes a step back. Granted, it’s only one, but it’s something.

  “Nova,” he pleads.

  “Shut up,” I snap. “You do not get to play Mr. Innocent here. Do not do that to me.” I point a finger at him. I’m way shorter than him, and trying to appear menacing is difficult, but his throat bobs and I hope he’s feeling remorseful, because he should. “I am not some fucking rag doll you can drag around and do whatever you want with. I am a person. I have feelings. And right now, I’m humiliated.”

  “Nova—”

  “I said shut up.” I glare at him. He raises his hands innocently. “You kissed me last night. You kissed me this morning. You carried me to bed. You put your hands and mouth on me—yes, I wanted you to, but my point is you started it, and it’s completely unfair that you left. You hurt me,” I pause, inhaling a deep breath. “You hurt me,” I say again, because I want him to understand.

  “I know I fucked up.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head back and forth. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say.”

  He groans. “I don’t know what else to say.”

  I shake my head. “Unbelievable,” I mutter. “Maybe you could explain what the fuck happened and why you left, because I keep going over what happened and trying to figure out what I did, and I’ve got nothing.” I raise my hands and let them fall to my sides.

  He rubs his hands over his mouth. “I don’t know how to do this.” He waves a hand at me.

  I throw my hands in the air and shout, “What does that mean?”

  He crosses his hands behind his head and inhales a deep breath before letting his hands fall to his sides. “I don’t know how to do this.” He waves a hand between the two of us. “I care about you, Nova. I’ve never had a girlfriend, let alone been with someone I care about. I purposely stay away from people I know to avoid …”

  “Feeling anything,” I supply, defeated.

  “Yeah,” he sighs. “It’s easier to not feel or get attached. You’re the most important person in my life, and I don’t want to lose you.”

  I bite my lip, fighting tears.

  I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

  “You’re going to lose me if you keep doing this to me,” I tell him breathlessly. “You can’t kiss me or touch me and then take it back. It doesn’t work like that. I’m not some plaything you can use at your whim. I’m not asking you to promise me forever,” I snap. “You’re the one making it complicated.”

  He shakes his head. “You don’t get it,” he snaps, his anger palpable. “I can’t just fuck you like any other girl. With you it would mean something. Don’t you fucking get that? You’re not someone I can just walk away from after it’s done.”

  “That’s exactly what you did!” I shove a finger into his chest.

  He takes a step back. “I needed to clear my head before I did something stupid.”

  “And by stupid, you mean have sex with me?” I shake my head. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “I’m not done talking to you,” he says when I start to walk away.

  I pause and glare at him over my shoulder. “Really? Because I am.”

  I press the button for the elevator and he stands behind me.

  “You’re not listening. I want to have sex with you so fucking bad, Nova. I’ve fantasized about it more times than I’d care to admit.” I will the elevator to come faster. His body crowds behind me and he lowers his head to my ear. All the oxygen is sucked from the room, just like it is every time he’s this close to me. “But if I fuck you, I’m going to want to do it again. You wouldn’t be a one-time thing. You’re like a drug to me and I can’t walk away even though I should.”


  The elevator chimes as the doors open. I step inside and face him.

  “I guess it’s a good thing I’m strong enough to walk away for the both of us.”

  The doors slide closed on his stunned face and a sob finally breaks free from my throat.

  I lean against the elevator wall, and I let myself cry, hating myself the entire time for feeling anything for him.

  Jace

  I guess it’s a good thing I’m strong enough to walk away for the both of us.

  Doesn’t she get it? The last thing I want to do is walk away from her. I know I shouldn’t have left. I get that it was a dick move. But what I felt in that moment eclipsed every single emotion I’ve felt in my whole life.

  It terrified me.

  So, I fucking ran.

  I let out a groan that sounds anguished and despaired. I’ve never been this torn up over a girl before. Nova’s important to me. She’s my friend, and she’s someone I love. I’ve grown close to her in the last year, she fucking lives with me, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose her. And I know if I do this, I’ll push her away, because I can’t be her boyfriend. I’m just not the kind of guy that can be someone’s boyfriend.

  Am I?

  I turn away from the elevators and head back down the hall. I pick up the room key and head inside.

  The room is the same as I left it, except the bed is no longer ruffled and there’s no Nova.

  I sigh and sit on the edge of the bed. I lean my elbow on my knees and drop my head down, fisting my hair.

  I’ve made a fucking mess of things, and knowing me I’ll only make it messier, because I’m the destroyer, not the fixer.

  Cade texts me.

  Rae texts me.

  Cade texts me again.

  But I hear nothing from the one person I’m desperate to hear from. It’s been three hours since she stepped in that elevator. Three fucking of hours of madness. I sat in the room for a bit, then left and walked around, thinking I might bump into her, then when that proved futile I came back.

  Now, I sit on the bed, waiting and hoping for her to come back.

  I’m a fucking pathetic piece of shit.

  I say I’ll never pine for a woman, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

  I’ve become the exact opposite of everything I thought I was.

  Maybe I was never really that guy?

  There’s a soft, hesitant knock on the door, and I leap from the bed like it’s on fire.

  I stride over to the door and breathe a sigh of relief when I open it to find Nova.

  “You’re here,” I breathe.

  “I’m here for my bags,” she snaps, looking at a spot on my chest instead of my eyes.

  “What?” I say, flabbergasted as she storms past me.

  She hastily begins gathering all her things.

  “Nova,” I snap, my tone urging her to explain.

  She halts, her shoulders tense with her back to me as she leans over her bag that she’s placed on her bed. She doesn’t have much to put in it and could be out of here in under a minute if I let her.

  “Talk to me,” I plead.

  She turns around, fire in her eyes, and fuck if mine don’t burn with the same flame.

  “Yes,” she seethes, “because ‘talking’ has worked out so well for us before.” She uses air quotes and damn if it isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s probably wrong how much I’m turned on by her anger.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” I tell her. It’s more than I should admit, but it’s the truth.

  She turns away and zips up her bag with a sigh. “I have to.”

  She slings the bag over her shoulder and starts back for the door. I grab her hand and stop her. I could pin her to the wall, cage her in and make her feel small, but I don’t want that, not yet.

  “You think I left because what happened on that bed meant nothing to me, but you’re wrong.” My words are a low, quiet growl. “I had to leave because it meant everything.”

  I release her arm, hoping my words have finally gotten to her but she merely presses her lips together, shakes her head, and leaves.

  Again.

  I dress for dinner, fuming the whole time.

  The room is too quiet.

  I fucking hate the silence.

  I know I’m going to see Nova at dinner and it’s going to be damn near impossible to keep our friends from figuring out that something has happened between the two of us.

  Luckily, I’m a good actor.

  I tuck my white button-down shirt into my dress pants and try not to cringe. It’s not that formal wear is anything new to me, it’s just that I fucking hate it. My dad’s a Senator and before that he was Governor, so formal functions were the norm growing up.

  I stuff my room key in my wallet, put it in my pocket, and head out.

  I meet everyone in the lobby and Nova stands by Rae, away from me.

  Before I can go to her, Thea directs us outside to where two taxis wait. One is a car and the other is a minivan.

  Nova climbs in behind Rae in the car and Cade joins them in the back, where I know it must be cramped quarters. I grab the front seat. Thea goes with Xander’s family in the minivan.

  I have no idea what restaurant we’re meeting Xander at, but Thea must’ve told the driver of our car to follow the minivan because he does so without speaking to either of us.

  We finally arrive at a modern looking, white, one-story building. Ocean is spelled out in a dark blue script lit up on the side the building.

  I get out and pay the driver.

  “Xander’s already inside. He has our table,” Thea tells us, looking at her phone.

  The eight of us head into the building and up to the hostess table.

  The girl working jumps when she looks up from the menus she’s organizing and notices our large group.

  “Oh, hi,” she says, placing her hand over her heart like she’s been startled and it’s racing. “Welcome to Ocean. Party of eight?”

  “We already have a table,” Thea speaks up. “Kincaid?”

  “Ah, yes. Right this way.”

  The girl motions for us to follow. She’s dressed in a deep-blue silky blouse and a tight black pencil skirt. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off her, but now my eyes keep straying to Nova, trying to catch her eyes, hoping to see if I can gauge what she’s feeling and read her mood.

  I have no such luck.

  The hostess leads us to a large table out on a deck that overlooks a canal.

  Xander sits at the table with another guy that’s tall and beefy enough that he must be another football player. I don’t keep up with sports so I don’t recognize any of the players. The only reason I know what I do about football is because I became friends with Cade and Xander in high school where they both played before we all moved on to the same college and they played again.

  “Hey, guys.” Xander stands, slapping hands and hugging as need be. “This is my friend Sullivan. He’s a halfback.”

  I have no idea what a halfback is.

  Everyone takes their seats, and I purposely am the last one left—and sure enough, they left an empty spot beside Nova for me. I’m not happy at all that she’s also beside Sullivan. After all, what the fuck kind of name is Sullivan? I also don’t appreciate the way he’s looking at her—like she’s gorgeous and interesting and amazing, because she is all those things but I don’t want him noticing them about her. I’d rather he look at the fucking wall … or ocean, because a wall isn’t really applicable at the moment.

  Nova slides her chair slightly closer to Sullivan, and I bristle.

  I lower my head to her ear—no one will think anything of it, because they’re used to us having our secrets—and whisper, “I don’t bite.”

  Her breath catches and dark eyes dart up to mine. I catch the briefest flash of desire before she shudders her eyes and looks at me with disdain instead. But it was there, even for a second, and that’s what matt
ers.

  She turns away from me and starts speaking to Sullivan.

  “So, Sullivan, you’re the halfback? That’s interesting.”

  Before Sullivan can say anything, I snort and interject, “Halfback? What does that mean? All I can think about is a half-rack of ribs.”

  Nova gives me a disgusted look.

  Sullivan laughs. “My primary responsibility as halfback is blocking. I protect the quarterback or whoever happens to have the ball. I’m also an eligible receiver so sometimes I get to run the ball.”

  I look away. I was hoping the halfback was more of a benched player, but of fucking course not.

  Nova leans into him with interest, which pisses me off more because I know she has no real interest in him and is only trying to get a rise out of me, which is unfortunately working.

  The waiter shows up to take our drink orders and for the moment Nova can no longer train her attention on Sullivan.

  When the waiter leaves to get our drinks, conversation ceases while we all look at the menu. I keep darting furtive glances at Nova, which she studiously ignores.

  I’ve never been this torn up and confused in my life.

  I don’t know what I want.

  But I do.

  But I don’t.

  Fuck.

  My eyes scan the menu, but I don’t see the words.

  Nova’s arm brushes mine and she jumps away. When I glance over I note the goosebumps dotting her arm.

  She can pretend all she wants that I don’t affect her, but it’s a lie and we both know it. I’m as potent to her as she is to me.

  The waiter appears with our drinks, and I lift my fancy-pants beer to my lips. I fucking hate this kind of beer, dark and rich tasting—and by rich I do mean in the money sense and not the actual taste. Any time I’m forced to go to some event or function for my dad, it’s this kind of beer and wine as the drink options, which led me to hating it. But, of course, a nice restaurant like this only has this and not my usual go-to.

  Figures.

  Now I have to drink this disgusting stuff and listen to Nova prattle on and on to Sullivan.

  It’s like my own personal hell or something.

  I flip the thick pages of the menu and finally settle on a steak, figuring I can’t go wrong with that.