by Trina M. Lee
Slowly I inched forward, waiting for her to appear. Arrow and Rowen followed. I paused so they could head for the door first, watching their back as they went. This didn’t feel right. It was too calm.
“Spike, get the gate, will you?” Arrow called, unfazed by the quiet. “There’s a button for it there.” He pointed to an intercom system on the wall near the spiral staircase that led to the upper floor.
I moved toward it, still turning slowly, unwilling to leave my back unguarded. Arrow opened the front door and dragged Rowen across the threshold. No sooner had I hit the button for the gate than Skylar appeared at the top of the stairs.
The first and only thing I noticed before she jumped on me was that her eyes were blue. Though no demon resided inside her, that didn’t make her any less crazy. She leaped from the top step, clearing the rest as she crashed down atop me, sending us both sprawling across the entryway floor.
The sword slipped from my grasp and skittered away despite my attempt to hang onto it. Flat on my back, I rolled over to get up, but Skylar was on me before I could. With black hair hiding most of her face, all I could see was her crazed eyes as she sat on my chest and wrapped her hands around my throat.
She began to speak in Latin, a spell. Letting her finish was not an option. I threw a hand up, and a ball of fire exploded in her face. Her scream was sharp in my ears, but they’d taken much worse from amps and drums.
The stink of singed hair was satisfying. Her face turned red and mottled from the flame. My fire didn’t stop her for long, but it did give me a chance to get up. Instead of going after her, I dove for the sword. Anticipating that move, Skylar shouted a command, and the sword slid further out of reach.
Arrow lingered on the front step looking uncertain. His shadows were useless in the sunlit room. Rowen slumped against him, sides heaving. He was too weak to help me. All they could do was watch.
Using my gifts required a lot of energy and focus. I couldn’t do much before I burned myself out, both literally and figuratively. Being half-human, my power supply was limited and currently in need of replenishment. I had no way of knowing which one of us would last longer, Skylar or me. I knew of only one way to find out.
A flame burned in the center of my palm. With careful intent, I pushed it out around me until I was surrounded by fire. Then I lunged for the sword, unwilling to leave it in the demons’ den.
Skylar threw a spell at me, then another, frowning when they did nothing. “This isn’t over,” she declared, hands on her hips like she was about to have a hissy fit.
“It is for now.” Holding the sword once again, I couldn’t help but notice how nicely the winged handle fit in my hand. “Unless you want to end up like your ginger friend downstairs, it’s probably best that you fuck right off.”
I was mad as hell and ready to show it. Sweat dotted my brow. My body ached, and I was tiring quickly.
Her fierce expression faltered, and she looked toward the basement. “What did you do to Michelle?” She didn’t wait around for a response. Forgetting me entirely, Skylar rushed to the basement door.
I didn’t waste the opportunity to get out without further incident. I let the fire cloaking me go out and joined the boys on the front step. The warmth of the sun cut through the slight chill in the fall air. Grateful that we were all alive, I sucked the fresh air deep into my lungs.
“You think you can do something about those?” Arrow nodded to Rowen’s wings as we passed through the open gate. The hellhounds had gathered to watch us, but none of them moved beyond the perimeter.
Rowen shook his head. His voice was raspy, and his shoulders slumped with exhaustion. “I don’t know how. I really don’t feel so well.”
We needed Cinder, but first we had to get Rowen out of sight, somewhere safe. “Let’s just get him in the car,” I said, urging them to move faster. “We’ll be safe at my place.”
I couldn’t be sure if anyone had seen us. Only one car passed as we struggled to get Rowen down the street and into the car. Thankfully that driver was too busy on his cell phone to gawk at us. Typical.
Those silver wings took up the entire back seat and then some, but Rowen settled in against the leather seats with a sigh. I peeled away with a squeal of tires, no longer concerned with the newness of the BMW.
From the passenger seat, Arrow stuck out a hand. His head was bowed, his brow creased in unspoken pain. “Now,” he said through clenched teeth. “Can I have my stash back?”
Chapter Twenty
“Rowen?” I glanced at him through the rear view mirror. “Are you ok? Do you need a hospital or something?”
He wasn’t looking so good. His breathing was shallow, and his amber eyes were dull and listless, lacking their usual fire. The purple and red bruises adorning his body appeared much worse than they had indoors.
“Don’t be stupid,” Arrow said as he used a credit card to cut a line of coke on the dash. “He can’t go to the hospital with giant fucking wings. Oh, and thanks for the concern. I only got my insides fried back there.”
A hard frown furrowed my brow. I told myself Arrow wasn’t worth getting frown lines at an early age, but it was impossible to relax.
“Pretty sure you’re fine. Keep treating yourself with drugs and cigarettes. I’m sure that’s the cure for someone like you.” Somehow I managed to keep from screaming in his stupid face despite being tightly wound and ready to snap.
“It’s cool.” Rowen’s voice was hoarse, as if he’d spent a lot of time screaming. “I’m ok.”
He wasn’t at all convincing, but I headed for home, silently repeating Cinder’s name. I couldn’t do this on my own, and I sure as shit couldn’t help Rowen with the wings. They’d manifested shockingly soon after he’d made his choice. As far as I knew, it didn’t generally work that way.
“Someone like me?” Arrow repeated, leaning over to snort the line through a fifty from his wallet. “That sounds awfully judgmental. Haven’t I earned at least a little bit of respect from you yet?”
I sighed and blew a long piece of layered bangs out of my eyes. “Is that really so important to you?” After what we’d just gone through, I wasn’t in the mood to have this conversation. My only concern right then was Rowen. Not for a moment did I wish anything bad on Arrow, but he seemed to be doing just fine.
Arrow ignored me, choosing to drag on a cigarette rather than answer my question. Fine by me. We drove the rest of the way to my apartment in silence.
He also seemed to be just as curious and surprised about the wings as I was. I caught him sneaking glances in the side mirror, peeking into the backseat to eye the silver feathers.
Only true angels had white wings. Demon wings were black as sin. Those in between, the fallen and the nephilim, their wings were silver although I’d seen them a drab grey as well. Cinder had said it had to do with the soul of the individual. Black soul, black wings. Made sense to me.
We arrived at my place in the late morning just after rush hour. Hopefully we wouldn’t be running into anybody in the elevator or the hall. I went first, ensuring the lobby was empty before waving Arrow and Rowen over. I darted up the stairs to the second floor while they took the elevator. The hallway was empty, and not a sound penetrated the walls from nearby suites.
We’d made it halfway to my apartment door when a sound at the opposite end of the hall startled me. I held my breath, fearing the worst. The fire exit swung open and in staggered my neighbor, Jez. My breath whooshed out in relief. Jez was a shapeshifter. Judging by the number of times I’d seen her come in bloody and bruised, she’d already seen her share of weird shit.
Her bright green gaze swept over each of us in turn. Strands had escaped her golden-blonde ponytail, and the pungent scent of alcohol wafted around her.
“Hey, Spike,” she said, casual and chill, like a man with wings was no big deal. “Arrow,” she added, a hardness in her tone that hadn’t been there before. I hadn’t been aware that they knew each other.
“Hi.” I
squeezed out a small smile. Though we were only acquaintances, it was somehow reassuring to have someone else in the building who was more than human.
She paused at her apartment door, key poised in the lock. “Let me know if you need anything. I’m just a few feet away.”
“Thank you,” I said as I jammed my key into my own door. “Ditto.”
Throwing the door open, I stepped back to allow the guys through. The scrumptious aroma of fresh bread greeted us. Cinder!
“Oh my,” I heard from the kitchen as Cinder caught sight of Rowen. “Let’s get you settled somewhere comfortable.”
I locked the door as if the deadbolt was what made it safe rather than Cinder’s wards. The deadbolt might have been useless on anyone other than humans, but it gave me a sense of security anyway.
A peek in the kitchen revealed a loaf of bread fresh out of the oven, a tray of fresh fruit, and a tub of organic vanilla yogurt. I couldn’t find enough words for the gratitude I was feeling. Cinder was the best friend I’d ever had, though I wouldn’t have said so to Jett. She’s so touchy.
Arrow stepped back, seemingly happy to let Cinder take over. The compassion flowed from the angel as he got Rowen settled in the middle of the couch, wings splayed out on either side.
“Did anyone see you come in?” Cinder directed the question to me.
“Only Jez.” I propped the sword against the wall, sat heavily on the armchair adjacent to the couch, and began pulling my boots off. The adrenaline was wearing off, leaving me nauseous.
Turning back to Rowen, Cinder placed a hand on each of his shoulders. He spoke in low, calming tones, assessing the extent of Rowen’s injuries. With a gentleness that I’d never seen among humankind, Cinder guided Rowen in commanding his wings.
“It’s no different than any other limb,” he said softly. “They are yours to command. Will them to move, and they shall. Will them to be unseen, and they shall. Take a deep breath.” Cinder turned. “Ember, fetch him some water, will you?”
“I’ll do it.” Arrow rocked forward, springing into motion.
I turned in my chair to watch him search through the cupboards until he found the glasses. His hands were shaky. He listed too far to the right, lost his balance, but caught himself on the counter. His head jerked up, and he caught me staring. Maybe he was in rougher shape than I’d thought.
I turned away quickly, just in time to see Rowen’s wings vanish. He breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed Cinder’s hand in a thankful squeeze. He held his other hand out to me, and I went to him.
Rowen looked better already. Cinder’s encouragement and guidance had lit a light that burned inside Rowen. He had chosen the light, as he’d said he would. It suited him. I was happy even though I was also jealous of his ability to be so certain with his choice. I knew my procrastination was an obstacle that I had to get over. Why did I have to be so damn afraid to commit?
Curled up next to Rowen, I had to ask myself how deep my fear went. I couldn’t mistake the way I felt about him. I was falling in love, which was scary, but it was also exciting. My fears had cost me good things in the past. In fact, they still did. At some point, I had to face that before it took everything from me.
Arrow returned with a glass of water, which he handed to Rowen before sitting down in the chair I’d just vacated. He rubbed his hands over his face and stared at the carpet.
The brothers needed to talk. Now was as good a time as any.
“Cinder, will you join me outside for a minute please?” I kissed Rowen’s temple before getting up and heading for the balcony.
Cinder closed the door behind us and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs. I leaned against the railing and sparked up a smoke. His lips quirked like he wanted to lecture me, but somehow he refrained.
“You did good, Ember. I’m proud of you.”
“Really? But I just lit a cigarette after dragging in two broken nephilim.”
“I know.” Cinder nodded and propped a foot on the opposing knee. “That’s why I’m proud. Well, not the smoking part. That’s a vile habit, and you should know better. But you did what you set out to do. You succeeded.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I sucked smoke into my lungs and gagged when it only increased my nausea. The concrete felt cold beneath my socked feet. Now that I was home, I was unbearably exhausted.
“Tell me what happened.”
I recounted the events of the morning for him. He listened attentively, waiting until I’d finished before asking any questions. Then it was my turn.
“Cinder, what is the Midnight Star for? And why did Dash think it was meant for me?”
Cinder looked mildly surprised that I knew the sword’s name. “Because it is. I wasn’t supposed to give it to you until you’d committed yourself to the light. But I couldn’t send you in there without it.” Again that commitment thing. Why did choosing have to be such a big friggin’ deal? I already knew the answer to that.
“Dash told me that it was to be wielded by the one meant to liberate the nephilim from darkness. Care to shed a little light on that?” The cigarette had burned down to the filter though I’d barely smoked it. I squished it out in the empty coffee can that served as an ashtray and sat down on the chair next to him.
“Dash spoke the truth. Unfortunately, now he knows who you really are. So I suppose you should as well.” Cinder paused, gazing down at the quiet street below. “Every generation has a flame bearer, one born to bring the lost nephilim back to the light. The nephilim were once known as abominations, and all were condemned to darkness. But things changed. Humankind can be made right with God, and as mortals, so can the nephilim. The demons resent that though. They strive to claim as many of you as they can.” He waited then, allowing me to mull this over.
And I did, expecting it to somehow shock or alarm me. It didn’t. Somewhere deep inside, something clicked, like I’d known all along. “Is this common knowledge?” I finally asked. “Is this why Koda has been after me for so long?”
“No,” Cinder said, his voice thick with disgust. “The identity of the chosen flame bearer isn’t widely known. Koda’s sick obsession is all his own. Though I imagine it may get worse if he learns of it.”
My gaze strayed to the door. Rowen and Arrow were talking inside. Arrow had moved to sit beside Rowen, and the two of them seemed to be in deep discussion.
“What do I do now?” I asked. “And more importantly, how do I do it?”
Cinder’s hand was warm on my shoulder, and I shivered as it made the chill in the air seem that much sharper. “You keep being you and doing what you know to be right.”
I peered into his pretty, violet eyes and saw my own reflection within them. “The part you’re not saying is that I have to hurry and choose, don’t I?”
“It’s not my place to pressure you, Ember. Your choice is your own, and you know in your heart what it must be.”
“I do, I know. But I’m scared, Cinder. I don’t do commitment so well. There are so many what-ifs running around in my head. What if I can’t stay loyal to my commitment?” I nodded toward Rowen. “I’m actually jealous of him for being so sure.”
Cinder made a sympathetic noise and patted my shoulder. “What-ifs belong to the devil. Any sentence or thought that begins with what if is a product of doubt and fear. You must banish it.”
I nodded and bit my lip, unable to voice my frustration at being unable to quell my irrational inner fears. My silence didn’t prevent Cinder from understanding though. He smoothed a hand over my hair, exuding a sense of calm that settled over me.
“Many share your struggle. It’s not so different from those who don’t believe marriage is more than a piece of paper. They fail to realize that the paper is solely for the human legal system. The vows, on the other hand, are for the soul. Making such a declaration before God and man adds vitality to our commitments. That’s what makes it real, the oath to withstand all that life brings until the end. That’s what makes it mean something. What’s holding your
soul back, Ember?”
Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face. Something he’d said had reached through the fog and chaos in my head, penetrating to the source of the problem, finding it and setting it free. Cinder didn’t offer me the false words of comfort that humans were so quick to dole out, thinking them helpful. He let me cry, which was just what I needed. I seldom allowed myself such a luxury.
“I’m afraid that I won’t be able to cut it, that I’ll be a total failure. I’m not exactly living the sin-free life here, and I’ll never be perfect.” There. I said it. All my silly, irrational fears were on the table. I knew perfection was a myth, that it didn’t exist. Still, the pressure to achieve it was there, a rotten seed buried in my soul.
Cinder pulled me in for an awkward half-hug across the span of our chairs. He chuckled, a gentle sound that soothed. “Do you think I’m perfect, Ember? I promise you that I am not. Nor is the preacher who leads his flock, the family who adopts an orphan, nor that sweet boy in there.” He pointed to Rowen. “All you can do is your best. Perfection is not a requirement to serve the light. Only dedication. Ask yourself where you belong. You already know the answer. Just come to terms with accepting it, and you will become all you are meant to be.”
I stared at Rowen, my mind racing. “How is it possible that he has wings?”
“His soul was ready to embrace all of who he is. I daresay it was a mistake for his talents to be hidden. Somehow they were never hidden from him. He will be a vital addition to the light.” Cinder’s smile was filled with joy.
I wanted that smile for me one day. Cinder was right. I knew where I belonged. Maybe I did have much work to do on myself, but I had to start somewhere. Another glance at Rowen confirmed that I wanted to be as secure in myself as he was. I wanted more than what my life was offering. So I would have to take the reins to control my fate.
“So what makes the Midnight Star so special?” I asked, curious but also ready to move past my little cryfest. “It has a pretty fancy name.”
“You do,” Cinder said as if that explained everything. “You and every other flame bearer who possesses it. It will take care of you, if you let it. It forces demons back to the other side.”
