Jubilee's Journey

by Bette Lee Crosby

  “Why not?”

  Believing the truth of Paul’s situation would be too painful for a child to hear, Olivia mumbled something about the probability that he might not be well enough.

  Tears welled in Jubilee’s eyes. “I don’t wanna go without Paul. I’m afraid.”

  Trying to sound convincing, Olivia told her, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. Anita’s your aunt. She’ll love you because you’re family.”

  “No, she won’t!” Jubilee’s face folded into a grimace. Then a stream of tears started rolling down her face. “I don’t wanna go. Please don’t make me, please.”

  “Grandma, you ain’t really gonna make her go, are you?” Ethan Allen argued.

  “I’m not the one making her,” Olivia replied defensively. “Detective Mahoney said it’s his duty to uphold the law.”

  Ethan scrunched his eyebrows together in a dubious frown. “What kind of law says a kid’s gotta talk to somebody she don’t even know?” His words had the sound of challenge packaged inside a wrapper of doubt.

  Olivia explained that only a family member could claim ownership of a child without parents, but when it came time to describe the alternative words failed her. She stuttered and stammered over an explanation that said nothing. By then Jubilee was sobbing hysterically, and Ethan Allen had an angry look of defiance stretched across his face.

  Before her words cleared the air, Ethan Allen snapped, “That’s a stupid law! Just ‘cause a kid’s got no mama or daddy, they’ve got no say over where they live?”

  Were it not such a sorrowful situation Olivia would have pointed out that it wasn’t all that different from the circumstance he’d been in, but since he was already upset and ready to pounce on anything she let it pass.

  “Let’s not worry about this until it actually happens,” she said. “I’ve got a feeling that time will set things straight.”

  “I don’t wanna live with Aunt Anita!” Jubilee wailed.

  Olivia gave a long heartfelt sigh. “That might be what you think right now, Jubilee, but try to be patient. Let’s just wait and see what God has in mind.”

  “I know what He’s got in mind,” Ethan argued. “He don’t want Jubie to go nowhere, He wants her to stay here!”

  “You’re sure of that?” Olivia shook her head with a sense of weariness, then turned, picked up the breakfast dishes, and set them in the sink. “This extra-special knowledge of yours, is that something you’ve come by recently?”

  “You know what I mean,” Ethan grumbled.

  Still sobbing, Jubilee again wailed, “I don’t wanna live with Aunt Anita!”

  If not for fear that emotional children could inadvertently throw a monkey wrench into a person’s plans without realizing what they’d done, Olivia might have told them what she was thinking. But given the mood of the moment, she decided it was better if they didn’t know. This was something she had to feel her way around. It was only the start of a plan; the remainder she’d figure out as she went along.

  Pretending to be coerced into allowing it, Olivia finally agreed to let Ethan skip school and go with them. “But bear in mind,” she said, “you will have to wait in the car with me.”

  A less-knowing person might not have noticed how Olivia’s words were not laced with rigidity, nor was she wearing the stern look that generally accompanied such a command. Ethan Allen noticed.

  As she turned and left the kitchen, she heard him tell Jubilee, “Don’t worry. I’ll be sticking right by you.”

  When Mahoney arrived at twelve-thirty, he was greeted by a red-eyed girl and an angry-faced boy. Before he had both feet inside the apartment, Ethan Allen announced, “Grandma said I’m going with you.”

  “I think it’s better if you don’t,” Mahoney answered. Before he could say anything more, Jubilee began wailing again. It wasn’t something easily ignored, because along with the shuddering sobs came a high-pitched keening that scraped across his ears like nails on a chalkboard.

  “Enough,” he finally said. “Ethan can come with you, but he has to wait in the car.”

  It took almost twenty minutes for Olivia to calm everyone down. First she had to change Jubilee’s dress because she’d wiped her nose on the one she was wearing. Then there was the challenge of finding the left shoe Ethan was missing. Once everyone was put together, they climbed into Mahoney’s car and started out.

  Mahoney drove, Olivia sat in the front passenger seat, and the two kids squeezed together on the left side of the back seat. From the corner of her eye, Olivia watched them whispering back and forth. It was precisely what she expected. The trip took thirty-five minutes, and as Mahoney drove Olivia made note of each turn off and street sign. She also noted the town limits sign for Harrison. When Mahoney pulled up in front of Anita’s building, Olivia had already fixed the route for returning in her mind.

  Mahoney climbed out of the car and opened the back door. He extended his hand and smiled, “Come on, Jubilee. It’s time to meet your Aunt Anita.”

  “No,” she answered and slid closer to Ethan. “I don’t wanna go.” She latched onto Ethan’s arm.

  “Now, Jubilee,” Mahoney cajoled, “we’ve already talked about this. Your Aunt Anita is anxious to meet you.”

  A flood of tears started again. “I don’t wanna live with Aunt Anita.” Her tight grip on Ethan’s arm made her knuckles turn white.

  “You don’t have to live here if you don’t want to. This is just a visit.”

  “I don’t wanna visit.”

  “Do you want your aunt to feel bad because you won’t even come to visit her?”

  Jubilee shook her head but held tight to Ethan’s arm.

  “I promised her you’d come visit.” Mahoney again reached for Jubilee, but she scooted toward the center of the seat. Ethan moved with her. The truth was that Mahoney had made no such promise. In fact, Anita didn’t know they were coming. Had he informed her ahead of time, chances were she’d be long gone.

  “Please,” he begged, “just a short visit. Fifteen minutes, then we’ll all go out for ice cream.”

  “I don’t want ice cream,” Jubilee answered. “I want Paul to come with me.”

  At the mention of Paul’s name, Olivia gave Mahoney an apprehensive shake of the head and signaled that Paul’s circumstances were not something to be spoken of.

  He nodded and said only that Jubilee’s brother couldn’t come right now. “Maybe next time,” he suggested, figuring he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

  Ethan Allen, who had positioned himself between Jubilee and the open car door, had said nothing until now. “Since Paul ain’t here,” he suggested, “how about I go with Jubie?”

  Jubilee nodded.

  Mahoney frowned. “I don’t think that’s—”

  Before Mahoney could finish the thought, Jubilee said, “I ain’t going ‘less Ethan comes.”

  After he’d given six different explanations for why Ethan coming along was not a good idea and suffered through another round of Jubilee’s tearful hysteria, Mahoney agreed.

  “You can come to keep her company, but you are not to get involved in the conversation with her aunt. Understood?”

  Ethan nodded, and the three of them started toward the building.

  They rang the bell several times before Anita answered. “What?” she said in a heavy voice.

  “Detective Mahoney,” he answered.

  “I thought we already talked,” Anita said. “You gonna keep bothering me?”

  “This is the last time. I’ve got something for you.”

  “Yeah, I bet.”

  The buzzer sounded, and they entered the building. After practically pushing Jubilee up the stairs, Mahoney rapped on Anita’s door.

  When the door swung open, Anita took one look at the kids and gasped. There were no words, just the stunned look of a woman who had seen the dead. With a nod of her head, she motioned them inside.

  Mahoney led the way but said nothing. He knew this moment had to carry its own wei
ght. Words could not smooth the pathway. Anita had to feel the family connection. Although he was not a church-going man, Mahoney knew that whatever happened from this moment on was up to God. Nothing he could say or do would change things.

  Although it seemed like a length of time had passed, it was less than a minute before Anita bent down and wrapped her arms around Jubilee.

  “You look just like your mama,” she said soulfully.

  Jubilee said nothing and stood rigid as a board.

  When she let go of Jubilee, she turned to Ethan. Making no move to hug him she gave a sad shake of her head and said, “You’re awful small for your age and don’t look one bit like your mama or daddy, do you, Paul?”

  “I ain’t small, and I ain’t Paul,” Ethan replied.

  “Well, who—”

  Before Anita finished her question, Mahoney explained Ethan was the grandson of the woman Jubilee had been staying with. “Jubilee was feeling a bit shy, which is why Ethan came with her,” he said.

  “Oh.” Anita gave a sigh that reeked of relief. “So, it’s just the girl you want me to take?”

  “For now,” Mahoney nodded.

  “For now? You know I ain’t exactly in a position of—”

  Mahoney cut in before she got to the point of saying something Jubilee shouldn’t hear. “I’ll bet you’re anxious to know more about this pretty little niece of yours, aren’t you?”

  Anita turned her attention back to Jubilee and began talking about how as a girl Ruth had looked exactly the same. “Do you sing?” she asked. “Your mama had the most beautiful singing voice.”

  Without waiting for answers to her questions, Anita opened a floodgate of memories about their childhood and the years they’d shared in Norfolk. “I was with your mama the day she met your daddy,” she said sadly. “That’s a day that ain’t easy to forget.”

  When Olivia watched the trio disappear into the building, a fear of the unknown began to pick at her heart. While earlier she had imagined Anita as a stern-faced, uncaring woman, a different picture now emerged. Anita became rounder, her mouth softer and upturned in a smile. As she waited she could see the new Anita clasping Jubilee to her chest and showering her with kisses. She could hear the woman’s voice cooing about how she had been frantic with worry over her sister’s missing children.

  Anita most probably already had a room set up for Jubilee, a little girl’s room with frilly pink curtains and a fancy new doll waiting for its owner. All Olivia had to offer was an alcove, with a not-fancy folding bed and a way-too-small chest of drawers. As she waited each second seemed to stretch itself into a minute, and the minutes had the feeling of hours. Fear settled into her heart, and when Olivia could no longer hold herself back from following them inside she climbed out of the car.

  Inside the lobby Olivia scanned the mailboxes. Walker, Anita: Apartment 310. As fate would have it, Missus Lyndhurst from 308 was on her way out of the building at that time, and as the inner lobby door began to close behind the woman Olivia reached out and snagged hold of the handle. She hadn’t exactly planned to go upstairs. In fact she hadn’t finalized any type of plan, but here it was presenting itself. Olivia stepped inside and started up the stairs.

  As she lifted her hand to knock, Olivia heard Anita’s voice. She hesitated and listened. The words were not clear enough to distinguish what was being said, but the tone was soft and sentimental. Her arm felt as though it weighed ten thousand pounds as she lifted it and knocked.

  “Now what?” Anita grumbled and slid back into the person she’d been before memory took hold of her.

  Although Olivia hadn’t heard the words, she heard the change in tone. Quickly rummaging through her handbag, she pulled out a flowered hankie. When the door pulled open she flounced the hankie in the air and walked in saying, “Ethan Allen! You went off without a hankie in your pocket, and I just know—”

  “I got a hankie,” Ethan replied.

  “Oh. Well, then, I supposed I needn’t have bothered.” Olivia tucked the hankie back into her purse and introduced herself to Anita. “Sorry to barge in like this, but you know how kids are. You’ve got to watch them every minute.”

  “Every minute?” Anita replied.

  “Yes, indeed. Turn your back for a few minutes, and they’re off and into trouble.”

  “Sounds like a lot of work.” A washboard of ridges appeared on Anita’s forehead. Mahoney cringed.

  “You can’t begin to imagine!” Olivia continued. “Once Ethan Allen came to live with me, my life truly did change.” Although she could reason that saying such a thing wasn’t a lie, Olivia deliberately held back from saying it had changed for the better.

  She had barely finished speaking when Mahoney suggested it was time to leave. “We’ve interrupted Anita’s day enough,” he said and began hustling Olivia out the door.

  “It’s no bother,” Anita mumbled weakly, but by then both Ethan Allen and Jubilee were scrambling down the stairs.

  “I’ll be back in touch,” Mahoney said and followed them out.

  “Yeah,” Anita said, “I hope so.”

  After the door was closed, Anita was once again alone with the life she had created for herself. The memory of years spent with Ruth by her side settled in like an illness she’d been fighting, and the ache spread throughout her body. She felt the loneliness in her fingertips and down to her smallest toes. Jubilee looked so much like Ruth that the sight of her was like tiny little knives tearing away bits of hardened skin, exposing the soft underside, the side that felt pain, heartache, and a forever sense of loss.

  Anita sat at the table and cried. She allowed her head to drop into her arms and sobbed a tearful prayer that Ruth could somehow forgive her. “I should never have written those things,” she said. “Now it’s too late.”

  The suitcase Anita had packed remained at the foot of her bed for the entire weekend. And after she ran out of cigarettes, she didn’t bother going out for more. On Friday evening when she was supposed to meet Henry Miller in Ocean City, she was instead stretched across her bed sobbing so loudly the upstairs neighbor began banging on the radiator pipe.

  “Hush up that noise!” he’d yelled, but Anita continued to sob.

  Henry Miller waited at the Ocean Breeze bar all evening. For the first two hours he sipped on a tall Tom Collins, but once he figured Anita wasn’t coming he switched over to martinis. It was nearly eleven when he walked out of the bar with a giggly blonde hanging on his arm and gave up any thoughts of calling Anita.

  Olivia

  I should never have gotten out of the car. If I’d have left well enough alone, I wouldn’t be remembering the way Anita looked at Jubilee. Nobody has to tell me how she feels about the child; I saw it in her eyes. If she said once she said twenty-three times how much Jubilee looks exactly like Ruth did at that age. I don’t think there’s any question about the woman wanting Jubilee to come live with her, but looking at the messiness of that apartment and the melancholy in Anita’s eyes I can’t help but wonder if that’s what’s best for Jubilee.

  It isn’t good for a child to carry the weight of someone else’s regret. Only God knows what happened between those sisters but it must have been pretty ugly, because Anita has sorrow written all over her face. Jubilee doesn’t need that poking her in the eye; she’ll have plenty of her own sadness when she learns the truth about Paul being in jail.

  I don’t see any alternative other than to call Anita and explain the situation. I’ll say how Ethan Allen has become like a brother to Jubilee and how he’s the one who can ease the pain of her not having Paul to count on. I’ll suggest she claim Jubilee but let her stay here with us. It isn’t like I’m asking Anita to give up the child. She’d be welcome to come for a visit anytime she had a mind to.

  Okay, I’m a bit cramped for space, but with two kids the Rules Committee is going to ask me to leave anyway. When that happens, I’ll look for a larger place. Yes, I hate the thought of losing my apartment, but it’s nowhere near as tragic as
poor little Jubilee losing her entire family.

  There are times when God gives you a load to carry, and it’s a lot heavier than what you had in mind. When that happens the only thing you can do is pick up the load and get moving. You’ve got to trust He knows just how much you’re capable of carrying.

  Jubilee’s Discovery

  Olivia had first imagined Anita as an uncaring woman, someone with hard edges and unyielding opinions. She’d then switched over to thinking she might be a loving aunt, someone Jubilee could turn to in time of need. But after spending a short time looking into the woman’s face, Olivia had come to understand Anita was neither of those people. She was simply a woman weighed down with regret. The weariness was visible in her face, in the way her eyes were colored with sadness and her voice hollow with echoes of loneliness.

  It had been a sleepless night for Olivia. She’d tossed and turned, thinking through every scenario the conversation with Anita might take. She’d wondered if the woman might welcome such a simple solution or fly off the handle and demand that Jubilee be returned to her immediately. It was a chance Olivia had to take.

  With every bit of thought focused on what she would say to Anita, Olivia failed to notice the way Ethan Allen and Jubilee whispered back and forth. At the breakfast table she’d casually asked, “What are you kids going to do today?”

  “Maybe ride our bikes over to the playground,” Ethan answered. He made a point of including the word maybe and didn’t look up as he sawed a bite-sized square of waffle into three tiny pieces.

  Jubilee said nothing but began picking at a loose thread on the placemat. After a few seconds she glanced sideways at Ethan and, seeing his head tucked down, returned to picking at the thread.

  When Olivia disappeared into the bedroom to call Anita, the two kids scooted out the door, climbed on their bikes, and headed toward Monroe Street. It wasn’t often that Ethan so flagrantly defied Olivia’s rules, but in this case he had no alternative. Jubilee had pleaded with an urgency that made it impossible to say no.