Dark Hearts

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “We’re good together, aren’t we?” I ask her. “Like … we just click.”

  Her eyes twinkle like I’m so fucking amusing. “Yeah, we do.”

  We finish breakfast and she insists on washing the dishes while I get ready.

  It doesn’t take me long to shower and get dressed, and then we gather up the presents for our friends and head out.

  “Confession, I love the rain,” Nova comments when we reach the lobby and look through the doors to the outside world. She smiles as she says it.

  I chuckle. “Confession, I love the snow, which that rain is going to be soon when the temperature drops just a little more.”

  She laughs. “Or it could be ice—a mix of our favorites together.”

  I shake my head. “Ice fucking sucks. It’s clear and slippery. How’s that fun?”

  She giggles, the sound of her laughter lighting up my whole world. “That sounds like the start of a bad dirty joke.

  I roll my eyes. “You’re worse than me.”

  We head outside into the rain. It’s more of a mist than actual rain and cold. It’s definitely going to start snowing.

  Nova clutches the bag with the presents and I open the passenger door of my truck for her. Once she’s in I close the door and jog around to the driver’s side.

  “Can you let them know we’re on our way?” I ask her. “Thea’s already texted me like fifteen times, asking when we’re going to get there.”

  She snorts. “Why does she always text you and not me?”

  I check my mirrors and pull out onto the road. “Because she loves to irritate me, that’s why. I think she gets some kind of sick enjoyment out of making me snap.”

  “Yeah, that sounds like Thea. Don’t worry, I’ll let her know.”

  The rain slicks against the windshield and I turn the wipers on so I can see.

  “You know,” Nova begins after a few minutes of silence, “I think this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had, and it’s not because of any of the presents, but because I get to spend it with people I love.”

  “Like me?” I wag my brows.

  She laughs. “Yes, you, and our friends too. Back home, Christmas wasn’t a happy affair and more of an obligation.” She shrugs. “This … This was everything I’d already dreamed and hoped it could be.”

  My chest pangs. Nova’s childhood was as bleak and depressing as mine, and now that I know her whole story, I think it’s safe to say it was even worse. I’d take my controlling father over her nasty parents any day. What her parents, and Owen’s, did to her is inexcusable and unforgivable. She should be angry at the entire world, but she’s not. I think she used to be a little lost, but now she’s finally found her way.

  I reach for her hand and finally reply with a choked response, “I’m glad.”

  We’re about ten minutes from Cade’s house when she exclaims, “You were right! It’s snowing!”

  Sure enough, the rain is turning to snow, and little white tufts float down onto the truck.

  “There’s something kind of magical about snow,” she beams, looking out the window.

  “Yeah, there is,” I agree. “It’s so pure. Not a lot is anymore.”

  The rest of the drive Nova watches the snow with a wide-eyed expression. We finally arrive at Cade’s and I park in their driveway.

  “Thea said to come in through the garage. I have the code,” Nova tells me.

  “All right, I’ll get the presents then.”

  I hop out and go around to her side, taking the bag from her. I lock my truck and follow her to the keypad. She puts in the four-digit code and the door whirs up.

  We head inside and find everyone in the family room.

  “We brought presents!” Nova says unnecessarily, pointing to the bag I carry. Her excitement is adorable, though. Nova used to try to fade into the background, but now she glows with happiness. My chest puffs with pride, because I know I had some fucking part in that.

  “Presents!” Thea squeals like a cracked out five-year-old.

  Xander wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her down onto the couch when she runs by him, headed for Nova. She falls into his lap and glares.

  Their dog, Prue, lifts her head from the cushion in the corner and observes the scene. She must dub everything as okay because she promptly lies back down.

  “Haven’t you had enough presents?” he jokes.

  “You can never get too many presents.”

  He sighs and shrugs, looking at me with an expression that says, I don’t know what to do with her.

  I set the bag down and let Nova pass out the gifts.

  “Your stuff is still under the tree.” Rae points. I grab the gifts that are for me and Nova and find a spot on the floor to sit. Nova finishes handing out the gifts and sits beside me.

  We all tear into our gifts.

  Thea busts out laughing. “Oh, my God. Unicorn Meat.” She holds up a can that looks like a can of Spam but does in fact say Unicorn Meat.

  Nova laughs with her. “You’re constantly saying you’re a unicorn, so.”

  “This is hilarious.” Thea sets the can down. “But I could never eat myself.”

  “I don’t know,” Xander jokes. “You taste good.” He bites at her shoulder.

  “Ew, fuck! No! That’s my sister! Don’t talk like that in front of me! La, la, la!” Cade covers his ears with his hands.

  Rae rolls her eyes and smacks Cade’s arm. “You’re being ridiculous. They’re married. You can’t freak out over everything one of them says.”

  He lowers his hands. “Yes. Yes, I can, because that’s my sister, and you—” he points at Xander “—are gross.”

  “Oh, please.” Thea rolls her eyes. “Do not act like you haven’t put your mouth on Rae’s vagina, because seriously.” She holds up a hand, daring him to speak.

  Rae flushes and Cade glares at his sister. “Not everyone is as comfortable talking about sex as you are.”

  Thea sighs. “You’re such a prude. Grow up.”

  “Grow up?” he repeats. “I’m older than you.”

  “Then act like it,” Thea spars.

  “I love them,” Nova leans over and whispers in my ear. “They make me wish I had a sibling.”

  “Eh, I think we’re pretty lucky that we don’t. That doesn’t look like fun to me.”

  “I disagree,” she says, watching them in awe.

  I finally look down at the gift in my lap and jolt. It’s a journal, inscribed with my name and the year. I flip it open to the first page and find written on it;

  For songs.

  Love Rae and Cade

  I swallow thickly. I didn’t even know that they paid attention to my song writing. I know a journal probably seems like a simple thing to most people, but to me this feels like the world, because it means my friends pay attention to me more than I give them credit for.

  “What is it?” Nova asks, like she senses the shift in me.

  So fucking in tune with me it’s ridiculous.

  I hand her the journal and her lips part. “Oh,” she murmurs. “Wow.” She runs her fingers over the black leather cover. “This is perfect for you.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Glad you like it,” Rae says, noticing our conversation.

  “I love it,” I say honestly. “Thank you.” I take it back when Nova hands it to me.

  I set it aside and open my gift from Xander and Thea.

  “Holy shit,” I curse when I see the contents of the box. “Are you fucking serious right now?” I ask, holding up the tickets.

  Xander chuckles. “Told you he’d love them,” he tells Thea.

  “This is … Whoa.”

  I stare down at the tickets for Twenty-One Pilots in awe. I’ve mentioned maybe once or twice that I like them, months ago, and again, the fact that either of them noticed is what touches me the most.

  Plus, it’s fucking Twenty-One Pilots and that’s amazing anyway.

  Nova looks at the tickets in my hand and he
r jaw drops. “Seriously?” She knows how much I love them since I play their music in the apartment all the time. I think maybe I’ve got her slightly addicted.

  “Wow, guys, I don’t even know what to say.” I’m not a crier, and I’ve never been one to get emotional easy, but this has gotten to me.

  “We love you,” Thea says. “We might not tell you often enough, but we do. You’re more than a friend, you’re family. Both of you.”

  I look at Nova and then them. “I think of you all as family too. You’re more of a real family than my father is.”

  They’ve been there for me more than he ever has. And these gifts prove that they pay attention, that they know me. They didn’t give me a generic gift card to a store. This took thought and that’s what means the most.

  I look down at Nova’s gifts in her lap and notice a framed picture of her, Thea, and Rae. It makes me smile.

  Nova and I both thought we were outcasts.

  Loners.

  That we just didn’t belong.

  But all along we already did, we just didn’t see it.

  This is where we fit, one piece of a beautiful puzzle.

  Nova

  “Um … Jace?”

  “Yeah?” he asks from the couch, scribbling in his new journal.

  “Look.” I point out the window of Cade and Rae’s house.

  “Well, fuck.” He closes his journal and comes to stand beside me to look out.

  The street is blanketed in white. At least a foot, and it’s still coming down.

  “Guys,” I call into the kitchen, where the four of them cook. They insisted on making dinner and didn’t want Jace and me to help.

  “Yeah?” Rae says back.

  “Please tell me you don’t mind if we crash here.”

  “No, of course not. But why?” She appears in the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh,” she says, finding her answer when she sees what we see. “We have a blow-up mattress. It’ll be fine.”

  Jace looks at me out of the corner of his eye, his lips twitching.

  We both know a whole evening with our friends is bound to get interesting.

  Dinner is ready soon after that and we all sit down to eat.

  Cade and Thea’s mom, who’s been living there since her divorce, comes down and joins us all for dinner.

  “How are you guys?” she asks, hugging Jace and then me.

  “We’re good. How’re you?” I ask her, taking the seat beside Jace. “I thought you weren’t here since you didn’t come down before.”

  “Oh,” she says as she waves a hand through the air and takes a seat beside Thea, “I wanted to give you all time to do Christmas without me.”

  “You didn’t need to do that,” I tell her. “We don’t mind.”

  “It’s okay, really,” she assures me. “Now that I’m away from Malcolm I find that having time to myself is something I enjoy. It was hard to come by before.” She forces a smile.

  All the drama that went on with Thea and Cade’s family a few months ago was something out of a soap opera. None of us really talk about it anymore, not wanting to stir up bad memories. I think we all are especially wary of Cade’s feelings on the matter. When everything blew up he kind of become the center of attention for his former football fame and the fact that even a big, muscled, football player can be the victim of physical and verbal abuse. He dealt with a lot of people calling him a pussy for never fighting back, but what they don’t realize is that when someone starts beating you down as a child, by the time you’re an adult you still feel powerless.

  “This looks delicious,” Jace says, changing the subject.

  He’s right, the meal looks amazing. They made grilled chicken in some sort of marinade with a rice and vegetable mix.

  “It smells good too,” I add with a smile.

  As we eat we talk about school, and work, and life.

  It’s nice to catch up with all of them.

  When we finish with dinner, Jace and I insist on doing the dishes.

  “Stay on your side.” I bump his hip with mine.

  “Stay on your side.” He bumps me back, the water sloshing in the sink.

  “You’re the one that’s crowding me,” I defend.

  He snorts. “Are you kidding me? You’re always trying to get closer to me.”

  “Am not,” I argue, fighting laughter.

  “Face it, you can’t resist my body.”

  I gasp. “I so can.”

  He grins devilishly and lowers his voice so the others in the next room have no chance of hearing him. “You couldn’t go one day without my cock.”

  “Jace!” I shriek and splash him with water.

  He looks down at his soaking wet shirt and then at me. “Did you just splash me?”

  I swallow thickly at the dangerous glint in his eye. “No,” I squeak.

  “Liar.” He grabs a handful of the suds on top and throws them at me.

  I scream and jump back, batting at the bubbles in my hair like they’re a fluffy monster.

  He laughs at my reaction.

  “Oh, you think this is funny?”

  “Fucking hysterical.”

  I grab a handful of bubbles and launch them at the side of his face. Now it’s my turn to laugh because he looks like a lopsided Santa Claus.

  “Oh, that does it.” He scoops two handfuls of bubbles and water and goes to throw it at me.

  I scream and take off running but feel it pelt me in the back.

  Then his arm comes around my middle and he hauls me against him. My feet come off the ground, and I kick, trying to get away. I can’t stop laughing, though.

  We collapse onto the floor, a tangle of limbs, both laughing our asses off.

  We look up to find our friends watching us with amused expressions, which only makes us laugh harder.

  “I’m so glad you two finally saw what was right in front of you. You’re perfect for each other,” Thea says.

  Jace picks himself up off the ground and holds out two hands to help me up.

  “Sorry about the mess,” he tells them. “We’ll clean it up.”

  “We set up the air mattress in the family room,” Rae says. “It’s not the most comfortable, but I figure it’s better than the couch.”

  “I think we should watch a movie tonight. Maybe Jaws,” Thea suggests.

  Xander chuckles and kisses the side of her forehead. “You and Jaws.”

  “Hey, you like it too,” she defends.

  He grins back. “That I do.”

  “Anybody else feel like we’re missing something?” Jace asks.

  Thea and Xander chuckle, but give no explanation.

  “We can watch something else,” Thea concedes, even though nobody fought against it. “We should probably do something Christmas-y.”

  “Ooh, I know,” Rae chimes with more enthusiasm than usual. “We could watch all the Santa Claus movies. The ones with Tim Allen. I love those.” She blushes slightly when she realizes her exuberance.

  “That’s a good idea,” I agree. “I’ve only seen the first one and that was forever ago.”

  Thea and Rae exchange a look. “You’ve only seen the first one?” Rae asks.

  “Yeah.” I nod. “That’s what I said.”

  “It’s settled then. We’re watching all of them. I’ll get the first one on. Xander, you make the popcorn, and please do not drench it in butter.”

  “Maybe I’ll just make you your own not butter drenched bowl.”

  “That’d be perfect.” She flips her long hair over her shoulder and heads into the other room. Cade and Rae follow.

  Jace and I clean up the water while Xander makes the popcorn and gathers other snacks. By the time we clean up our mess he has a tray full of drinks so Jace carries that into the family room. I wait with Xander and help him put all the popcorn into individual bowls so we don’t have to all fight over it.

  “Make an extra bowl for my mom,” Thea calls into the kitchen. “She said she’d come down after she takes a bath.�
��

  Xander I finish doling out the popcorn into seven individual bowls. I fit four onto a tray and Xander handles the rest.

  All the lights are off in the family room, only the glow of the Christmas tree and the TV illuminating the space.

  Thea has piled blankets and pillows onto the couch and air mattress so everything feels like one over-flowing space.

  I set the tray down on the center of the mattress and grab a bowl for Jace and me. I flop onto the couch beside him and he takes the extra bowl from me.

  Everyone finds a seat and Thea starts the movie.

  A few months ago, I wouldn’t have enjoyed something like this, now there’s no place I’d rather be.

  ***

  The house is silent and everyone else is asleep, but I find myself having trouble falling asleep. Jace must be having similar trouble because he keeps playing with my hair. Normally, that would lull me to sleep, but nothing seems to quiet my mind tonight.

  “Jace?” My voice cracks as I break the silence.

  “Hmm?” He hums in response.

  I roll over onto my stomach and prop myself on my elbow so I can see him. He crosses his arms behind his head and squints at me since he doesn’t have his glasses.

  “Do you think he had a good Christmas?” I ask softly. “My son, I mean.”

  Jace gets a sad look and nods. “I’m sure he did.”

  “I hope he believes in Santa.”

  “He’s four, right?” I nod. “He still believes.” He grabs a piece of my hair and wraps it around his finger.

  “I wish I could tell him Merry Christmas and give him a hug. God, Jace, that’s all I want. I just want to hold him. I need to remind myself that he’s real.”

  “Fuck,” he groans. “I wish you could hold him too.”

  “I don’t even know his real name.”

  Now that Jace and everyone knows about my past, I find myself thinking about him even more. I’ve always wondered about him, things that other people probably wouldn’t think about, but as his mother, I crave. Like his smell—it’s silly, but I wonder what he smells like. His sound of his voice. The feel of him in my arms. So many questions I’ll never have answers to.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers softly, gathering me into his arms.

  I burrow into his body, wishing he had the power to make everything right but knowing in my heart that nothing can ever change this.