KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN

by Robert Hoffman

  – Kate Gosselin

  If you are looking for evidence that Kate Gosselin is a devoted mother whose primary focus in life is on making her children happy, you will not find it among these pages. You will also not find evidence that Kate has any genuine desire to provide her kids with memorable and joyful holidays or vacations. Anything that might have been construed as such in the past was fueled by the presence of a film crew and cameras capturing those golden moments of her children’s lives to make money for her. Contrary to everything Kate says and tweets about “traditions” and making memories, and how she does everything for her kids, the truth is that Kate does everything for herself first, then gives her children whatever sloppy seconds are left over. Kate Gosselin’s world revolves around her own wishes and comfort.

  Kate treats holidays not as special moments in time to share with her children, but as chores that must be completed as quickly and effortlessly as possible for her. It is understandable how anyone just reading her tweets about how hard she works to give her children wonderful memories would never know this. She seems to get far more enjoyment out of tweeting about how wonderful she is, and how she is doing all these amazing and fabulous things to prepare for a holiday, and how exhausted she is from all that preparing, than out of spending special, uninterrupted time with her kids. Kate spends more time conversing with her tweetie friends and her so-called “haters” than she does being immersed in the joy of watching her children delight in the experience of the holiday. And she is oblivious to all she is missing.

  In this chapter, you will not only learn about Kate’s methods for heaping holiday happiness upon her ever-appreciative and gushingly thankful children, you will also find out about Kate’s strategy to save money on vacations (abridged version: she gets one; her kids do not) and about the fiasco that was her failed attempt at a “celebrity” cruise.

  I’M DREAMING OF A BLACK CHRISTMAS

  “Peace on earth, good will toward men.” Those words, spoken by angels on the first Christmas, still resonate in our hearts. We long for peace – in our hearts, in our homes, and in our world.

  At 1:15 pm on December 25, 2011 – Christmas Day – Kate “the Christian” Gosselin expressed what “Peace on earth” means to her when she tweeted the following:

  ‘Peace on earth’ really refers2those hours after all the toys r unwrapped&the kids scatter to play w/ them… Ahhhh, listen.. I hear peace!

  It is worth noting here that, in all her tweeting that day, Kate never once mentioned the true meaning of Christmas. Not once. She said nothing about the birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Nothing, that is, until she was prompted to do so by her faithful tweeties who pointed out her rather egregious oversight.

  Leading up to Christmas 2011, there was information leaked to the tabloids that, because Kate was “out of work” due to the cancellation of her show, she had told the kids they would be getting only one Christmas present each that year. That was true.

  Kate, of course, read that tabloid story and set in motion her plan to prove to the world that it was a lie and that she truly was the “bestest” mom in the whole, wide world.

  So on Christmas Eve, with eight beautiful children in her house who, undoubtedly, would have loved for their mom to give them her undivided attention, Mother-of-the-Year nominee Kate Gosselin did what any loving, devoted mother would do – she hosted a tweet party.

  HEY! My gift 2u…. A TWEET PARTY… NOW 4 the next ?? til my kids stop playing peacefully :) … Tell ur friends! Whatcha wanna ask me?

  That Christmas of 2011 was my third Christmas being involved in the Gosselin saga. Still working for US Weekly, I was pretty relentless and left no stone – or trash can – unturned in digging for information. My seven-day-a-week job was based solely on me being able to provide US Weekly with juicy, “insider” information. That wasn’t always easy. There were many times when I had to get my hands dirty. Really dirty.

  Starting with Christmas 2009, I and a pap friend of mine filled my old SUV with pretty much all of Kate’s after-Christmas trash bags, to bring home to my lab for analysis. Well. It wasn’t really a lab. The first year, my lab, otherwise known as the Gosselin trash repository, was in my kitchen. When my wife walked in and saw what I was doing, I thought she was going to kill me, right there on the kitchen floor. I see her point now, of course, but at the time, I was on an adrenaline high, “working” to support our kids.

  Anyway, my main interest the first year was to see what the Gosselin kids got for Christmas. US Weekly wanted to know, and I didn’t want to ask anyone point blank, so I found out the answer the nasty way. I learned many things about Kate’s Christmas with the kids as a result of my trash picking, and I reported a lot of it to my employer. They chose what to print and what not to, of course.

  This is what I discovered. Kate’s online descriptions of a “Norman Rockwell” type Christmas inside the Gosselin house just didn’t match up with the evidence and “insider information” I gathered from combing through all of her trash. Not even a little bit. The evidence proved something entirely different.

  I’ll start with Christmas 2011, because that’s when Kate was on Twitter and her website lying about it. I still have every piece of that trash in my garage and basement. That sounds kind of twisted, I know, but I wanted to be able to prove my statements if called upon to do so. Of course, I also took pictures every step of the way, from the trash pickup at her house to the individual items displayed on a table in my lab, which I had relocated from my kitchen to my basement by then.

  I know a lot of what the kids got for Christmas because I have all of Kate’s online ordering receipts and the packaging that the items came in. They got some nice presents, for sure. So even if Kate’s original intent was to give them only one present each, that didn’t end up being the case. Perhaps the leaked tabloid story gave the kids a better Christmas.

  It is not my place, nor anyone else’s, to judge the number or quality of gifts a child should receive for Christmas. To me, that is a personal and private matter, and none of my business. It remains so until someone makes the matter not personal and private, and tries to deceive others in the process. What Kate does or does not give her children for Christmas would be a complete non-issue if she simply kept those matters private and didn’t constantly go on record saying things like her kids deserve everything on a “golden platter,” all the while moaning about how financially strapped she is. We then find out that she short-changes them to provide goodies for herself. All bets are off at that point.

  Now on to specifics. I will dispel one of Kate’s Christmas lies right away. This one is about Kate’s gift wrapping, which she tweeted about non-stop for several weeks. In all of the bags that I brought home from Kate’s house – two trash pickups after Christmas day just so I wouldn’t miss anything – the ONLY colorful wrapping paper that I found was in a single bag, and the pieces were torn up into very small sizes. Kate mentioned that she wraps stocking gifts individually, so these pieces would fit with that story.

  Other trash bags were packed with what I know to be blank or unprinted newspaper. The local paper gives away “end of rolls” to anyone who wants it, and that is what Kate used to wrap her presents for her children. Blank, plain, discarded, FREE, unused newsprint. (Having worked at the local newspaper, I’ve used it once or twice in the past. But I put in the effort to hand-decorate the paper, and I always added ribbons, bows and tags for a festive look.)

  For Kate’s kids, though, there were no colorful bows. No ribbons. No fancy tags. Nothing. Just blank, off-white paper with a child’s name written very small with a black pen. That name was for Kate to keep track of each child’s presents as she put them in their own pile in their own designated spot on the floor.

  In previous years, I found colorful post-it notes used as name tags for the children’s gifts. Not fancy tags, but at least someone took a second to write a name on them. I guess there was no room in the 2011 budget to buy colorful post-it notes for the kids’ Chri
stmas presents after Kate purchased two new vehicles for herself that year.

  The blank paper only matters because it is just another example of how Kate scrimps on the kids. Kate posted several photos online showing some of the kids sitting in front of colorfully wrapped presents, and she posted a photo of the kids at the table with the tree and many colorful presents around it. Those presents, however, were gifts that Kate wrapped for other people, including Steve and Gina Neild and their two boys. Most of the colorful presents around the tree were for Kate herself, from her tweeties. There were also wrapped presents for the kids from Kate’s tweeties, but Kate didn’t let them open them on Christmas day. She chose to put them away and use them later as incentives for good behavior.

  The kids weren’t even allowed to open their presents in the “family” room near the tree because Kate didn’t want them to make a mess. Instead, they sat on the floor near the front steps, so that Kate could more easily put the paper in the trash and get it out of the house. The whole process was conducted like everything else that goes on in that house – with military precision and an exact adherence to orders.

  Kate wrote a blog about the “HUGE Success” that was her Christmas Day celebration. She puts these things out there online for one reason – to create the illusion for her fans that she is the greatest mom who ever lived, and no one else could possibly measure up. You probably know by now that the reality of the situation is almost always the exact opposite of what Kate says, or tweets, or blogs that it is.

  Kate had tweeted about a “last minute Christmas miracle” several times leading up to the big day. Tweeties the world over were speculating about what this miracle could be. A miracle is defined as:

  1: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

  2: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

  So you would think that this last-minute miracle present was going to be the present of all presents, right? As it turned out, Kate’s “last minute Christmas miracle” present to the kids was … a $2.00 beta fish from the local pet store … for Mady only. According to Kate, “Mady has been asking for a pet fish for as long as she could talk.”

  Mady had wanted a $2.00 beta fish since she was about 2 years old, and she had to wait for 9 years and a Christmas miracle to get one. Kate didn’t even buy the fish bowl. As a matter of fact, she needed assistance just to think of this miracle. Someone had sent her flowers in a fishbowl as a gift, and she said that was what “spurred” her idea.

  On a brighter note, Cara and Mady had a little Christmas treasure hunt around the house for the kids, leaving them hand-written clues on their personal note paper at each location. Now that’s fun! My parents used to do that for my sister and me growing up and I, in turn, do it for our children. And they love it! It doesn’t take a lot of money, but it does take effort – something Kate somehow finds impossible to give. It’s too bad that the sextuplets’ memories of those treasure hunts will be that their older sisters did it for them instead of their mother.

  Interestingly, one of the treasure hunt clues read, “Where do the babysitters sleep?” This should leave no doubt in the minds of even Kate’s most ardent supporters that strangers sleep over to watch the kids, even though Kate insists she does everything herself.

  I found something else in the Gosselin trash that is the saddest thing I’ve read so far from the children. It was written in black marker by one of the Gosselin twins, and Kate, of course, threw it in the garbage. I have the original document in my office as a reminder of why I’m doing this.

  I’ve been hoping for a black Christmas

  Just like the ones I never knew

  Where the bush bottoms glisten

  And A-dults ignore

  To hear sleigh bells in the rain

  I’ve been hoping for a black Christmas

  With every Christmas card I recive

  My your days be sa-ad and dark

  And may all your Christmases be black.

  This same child said on Celebrity Wife Swap. All I’ve ever known is work.

  VIVA STAYCATION

  For years, while filming Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht, then Kate Plus Ei8ht, Discovery Communications/ TLC and Kate had always taken the kids on a working/filming vacation over spring break. Although the kids had to work on these trips, at least they got a chance to see new sights and maybe enjoy themselves for a bit.

  A few years ago when they were filming on Bald Head Island in North Carolina, Kate said this would be a “tradition” that she would always continue for the kids. Not surprisingly, after the TV shows were canceled and the filming ended, the Bald Head Island vacation “tradition” ended as well. Kate failed to specify that a tradition would only remain a tradition if someone else were footing the bill.

  In 2011, Kate told us that she didn’t take the kids to Bald Head Island to continue the 1-year-old tradition because she couldn’t rent the exact same house. Having rented summer beach houses before, I can tell you from personal experience that if you rented the house the previous year, you automatically get right of first refusal to rent it again the next year. Realtors do business this way to get the house locked up as far in advance as possible for their clients. So when Kate said that the house was booked, what she was really saying was that Discovery was no longer paying for her trips, so the “traditions” had to stop and the kids would lose out – as usual.

  As 2012 rolled around, it proved to be another not-so-great year for vacationing for the eight Gosselin children. Kate once again came up with excuses as to why she was not taking her children on vacation. For the first time in several years (since TLC canceled Kate’s show and, with it, all of her free trips), Kate “decided it would be fun” to take a “staycation!” What that meant was that the kids didn’t get to reap the rewards of their hard work by going somewhere they might enjoy during their spring break from school.

  A staycation can be a fun, affordable way to do family-friendly activities and entertain children during spring break or vacation time. This was a golden opportunity for Kate to finally do some things with, and entirely for, her kids. She had the chance to find out what they would like to do for a change; then actually do it. Instead, according to Kate’s tweets and blog, the kids played school in the basement all week and did some work around the house.

  “Staycations are a great way to save money! Check out our Spring Break plans on my Coupon blog!

  Spring Break at the Gosselins

  Posted on March 5th, 2012

  Typically during our very long ten day spring break, we have a fun trip planned. This year, I must admit it has crept up on me and I just realized the other day that I had planned absolutely nothing exciting. After my panic attack subsided, I decided that a rather relaxing home based ‘staycation’ may not be so bad after all. By staying home, we will not only save money, but we will truly be able to relax and that may turn out to be a different kind of fun. So, for our staycation, I decided the following things are a must in order to make it memorable for the whole family...

  Kate then listed a few “musts” that they would be doing on their staycation. These fun and exciting events included:

  “At least one (if not two or three) movie nights with popcorn with a ‘surprise.’ I’m known for burying a small candy treat in the bottom of each of my kids’ popcorn cups, so it has become an expected tradition (God help me if I should forget the surprise!)

  “A picnic lunch at a local playground – weather permitting, of course.”

  “Reorganizing the garage and moving the kids’ toys to the large shed I recently relocated to the right of our garage.”

  It’s kind of funny that Kate said, “I’m known for burying a small candy treat in the bottom of each of my kids’ popcorn cups…” She did that one time because they were filming. Also, those fun and exciting staycation events sound suspiciously like activities kids would ordinarily do even when not on break from school.

  This is part of
a blog Kate posted the next day, March 6, on her own website, kateplusmy8.com:

  School During Spring Break…?!

  March 6, 2012

  Our spring break comes really early each year. Usually, we have plans to travel somewhere. This year, it snuck up on me and with other obligations, doctor appointments and whatever else, I realized we would be spending time at home, playing… Oh and did I mention sleeping in? I made some mental plans for fun things to carry out this week but the kids have suddenly developed an amazing plan all on their own!

  A few days later, Kate tweeted about their amazing, fun and exciting trip to the playground:

  Good morning! Playground and picnic day! http://t.co/vX3w0blx

  RT @xxxx @Kateplusmy8 RT? Kate Gosselin’s Kids Spend Spring Break in “School”! http://t.co/JPwqvYGw via @babbleeditors NICE ARTICLE:)

  A mere 30 minutes after Kate tweeted that picture of her kids at the playground, a “Kate approved” article appeared online about Kate’s spring break, using Kate’s own photo. The photo shows six freezing sextuplets by a picnic table eating their snacks. In Kate’s own blog, she wrote: “A picnic lunch at a local playground – weather permitting, of course.”

  The kids were taken to the playground by somebody, maybe a babysitter, on Friday, when the weather was 40 degrees and very windy. The kids looked very cold. Thursday, the day before, was 70 degrees and sunny. That day would have been the perfect day for a picnic at the playground. The forecast had those days called perfectly all week, so the weather wasn’t a surprise to the rest of us. How could the “most organized person on the planet” and the ultimate “masterminder” mess that up?