Fortune and Fate (Baum's Boxing Book 2)

by E M Lindsey

  “No,” Cole choked out, shaking his head. “Bloody hell, no. That’s bravery, Wes. Me staying in, fleeing my country because I couldn’t face my daughter’s mother and stand up against her when she told me that being blind made me unfit? That was cowardice.”

  “We’ll have to agree to disagree, man,” Wes told him.

  Cole let out a shuddery breath. “Someone’s after the survivors of the accident, which makes me think that it wasn’t for nothing, that we did recover something. My daughter and her mother are here because they need protection, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m truly safe here.”

  “Are you…is your identity concealed?” Wes asked carefully.

  Cole worried his bottom lip, then said, “Some of it. Enough. Hiding in plain sight and all that.”

  “Right,” Wes said through a breath. “I won’t ask. But I will say that I’ve got your back.”

  “I just feel useless,” Cole said, letting his frustration bleed through his tone. “I can’t fucking see, I can’t…do you know how impossible it is to navigate a situation when you don’t know if the person across from you has a gun trained on you? I’m trying…sodding, shitting hell… I’m trying to learn to use everything else I’ve got to protect myself and my daughter, but everything feels like a threat.”

  “I can’t possibly understand that,” Wes told him quietly. Cole heard the sound of the indicator, then felt the truck roll to a stop and heard the click of Wes parking. “I know what it’s like to feel helpless, though. I know what it’s like to have once been able to do anything and now facing limitations that will last forever. I might be able to walk, but my legs aren’t strong enough some days to carry my four-year-old. My work-out has me on my feet, but not forever. I’m walking on borrowed time, and even if my wife’s life depended on it, I couldn’t chase someone down to save her. It’s…humbling. But we learn other ways, don’t we?”

  “I certainly have tried,” Cole told him. He had no idea how much it was going to mean to hear someone who understood the feeling of being utterly helpless. “I just don’t know anything, anymore. I feel lost, and paranoid, and foolish.”

  “You’re not any of those things,” Wes told him. “It sounds like there’s some actual shit going on. You’re not imagining things.”

  “Except I very well may be. He’s my boss, he’s kind, he’s only ever tried to help me. He gave me no reason to doubt him except…”

  “Except,” Wes pressed.

  “Except,” Cole said, and let out a sigh. “Except I heard something in his tone that just didn’t sit right. I’ve been learning to listen. Truly listen, to hear things my eyes would have distracted me from before. It’s not always perfect, but I can’t deny there was something there. Only I have no proof.”

  After a long moment of silence, Wes said, “Let me help.”

  Cole frowned. “Help how?”

  “I’m not sure, but…but we can figure something out. A way for me to meet his guy and get a read on him. That way you won’t feel so crazy.”

  Cole felt like weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Honestly?”

  “Cole,” Wes said, sounding a little fond and a lot exasperated, “you’re family. I know you don’t trust yourself right now, but I trust you. And if you feel like something’s off, I’m here to give you a second opinion.”

  Cole felt his throat tighten, and he was certain had his tear ducts survived, he would have felt them welling. “I…thank you. You’ve no idea what it’s been like having to keep this from everyone.”

  “Well, at least you have Ryan,” Wes started, but at the look on Cole’s face, Wes went quiet. “You haven’t told him anything? Seriously?”

  Cole felt the back of his neck heat up, but he shook his head. “I couldn’t. You realize it’s not just for me, Wes. It’s to protect everyone. I…I couldn’t put him in danger like that.”

  Wes blew out a puff of air, and Cole startled when he felt a large, rough hand grip his shoulder. “I’m glad you two are together.”

  “We aren’t,” Cole admitted quietly. When Wes made a startled noise, he turned his face toward him, hoping he looked at least a little contrite. “I want to. Bloody hell, more than anything in the world, I want to be with him. I think I…” He couldn’t bring himself to say that four letter word yet. “Either way, I can’t. Not right now. It’s not fair to ask him for everything when I can’t give him all of who I am.”

  “I think he’d understand,” Wes said. “I’ve known him a long time. He and I were…” He cleared his throat. “When I say this, I don’t want you to feel threatened, okay? But Ryan and I were lovers for a long time, and if he’d been able to feel something with Anna, we might have been more than that—the three of us. He’s a good dude, even if he’s too hard on himself for all that shit with Noah, and I want you to know that in spite of keeping secrets, he’ll forgive you. He’ll understand.”

  Cole felt all of that information like a punch to the sternum. He struggled to take in a proper breath, overwhelmed with sudden jealousy and possessiveness, and part of him a little grateful knowing that before him, Ryan had at least had someone. He choked back all the things he wanted to say, then nodded. “I don’t doubt it, but I also don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. There may come a time I’ll have to disappear, and I can’t put him through that.”

  Wes let out a hollow laugh and squeezed Cole’s shoulder once more before dragging his hand away. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, man, but it’s too late. Ryan’s already madly in love with you. Relationship or not, if you disappear, it’s going to ruin him.”

  14.

  They were an unlikely group, but for reasons unknown, Ryan felt like he could breathe for the first time all week. They’d managed to secure one of the round booths near the back of the bar, and Rhys had just returned with their refill orders, expertly balanced on the tray he’d charmed from one of the servers with a quick smile and a wink.

  Where once Ryan would have felt seething envy at his brother’s casual good looks and ability to woo anyone in his path, now he felt nothing. Was it due to Cole? To having met someone who knew him intimately and liked him anyway? Or was he just getting tired of living in his brother’s shadow? His brother certainly didn’t deserve his resentment. Rhys had been nothing but a decent brother going up, and a good friend long-after they’d both moved out of the house.

  “Disgusting warm scotch for you,” Rhys said, sliding the glass along the top of the table.

  Ryan caught it and tipped it in his direction before taking half down in one pull. He saw the way Noah’s eyes widened, and the way Adrian’s lips thinned. He was showing his ass—reckless and uncaring—but he couldn’t help it.

  “You’re probably wondering why I’ve gathered you all here tonight,” he said, affecting a Bond Villain tone.

  Noah rolled his eyes and kicked him under the table. “Can you just be serious and tell us why you look like your goldfish died?”

  Ryan wanted to make a sarcastic comment about his once-prized pet, Fluffy, having turned belly up when he was twelve, but he didn’t have it in him. “I think Cole’s hiding something from me.”

  That got a round of silence. Shock from Adrian, sympathy from Noah, and confusion from Rhys who Ryan realized didn’t know who the hell Cole was. He felt a little bit like a shit brother then, having not shared anything, but it was too late now.

  “Okay,” Noah said slowly. “What makes you say that?”

  “And are you certain?” Rhys put in. “You know how you tend to self-sabotage when things are going well.”

  Ryan clenched his jaw, biting back a retort because Rhys wasn’t lying. He did always sabotage himself when things were good. He was the boy who cried wolf too many times. They all had reasons to doubt him.

  “Most of it’s just…a feeling,” he said, deciding honesty was best. “But not all of it. His family’s here, which he forbid me from talking about until the other night when he told Adrian,” Ryan said, jutting
his chin toward Noah’s boyfriend. “And he won’t say why, but he got this fucking crazy-sauce alarm system installed in his house with talking commands and cameras and shit. And he’s…he’s afraid, and he won’t say why, and I think,” Ryan licked his lips and sighed. “I think he’s involved in something from his past. Like military shit, and his family’s in danger, and he won’t tell me what. On top of that, I have the world’s creepiest new ASA at the firm who seems disturbingly interested in him and it’s starting to make me see conspiracy shit where there shouldn’t be.”

  “Ryan,” his brother said with a soft sigh, “that’s not…I mean, that’s not really a thing.”

  There was a long beat of silence, then Adrian said, “Actually, he might not be imagining anything.”

  That cause a silence so profound, it was noticeable even through the low thrum of bad country music. “Maybe explain that?” Noah said, leaning into his boyfriend.

  Adrian’s face went soft a moment at Noah’s touch, then he fixed his gaze back on Ryan. “I was in the Marines a long time, was high ranking, was privy to a lot of classified information that I still can’t speak about. Even if he’s not currently working with the military, it’s entirely possible he’s still involved. Does anyone know what Cole actually did for them?”

  Ryan shook his head. “Yet another thing he won’t talk about.”

  “You know it’s not his fault, right?” Adrian pressed, his gaze imploring Ryan to understand. “There are things that I won’t ever be able to tell Noah, and it’s not because I want to keep secrets.”

  “I get it,” Ryan said, glancing at Noah who didn’t seem bothered at all. “Just…I like him. That’s the problem. I like him so fucking much and I want more, but he won’t…he’s refusing to take that step. One minute I think he likes me, the next he’s shutting me out and cold. I’m not asking for his secrets, but I want to know we’re going somewhere. Only…only I can’t ask that from him.”

  “Why not?” Rhys asked softly.

  Ryan let out a choked laugh and scrubbed one hand down his face. “Because we had an agreement. An understanding. We would have what we have, and we wouldn’t ask for more. I was fine with it, you know? It was perfect.”

  “Until it wasn’t,” Noah said quietly, his eyes half-lidded and understanding. “Things are allowed to change.”

  “Except he doesn’t want that, and I don’t know if I can keep going without more,” Ryan confessed. “But I also can’t stand the thought of ending it even if he can’t give it to me.”

  “That’s not something we can help you with. You know that,” Rhys pointed out. “When Vanessa and I split, I did everything in my power to make it work. Months of therapy, of starting fresh, dating, trying to spark something that just wasn’t there. She wasn’t willing to give it to me because there was nothing to give. She had moved on. It took me a long fucking time to be okay with it, but I’m glad she didn’t give in just because it would have made me happy. I’d rather be alone.”

  Ryan hung his head, because he knew his brother was right in that, too. He finished his whiskey and felt it hit him hard. “Fuck. I’m drunk and I’m sad. Someone less drunk than me should take my phone before I do something stupid like call him.”

  “Give it,” Rhys said, waggling his fingers. With a huff, Ryan slapped his phone into his brother’s palm and crossed his arms. “Thank you. I’ll also take you home since I’ve been on club-soda all night. You two need a ride?”

  “Not drinking,” Noah said, raising a hand. “Though we should go. I have to leave the house at four tomorrow morning for a meeting up at the University.”

  Rhys frowned. “How’s that going, by the way? Any news on that guy? His trial or…anything?”

  “My attorney says I’ll probably be asked in for questioning again in a few weeks,” Noah said, hugging himself. Adrian’s face flickered between rage and pain, and he put his arm around Noah, drawing him close. “They got all the evidence they need, though. It’s a matter of him negotiating his guilty plea.”

  “So, he’s definitely going away,” Rhys said, mostly to himself.

  Ryan knew why. He knew that Rhys was working with Trevor who had been fired and still unable to get his job back, though Ryan hadn’t checked in and yet again, felt like an asshole.

  “He’s definitely going away. I think right now they’re trying to figure out if he was working with anyone, and if he targeted anyone else in the past,” Noah said, then shrugged. “Either way, it’s over. My new job is better, I don’t have to hide anymore.” He turned his face up for a kiss, and Ryan looked away, giving the couple that moment of privacy.

  When he turned back again, Adrian was gathering his cane, his dog from under the table, and Noah’s hand tightly clutched in his. “We have that tournament coming up,” Adrian said, looking at Ryan. “Wes has the dates set, so come by and check it out. Are you going to fight?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it,” Ryan confessed. “Ask me again when the room isn’t spinning.”

  Adrian laughed, then let go of Noah who leaned across the table to kiss Ryan’s forehead. “I love you, asshole. Get some sleep and stop freaking out so much. It’ll work out or it won’t, but you’re allowed to be happy.”

  Ryan reached up to pat Noah’s cheek. “Go home. I’m sick of looking at your face.”

  Noah laughed, flipped him off, then took Adrian’s hand again and headed out of the bar. The moment they were out of earshot, Rhys sat back and let out a low whistle.

  “What?” Ryan asked irritably.

  “He looks good. Noah,” he clarified, though it was obvious who he meant. “Love looks good on him.”

  “Thanks for that,” Ryan said dryly.

  Rhys sighed. “I remember when he looked happy with you too, but it didn’t last long. For either of you,” he added. “You deserve that just as much as he does.”

  Ryan shook his head. “I’m the asshole who fucked up. Who cheated on one of the best people in the world. Trust me, I don’t deserve happiness.”

  Rhys let out a long-suffering sigh and slouched further into the booth, leaning in toward Ryan. “The only person left who hasn’t forgiven you, is you. Don’t you think it’s time? Hell, even I’ve moved on from Vanessa. She remarried and announced she’s pregnant.”

  Ryan couldn’t help his wince, reaching out to grasp Rhys’ shoulder before he could stop himself. “I’m sorry.” He’d known his ex-sister-in-law well enough. She’d been career-driven and firmly against kids—something Rhys had wanted more than anything. But even as he offered his sympathy, he could see the truth in Rhys’ eyes. He was hurt, but he wasn’t suffering.

  “It sucks,” Rhys admitted, “but I’m glad she and I never had kids. We would have been miserable, and they would have ended up suffering. Whatever it was she needed, she couldn’t get it from me, and I’ve accepted it.”

  “But Noah…”

  “Is a good guy, and your best friend, and he’s happy,” Rhys stressed, clasping Ryan’s wrist. “This shit with Cole is clearly complicated and you could have come to me way before this. I mean, I don’t know the guy so I can’t exactly defend him, but I trust both Noah and Adrian and they seem to think this isn’t one-sided.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” Ryan said, his words slurring a little now. The whiskey was hitting him harder than he expected. “He won’t…he doesn’t want me.”

  “Why do I get the feeling that you’re saying that based on assumption?” Rhys told him. “Have you even spoken to him about it?”

  Ryan licked his lips, then let his head fall back with a groan. “Fucking know-it-all.”

  Rhys laughed. “I just know you.”

  “No, you know everything. S’why you’re the good one, man,” Ryan said. “Better looking, smarter, braver, nicer. Better at love stuff…”

  Rhys shook his head. “Trust me, I’m not better at love stuff. My life is…complicated.”

  “Please,” Ryan said. “You’ve got…you have…the easy shit. Straight guy.�
�� If Ryan were sober, he might have been able to read the flicker in Rhys’ eyes that said he was off-base, but his brain couldn’t focus. “Whatever. I should…you’re right, I should talk to him. Come on, let’s go talk to him.” He pushed up from the table and took a few steps toward the door. The room was at a slight tilt, but he was able to make it to the door before Rhys was at his side.

  “How about you sleep it off and then talk to him in the morning.”

  Ryan wanted to argue, but four whiskeys in his system had him simply nodding and going along with his brother’s plan.

  ***

  Ryan woke to two specific things—a throbbing head and his phone ringing repeatedly. The call would end, a second would pass, then it would start up again. He squinted one eye open, peering at the hazy morning, and he groaned. Whoever was calling clearly needed him to pick up, and his fuzzy, aching brain forced himself awake as he reached for the call and answered without looking at the screen.

  “Yeah?”

  “Ryan.” The voice was shaking, and a little high-pitched, and Cole. “Ryan, I’m so sorry to have woken you. I just…it’s…”

  Ryan was instantly wide awake, the pain be damned. He found himself sitting up and reaching for his shirt in an unfamiliar room. “What’s wrong? Cole? Are you okay?”

  “I…no. I’m…someone’s gone through my house,” Cole said, his voice still trembling. “I can’t find anything, it’s a bloody mess, and Kevin’s missing.”

  “Fuck. Shit. Okay, have you called the police? Are Isabel and René there? Is Claire okay?”

  “They’re out of town visiting René’s family who flew in,” Cole said, his voice still tense. “I phoned you last night, but you didn’t answer. It was last minute, and I thought you might want to…but you didn’t answer. I’m…I don’t know what to…”