Willow's Wish

by TC Rybicki

“Sure, can someone turn on the monitor and listen for Maverick?” Dawn said she was happy to listen while Dutch and Wills stepped outside on the deck. The crisp lake air in April was perfect. “I missed our walk tonight. It’s a beautiful night; summer’s going to be great. We’re going to make the best memories.”

  Dutch reached for Willow’s hand. She turned to face him but was curious why he looked so serious since they’d just sorted out their misunderstanding.

  He blew out a rush of air, “Wills, you and Mave are my everything. I swear.”

  “I know. You’re our everything too.”

  He started with what seemed like a nervous explanation, “I hadn’t looked at my emails much since I got back to work. I’m always too anxious to get back to you guys, but today, I had to send back forms. All the doctors got them, just HR crap we do every year, and I saw I’d missed several communications from Cambridge.”

  “Oh wow, follow-up from the conference?”

  “Kinda. They offered me and three other physicians from the conference an opportunity to learn the robot.”

  “Oh, my goodness, babe! That’s incredible. Did you tell the family? We shouldn’t keep this to ourselves.” Willow opened the door. “Hey, everyone come listen to the news.”

  “Wills. Wait.”

  Dutch was acting shy for a change, so Willow bragged on him to their family. She told them all about the offer from Cambridge.

  Congratulations were expressed from everyone except Tanner. He could be such a downer sometimes. “Cambridge is in England.”

  Willow paused her celebration. Hearing ‘England’ made her heart skip a beat. She held her chest. She knew where Cambridge was, but the conference was in Miami. Surely, they meant to train Dutch at his hospital. He couldn’t abandon his practice. Or other things. Them.

  “Dutch. They’re going to train you here, in Atlanta, right?”

  He swallowed hard, “No, honey. It’s a yearlong fellowship in Cambridge, England. That’s where the experts and all the equipment are.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. I jumped the gun. I mean, of course we should discuss it, but that’s just so far and too long. It’s going to be bittersweet to turn it down, I’m sure. Maybe they’ll keep you in mind if the program comes to America.”

  Willow didn’t know why her heart was racing so bad. She needed to sit down. This day had been too much on such little sleep, but she felt dizzy. It was Tanner that stepped behind her to stabilize her by her elbow.

  Tanner comforted her to clarify the situation, “Doug. She’s right. You turned it down, I hope.”

  “Like I told Wills, I missed the first emails. Today was the deadline. The fellowship doesn’t start until August. It’s just; there’s nothing like this anywhere else on earth. I… I, I mean, we’ve got time to figure out the logistics, but Wills, baby. I accepted. I had to. This is my dream. We’ll make it work.”

  “I can’t go to England with Maverick in that short of time.”

  “Yeah, about that, I won’t be set up for a family. It’s one of the reasons I was chosen. I’m single. But we’ll have Facetime and I’m sure I’ll get long holidays. The British love their holidays,” Doug tried to make light of the heaviest words Willow had ever heard.

  “You want to Facetime Maverick’s first year of life?”

  “Wills, honey, don’t be like that.”

  Willow always accepted her fates, no questions asked. She backed down even when others were wrong. She’d been hurt countless times, but she accepted how life treated her and avoided most confrontation. Doug took a job without consulting her when they were supposed to be a team now. He promised her family was first after years of resisting it, but they weren’t. He hadn’t truly changed.

  “No, don’t honey me unless you plan on calling them and rescinding the acceptance. I don’t want you to go, and I don’t care if that sounds selfish. Call me selfish. It’s too much to ask. You can’t up and leave your family, your medical practice. Let me make myself crystal clear. I. Do. Not. Want. You. To. Go!”

  “I can’t rescind. You don’t understand.”

  “You can’t use your phone or send an email? Sure, you can.”

  Doug squeezed his temples and ordered his family back inside, “Fuck. Could y’all give us a minute?”

  Doug’s family started for the door, but Willow shouted for them to stay. “No, say it in front of them.”

  “Say what?”

  “That you choose work and your career over me and our son. They need to hear, so no one thinks I’m exaggerating what is happening.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Willow tried to speak, but she was too emotional, so Tanner asked for her, “Then what is it? Don’t do this man. You made a family with Willow. Family comes first.”

  “I never said it didn’t, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and some of us do more than mow people’s lawns, bro.”

  The guys were a blur the next second when Tanner lunged at Dutch. Willow halfway wished Tanner would beat the holy shit out of him, but Walt quickly broke up the brothers.

  Dutch looked at his father while trying to catch his breath from the mini-scuffle, “You understand, don’t you, Dad?”

  “Son, I was never… I mean, I made my share of mistakes. This is between you and Willow.”

  Willow was defiant. She’d never stood her ground until this moment, “What he means is, he worked hard, but he never abandoned his family. When Dawn told Walt he was working too much, he fixed things for his family’s sake. Don’t project your boyhood issues into this, Dutch. You’re fucking grown.”

  “I’m sorry this is hurting you. It kills me thinking about what I’ll miss, but it’s a year. One year of our forever is not that much in the grand scheme of life. I’m going. I need to do this. It’s not up for debate.”

  That was all Willow needed to hear from Dutch. “Walt. I need some legal papers drawn up that states Doug has zero claim to Maverick. He’s going to be the successful uncle he barely sees like the original plan, nothing more. I’m sorry everyone. It was me. I changed the plans. I own that because I let the past complicate my feelings. We had a plan, and I didn’t stick to it, but I’m fixing it right now. Dutch was my sperm donor, and that’s all he’ll ever be, former best friend and donor. Can you do that for me?”

  “Stop talking crazy, Wills. I’m on the birth certificate. That was a mutual decision.”

  “Yeah, well you suck at mutual decisions. I’m sure Walter has a lawyer friend that can help me with this breach of contract.”

  “We never had a fucking contract. Goddammit! Everybody stop looking at me like I’m an enemy. I’m not. I care, and this is killing me. I love all of you, especially Wills and my son.”

  “Wrong, we had an agreement. A verbal contract is binding, isn’t it, Walt?”

  “Well, certain stipulations need to be met, but sweetie, please, don’t go to the extreme just yet. Emotions are high. Let’s all get some rest and talk about this tomorrow when everyone’s had a chance to calm down.”

  Willow would never calm down inside, but she was speaking completely in control. The tears evaporated when she heard Dutch say those words, ‘it’s not up for debate, I accepted.’ His mind was made up. This entire family knew what that meant; Dutch didn’t back down from decisions, so she had to protect her son.

  “Be reasonable. I’ll never get this kind of opportunity again. The techniques I’ll be learning are life-saving. I can make a huge difference in people’s lives. The timing sucks, I agree, but I have no choice if I want to continue the path I’ve started.”

  “No, Dutch, you have a choice. We all have choices. I made a choice to get pregnant with you even though I knew it was only because you didn’t want me to share something so intimate with another. You’ve always done that, claimed me on the sly, but not in front of the world. You fought and threatened other males, but only from the sidelines. I was weak, and I allowed it, but giving birth to a miracle changed me. I’m stronger now, and I w
ill not allow you to treat Maverick the same way. He deserves to be loved fully not when it’s convenient for you.”

  Tillie interrupted, “Baby Mave is crying. Can I pick him up?”

  “No honey, remember you can’t pick him up without an adult. I’ll go to him. He drifted off before he got his fill of milk.

  Dutch took a step toward her, but Willow put up her hand. “No, he’s my son. I’ve got this. We don’t need your help anymore.”

  4 months later

  Doug slammed his fists into the steering wheel. He shouldn’t be here; they came to an understanding. He let them go without a fight. Wills was right. They had an agreement, and he had always left the decisions about the pregnancy up to her. It needed to be the same now that Maverick was born. She didn’t want to be with him after what he’d done and not a day had passed he hadn’t regretted it. This was the last few days before he left for England. Willow allowed him to see his son through his family in photographs and videos, but he hadn’t had any contact with her directly since making sure she got moved back into her house in Savannah.

  Tanner was the one that urged him to go see Wills one last time, but he refused until this morning. An invisible force pulled his hungover, sleep-deprived self out of bed. He and his brother went out for drinks the night before. Their father tagged along to make sure there was no bloodshed. Both men ganged up on Doug. It was an intervention of sorts. He had a lot to consider. It wasn’t like he already hadn’t been doing that all the damn time, but Tanner was relentless. Something Dad said stuck with Doug.

  “Opportunities come and go. We rarely seize every one of them because that would be impossible. Sometimes that leads to regret. Ask yourself, son. Which one of these two opportunities you’re faced with would cause you the most regret if you lose it for good?”

  It took him a few minutes to figure out what his father meant, but Wills had ended things, and he scarcely thought of anything else but her and Maverick this entire summer. No matter how hard he tried to look forward to England, he never did. The choice he made always had him looking back at how things were before he got the fellowship.

  Doug pulled his fingers through his messy hair. He always knew he wasn’t good enough for her. He’d proved how selfish he was over the years. She paid the price many times. Showing up here still unconvinced of what he should say or do would only cause her more pain. He broke her heart—twice. She told him about prom night, and he promised it was the last time. That was a lie. Tanner gutted him when he relayed gossip from Carly that Wills was moving on.

  “Dude, she is dating. Are you ready to witness another man raise Maverick?”

  It was the only time that night the brothers raised their voices because he didn’t believe Tanner. “Man shut up. Wills would not do that. It’s too soon. I doubt she’s dating, and she certainly is not getting serious. No other man is raising my son.”

  “He could be, you backed off from a custody arrangement.”

  That wasn’t exactly true. Doug conceded to Willow’s demands for this year he’d be gone. It didn’t mean he planned on staying uninvolved in the kid’s entire life. His father gave him legal advice about all that, but it wasn’t worth upsetting her more. Turns out, Carly confirmed Willow had a cozy friendship with Maverick’s pediatrician who sounded like a huge douchebag. Technically, he wasn’t breaking a rule. Wills was a family member not his patient directly, but it was shitty. A good doctor wouldn’t pull a stunt like that and every thought of them together set his blood boiling. Maybe he’d pull the father card before England after all. He had a lawyer and could do something if he felt like it.

  Dutch sat there for two hours on Willow’s street, but not in front of her house. Tanner was right; he had to see her once more to determine if anything was still between them. He didn’t remember the mile walk to her front door, but when he found himself there, he froze. She took his key away, so he was forced to knock, but his hand hovered in front of the door longer than it should.

  She swung open the creaky wooden door before he had a chance to bolt.

  Willow stared into his eyes completely bewildered by his appearance. Doug had his confirmation. Something was still there. Dutch and Wills would love each other until they drew their last breath.

  “Dutch, what are you doing here?”

  Jealousy reached the surface like so many other times when another was interested in Willow, “Are you expecting someone else?”

  “That’s none of your business, but I wasn’t expecting you. Felix kept meowing loudly. He’s better than a doorbell.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Please, Wills. I’m leaving in three days.”

  “I know. We said goodbye a long time ago.”

  “Maverick was barely a month old then. He must be so big now. It’s hard to tell in the pictures. Please, I’d like to see him, and I have a present for him.” Doug pulled the tiny ball cap from behind his back. Willow touched the patch that said Daddy’s fishing buddy.

  She got upset like he predicted, shook her head, and tried to slam the door, “I… I can’t do this with you again.”

  He should accept her answer but that wasn’t Doug’s way. He stuck his foot in the door.

  She fussed and cursed, but when Felix threatened to run out, she had to stop fighting him, so they could shut the door. Willow had a phobia of that cat getting lost.

  “Where’s Mave?”

  “In his crib. You’re so ridiculous driving four hours without calling. I should call the police since you’re violating an agreement, but I’ll give you five seconds and then you have to go.”

  “Great, five seconds with my son before I leave the country for a year. Thanks Wills, that’s fucking generous.”

  “Screw you. We planned on giving you a lifetime, but you didn’t want it. I don’t have to let you see him at all, and I am expecting someone, so take it or leave it.”

  Doug saw a lab coat on the back of the chair. “The doctor making house calls? That’s dedication.”

  “As a matter of fact, he is dedicated, and he’s going to give Maverick an exam today because he hasn’t been acting himself a few days.”

  “What the fuck? He’s sick. What are his symptoms? Is it a cold? Did you stop breastfeeding? Are you taking him around too many strangers?”

  He started down the hallway to find his son. All the way, Willow tried to stop him, but right before he opened her door, she started crying. “You couldn’t have pulled this stunt at a worse time. I don’t know how to explain his symptoms, but he seems off, and he’s not nursing well which is so unlike him. Maverick has never had a cold or any other ailment except he has a slight heart murmur that Craig’s been monitoring.”

  Doug’s head felt like it was about to explode. A heart murmur. She never told a soul because his family would’ve informed him. He knew damn well most heart murmurs in infants were nothing to worry about, but goddammit, this was his kid. He would have ordered a full workup just to make certain.

  “Oh yeah, how is Dr. Craig monitoring by coming over and playing doctor with Mommy?”

  “Asshole. We’re just friends.”

  “Not what I heard. Marly says you’re dating.”

  “We tried one sort of date. Maverick was with us too, jerk. I need some time, and he understands that. I’d hardly call it scandalous. Craig’s an excellent pediatrician. He’s been seeing him once a month instead of every two months to monitor his growth.”

  “He was growing fine when we were together. What happened? Did you start him on some vegan formula or something?”

  “No, he’s exclusively breastfed. I guess my milk is on the low-fat side, but I make plenty. My freezer’s stocked.”

  Doug put his hand on the doorknob, “Let me see him.”

  Willow touched his arm for a moment and a tremble ran through them both. She nodded and backed away.

  “Turn on the light.”

  She was right, Maverick
’s color didn’t look good and his breathing seemed labored for a sleeping infant. Doug looked at him with a doctor’s eyes for the first time since he was born. He’d been right there for every assessment and check up in the hospital, and he was perfect. No sign of any heart problems.

  “Does he always sleep this sound?”

  “No, just since yesterday and he’s having trouble feeding. It’s like it tires him out.”

  Doug turned Willow to face him. “Listen to me. I have my bag in the car. I’m going to get it, but while I’m doing that, wake him up, and try to feed him. I want to see how he does.”

  “What do you think it is?”

  “I can’t say yet, but I promise I’m going to check him out head to toe. Most likely it’s a virus he’s fighting off, but since you mentioned he has a heart murmur, I think we should take him in depending on what I hear.”

  “In?”

  “To the hospital, honey. I don’t like his color or his respirations but listen to me. He’s going to be fine. I’m here and this is what I do. If something is going on, I’ll know, and we’ll get him fixed up. Do you understand?”

  Her voice shook with emotion, “Dutch, I’m afraid.”

  He pulled her to his body. It had been so long since he held her in his arms. Doug hoped for some sort of reconciliation the entire time he drove to Savannah. Maverick ill was never what he expected to find, but he was so thankful for whatever that nagging urge was when he woke up in the morning to go to her.

  He whispered encouraging words to Willow even though deep down, he was also afraid. “It’s okay, Wills. I’m not going to let anything happen to our son. I promise.”

  Doug ran as fast as he could. He was an idiot parking so far away, but as soon as he got in the car, he floored it back to the front of her house. He reached in the passenger seat for his bag and ran again until he was with them in the living room.

  Willow was trying to get Maverick to nurse. Dutch wanted to listen to his heart while the baby fed. As soon as he got close, she adjusted her top. He rolled his eyes. She had no reason to be modest with him after what they were before, but he guessed that’s the reason she felt strange with him now.