Let Me Be Your First (Music and Letters #1)
Page 19
‘Email him. See what he comes back with.’
Loveisintheair.com email to: Mike Clinton
Loveisintheair.com email from: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 8:36 p.m.
Subject: RE: Date?
Hi Mike,
Nice to hear from you. Maybe we could chat a while before arranging a date?
Thanks
Elle
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Mike Clinton
Date: 8 April at 8:55 p.m.
Subject: Hi
Elle,
I’ve wasted a lot of time chatting on here, so let’s just arrange to meet up. I’ve got dates booked in for most of the week, but how about Sunday night?
Mike
‘Fuck me sideways. What a charmer,’ Abi said before registering the look of sheer horror on my face. ‘Don’t let this dick put you off. Here, let me reply. I’m going to be your love PA.’
Loveisintheair.com email to: Mike Clinton
Loveisintheair.com email from: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 8:59 p.m.
Subject: RE: Date?
Mike,
Thanks so much for your response, but after much consideration, I’ve decided I don’t want to date anyone who has to squeeze me in to his very busy dating schedule. In fact, I’d much rather spend the night with my vibrator. I would probably get a better orgasm out of it.
Here’s some advice—Don’t tell a potential date that you already have dates lined up for the rest of the week. Doesn’t make a girl feel special, you know.
All the best
Elle
‘Abi!’
‘What? He needed the advice.’
‘I’m really not sure this is for me.’
‘Don’t give up yet. Here, let’s look at the next message. This one looks perfectly gorgeous.’ She turned the screen towards me.
‘I’d be happy with sane if I’m being honest.’
She rolled her eyes.
One of the last emails was from Ben, sent two days ago. His message was brief but intriguing.
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Ben Newman
Date: 6 April at 7:55 p.m.
Subject: Hello
Dear Elle,
How are you? I’m new to online dating, so I feel like I’m feeling my way around in the dark! I really liked your profile. We seem to have a lot in common. I’m a book lover and a movie fan. I see you have a nephew, like me. They’re a similar age too. He’s amazing. I love being an uncle.
I’ve no idea if you’ve signed up for the monthly fee. If not, this email will sit here growing sadder and getting covered in spiders’ webs until gradually it will fade away. Don’t let that happen.
I really hope you reply.
Best
Ben
His message made me smile.
‘He seems nice. I like his style. And by the smile on your face, you do too.’
I didn’t hesitate to click on Ben’s profile to read his biography. I learned that he was twenty-four and worked as a computer software engineer by day, but by night, his real passion was writing. He had ambitions to become a scriptwriter and, like his email, it detailed his love of films and books. In the few photos he had uploaded of himself, I was able to see that he had dark hair that was messy in a just had rough sex kind of style. His dark brown eyes shone out to me. He was handsome in all of his pictures, but one in particular stood out of him dressed in a black suit, standing in a doorway with his hand leant against a wall. He could certainly rock a suit.
Another photo showed him holding his nephew. They were both caught in mid-laugh. I could feel my fallopian tubes wobble as I studied it.
There was a quote underneath his profile picture:
‘We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.’ – Oscar Wilde.
‘I think I’m in love.’
Abi clapped her hands together in excitement. ‘Oh my! Are you experiencing tingly feelings in your lady parts? As your love PA, I say send him a message.’
‘What if he’s sending the same email to five other women? It could be a copy and paste job.’ I frowned as the fizzing euphoria started to fizzle out as a bucket of reality was thrown into the mix.
‘That’s the beauty of dating. You never know when you’re getting fucked over. However…’
She put her finger in the air, gesticulating to make her point clear. ‘When a man is Ben Newman hot, you don’t mind taking the risk.’
Loveisintheair.com email to: Ben Newman
Loveisintheair.com email from: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 9:22 p.m.
Subject: Hope you are still around
Ben,
Thanks for your message. I only just signed up today. I’m glad your email won’t fade away.
I like the quote on your profile almost as much as I like you in a suit…
I know it’s been a few days since your message and you may have started contacting other women, but if you want to, I would really like to get to know you a bit better.
Elle
‘What do I do now?’
I tapped my fingers on my lips nervously.
‘You wait.’
Chapter Thirty
Ben replied twenty-six minutes later. Not that I was counting. OK, I was, and it was twenty-six minutes of second-guessing and regret.
Until I read his reply.
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Ben Newman
Date: 8 April at 9:48 p.m.
Subject: Still around
Elle,
I’m so glad you took a chance on the guy in the suit.
I think it’s amazing that you’re a social worker. You must really care about people.
I see you live at home with your parents. I’m currently in a shared house with four other people, mainly students. I moved in when I started university, but now that I’m working, I’m desperate to find my own place. It’s like living in a hugely scaled down version of the Big Brother House, everyone is in each other’s space, no one cleans, and there’s the occasional fight. My mates have nicknamed my landlord Fagin because he’s so tight with money. He has a fully working Commodore 64 in the living room. He won’t consider buying the latest X-Box. I love it, though. The inner geek in me bounces up and down at the retro nod to my childhood.
What brings you to loveisintheair.com?
Best
Ben
Loveisintheair.com email to: Ben Newman
Loveisintheair.com email from: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 10:02 p.m.
Subject: RE: Still around
What brings me here? That’s another story. I’ve been single for a few months.
Sharing a house must have its complications. I can understand why you’re looking for your own place.
I’m very new to online dating. My friends talked me into it…
Elle
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Ben Newman
Date: 8 April at 10:08 p.m.
Subject: Online dating
Elle,
It’s all a bit daunting, isn’t it? I’ve had an interesting mix of messages. Call me old fashioned, but I like to meet a girl before propositioning her. Wait. That sounds wrong. I’m not in the habit of sexually propositioning women. I’m rambling now, and talking about sex, which I’m sure other guys have been doing and you’ve deleted all of their messages because they creep you out. Anyway, just to reassure you, I’m not weird. I’m just looking to meet someone and live a little.
Best
Ben
PS – Did anyone tell you that you have pretty eyes? They should do. Every day.
My response was immediate, intuitive, and perfectly simple.
Loveisintheair.com email to: Ben Newman
Loveisintheair.com email from
: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 10:11 p.m.
Subject: Swoon
Ben,
You hooked me with pretty eyes.
Yours
Elle
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Ben Newman
Date: 8 April at 10:15 p.m.
Subject: Cyber date
Elle,
I knew my sweet talking charm would win you over in the end. How about a cyber date?
Ben
Loveisintheair.com email to: Ben Newman
Loveisintheair.com email from: Elle Davis
Date: 8 April at 10:20 p.m.
Subject: Nothing kinky
Ben,
Cyber date? Is that some computer software engineering term for something kinky? I’m not taking my clothes off in front of a webcam. Not yet anyway…
Elle
‘You brazen hussy!’ Abi laughed, which caused me to jump as I had completely forgotten she was there. I was getting lost in Ben’s words. ‘What’s happened to my sweet, innocent friend?’ She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug from her position behind the couch.
Loveisintheair.com email to: Elle Davis
Loveisintheair.com email from: Ben Newman
Date: 8 April at 10:24 p.m.
Subject: Cyber Stalker
Elle,
I think I’ve just met the woman of my dreams…
Add me to messenger.
From your cyber stalker,
Ben
My life was travelling at the speed of sound. Sensible Elle wouldn’t do this sort of thing. What is an acceptable amount of time to wait after a break-up before getting involved with someone else? Bloody hell! Why was I even thinking like that when Luke hadn’t wasted any time hooking up with the redhead? In fact, all the signs pointed to the fact that our timescales very probably overlapped.
I immediately logged in to messenger when I returned home.
It didn’t take long before a box popped up on my screen.
Ben: Hey pretty eyes!
I quickly typed back.
Me: You can’t see my eyes
Ben: I’m picturing your eyes in my mind’s eye…
Me: You’re a geek…
Ben: Damn, you’ve made that correct assumption of me frighteningly quick…I really must work on my ‘swag’
Me: You need to stop saying ‘swag’
Ben: I’m laughing now
My cheeks ached from the huge smile that had migrated to my face.
Ben: Elle? Are you OK? You’ve gone quiet on me. It was the word ‘swag’ that put you off, wasn’t it?
Me: I’m here…
We talked, or rather, we typed to each other for the rest of the night. Four hours had passed before I even realised the time. Ben Newman had my attention. His messages were funny and sweet and he didn’t seem worried about letting me in or telling me more about himself. In the course of four hours, I’d discovered more about him than I had known about Luke throughout our entire relationship.
Ben: As much as I’ve loved getting to know you tonight, it’s getting late. You need to rest and I need to shower.
Me: Do you want to chat tomorrow?
Ben: Do you?
Me: Yes, I would really like that
Ben: Me too. Night, Elle. Hope you sleep well x
Me: Night x
Chapter Thirty-One
Two weeks had passed since I’d received my first email from Ben. We chatted every night until the early hours of the morning and the smile hadn’t left my face since. I couldn’t decide if the weeks had gone surprisingly fast or frustratingly slow. Fast because he was quickly becoming a big part of my life, but slow because time dragged by every day until I could chat to him again.
The strange thing was, the more Ben revealed to me, the more I wanted to reveal of myself. He seemed in awe of my job, which was one of the things that stood out for him on my profile. He quizzed me about my work like it was the most interesting thing on the planet, and we laughed at our mutually sad living arrangements.
He didn’t once ask about my previous dating experience. In a lot of ways, I was glad he didn’t. I didn’t want to get into Luke, virginity, and all of those other added complications. He skirted over his experience with women and laughed off my jokes in a way that made me picture him with his own harem of women he had met on the internet. My brain taunted me with the image of multiple pop-up windows and Ben skilfully juggling six other conversations at the same time as telling me I had pretty eyes, but I didn’t let myself dwell on that for long.
Ben: How was your day?
Me: Busy, tiring, demanding. Much like every workday. Yours?
Ben: Boring. I was counting down the hours until I could chat with you again.
Me: Me Too
Ben: Really?
Me: I gave up an after work cake and catch up session with the girls to chat without interruptions.
Ben: You missed cake? I’m honoured.
The combination of nerves and pure elation that this funny, handsome stranger wanted to talk to me was starting to settle. He was feeding my confidence and making my cynical side believe in fate. He was bright, witty and encouraging. His messages were light and not at all demanding. Laughter seemed easy for him and he had endless funny stories. He was sensitive and measured. Always inquisitive and caring. He asked about my family, coming across as genuinely interested, not just asking because he thought it was the right thing to do. I suddenly found myself wanting to know everything about this man. He was making it feel so easy.
How could I feel this comfortable with someone I hadn’t even met? The sum total of our communication had been via tentative emails and daily messages over the last couple of weeks, but I was starting to feel like I had known him my whole life. The possibilities of where this could go were endless, and I was soaking up the feeling of excitement pulsing through me. It was easy to do from behind a screen.
Through his words, he had shown me he was a beautiful soul.
Ben: I saw my dad today. I haven’t seen him in ages.
Me: Don’t you get on?
Ben: Yes, but it’s difficult. My parents separated when I was eleven. It was messy. My mum went to live with another man and I stayed with Dad for a bit until I went with her.
Me: That must have been hard
Ben: It wasn’t the easiest time in my life
Me: When did it become easy?
Ben: Now!
Me: I understand
Ben: Do you?
Me: I understand that things suddenly feel easy
Ben: I’ve wanted to say this for a while. Don’t run…
Me: OK
Ben: I think you’re amazing. I feel like I can tell you anything.
Me: Thank you
Ben: There something I need to get off my chest, though…
Me: This sounds serious…
Ben: It is. I think I’ve got repetitive strain injury from all the typing. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see me suffer anymore, so how about we meet up? Are you ready for that?
I craved more from Ben, but I was also scared. The foundations to the walls I was preparing to build up were definitely being laid and the cement was already being mixed. The walls would hide the real me and cover the gaps and holes stopping him from trickling in. I didn’t want to get hurt again. My heart couldn’t take it. But at the same time, I wanted the old me back—the Elle who took chances, the Elle who accepted flaws and saw the best in people.
Ben: You’ve gone quiet on me again…
Ben: If you need more time, I’m willing to suffer repetitive strain injury…
Me: I’m here. I would love to meet up!
Silence…
I could see Ben was typing because I could see the three little dots jumping up and down in the message box. I could also tell he that he had repeatedly stopped typing, deleted his message, and started all over again.
Ben: Elle, it doesn’t ma
tter who broke you down, it’s who makes you smile again that’s important.
God, I was ready to smile again. I was ready to take the risk.
‘Daydreamer,’ Kate shouted from across the office. I ducked as she launched a bar of chocolate at my chest. ‘I’ve been calling you for the last minute. Where’s your mind travelling to today?’
‘You’re right; I’m daydreaming. I just hope I don’t get woken from the daydream with an all too familiar nightmare.’
‘Elle!’ she shouted. She was antsy today. I could tell by the determined stance of her hands on her hips and the frustrated finger pointing. ‘You’re not doing this.’ She walked over to my desk with determination in her stride. Not easy when wearing wedges the height of a small stepladder. ‘Bloody hell, you haven’t even been on a date and already you’re worrying about getting hurt. Get. Over. It. Enjoy the bloody moment because from the smile on your face today, it’s a good moment to be in.’
‘That’s me told.’
‘You’d better believe it.’
That evening, my messages with Ben continued.
Ben: So I found a bug in the system at work today. I was proud of myself. Now, tell me what amazing things you did today that involved actually conversing with people.
I laughed to myself. I was fairly sure Ben thought I was some kind of social work superhero. How could I let down those high expectations by telling him I did the amazing lifesaving task of catching up on paperwork all day?
Me: Just another day saving the world
Ben: You’re amazing!
Me: If only you knew the truth
Ben: You have a habit of putting yourself down. Don’t do that. I think you’re fascinating.
Fuck! He knew how to make my whole body pulse. It was like the shivery feeling that runs down your spine when someone plays with your hair, or the tickle at the base of your spine when having your head massaged by the hairdresser. Ben caused that tingle without even touching me. How would my body react if he actually did touch me?
Me: Tell me your passions and hobbies, or just your likes and dislikes.
Ben: I like getting lost in a good book or film. That’s my passion.
Me: I love the feeling when you’re reading a book that goes down a path you weren’t expecting and you get so excited you want to talk about it with the person sitting next to you, but you forget you’re enjoying it alone, so everyone else thinks you’re a bit mad.