by TC Rybicki
Dutch studied Willow laughing and chatting between bites. Pregnancy suited her. She should be pregnant more than once. Willow should have all the babies her big heart desired. Once, Kit asked if he and Willow had a secret marriage pact to marry each other if they were still single at forty. Wills laughed at the absurdity because Doug vowed never to be tied down. He sat there in silence as he felt invisible ropes tighten around his chest. He was already tied down and neither one of them had done it consciously. He let her do this to him despite a lifetime of insisting it wasn’t what he wanted. Dutch wanted Wills and every single thing that came with her, but he was still gutless. He had yet to tell her the truth and was wondering when the right time was.
Everyone at the table slowed down and Doug wanted to get out of there, so he waved to the waiter for the check. He was such a good guy, he was going to take care of the entire bill until Kit blabbed again.
“I can’t believe you kidnapped my bestie. This is our weekend and we have a large suite. Why’d you get another room? I swear you don’t make sense, Doug.”
“You know what doesn’t make sense is you inviting a stranger over the first few hours after your arrival and ditching Wills ever since.” He turned to Flynn, “No offense man, you seem cool, but things could have gone another way easily.”
Flynn wasn’t offended and added he protected his sister like a fiend as well. Of course, he and Wills always got the brother-sister comments, but he hardly cared. Let them think what they wanted.
Kit whined, “I’ve never been wrong before.” She squeezed Flynn’s arm, “My instincts were spot on with this cutie, so fuck off. You’re overreacting, as usual.”
“Oh yeah, if you’re such a damn good judge of character, why’s some guy stalking you back in Savannah?”
Flynn reacted to Doug’s accusation, “Kitty Cat, you never told me that.”
“Relax, babe, I’ve known you 24 hours. You don’t have my life story, but it’s nothing.”
Doug had good instincts when it came to liars. It was vital in his line of work when patients’ lives were at risk. Kit was lying, but he didn’t know about what or to whom. He decided to push her buttons, “Seemed bad enough you changed your number and have been so anxious you barely spoke to Wills for a couple of months, until she begged you to come on this trip. Doesn’t make you sound like the greatest bestie if you ask me.”
Willow dug her fingernail into Doug’s thigh and shushed him under her breath. Maybe it was in bad taste to talk to the latest guy about a past lover, but Doug never cared about Kit’s feelings. He only cared about Willow and he hated watching her get treated like shit. She struggled to stand up for herself.
“You’re a prick and a control freak. Willow and I have plans this weekend. You showed up here unannounced and uninvited to steal her away from me. I’d like to know why. Is it because she got knocked up by some stranger or is it because all the trash women in your contacts finally got together and compared notes? They collectively decided your dick isn’t as great as you say it is and it’s certainly not worth their dignities. You’re a fucking user, Doctor, so I’m not going to sit idly by, let you insult me in front of my friends, and continue to play with Willow’s heart.”
Doug never used Wills. Kit didn’t give him a chance to defend himself. She cried some fake tears and rushed away toward the restroom. He signed the bill, tossed some cash on the table for a tip and asked Willow if she was ready to leave.
“You can’t be serious? I need to check on her. You were out of line, Dutch.”
“Did you hear the shit she said to me? I was honest. She’s playing on your sympathy. That’s what she does.”
Willow wasn’t hearing it, she slapped his hand away and told him she wasn’t a prize to be won. Friendship wasn’t a competition, even though he and Kit made it seem that way.
The ride back to the resort was quiet. Willow pretended not to be mad anymore, but Doug knew something was wrong. The user comment kept coming back to him. He needed to hear Willow’s thoughts. Had he ever used her? He was first to admit, he used other women without regret but that wasn’t how he wanted her to think of him.
“So, Kit recovered enough to go dancing?”
“Yes, she and Flynn were going back to the club from last night. They invited us despite what happened.”
He laughed obnoxiously. “Fuck that. Wills, please don’t let her come between us. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to choose. I understand she has a place in your life, and I need to stop interfering, but her words about me are poison. I don’t overreact, try to control you, and I sure as hell don’t use you. I love you.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “You do all the things Kit said.”
“What the fuck, babe?”
She laughed, “Let me finish. Except use me. I told her so when we were in the ladies’ room, but the truth is, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at Katrina. She’s been lying to me and she finally came clean. She’s the user and is the one with issues. I told her I can’t be around her drama while I’m pregnant. I agreed to let her stay. She’s letting me use the car until she has to go home, but she and I aren’t seeing each other again this trip. I hope you can give me a ride home because being in the car with the two of you is more than my nerves could handle.”
“Of course. I have a colleague that promised us a flight home already on his brother’s private plane. That was a surprise I was saving. What happened?” Willow and Kit were in the bathroom a long time, but he didn’t think it was long enough to dissolve a friendship.
“I’d rather not talk about it tonight, but there’s no stalker. Actually, that’s wrong. It’s Kit. She’s the stalker. She had an affair with a married man, and she’s been stalking his family. The reason she wanted to come on this trip with me was to get away from everything. She has a court date next week. The wife filed charges against her. What kind of life is she leading? I care about her and I hope she gets help, but we don’t fit as friends. We never have. Don’t you dare gloat that you were right, and I was wrong.”
“I’m not, honey. That sucks. Anything that causes you pain doesn’t make me happy.”
Doug parked the car in the lot. He hated to see her disappointed, but more than anything, he hated to be the reason for it. Willow said something on her birthday and he wanted to bring it up many times but was afraid of the answer. Dutch slid his hand over hers and she pulled it over to her stomach.
“The baby is giving me tickles. I wish you could feel.”
He moved his palm around, but it wasn’t strong enough. “Me too. I can’t wait. I hope I’m close by when it happens. Maybe you should move in with me to increase my chances.”
Doug said shit like that all the time. He never wanted her to live in Savannah. It was a nice town, but he couldn’t understand why she insisted on being so far away when she could do her job anywhere.
Willow normally scoffed and told him to drop it whenever he suggested the move since she liked to claim her independence. “Okay.”
He thought he missed a question. “Okay, what?”
“Yes, I’ll move in with you. But I’m a little stressed about searching for a new doctor.”
“What! You’re kidding, right?”
“No, but I’m not selling my place, and Felix is part of the deal. You must make room for Felix. But you’re right, I decided to share this pregnancy with you. I should be closer, at least until the baby is born, and then I guess we’ll play it by ear, since we aren’t labeling this. How does that sound?”
“It sounds fucking amazing. I can’t believe it. I don’t want to ruin this good mood, but if I don’t ask now, I never will. Wills, what did you mean when I stopped you from leaving Mom and Dad’s? When did I break your heart? I’ve upset you, disappointed you, pissed you off royally, but I honestly didn’t know you ever felt that way. It’s bugged me for weeks.”
“You big dummy. I thought you knew what I meant.”
“No, I’m clueless.”
“Prom night.
You were an ass to kiss me and then you beat up my date, but I realized how strong my feelings were for you. I went to your room because I needed to know if you felt the same way, but you refused to look at me, so I left completely rejected. I went to my room and cried my eyes out. You broke my fragile teenage heart. I thought for one second you loved me the same way I loved you.”
Doug got closer, he leaned in, held Willow’s beautiful face in his hand, “I’m so sorry, but that’s exactly why I wouldn’t look at you. I was completely and utterly in love with you and you deserved better than me. I’d been a player for years, screwing my way through high school and I carried on the same behavior at college. I treated women like shit. You were perfect and deserved to be treated like a queen. I couldn’t spoil your innocence. I didn’t feel mature enough to change, but if I would have looked at you, I would have a kissed you again and then again. Then I would have most certainly stolen your virginity in my bed and I’d fucking hate myself for life. That’s the whole truth. I thought I was protecting you, but damn if I didn’t have another moment of weakness. I went to your door about four that morning but couldn’t budge it.”
“I barricaded the door with my chest.”
“Good thinking. I couldn’t be trusted.”
“I wish I wouldn’t have blocked the door.”
Doug remembered what happened a few years later, “Me too. I was trying to be fucking noble and then you suffered the worst.”
“That had nothing to do with you.”
Doug refused to believe her. He’d punished himself for years, blaming himself ultimately.
“I should have knocked the door down, woke up the whole damn house and stated the truth, but I was chicken shit. Wills, I can never forgive myself after watching you pay the price for my insecurities.”
“Dutch, we promised not to talk about it.”
“Sorry.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I think it’s time we do. Maybe burying the past has kept us from being together. Has that ever crossed your mind?”
“Yes, maybe like a million times, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s not me that I’m worried about. I think it’s time you forgave him. Rob was your best friend.”
“NO! You’re my best friend, Wills. I don’t give a damn about him. He made his choice and God forgive me, I never felt bad about it.”
“Don’t say that. Would it help you to know I forgave him?”
“Wills come on. Please don’t justify what happened. Your heart is too big if you forgave that dickhead.”
“I’m not excusing it, but I need you to hear the whole story as it happened to me for the first time. Can you handle that?”
“I think so unless you defend him in any way.”
“I won’t.”
Doug asked if they could go inside. He hardly thought Willow should retell her ordeal inside the stuffy SUV. They walked hand in hand to their room without another word. He didn’t need to hear all the details the night he found Willow sobbing, crumpled on the bathroom floor to know what had happened to her. She’d escaped terror once before, but the second time, the love of his life hadn’t been so lucky, and he felt like a complete asshole for acting like a second-hand victim. The fact remained, Doug could not bear to hear about the pain Willow suffered because despite what she said, he felt totally responsible.
Summer 2004
Willow thumbed through pages of a magazine. Her feet hung off the pier so her pink toenails could cool off in the lake. It was the middle of summer after her sophomore year at Duke. She and Dutch were both home from college, but it seemed like she was alone. He was gone all day or sleeping since he was interning at a big hospital in Atlanta to give his med school application a boost. He was set to graduate with his bachelor’s the following summer, so this would be their last summer vacation. Next year, they both planned to stay at college. He was right about Duke; she loved it. College was a blast. Willow had come out of her shell and made a bunch of friends. Sure, most were Dutch’s friends first, but she wasn’t complaining.
The summer was boring with Dutch busy all the time. Sometimes, Willow would bum around with Tanner and Carly, but Tanner had a job at the marina. She had a part-time position at a local shop in town, but they could barely promise her fifteen hours a week. Willow also took a class online, and she’d been working on her first travel diary which was intimidating because she planned on sharing it next semester. Her travel was limited because of school, but she and Dutch spent spring break in Mexico. It was her second time out of the country, but the first time without parents or chaperones.
A distant voice called to Willow. She thought one of Tanner’s friends might be looking for him, but when she turned around, she was pleasantly surprised. She jumped up and ran toward one of her oldest and dearest friends. Rob caught Willow and spun around in circles with her until they were both dizzy.
“Robert Claiborne! I thought you were studying abroad.”
“I was, but I’m done. Where’s Uli?”
All of Dutch’s buddies teased him about his middle name. That wasn’t the only thing they called him. She couldn’t keep up with all the derogatory names they had for each other depending on their moods. Rob hoped to follow his father’s footsteps and be in public service. He was a political science major and would probably get his law degree, eventually. He had spent the last two semesters studying in Europe. Walt loved Rob and Dutch claimed he was the son he wished for, but that wasn’t true. Walter and Rob had a lot in common interests unlike Doug and his father.
“Working.”
“Working? That’s a dick move. Who can work on a day like today?”
“I know, right? It’s beautiful out. In fact, the whole summer has been gorgeous, and no one will have fun with me.”
Rob asked Willow what she was up to and she filled him on everything. They quickly caught up. It was strange how a long separation did little to change their friendship. Willow thought the world of Rob from a young age. He was and would always be her favorite friend of Doug’s.
“Been waterskiing much?”
“Nope. Like I said, Dutch is always at the hospital. It’s a little hard to do watersports alone not to mention I suck driving the boat. Dutch forbids it.”
“Yeah, that asshole forbids a lot when it comes to you.”
Willow got a strange tickle in her belly from the way Rob said that or maybe it was how he looked at her when he said it.
He started toward the boathouse, “Keys in the same hiding place?”
“Yep, you serious? You want to go out on the lake?”
“Of course, I’ve never been so lucky to catch you alone.”
Willow and Rob drove around the lake and took turns skiing for the next two hours. He insisted she was qualified to drive the boat, even gave her some driving pointers. By the end of the afternoon, she was exhausted and starving. Her stomach growled loudly in front of Rob and she grabbed her middle hoping to muffle the embarrassing noises.
“Sounds like somebody’s hungry. You kept me entertained all afternoon. I think that means I owe you dinner. And you know what we might as well do after that?”
His suggestive tone made her blush, “Um no, what?”
“Catch a movie, what else?” he laughed.
Willow noticed Doug’s car in the driveway when they returned. He was home early for a change. “Look who’s home. We should ask Dutch to go with us. I’m sure he’ll be excited to see you’re home.”
“Yeah, sure why not. If he’s home, I doubt he’ll let us go alone.”
“Awe come on, he’s not that bad…” she paused then giggled, “anymore.”
“Really? He lets you date at Duke?”
“No one lets me do anything. I do what I want.”
“Oh really, so you’re dating someone?”
“No, not really, but I’ve hung out with some guys, and Dutch kinda was semi-okay with it.”
“Damn, my boy is progressive now. I might not recognize hi
m.” Willow and Rob joked about Dutch as they cleaned up and secured the boat. He assured her Doug probably had issued the same warnings everyone in high school received about dating her.
“No way, that was high school.”
“One thing I know about Uli is he doesn’t change his ways. We all had strict orders to never go near Wills.”
“Not like any of you would, anyway.”
“Wanna bet?” Willow was stunned by his reply. She didn’t have a chance to think about Rob’s statement. “Speak of the devil.”
They looked up and saw Dutch jogging down the deck stairs. “I told Momma she was crazy if she thought Wills took the boat out alone. Looks like a troublemaker lured her out there today. Hey, man, how the hell are you?”
Rob and Dutch hugged it out like guys did, not too close but with feeling. The quickly caught up after almost two years apart. Rob invited Doug to dinner and a movie, but he declined. Willow couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or happy it would just be them. She promised to be quick in the shower, but Rob reminded her he needed to run home to clean up as well. He promised to be back by 7:30.
Rob was way faster than Willow getting ready even though he had driven home and back. She was extra particular with her appearance. She got a little too much sun for the day and had to moisturize, but she also needed to shave. She saw a few bristly hairs on her legs and hoped Rob hadn’t noticed. Then she spent twenty minutes drying and straightening her hair. She was still trying to pick the right outfit when there was a knock at her door.
“Hold on a second,” she yelled before slipping on the peach sundress she bought the week before but hadn’t worn yet.
Willow already knew it was Dutch at her door. He had a certain knock, and she also knew he would open the door instead of waiting. She got the dress on and planned on asking his to get the short zipper at her waist.
He was blabbing before he got inside, “Rob’s here. I told him you probably ch…” Doug’s face twisted, “your mind. Guess not.”
