Freedom

by Riley Edwards

  When Reagan came back into focus, there were tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry you lost him. How’d it happen?”

  “He was overseas on deployment. His transport helicopter was shot down.”

  Why the hell was I telling her about Nick? I never talked about him, not even with the team.

  “He was in the military too?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Army.”

  She smiled and wiped the corner of her eye. “Sucks doesn’t it.”

  She had no idea. There was a stark difference between the loss of our siblings. The last words I spoke to my brother were in anger after I’d kicked his ass. The worst part, he’d barely fought back. He knew he’d fucked up and deserved the ass kicking. The whole situation was fucked up.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “Don’t worry about what anyone thinks, Reagan. Relax and just be you; they’ll love you.”

  Did I just say, love? When the hell had I started using the word love?

  “Thanks for listening.”

  “Anytime. Let’s grab a few twelve packs and get back.”

  “Do I get to pick the beer since you picked the toppings?” she asked, as I pulled out of the lot.

  “Woman, how long does it take to decide what you want on a pizza?”

  “Well, you have to decide what combo you want. If you’re getting a meat lovers’ combo, you don’t want to ruin it with veggies. And if you want something healthy you’re not going to add extra crumbled sausage.”

  “That’s nutty. You know that, right?”

  “Whatever,” she mumbled. “What other playlists do you have?”

  She didn’t wait for me to answer. Instead, she started pushing buttons, going through the stations – finally stopping on a pop station.

  “Seriously? You like Ozzy, and you listen to this crap?”

  “There is nothing wrong with Maroon 5.”

  “If you say so. But this shit goes off before we pull back into Jasper’s driveway.”

  I picked out the beer when we went to the liquor store, but only because her mom had called, so she stayed in the Jeep to talk to her while I grabbed what we needed.

  On the way back to Jasper’s we talked mostly about music as she flipped through my iPod that was connected to the car’s stereo system. Bored with my playlists, she turned on satellite radio and stopped back at the pop station. We were debating boy bands; she was trying to tell me that Justin Bieber had one good song, and I was firmly in the position that “good song” and “Justin Bieber” never belonged in the same sentence.

  When we rounded the corner turning into Jasper’s neighborhood, Reagan started laughing. It started out as a giggle, and by the time we were pulling into Jasper’s drive, it was a full-on belly laugh. I couldn’t figure out what was so funny.

  I noticed Lenox and Levi’s trucks were both parked on the street, and I was getting ready to tell her it was time to turn the pop shit off when she turned it up and started singing at the top of her lungs. It was loud, and she smiled at me as she belted out the lyrics. I was momentarily stunned by her playfulness. She looked so sweet and innocent, and my gut twisted in a funny way. Not like when it did when we were on a mission and shit was getting ready to go sideways. It was something else, something far more terrifying. It felt something a lot like happiness. When was the last time I had a woman in my car that was so vibrant, and full of life? She wasn’t putting on airs or trying to be sexy. No, not Reagan. Reagan was who she was. I didn’t think the girl would know how to play games with a man if someone gave her playbook.

  My hand shot out to turn the god-awful music down before Jasper’s neighbors could complain, and she covered the screen so I couldn’t turn off the stereo without having to pry her hands away.

  Weighing my options, I went with the easiest, which turned out to be the wrong thing to do, and I tickled her until her hand pulled away, uncovering the controls. It was like I was a teenager on my first date and getting my first side-boob feel. Tickling? When the hell had I started tickling, and when did my dick start to stir at the graze of a boob?

  “That’s not fair,” she pouted.

  “You’re crazy. The neighbors are going to lodge a noise complaint. That shit music should be a violation in itself.”

  She was nuts, and she was still laughing. If she was so crazy then why did I want to kiss her so badly? I had to get out of the car before I did something stupid, like touch her again. I was slipping further and further into dangerous territory with this girl. Movement over her shoulder caught my attention. Shit. Lenox and Levi were both standing staring at us with their mouths hanging open. Fuck me. I was never going to hear the end of this.

  Reagan glanced over her shoulder then back to me.

  “Crap. I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were out here. God, why am I always embarrassing myself?” Reagan brought both her hands up and covered her face. “Shit. That was so dumb. I can’t go out there now.”

  “Sure, you can. I doubt they even heard the music.” There was no way they didn’t hear the music, and if they by some miracle they didn’t, there was no way the missed her bouncing around and singing.

  “I can’t believe I did that.” She was back to laughing. “What am I, fifteen? Seriously, I can’t go out and meet them now.”

  “Come on, Tay-Tay, it’s no big deal. The pizza’s getting cold.”

  “Ohmigod, you know her nickname.” Reagan laughed. “I knew it. I knew you were a closet Taylor Swift fan.”

  I wasn’t. I hated her music, but I found myself wanting to make her comfortable. I’d examine that later. If Reagan were anyone else jumping around in my Jeep it would’ve been annoying at best. Yet somehow when she did it, it was funny.

  What the hell?

  “Yeah, yeah. Keep that to yourself.”

  I got out, grabbed the pizzas and met Reagan in front of the Jeep. She had a twelve pack in each hand, and it struck me, she didn’t even look old enough to drink the beer.

  “Here. Let me get those,” Levi said as he approached.

  Lenox hung back with a thoughtful expression, I knew that look, and honestly – it pissed me off. He was a closet romantic and was going to read more into what had happened in the car. I could handle the guys busting my balls. Hell, I did it to them any chance I could, but I didn’t want Lenox to start in with his shit. He thought now that he and Lily were perfectly settled with their little family that everyone should be just as blissfully happy. Then Jasper fell, and now Levi. Lenox was like a badass commando cupid. If I wasn’t careful, he’d try and shoot me in the ass and marry me off, something that was never going to happen.

  I was happy for my brothers. They’d all found their other halves. Love and marriage weren’t for me. I’d tried that once, and it’d left me broken, with a dead brother and cheating bitch for a wife. I’d never do that again, and I was perfectly happy sitting back playing uncle to the rug rats my teammates popped out.

  “Thanks. I’m Reagan.” She introduced herself before I could.

  “Levi,” he told her.

  “I didn’t take you as a teenybopper country music fan,” Lenox said when he joined our huddle.

  Bastard. Reagan’s face turned bright red, and she looked like she was getting ready to bolt.

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. Reagan, this is Lenox.”

  “Seems so,” he muttered. There was so much meaning behind those two words. Lenox knew me well. He knew I didn’t make a habit of having women in my Jeep, and I certainly didn’t smile at them and tickle them as they sang shit music.

  “Nice to meet you,” Reagan said softly.

  Shit, she was red-faced and uncomfortable. There was no reason for her to be, but after what she’d told me earlier about her being worried about meeting the team, I could see how this was not the first impression she wanted to make. I didn’t like seeing her shy and uncertain; this was not her. She should never be embarrassed about who she was – there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her. She had a soft, s
weet, vulnerable spot that made me want to wrap her up and protect it; shield it from the world so no one could tarnish it.

  Whoa! Where the hell had that come from? I didn’t want to protect anyone from anything. I wasn’t that guy. Not anymore.

  “Pizza’s getting cold.”

  I didn’t wait for them to follow before I took off for the door. Warning bells were blaring all over the place. I needed a minute away from her to get my head on straight. She was too much. Too pretty. Too sweet. Too goddamned perfect.

  Chapter Four

  Crap!

  I did it again.

  I swear that was the running theme song of my life. Maybe I should change my name to Britney, shave my head, and stop wearing panties. That might’ve been less embarrassing. I couldn’t stop making a fool of myself, and to make matters worse, this time I’d done it in front of Jasper’s friends. Clark was bad enough, but Lenox and Levi too.

  Sweet Jesus, I wish a hole would open up and swallow me whole.

  “Come on Madonna, let’s get you in the house,” Levi laughed.

  I groaned, Lenox laughed, and Clark growled. At least that’s what I thought he’d done. He’d stomped off after he’d irately declared the pizza was getting cold. Not that I could blame him; I’d acted like a twelve-year-old in his car and undoubtedly annoyed the hell out of him. I’m sure the women he was used to would never blast Taylor Swift and behave like an immature teenager.

  When we walked into the house, the noise level hit me first. Jason was playing with a toddler on the living room floor. The baby, who had to be Carter, Lenox and Lily’s son, was banging on a toy and laughing. Emily was in the kitchen with two other women, each had a glass of wine in their hands, and they were laughing. I was happy to see that Emily’s friends were able to put a smile on her face after the news she got today.

  Clark had put the pizzas on the dining room table, and I caught sight of him as he closed the sliding door to the backyard. Jason’s German Shepherd puppy came bouncing up to Clark, jumping wildly around his feet. Clark didn’t pay attention to the puppy and disappeared around the corner.

  Crap.

  He was mad at me. I needed to apologize then avoid him the rest of the time I was here. Before I could follow Clark and probably make more of a fool of myself, Emily thankfully stopped me.

  “Reagan. Come meet the girls.”

  I tried to breathe and calm my nerves as I walked to the women. “Hi.”

  “I’m Blake,” the pretty brown-haired woman said.

  “I’m Lily. We’re so happy you’re finally here. Emily has been so excited to have you visit. How long are you staying?” Lily asked.

  Wow, these women were gorgeous. Not that I’d expected anything else after meeting their husbands outside.

  “I’m not sure, I was planning on two weeks, but I might have to cut it short a little,” I answered.

  “What? Why?” Emily asked.

  “My mom called and is grumbling about me visiting with them for a few days before I start my new job.”

  That was a partial truth. My mom did want me to come and stay, but the bigger reason was I didn’t think I belonged here. Then there was Clark. My brain didn’t work around him, and all I seemed to do was make him mad.

  “Well, that’s too bad. But you know moms. Mine drives me crazy and insists on weekly visits,” Emily laughed.

  Something passed across Lily’s face, sadness maybe. But whatever it was, it made me want to change the subject.

  “Anyway, I need to get unpacked and get my place in order before I start my new job.”

  “What do you do?” Blake asked.

  “I’m in PR and advertising. I got a job with a new start-up. They landed their first big client and are eager to start.”

  “That sounds fun. Maybe we’ll see your work on TV or something,” Lily added.

  “Doubtful. It’s not as glamorous as one would think. The new client is an oil company. They’ve run into some environmentalists that have smeared their name. They’re trying to rebrand themselves as eco-friendly,” I explained.

  “Good luck pulling that off. Lots of people want the oil companies to stop drilling off the coast, especially after the recent spills,” Blake said.

  “I know it’s going to be a nightmare, that’s why they’re so eager to start. Two of their rigs are off-line, there are too many protesters surrounding the platform. They can’t even get the boats off the docks to take the workers out to the drill.”

  “Who’s hungry?” Lenox asked, cutting off our conversation.

  “Me,” Jason yelled and ran into the kitchen. “Pizza’s my favorite. Did Uncle Clark get me a slice of meat lovers?”

  “He did, bud,” I told him.

  “Righteous,” Jason yelled again, and fist bumped the air.

  The room laughed at his very adult comment, Levi stopping first and turning his gaze on me. Oh no, I didn’t like that look.

  “So, you thinking of putting on an encore performance?”

  The women looked at him, not understanding what he was talking about, and Lenox very helpfully filled them in. Soon the whole room had erupted in laughter. My humiliation was complete.

  “Hey,” Lily whispered beside me. She, too, had been laughing at me. “They’re not making fun of you. No one would be laughing and joking with you if you weren’t part of the group. This is just Levi’s way to include you. It means you’re one of us.”

  I didn’t understand how making fun of me made me one of them, but I didn’t think Lily would lie to me. Maybe I was being a baby. It didn’t bother me when my friends laughed at my antics, why should I let it bother me now? Because I was trying to impress them and make them like me. Clark had told me to be myself; that sounded like solid advice. I had to get over myself and stop worrying so much.

  “What did Clark do?” Jasper asked through his laughter.

  “I couldn’t get a lock, but it looked like he tickled her until she finally moved and he could turn down Taylor Swift and make little miss superstar stop singing.” Levi good-naturedly explained. “Maybe you’ll take requests next time. Something that is passable as music.”

  I had a good comeback ready when my words died in my throat. Clark had come back into the house, and he was currently engaged in a stare down with Jasper.

  Shit. Shit. Damn.

  The puppy ran into the house behind Clark and beelined it to Carter on the floor. No one else seemed to notice, so I moved to pick up the toddler as Rambo (yes, Jason named the dog Rambo) licked Carter’s face. Not that the kid minded; he was screeching and laughing at the exuberant puppy.

  I sneezed loudly, not able to stifle it fast enough and Carter belted out a cry.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I nuzzled my face into his neck and blew a raspberry. Carter giggled, and I did it again. “You think that’s funny, huh?” I continued to tickle Carter, enjoying his baby smell and sweet laugh. “You’re a cute little thing. Bet your mama’s gonna lock you away from all those crazy girls.” Carter grabbed my face and planted a big wet kiss on my lips. “Easy there, tiger, I’m a little old for you.” I was rubbing my nose against his, giving him Eskimo kisses, when I noticed the room had gone silent.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before I picked him up. Rambo was licking him. I’m sorry - here.” I tried to pass Carter off to Lily, but she stepped back not taking the baby.

  “Don’t be silly. You don’t have to ask to pick him up,” Lenox said.

  “He doesn’t go to strangers. Ever. He cries when anyone new gets near him,” Lily added. “He likes you.”

  With the weight of everyone’s stares I felt oddly on display and vulnerable; so I did what I do best and made an ass out of myself.

  “It’s my charming personality. The boys can’t help themselves around me.” I turned back to Carter and nuzzled him again. “Huh? You can’t help but fall in love and kiss me.” Carter laughed and smacked both my cheeks – hard. “Whoa there, commando baby, gentle.
”

  Lenox nearly busted a gut he laughed so hard. “I like her.”

  After that, no one seemed to pay attention to me as they served up the pizza and started eating. No one except Clark that is. He still looked angry with me. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t. I avoided him the rest of the night. If he entered the kitchen, I exited. When he and the guys went out back, I made sure to stay in the house with the girls.

  By the end of the night, I felt comfortable with all of them. They were every bit as awesome as Emily had said. Blake was a badass like the guys. She wasn’t in the Army but worked with them. No one had given specifics, but I figured out she gathered intelligence. Up until recently, she lived in DC, only moving to Georgia and marrying Levi a few weeks ago.

  The guys were funny once I got over them poking fun at me any chance they got. Well, Jasper, Levi, and Lenox did. Clark hadn’t talked to me.

  “You look like shit,” Jasper said when he and the guys came back into the house.

  “Thanks. You’re so kind.”

  “Your eyes are red and puffy,” he said.

  “And she’s been sneezing like crazy,” Emily put in.

  “Are you allergic to dogs?” Lily asked.

  “I don’t think so. We never had a dog growing up, but I’ve been around them before obviously,” I answered.

  “Every time Rambo gets near you is when you sneeze,” Blake offered.

  “Well damn. Maybe it’s just the pollen down here.” It was Rambo; I knew it was. I was just hoping no one had noticed and I didn’t know my eyes had turned red. I didn’t want Emily and Jasper to worry about the dog and me. They had been cool to offer to let me stay with them, and I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass.

  “We can keep him outside,” Jasper said.

  “No way. That’s not fair to the puppy. Besides, you are trying to house train him. If you make him stay in the backyard, he won’t learn. I’ll be fine.”