by Carrie Elks
‘The man’s a threat to all of us. He hit me, Juliet, he’s an animal. I’m not willing to take a chance with my family. You need to stay here until I get a restraining order.’
She pushed her plate away, unable to look at it any more. For some reason Thomas’s calm tone felt more threatening than any shouting he might have done. ‘I’ve done everything I can. You asked me to stay here last night, and I did. You asked me to keep Poppy off school and I have. But we have lives to live. Ryan isn’t going to hurt anybody, you know it and I know it. And no judge is going to put out a restraining order after he hears what actually happened.’
She took another glance at Poppy, who was making patterns in her own maple syrup. ‘Honey, why don’t you go and clean your teeth. After that we’ll head home.’
‘No.’ Thomas’s expression was implacable. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’
She brought her eyes up to his. ‘Yes I am. I’m going home.’
Sensing the tense atmosphere, Poppy didn’t say a word. Instead she ran for the stairs, leaving her breakfast behind. Juliet couldn’t blame her for wanting to escape from the arguments. She’d heard enough to last a lifetime.
‘Don’t leave like this. Think about what I said. I know you have a thing for Sutherland, but you said yourself he’s leaving soon. Don’t turn your back on me for something that can’t last.’ He winced. ‘I made that mistake, and I’ve regretted it ever since.’
Everything about his voice told her he was sincere. Her chest tightened at his words. And for a moment she considered his offer, considered staying here with Poppy, who was clearly delighted about spending the night with both her parents here.
But then the thought of Ryan came back into her mind, and she knew it would never work. ‘I’m not in love with you any more, Thomas,’ she told him, though it hurt to say it. ‘I can’t be with you, not after everything we’ve been through.’
His expression hardened. ‘So you’re taking my daughter home to be near him, even though he’s violent?’
Juliet rolled her eyes. ‘Oh for goodness sake, since when did she become your daughter? She’s ours Thomas, and we’ll decide together what’s best for her. I know you’re angry with Ryan, and I agree he should never have hit you. But maybe you shouldn’t have said what you did either. You should apologise for that.’
Thomas snapped. ‘What the hell should I apologise for? I asked you to come home, I asked you to be a family and you just threw it in my face. You’ve said a lot of things I’ve had to overlook, Juliet, and you’ve done a lot of terrible things, too. I even managed to persuade Nicole not to press charges when you hit her. And after all of this, you still won’t do as I ask you.’
Juliet pushed her chair out, and stood resting her hands on the table. ‘I hit Nicole because I found her in our bed, if you don’t remember. You’re the one who cheated, you’re the one who brought another woman into our relationship, and you’re the one who broke our marriage up. I’ve offered you a fair settlement, and you’ve rejected it.’ She slapped her palms on the wooden surface as if to emphasise her words. ‘And now I’m going to get our daughter and take her home. We’ll see you when you come to pick her up this weekend.’
‘So that’s it? You’re going to ignore my wishes?’
She shook her head. ‘No, Thomas, I hear your wishes loud and clear. But I’ve decided that my needs – and our daughter’s – trump them every time.’
He pulled himself up to standing, his face flushed red. ‘You keep that bastard away from my daughter or I’ll … ’
‘Or what?’ she interrupted. She didn’t need to hear the answer. She didn’t care what it was. Thomas couldn’t hurt her any more, not unless she let him.
He wanted to bribe her by withholding money? Well she could stand on her own two feet.
He wanted to threaten her with taking Poppy away? Well he’d been threatening that for months, and nothing had happened. He was all words and no action, he always had been.
How had she not seen that before?
The knowledge of it felt like a weight lifting off her shoulders. For all this time she’d been walking to his beat, when all she had to do was refuse. She felt like Dorothy, clicking her heels together, and realising she had the power all along. She just didn’t know it.
But she did now. She saw it all too clearly. He’d been trying to control her, even after he’d been the one to mess everything up. Accusing her of not living up to his expectations, blaming her for his cheating, telling her she was a bad mother, when she put Poppy first in everything she did.
‘If you leave, don’t ever expect to come back.’ His voice was low. Threatening. ‘And don’t expect me to make it easy on you.’
She shook her head. ‘I’ve learned to have zero expectations when it comes to you. That way I’m never disappointed when you don’t meet them. Now excuse me, I have a life to go and live. We’ll see you at the weekend.’
By the time they got back home, it was almost lunchtime. Rather than take Poppy to school, she decided the excitement of the past twenty-four hours was enough for them both to have a day off. So with Lily agreeing to run the shop, mother and daughter pulled on their pyjamas and found an old movie on TV, snuggling under the checked blanket as they shared a bowl of popcorn.
The movie had barely been on for twenty minutes before Poppy had fallen asleep. Her hair fell over her rosy cheeks as her breaths became shallow and regular. Carefully sliding her phone from her pocket, Juliet tapped out a message to Ryan.
Are you okay? I’m so sorry I couldn’t talk earlier.
I’ll explain everything later if you can come over?
She couldn’t wait to tell him about finally standing up to Thomas. About her revelation that she held all the cards. And even though she was still angry at Ryan’s hitting her husband, she knew they could work it all out.
I’m fine. Can’t come over. Too much to do.
His words felt like a slap across her face. She blinked a couple of times, reading them over again. Was he angry with her too?
Poppy was snoring softly, her legs curled up against her stomach. Lifting the blanket from her own legs, Juliet tucked it around her daughter and walked out into the kitchen. Looking out of the window, across to Ryan’s house, she scanned the porch and windows to see if she could see him.
There was no sign.
She wrote out another message.
I’m free now if that works any better?
I’d really like to see you.
She pressed send before she could talk herself out of it. Writing those words made her feel uncomfortable, as if she was laying herself on the line.
Sorry, I’ve got too much packing to do.
I’m leaving tomorrow.
Her legs felt weak. She leaned on the worktop, trying to let his reply sink in. He was leaving? He hadn’t mentioned anything before. She blinked, trying to recall the last time it was the two of them, lying tangled in his bed. Not once had he talked about going anywhere. Not until the school year was out and summer had come. Surely he wasn’t going for long?
Rolling her lip between her teeth, she pressed the call icon next to his name. He answered almost immediately.
‘Hi.’
‘Where are you going?’ she blurted out.
Ryan cleared his throat. She could hear music playing faintly in the background. Some kind of slow, country song. ‘To New York. Something came up.’
‘What kind of something?’ Juliet felt almost embarrassed to ask. As though she was taking liberties that weren’t hers to have.
‘Something to do with my contract.’ His voice was as short as his reply.
‘How long will you be gone? Are you taking Charlie with you?’ It felt as though a band of iron was wrapped around her chest. Getting tighter, more painful by the second.
‘No. Sheridan’s going to look after Charlie while I’m gone.’
Charlie’s mom was there? Juliet sucked in some air, but it wouldn’t go down to her lungs. ‘Do
n’t you have a bit of time now?’ She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘We need to talk.’
She could hear rhythmic taps, as though he was pacing the floor. She pictured him in his hallway, bare feet slapping against the warm, wooden boards. So close, only a few hundred feet away.
And yet so far.
‘Lond—’ He coughed. ‘Juliet. look, we both knew this was a short-term thing, right? You’ve got shit to deal with, and I’ve got a job to do. We were never going to be compatible, and we were okay with that. I wish you all the best with things, I really do. But I can’t be the one you lean on any more.’
The congestion in her chest worked its way up her throat, forming a solid lump that stopped her from inhaling. She could feel her eyes start to sting, and though she blinked the budding tears away, new ones replaced them straight away.
‘I never asked you to do that,’ she said quietly. ‘I never asked you to do anything.’
Another silence. She could almost picture him staring down at the floor, shaking his head. Everything between them felt loaded, as though the air was thick between them, muffling their communication like a fog.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’
She closed her eyes, but the panic followed her in. ‘Is that it?’ she asked. ‘No explanations, no promises, just a quick goodbye over the telephone? You couldn’t even come and tell me face to face?’
‘Tell you what? That I’m going to New York?’ Ryan sounded confused. ‘I didn’t know until this morning.’
That wasn’t what she meant at all. But what she wanted to say – what she wanted him to hear – was impossible to put into words. He wasn’t just going to New York, it felt like he was leaving her behind. In every sense possible.
How could she tell him that?
‘I guess I’ll see you when I get back,’ he added, when she failed to respond.
‘I guess you will.’
‘Lo … Juliet?’
She swallowed though her mouth was dry as dust. ‘Yes?’
‘It’s for the best, right?’ Was he really asking her that? ‘It’s not as if we were serious or anything. And you’ve got so much to deal with, the last thing you need is me hanging around. You were there when I needed you, and I hope I was there for you too. We’re still friends, aren’t we?’
A sheen of saltwater was forming behind her eyelids. She blinked to let the tears escape. Then she closed her eyes again, feeling the hot drops running down her cheeks, until they fell from her chin.
Still friends? She didn’t even know what that meant any more. Didn’t know if it was possible to hurt like this over a friendship.
Glancing across the kitchen, she caught sight of herself in the glass door of the microwave. She was hunched over, one hand grasping the phone to her ear, the other splayed on the countertop, her arm tense as it held her body up. In the shimmer of her vision she looked like a broken woman.
And she hated it.
‘No, I don’t think we can be friends,’ she told him, trying to hide the pain in her voice. The need to run and bury her head somewhere warm and dark was almost overwhelming. ‘Goodbye, Ryan.’
‘Wait. London, I … ’
But she couldn’t wait. Not if it meant letting this pressure in her chest increase until it felt as though she was going to explode. Instead she ended the call, throwing her cell phone onto the counter top before she ran to the bathroom, where she locked the door and fell to the tiled floor, the tears flowing down her cheeks as though they were never going to stop.
*
Ryan threw his phone on the mattress and hit the cotton bed-cover with his still-bruised fist. A dull pain shot up his arm, but he ignored it, frowning as he stared at the open suitcase on his bed. It was half-filled with lightweight clothes, ready for his flight tomorrow.
‘Ry, what time do we pick Charlie up from school?’ Sheridan popped her head around the doorway to his bedroom. Her hair was pulled back, revealing her tan, youthful skin. Since she arrived that morning, she’d been sleeping in the spare room, and she was still wearing a pair of drawstring pants and a waffle-knit white sweater. If you were looking closely enough you could see the merest hint of a swell across the normal flatness of her belly. Three months pregnant, or so she’d told Ryan. The father – Carl – was a member of the band she’d been working with. The two of them were planning to find a place to rent near Ryan and Charlie, just as soon as his tour finished. She didn’t want Charlie to feel pushed out by the new baby, she loved him way too much for that.
She was so excited about bringing her family together, and all the while Ryan was falling apart.
‘Three,’ he told her, not looking up from his suitcase. ‘I’m going to take him to the ice cream parlour, and then explain I’m going away for a few days. I don’t want to overwhelm him all at once.’ He sighed. ‘Maybe I should just take him with me. He won’t miss much school.’
When he looked up, she was looking at him, a sympathetic expression on her face. ‘You said yourself it’s only for a few days. And you know he won’t want to miss school. They’ve just started practising for their Christmas show, he was so excited about it when we talked on the phone.’
Ryan nodded. ‘You’re right. I don’t want him to miss out on that.’
‘And from the look of you, it might do you good to be alone for a few days. You’ve had a face like thunder ever since I arrived.’
Everything around him felt flat. Had done since he’d walked into the house after his mom had dropped him off. His whole life felt like a series of fraying strings. Nothing led anywhere, nothing knitted together. He was full of holes.
Finally he brought his gaze up to meet Sheridan’s. She was still looking concerned, her brow furrowed with lines. He felt grateful to her for flying in so fast, catching the next plane into Baltimore after his urgent request. So maybe she was planning on coming here anyway, what with her pregnancy and all, but it had worked out well for them both.
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ she asked him, tipping her head to the side.
‘Do what?’
‘Leave so suddenly. How important is this contract glitch anyway?’
He shrugged. ‘It’s just something I need to smooth out. And I should probably do it now, I could be in jail by the time January gets here.’
Sheridan grinned. ‘I think we both know that’s not going to happen. Didn’t your lawyer say that at the very worst you’d get a fine? If they thought you were some kind of violent maniac, they wouldn’t let you leave the state.’
That was true. The first thing he’d done was check with his lawyer if he was okay to leave the state, even if he was on bail. According to Frank it was no problem, as long as he turned up for his court date.
If there was a court date.
He looked up. ‘I really appreciate you coming here at short notice, I know it wasn’t easy. I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble with the band.’
‘It helps that I’m sleeping with the lead singer,’ she said, rubbing her stomach. ‘And touring isn’t as much fun as it used to be. I don’t know if I’m getting old, but I started longing to come here to spend some time with Charlie. Would you believe I’m actually looking forward to being able to take him and pick him up from school?’
Her wide-eyed astonishment made Ryan laugh. ‘What happened to that cool girl who couldn’t stay in one place for more than a week?’
She lowered her voice, as though she was talking in confidence. ‘I think she grew up. But don’t tell anybody.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re growing up, and I’m regressing. I feel like a kid right now.’
She tipped her own head to the side. ‘She really did a number on you, huh?’
He closed his eyes for a second, but all he could see was Juliet. Opening them again, he looked at Sheridan. ‘It’s not her fault.’ And in the end it didn’t really matter. He was bleeding out regardless of who’d held the knife.
‘I knew it. I knew there
was a woman involved.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘Come on, who is she? She must be somebody special to make you run like a demon.’
‘There’s nobody.’
‘Bullshit.’ She folded her arms across her chest. ‘You’re running scared, Ryan. It’s obvious. Is it that woman Charlie keeps telling me about, the one who lives across the way from here?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
Her face softened. ‘You never do. And though it drives me crazy, it’s one of the things I like about you, too. You’re a strong man, Ry, and I’m glad our son has you for a father.’
Her simple words touched him deep in his soul. His voice was gruff when he replied. ‘Not as glad as I am to have him for a son.’
The corner of her lip quirked up. ‘Then go and do what you need to do. As long as you’re leaving for the right reasons. Because there’s nothing worse than running away, only to find your troubles bought a ticket and decided to travel right along with you.’
27
The course of true love never did run smooth
– A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Juliet tucked her knees beneath her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs as she sat on the window seat in her bedroom, looking out across the wintry yard to the white stucco building opposite. He was in there somewhere, packing a bag or printing out his tickets. Maybe he was laying his photographic equipment gently in their boxes, packing his camera and lenses carefully to transport them to who knew where.
The band around her chest hadn’t loosened any in the hours since he’d told her he was leaving. If anything it had become tighter, as she stared aimlessly at her phone, wondering if he was going to call her back and promise he’d be home soon. If he was going to text her and tell her he missed her as much as she missed him.
She only had to close her eyes to picture him the way he was the last time they’d been together. When he’d slowly slid himself inside her, his eyes capturing hers with their intensity, his breath soft, his kisses gentle. She’d felt so safe in the circle of his arms. There’d been a moment – just after they’d both reached their peak – when they hadn’t been able to take their eyes from each other. It had felt as though she’d discovered everything she’d always been looking for, right there above her.
