KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN

by Robert Hoffman

  On December 30, 2008, Katherine told Kate she would come by the next day between 3 and 4 to bring her three dinner entrees. She asked if Kate wanted her to call first, and Kate told her, yes, to please call when she was near.

  Kate instructed Katherine to “pull and load the refrigerator in the little room to the right” as she walked in the double doors. Kate also told her that her dishes were in the room by the old fridge she would be using.

  In another email, Katherine, the phantom chef, gave Kate tips about the food she had prepared and dropped off. She told Kate to put some of the sauerkraut she brought over the slices so they would stay moist when she heated the pork, and that she could freeze the pot pie if she wished.

  Reading Katherine’s instructions brings up a question: If Kate fancies herself such a great cook, to the point where she is planning to release her own cookbook, and she shares her recipes online on her website on “Menu Mondays,” why would Katherine have to explain to Kate how to keep her pork moist or something as basic as freezing her pot pie? Katherine explains things to Kate as if Kate has no idea what to do in the kitchen.

  Katherine also said that she told Jon there was ZERO organic produce today so she roasted frozen green beans. She told Kate that she hoped Kate would enjoy the Vietnamese chicken, and to enjoy the “Pewtarex dish and the vino! Happy belated holiday!”

  Kate sent Gina Neild an email on January 1, 2009 offering to get Phantom Chef Katherine to make food so they wouldn’t have to do it for a farewell party for Gina’s parents.

  In this tweet from 2011, it seems to have slipped Kate’s mind that she also has a personal chef:

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 I wish I had your dedication!!! But I am dying to know, how much help do you have? Nanny? Cook? Maid?

  a babysitter 4 days / week and a weekly cleaning lady&I hav lotsa energy! Wouldn’t want a cook if could. This is my job&I love it!

  Kate always plays word games to cover up her lying. Maybe she has decided that a “cook” is not the same thing as a “personal chef.”

  THE GHOST ARMY OF HELPERS

  Here are some examples of Kate giving orders to more people doing her work for her – more people that she said didn’t exist. This is a weekly list of household duties Kate sent to one of her “helpers.”

  Duty:

  C&M clean book bags

  C&M room cleaned up well!

  Keep up with all kids laundry (play clothes)

  Wash C&M uniforms & hang (wash shirts/pants together)

  Keep running list of foods/products run out

  Water all plants – once per week – Fern-Family Room – Tree & plant on Kit. Counter – Plant in front LR – Aloe in DR.

  Check that juice/paper towels/toilet paper/paper plates & bowls/ soap is stocked at each location

  Collect All (hand & bath towels) towels, separate according to color (light & solid vs. printed & colored and was on normal/warm then dry and fold

  Replace towels (different ones!) in each bathroom.

  Laundry has always seemed to be the bane of Kate’s existence (next to Jon, that is). On Season 3 of Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht, “Cooking with the Twins,” Kate complains about how much laundry she has to do, while at the same time telling us that “Beverly folds all the laundry, Nana Janet irons all the laundry, and Carla comes and puts all the laundry away.” With helpers doing the folding and ironing and putting away, that only leaves someone actually having to throw the dirty clothes into the washing machine.

  Kate surely must be aware that it is the washing machines that actually do the laundry. All she showed us is that she stuffed dirty clothes into the machines while the cameras were filming her. It is hard to imagine that she would be willing to do even that small task on non-filming days.

  One day, the unthinkable happened, as documented in an email from Kate to “Amanda” at Media Motion International. Kate started her email with a cry for “Help!!!!” and told Amanda she had “another wild goose chase” for her. Kate explained that “Our tempermental ironess (nanna Janet) took her check and quit today!!!!” (Sorry, Kate, but it’s spelled “temperamental”.) Anyway, Kate asked Amanda to “inconspicuously” look around the Berks County- Reading, Shillington, Sinking Spring, and Wyomissing area to find them a weekly ironer. Kate whined that she had no luck replacing Janet in the past and told Amanda that while Janet did an “immaculate job,” she was “hard to deal with…”

  Always one to point the finger of blame at anyone other than herself, Kate added that she imagined Jon played a part in causing Janet to quit. She said, “Jon was busy comissersting with her about me this morning while I was away so I can only imagine his part in her quitting... Thanks Jon!” (Sorry, Kate, who hates when others misspell words. It’s commiserating, not comissersting.”)

  Grocery shopping is another particular ordeal for Kate. She even had to go through the trouble of making up a standard, weekly grocery list for her non-existent helpers to use as a guideline. She instructed said helpers to please take an inventory before shopping for the items on the list so they could adjust the quantities of each item as necessary. These are the items on her list:

   lunch meat- 2 packs natures promise

   cheese sticks/string cheese- check supply and current desire for them by kids- get two packs organic if needed.

   eggs- three dozen- organic brown- natures promise

   bagels- everything- 6 fresh from bakery (or current favorite flavor of Mady/Cara)

   cream cheese- one block of Natures promise if needed

   tubs of yogurt for kids- 4 tubs of Stonyfield farms lowfat vanilla or vanilla or fat free vanilla (any combination of flavor)

   bread- natures promise 100% whole grain- 3 loaves

   milk- CHEAPEST fat free organic milk-6 half gallons (can get a combination of fat free, 1%, and 2% to make a total of six)

   crackers- a combination of organic “ritz” crackers, and other types of crackers - get items that are ON SALE- total of four boxes

   cookies- organic cookies that are ON SALE that the kids like- 3 packs

   chips/pretzels- organic/natural pretzels and chips that are ON SALE!- total of four bags

   fruit- apples- one bag if needed, bananas- 2 bunches, pears- 10-12 total, other seasonal organic fruit

   veges- natures promise baby carrots, organic cucumbers,organic celery, organic zucchini etc.-

  total of a few of each to cut up for kids

   mac and cheese- 6 boxes ORANGE cheese natures promise mac and cheese- if needed

  (check cabinet)

   frozen veges (broccoli, mixed veges, green beans)- check all freezers for need- one bag of each if needed

   cereal- check need- get a total of six boxes of organic cereal that is ON SALE (none if not on sale)

   Please add: one box of earthbound farms baby romaine salad, two pack of cucumbers, three organic tomatoes, stonyfield farms fat free vanilla 6 oz yogurts (if none left at home, get 10. If some at home, make it total 10 altogether please.

   Check supplies of the following: feta cheese, blue diamond smoked almond, bottled water, bare naked granola and Cascadian farms multi grain squares, Barbaras shredded spoonfuls and the other square cereal by Barbara (can’t think of the name!) Please get a bag of granola and a box of cereal if necessary.

   And, check other items we may be running low on (once you open the last of something, it should go on the list immediately).

  Kate explained to her ghost grocery shoppers that the quantities she listed could be increased slightly if any of the above items were on sale. (And in the spirit of helpfulness, it’s veggies, Kate, not veges.)

  This excerpt from my US Weekly report details Kate’s grueling method of grocery shopping. She must have been exhausted watching yet another ghost helper bringing in the bags:

  Jon and Kate Gosselin PA Reporting

  November 2009

  A sign that I’ve been on the job for awhile came when, ten minutes after I commen
ted to the paps that I would expect to see about ten to fifteen grocery bags showing up any time now, a woman in a black Volvo SUV pulled into the driveway and parked by the front door. Sure enough, she made five solo trips into the house carrying … white plastic Giant grocery bags filled with what looked to be everything for Thanksgiving dinner, for a small army. The third trip she made was with a giant turkey in white plastic wrapping. She was a blonde and I’ve seen her there before but don’t know her affiliation to Kate. Nobody came out of the house to help this poor woman with the bags. She carried in 16 bags by my count, in the rain.

  JUDY, JUDY, JUDY

  Judy was the Gosselin’s absolutely wonderful nanny, and the one constant in the Gosselin children’s lives for a long time. She was the best thing that ever happened to the Gosselin kids, and they absolutely adored her. She was loving and caring, and I always maintained that the kids were in great hands with her while Kate was away. Kate apparently didn’t seem to care about any of that, though.

  Kate fired Judy because she remained friends with Jon after the divorce. It didn’t matter that Judy was friends with Jon long before Kate ever laid eyes on her, but that’s how Kate operates. After she let Judy go, the revolving door of strange nannies and sitters kept spinning, with the kids meeting new strangers to look after them while their mommy was away.

  Kate’s vengeful nature allowed her to take away her children’s long-time, incredible nanny and subject them to being watched by a different high-school-aged girl every week, just to spite Jon. The kids missed Judy and suffered greatly once she was gone.

  In addition to Judy’s duties as a nanny, which included fixing the kids’ hair and dressing them and taking them to and from the school bus stop, Kate also gave Judy some other “nanny jobs.” It seems that Judy was more of a mother to the Gosselin kids than Kate was, but anyone close to the family already knew that. Kate was simply the “overseer.”

  Here’s a list of Judy’s “jobs” that I found. It was dated April 10, 2009.

  Duty:

  Shoes / jackets swim stuff cleaned up

  Trash if full – emptied & extra cardboard & trash to garage

  C&M lunches packed – healthy stuff

  Basement cleanup!

  Nightlights / TVs & movies turned off

  Each room / bathroom checked & straightened & throw away clutter

  Garage / toys / bike cleaned up

  Turn every light off as you leave rooms

  Empty reload & run & empty dishwasher

  Help kids make beds (teach, show & help them)

  Teach table manners (chew with mouth closed, eat neatly, sitting properly)

  Sweep kitchen & DR clean bibs, HC & table

  Empty & clean coffee pot

  Empty packages & discard wrappings

  So Judy was in charge of teaching the kids how to chew, eat and sit properly? Isn’t this something that a mother would/could/should take the time to do personally rather than having the paid help do it for her?

  There was a lot of babysitting/nannying going on in the Gosselin house. In this next email, Deanie from Figure 8 Films questions Kate about adjusting an invoice Judy had submitted for her hours. Deanie was concerned about how the charges would affect the budget, especially since they also had to pay Carla and Ashley for their services over the same period:

  On April 4, 2009, at 8:42 AM, Deanie wrote to Kate to let her know she had received Judy’s hours from the last two weeks. She told Kate that she was a little surprised because she was expecting a flat day rate for the days Judy “slept over.” She was concerned there would be a problem ahead if they didn’t reach an understanding about Judy’s extended hours with the family.

  Deanie wrote that for Season 5, the Network had approved four days of babysitting per episode. That would be 40 hours per episode (or it could break out as 40 hours per week if they projected shooting one episode per week. She said it would be challenging to make the charges work because they had to include hours for Carla and Ashley as well over the same time period.

  These are the days and hours Judy submitted an invoice for:

  Week 1:

  Monday, March 23 6:30 am – 12:00 am 17.5 hours

  Tuesday, March 24 12:00 am – 12:00 am 24 hours

  Wednesday, March 25 12:00 am – 12:00 am 24 hours

  Thursday, March 26 12:00 am – 3:15 pm 15.25 hours

  Friday, March 27 6:00 am – 6:15 pm 12.25 hours

  Saturday, March 28 7:00 am – 8:00 am 1 hour

  94 hours

  Week 2:

  Monday, March 30 6:30 am – 4:30 pm 10 hours

  Tuesday, March 31 6:30 am – 2:30 pm 8 hours

  Wednesday, April 1 6:30 am – 12:30 pm 6 hours

  Thursday, April 2 6:30 am – 4:30 pm 10 hours

  9:00 pm – 10:00 pm 1 hour

  Friday, April 3 6:30 am – 12:30pm 6 hours

  6:00 pm – 8:00 pm 2 hours

  43 hours

  94+43 = 137hoursx 25 = $3425 + ot $712.5 = $4137.50

  Kate instructed Deanie to pay Judy the day rate for the days Judy invoiced. Kate said she had informed Judy about the day rate when she was hired and she would remind her of it. She also explained to Deanie that the network had recently offered to cover a full-time person in addition to Carla’s normal weekly hours. She said they would certainly need that to make Season 5 happen.

  THE CARETAKER

  Jon Gosselin loves his children and loves taking care of them personally, as this email from Kate’s divorce lawyer to Jon’s divorce lawyer confirms. Jon didn’t want help taking care of his kids while he was at the house with them on his custody time. On June 17, 2009, Cheryl Young sent an email to Charlie Meyer asking him to “Please confirm that Kate should decrease the nanny for Jon’s time in the evenings.”

  It’s no wonder and very obvious why Kate Gosselin has absolutely no bond whatsoever with any of her children. Kate has rarely ever done anything with or for her children personally. She either had Jon or a paid “helper” take on the responsibility of raising her children from the time they were babies. She did make time to personally hit her children for minor infractions like climbing out of their cribs.

  NOT ENOUGH HELP

  From her very first days of being a greedy, money-grubbing wannabe celebrity, Kate Gosselin has been very consistent in a number of areas: buying things for herself, pampering herself, making others do things for her that she doesn’t want to do herself, complaining that others who do things for her that she doesn’t want to do herself don’t do them as well as she could do them herself, and being completely ungrateful for everything anybody has ever done for her that she didn’t want to do herself. Here’s what she said about her helpers back in 2005:

  “Volunteers have helped, some, but nowhere near enough.”

  This quote is from the second-to-last episode of Kate Plus Ei8ht – in 2011:

  “I’ve gotten help, but not the help to the degree that I was hoping to get.”

  This is a paraphrased excerpt from a blog that Kate wrote for her kateplusmy8.com website: Walk a day in my heels and you’ll see what life’s like in my family’s 24/7 fast lane with never a chance for me to finish my list and to remove my load of responsibility that I shoulder mostly alone, or sleep a peaceful night of sleep.

  On May 16, 2012, Kate took to Twitter to complain, yet again, about the kind of help she gets, or doesn’t get. On that particular day, it happened to be Kate’s 8-year-olds doing her wrong by only helping her like…well…8-year-olds. It would be interesting to find out exactly what kind of help Kate expected to get from 8-year-olds.

  My quote of the day 'I guess if u ask an 8 yr old 4 help,you'll get an 8 yr old kind of help'(re :dog food all over floor after dog is fed)!

  Finally, in this tweet, Kate tells the world, again and for the millionth time, that she is a martyr:

  lol. As the mom saying goes ‘if I didn’t do it, who was going to??’

  Who? How about the nanny, the babysitters, the cleaning lad
y, the laundry girl, the ironness, the cook, the pool boy, the landscapers, the bodyguard, and the manager, for starters?

  BETH, A TRUE FRIEND

  “Kate is one of the most admirable

  and amazing women I have ever known.

  Kate should win the Mother of the Year award”

  – Beth Carson

  Bob and Beth Carson were Jon and Kate’s best friends in the world at one time. They watched the Gosselin kids at their house and socialized with the Gosselin family on many occasions. Bob Carson even gave Jon a job at one point. Kate speaks very highly of them in her journal.

  During the “Going West” episode of Season 1 of Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht, Jon and Kate sat down at home with their lawyer to draft their first Will. They were preparing an incredibly important document; one that would legally spell out who would raise their eight children in the event of Kate and Jon’s death. It is probably the most important decision about their children that any parent will ever make.

  In the episode, the lawyer asks who will raise the kids, and Kate responds vaguely for the television audience that they chose “a family member and close friends.” Well the “family member” part was for the sake of the viewers. There never was a family member in line to be guardian of the children. In researching further, I discovered that in the event of Jon and Kate’s untimely death, the Gosselin kids wouldn’t go to any member of either side of the family. The kids would be taken in and raised lovingly by … Beth and Bob Carson. Kate wrote about their decision in her journal.