KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN

by Robert Hoffman

  Kate had total control over the final product, and yet she chose to show the world the mostly nasty moments of her life? If that was the best they could come up with, it is scary to think about what was left on the cutting-room floor.

  As the end of her contract with Discovery Communications was drawing near in March of 2012, desperation was setting in for Kate. It became very noticeable via Twitter, her own website, and her few-and-far-between television interviews that she felt the need to change her ways and the public’s increasingly bad perception of her.

  A lot of people were fooled by this tactic, and Kate and her manager, Julie Carson May, must be very thankful for each and every one of Kate’s fans who refuse to believe she can do anything wrong. Without the undying and unwavering cluelessness, ignorance and support of those fans, Kate and Julie Carson May would not be able to continue their scam/charade/web of lies. Kate is so deeply appreciative, she wrote the following sincere words on Twitter:

  thank u. I am always so grateful 2those of u who continue 2 stand by my side, knowing the truth and fighting the despicable 1s

  You need look no further than Julie Carson May’s company website for the answer to how Kate Gosselin, a complete failure as a mother, housewife, cook, businesswoman and human being, started transforming before our very eyes into a fitness expert, nutrition expert, motivational speaker, supermom, chef, etc.

  MEDIA MOTION INTERNATIONAL specializes in building and developing expert and celebrity brands.

  In 2005 Julie Carson May founded media Motion International to focus on building brands and platforms for talented experts, celebrities, hosts, and corporations. Her expertise is in working with talent and companies in the life improvement field including fitness, nutrition, health and wellness, design, and many other areas.

  It is interesting, or maybe just an incredible coincidence, that those are the exact areas that Kate Gosselin began to pretend she was an expert in, once Discovery pulled the plug on both her reality shows. Kate Gosselin is a product being “marketed” to the viewing audience.

  Despite the fact that she has failed at everything she has ever touched, Kate continues to try to rebrand and reinvent herself over and over in the hopes that she will finally find a character/persona that people will want to watch on television and whose books people would want to buy.

  Here are just a few of Kate’s past and present attempts at finding a “brand”:

  The happily married, exhausted, God-fearing Christian mother of eight

  The exhausted, single mother of eight

  The exhausted, single, happy homemaker mother of eight

  The exhausted, organized mother of eight

  The exhausted, dating mother of eight

  The world-traveling mother of eight

  The hot and sexy mother of eight

  The marathon-running, fitness expert mother of eight

  The coupon-cutting, money-saving expert mother of eight

  The speaking out against bullying mother of eight

  The “giving back” and helping other mothers, inspirational mother of eight

  The world is still waiting for one that will stick.

  After Kate lost her TV show, and no other viable TV opportunities arose through which she could rebrand herself, she was forced to take to social media to retain some kind of public presence. She became a Twitter-holic, desperately trying to keep her brand alive while simultaneously trying to create new brands in the process. Since Kate’s primary, and usually only, means of interaction with the public is through Twitter, the rest of this chapter contains heavy doses of tweets to and from Kate.

  After having read Kate’s own words in this book, and having seen her in action throughout seven seasons of reality television, you can decide for yourself if Kate Gosselin is being genuine or just following the next set of instructions laid out for her by her manager.

  ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

  Do you remember hearing about an upcoming new TLC show called Twist of Kate? It was going to be a show where Kate alone, no eight, would travel the country trading places with people and doing their job for a day. A pilot episode was reportedly filmed, but the show never saw the light of day.

  In dissecting what caused Twist of Kate to flop before it ever aired, you need think no harder than to notice what was missing from the idea for the show: the eight.

  The eight children made Kate famous, and both Kate and Julie Carson May know it. This is why they will continue to exploit those kids for their own monetary gain as much and as often as they possibly can until somebody finally puts a stop to it.

  Eight kids. Every time Kate Gosselin opens her mouth, she works in the fact that she has eight kids. That’s her entire shtick. She is nothing without her eight children. In honor of Kate’s favorite number, here is a selection of eight of her tweets from the scores of tweets where Kate mentions the number 8:

  GM all! It’s another nice sunny one! Looking forward 2 more pool time and movie night including popcorn w a surprise tonight with my gr8 8!

  Went 2 church this am,then we dashed out 2 r pool! 80ish degrees, pure sun w/ my 8 little fish swimming!Ahh!How every Mothers day should be!

  Happy Mothers Day everyone! I am reminded today of how blessed I am to be a mom….8 times!!! Hope your day is filled w/ overwhelming love!

  I stood at utility sink for 8 hours straight once… 8 sets of sheets w chunks… Agreed.. Wasn’t fun! :(

  My six of EIGHT will be EIGHT in EIGHT days… Omg!All the 8’s… That’s so cool! I’m so elated I have 8 healthy smart happy healthy kids!XO

  I am getting ever closer to 88,888 followers…. Isn’t that SO cool? My favorite number, of course, is the number ‘8’…

  …just heard I hit 88,888 followers at 1:08am! How cool is that? Just like I tell my 8 kids..’I love you all..as if you were my only 1’! XO

  there’s many reall Kate’s I’m sure…I’m the one w/ 8 kids

  Kate Gosselin has eight children. Who knew?

  TWITTER REBRAND: THE POSITIVE KATE GOSSELIN

  In all her years on television, Kate has rarely shown herself to be a pleasant person to be around. She has usually been seen barking orders, or yelling at someone, or hitting someone, or criticizing someone, or making fun of someone, or making snide remarks about someone, or being negative, or complaining about how put upon she is, or whining about how awful her children and husband are and how difficult her life is. But as she began her descent into obscurity, something miraculous happened. The Kate Gosselin from TV suddenly transformed from a shrew into little Suzie Sunshine. Or at least her tweets would have us believe that miracle occurred. Here are eight of Kate’s remarkably positive tweets:

  I don’t have X 4 people who hate others 4 working hard,staying pos,&trying 2 make a diff! Do you?

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Loved seeing you on Dr. Drew! Wish you had another show.. Any chance? xoxo

  that would be great! I never rule out any chances of greatness in my life… You shouldn’t either! :)

  GN all! It is time to ‘get flat’ I’ve been told…. So catch u when Mr Sun comes up again… Another day2make a + difference in our world!

  GM! Today I’m reminding myself that only thing that matters are the 8 people that call me mom! Don’t care how it LOOKS, we know what’s REAL!

  Night night! Have pleasant dreams all! I dream of peace and harmony,hard work, honesty,kindness&positivity for all!

  GM all… Failure is NOT an option; it’s a cop out! Remind yourselves of that (as I am) as often as is necessary! Keep on keeping on….o

  I prefer positivity over negativity…helps motivate me 2keep going! I c the glass half full Bc that’s better than empty,right!:)

  GM all!Remember this:Don’t focus on negativity,find the positive in every situation…It’s always there,u just have 2 look harder someXs!:)

  THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER

  Kate is forever going on and on about how making elaborate homemade meals, her fantastic baking accomplishments, and a
ll the chores she does. She makes doing normal, everyday household chores sound like Herculean tasks. She then brags about how her children gush over her meals and praise her and thank her incessantly. No normal child does this unless they feel forced to do so in some way. If what she says is true, they have clearly learned the art of self-preservation by heaping praise upon her. The following tweets document some of Kate’s great homemaking accomplishments.

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 what did you guys have for dinner tonight?

  funny u ask..I made chicken pot pie soup&home made bread that took until 6:30 2 bake! I made amaz ham/Swiss paninis from it!Yum!

  Back from church,fed lunch,cleaned up & about 2 attack the spring clothing switch overX8…Yikes! It’s a huge job! Not so sure I’m ready!

  I made meatloaf and invented a sweet/sour BBQ sauce2serve over it! Mash pot, steamed carrots &spinach!

  Since you asked- baking egg custard pies (big surprise!), lemon squares, nest cookies and angel food cake. Then on to cooking…

  Ha ha ha… Multi tasking..conditioning hair treatment while baking! My kids got quite a laugh! http://t.co/W5B1EFbS

  GM all... Getting up to feed my little army breakfast...followed by laundry and all that other stuff.. Have a good day...

  THE LOVING, DOTING MOTHER

  It seems that Kate’s idea of being a good mother is to send out massive numbers of tweets about how wonderful she is, and include staged photos of her children or blab about what they are doing.

  Go to http://t.co/J4Q4wUXz To read my newest posting ‘Love Is…’

  Check it out! Lotsa heart pictures included! :)

  This next tweet contained a link to a photo of five of the sextuplets sitting on the sofa holding up their books, in exactly the same way. This photo couldn’t look more staged, and I found out later that it, in fact, was:

  http://t.co/yx3FdlqU A doctors office waiting room? I think not…

  Just lotsa kids waiting in a room for dinner.. I found them this way.

  This tweet includes another totally staged photo to prove to complete strangers that she is a good mother with happy children:

  http://t.co/oLynBasD I just can’t get enough of this…it is SO cute! They are reading Joel’s book ‘Zombie in Love’—such a cute book!

  This is a photo of the kids dancing in the living room. It should have remained a private moment for the kids:

  http://t.co/6jEOi8U4 …dancing to Madonna during halftime show… Making Super Bowl memories..even if we have no clue about football..lol

  It’s late again! Just helped 11ur olds finish video 4 sch project and now X2 sleep! GN all my tweetie friends! I’m so thankful for ea of u!

  I’m measuring eggs with rulers and discussing exclamatory versus interrogative sentences… How can you tell I’m doing homework??;)

  …laying in my bed…doing mad lib book with Cara and Mady… Ahh life is good! :) I love this kinda good ole fashion fun! :)

  Kate can’t even spend a few minutes of quiet time with her daughters without exploiting it for all to see. This is her way of proving to strangers that she really is a good mother:

  Line from mad libs: ‘then have a cup of delicious hot spit w/ a spoonful of liverwurst in it & you are all ready to go off 2 school!’ LOL!

  …now they are double teaming me… Hurling out the parts of speech requests so fast, I can’t think straight! oh my!

  I DID hav a great day. Got 8/8 perfectly amaz sch reports!Kids r in top of classes-Must b doing sumthing right!;)

  THE EXHAUSTED, OVERWORKED MOTHER OF EIGHT

  It’s hard to imagine how a person who has no job and 9 hours of alone time every day can be so exhausted. But Kate sure wants you to believe her life is a struggle.

  My motto today:’I will make it thru this day…’ (repeat often) A determined attitude helps remind me that I CAN DO ANYTHING…u can too!:)

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 MSD to Kate, come in!

  oh msdtake me away… I need a vacation!

  This was tweeted while the kids were home for Spring Break. Poor Katie Irene was forced to be with her children for a few days…with babysitters.

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 you’re a MACHINE! Where do you get your drive?

  I force myself-theres just no option for me!:(

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Remember when they were little and the bus didn’t take them – you were exhausted by dinnertime. I don’t know how you did it.

  I’m still exhausted by dinner time but don’t feel so stifled.. Those days were SO hard!

  Just finished working. Non stop day. When do my days slow down???

  I just finished working and now I’m tired… Am comes too fast here… Gotta sleep!

  I had to stop running to enjoy this amazing blue sky and white puffy clouds..1 of my favorite things in life! http://t.co/V3TEpFaq

  This was taken in the middle of a work/school day while most moms were hard at work at their full-time jobs. Kate can’t seem to get it through her head that it’s not a good idea to tweet things like this telling the world how exhausted you are from all of the work you do all day long while you’re home alone for 9 hours.

  What a day! PT conferences, 5.3 mi run, shopping w my tweenies..they out shopped me FOR SURE! I’m very tired!:( How are u all?

  GN all. I just finished up what I needed2get done today&I’m really tired! Thanks2each of my steadfast tweety supporters&friends! XO to u!

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 seriously you are a machine!! I don't know how you do it!

  I'm a machine because I have to be! Who else will keep up if I don't?? ;) yes, moms ARE machines! :)

  …there are no words to describe my pace 2day…the amount I accomplished is mind boggling…great to be feeling better! How’s everybody?

  And so now that I’ve finally stopped moving, I’ve noticed that I’m tired…Catch u tomorrow between the fast moving madness around here!GN!

  I think I need a break…. :) someXs I wish I could beam me2the sand &sun..4just a few hrs (oh & w a Lites out man)

  GN tweeties.A crazy busy insanely impossibly logistical wk coming up!Hoping 2 get a run or 2 in 2… Yikes.Sleep is an impossible dream..

  Did Kate copy and paste the beginning of this tweet from the preceding one, or was this her talking point for the day?

  So we survived r crazy busy insanely impossibly logistical day&although I didn’t accomplish EVERYTHING,I did fit an 8.5 mi run in+all good!GN!

  The great thing about Katie Irene is that in the middle of telling everyone how exhausted she is and how hard her life is (for someone home alone for 9 hours every day), she’ll mix in a tweet like this:

  xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 That’s the spirit!! Any fun plans 4 2day??

  I’m running, meeting a friend and doing errands! Yay!:)

  And then there’s this tweet, where Kate obviously forgets that almost all moms have to work for a living while helping to support their family, unlike Kate who is home alone all day long going shopping and tanning and getting her nails and hair done:

  ..ohhh I just giggled out loud as I set my alarm clock for crack of dawn for the FINAL time until next school year! Now THAT makes me happy!

  In case you missed that, Kate just told you that rather than having only 9 hours to herself all day at home while you and I are working, she’ll now have the next 3 months off as well.

  THE FASHION & BEAUTY EXPERT

  This tweet gives you an idea of the extent of Kate’s expertise on beauty:

  Beauty blog #2 just posted! Go read more helpful tips at: kateplusmy8.com

  When you go to Kate’s website and click on the Fashion & Beauty tab, you will see a couple of blog entries from Kate’s professional makeup artist, Deanna Bell. If Kate were being honest, her personal fashion and beauty tips would read like this:

  Go to a posh salon in New York to get a professional to do your hair.

  Get freebies from cosmetic companies.

  Get freebies from clothing companies.

  Get your makeup artist friend to write your blog posts about b
eauty tips.

  THE HEALTH & FITNESS EXPERT

  Kate fancies herself a fitness expert because she runs many miles. But all of my research and observations strongly suggest that the biggest reason that Kate runs is because she wants to get away from her kids as much as possible. The welcome side-effect of all that running for her is that it also helps her remain as skinny as possible. Unfortunately, neither of these reasons for running has anything to do with being fit and healthy. And much of Kate’s “expert” fitness advice is not only incorrect, it is often dangerous.