A Matter of Trust

by Wendy Davy

  “I can’t explain it to you now. Just, promise me you won’t hate me. No matter what happens,” he said, closing his eyes.

  “I could never hate you James.”

  He lifted his head to look at her. “I pray that you’re right.”

  “James, you’re scaring me. What’s going on? Why do you think I would hate you?”

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter right now. It’s time to go meet Ashley and Sean. Actually,” he looked at his watch, “we’re already late.”

  They met up with Ashley and Sean at the dock, where they had last seen them. They both wore huge smiles on their faces and looked practically joined at the hip.

  Confused emotions reeled through Victoria, but she tried to stay focused on what Ashley said to her as they made their way to the upstairs restaurant.

  While Ashley showed Victoria the new jewelry she found at a specialty shop, Victoria tried to focus on it and smile. She commented on how nice it was, but her mind kept wandering elsewhere. James had made it obvious to her that he didn’t want her love, had in fact rejected it flat out. But then the kiss? That was more than a just a kiss. He had put his heart into it. Otherwise, why would it bother him so much that Eric had hugged her? A shiver gave her goose bumps all the way down to her ankles as she wondered why James asked her not to ever hate him.

  They sat outside on a bench while waiting for a table in the hectic restaurant. Through the windows, Victoria watched frantic waitresses and waiters scramble to fill the customers orders. She smelled the hamburgers and steaks cooking on the outside grills nearby. The smoky aroma added to her blooming hunger.

  James sat next to Victoria with his arm resting against hers, and leg against her leg. Victoria tried several times to scoot over a bit, but James ended up right back where he started, pressed against her.

  James bent close to her and said in a low whisper, “You keep trying to get away from me.”

  Victoria looked up at him. “You pushed me away just an hour ago,” she reminded him. “Now, you want me close again?”

  He sighed. “You don’t understand yet, Vic. But you will soon enough.”

  Their name was called before Victoria had a chance to ask any questions.

  They sat at a window seat, overlooking the band below and ordered their drinks and food. The harried waitress scrambled off to put in their orders before Sean asked, “So what did you guys do for the hour?”

  “I ran into someone I used to know,” Victoria confessed. “Eric.”

  “I knew something was up with you, Victoria.” This time it was Ashley who spoke. “You haven’t said two words since we met back up. What did you two talk about?”

  “He said he was sorry for what happened between us a long time ago.”

  “What did happen?” Sean asked.

  “It’s not important Sean. What is important is that he’s found the Lord now, and he’s asked for forgiveness.”

  “It must have been something awful for him to need forgiveness so many years later,” Ash prodded for further answers.

  “It was,” Victoria said but would not elaborate. “What’s important now is that I have forgiven him and now we both can move past it.” She pointedly looked at James.

  “That’s great Victoria,” Sean said.

  “He admitted to me that his father beat him when he was growing up. Sean, what is Sheriff Randolph like now? Is he still as mean and ornery as he used to be?”

  “I suspected that he was abusive and I know you had a run in with him a long time ago about Eric. So, I’ve been watching him closely for the few years I’ve been working for him. He stays within the law. Bends the rules a bit, but overall he’s stayed legit.”

  “A run in? You could call it that I suppose. He doesn’t deserve to be the sheriff, Sean,” Victoria said seriously.

  “I agree with you. He’s a hard man Victoria. But until someone comes along and wins the votes over him, he’s there.”

  “Someone needs to come along then. How about you?”

  Sean said quickly, “Oh no. Not me. I’m happy in my present position. Less stress. Less publicity and politics.”

  Ash broke into the conversation, “Victoria, why won’t you tell us what happened with Eric?”

  The waitress came and brought their drinks to the table, offering them all straws and assured them their order would be out soon.

  James spoke up after she left, looking at Sean, “So, what do you arrest people for mostly, out here in the country?”

  Victoria looked at James with a thankful smile for changing the subject and keeping her from being under too close of scrutiny about Eric. She had avoided it all these years, no need to delve into it now. Her smile faded with Sean’s answer.

  “Lately, it’s been mostly D.U.I.’s.”

  At the mention of drunk driving, James’ face visibly tightened. Victoria picked up on James’ reaction immediately and put a hand on top of his, under the table. He glanced her way, but moved is hand out of reach. “Is that unusual?”

  “Not so much. It’s just been more intense lately.”

  Victoria wondered where this conversation was leading to. Would James mention Danny in front of the others?

  “Are the fatalities up from last year?” James rested his elbows on the arms of his chair and laced his fingers together tightly.

  “In this county, yes,” Sean sighed. “Statistically speaking, they’re up thirteen percent from this time last year. Why do you ask?”

  Ignoring Sean’s question, James countered with one of his own, “Have you seen any particular trend, for example, are they mostly kids, older men, young women?”

  “I haven’t noticed any stereotypical groupings. Not on the ones I’ve arrested. Why?”

  “I’ve got some personal interests in the subject. What else keeps you busy?”

  Sean looked quizzically at James, “Right now?” He looked over at Ashley. “The love of my life over here.” Sean put an arm around her, and grinned at her wide-eyed expression.

  Superficial conversation filled the table from that point on. Victoria sat, relieved that no one wanted to delve any deeper into the reasons behind James’ sudden interest in the sheriff department’s work. After James and Sean paid the bills, they all headed back to the boat.

  “I want to show you all something,” James commented as he revved up the boat engine. He grabbed a warm blanket for Victoria.

  “Thanks, I forgot my jacket, even after you suggested I bring one.”

  “I’ve got you covered,” he said wrapping it around her shoulders. Victoria appreciated his thoughtfulness and liked the feeling that he was looking out for her, even in as simple a matter as her comfort.

  James turned the boat toward the main waters of the lake and sped up to a steady but slow, cruising speed. Victoria sat across from James in the passenger seat, while Ashley and Sean cuddled in the back. A few minutes later, James set the anchor in a secluded cove, about thirty feet from the shoreline. He pulled out a second blanket from the cabin and led Victoria to the bow of the boat. He laid the blanket down on the boat as a cushion and pulled her down close to him.

  “Rest your head on my arm,” James said quietly. “And look up.”

  Victoria looked up to a brilliant display of crisp, clear stars hanging out in the heavens above. When she saw the first shooting star she gasped and pointed her fingers to the sky. “Look at that! Sean, Ash, look up!”

  Victoria felt James’ eyes on her as she watched the stars. He turned on his side and propped his head on his elbow. He bunched up the blanket to support her head and looked down into her eyes. Victoria’s breath caught as he traced her eye brows and cheeks with his index finger. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

  “Thanks for coming out with me. Although it didn’t exactly turn out like I had planned.”

  A cloud passed over Victoria’s mood. “Me either. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot earlier, but I felt like you should know the truth. I do lo
ve you.” Victoria braced herself for rejection again.

  “I’m glad you told me.” His words were tender as his lips dropped lower and closer to hers.

  Victoria put her fingers across his lips. “Wait. I told you I love you and you told me not to. Then, the way you kissed me on the balcony, the way you look at me...I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

  He took hold of her hand, kissed her fingers one by one before letting them drop. “I don’t know what to tell you,” James began and paused. He continued to look at her. “I travel a lot Victoria. I don’t usually stay in one place long enough to form a bond with anyone.”

  “You said you lived near Washington D.C. That’s not so far away from here.”

  “No it’s not, but I’m not there much.”

  “Why not? Are you running from the past? What happened with Danny?”

  His expression closed over and a muscle in his jaw twitched as his lips narrowed. He took a deep breath and shook his head. His biceps strained against the sleeves of his shirt as he laced his fingers behind his head and lay next to her again.

  Victoria waited to see if he would answer. She looked up toward the brilliant stars beaming through the cloudless night sky. She didn’t spot any more shooting stars and wondered if they had all passed by. The half moon came creeping up over the mountainside, peeking at the lake that lay beneath. She could hear Sean and Ashley whispering in the stern of the boat and assumed they still sat, cuddled together.

  She jumped when James spoke to her after several minutes. “He was only seventeen,” his rough voice whispered. “He was my baby brother and all I had left in this world.”

  Victoria turned and leaned on an elbow. She rested her palm on his broad chest and listened to him speak.

  “I was twenty-four and Danny was fifteen when our parents died when their small, commuter plane crashed during a storm. After that, I took care of Danny. We didn’t have anyone but each other. We were living in California then. I was a rookie police officer at the time, just out of the police academy. Times were rough, but I fought to keep us out of debt and Danny out of trouble.” James paused for a moment. “He was a good kid. He made good grades, he was only two months into his senior year in high school when he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He had hit a rebellious stage. We fought a lot. The day he died, we had a fight.” James paused for a moment before continuing, “He had been arrested a few times and I was in a position to bail him out, so I did. I used my influence to have the charges dropped.”

  “What was he charged with?”

  “He and his friends were caught drinking and using some recreational drugs. So I talked to the judge, we set up the terms. Danny and his friends would do community service in exchange for jail time. I thought I was helping him by keeping him out of jail. Now I think it would have been better to let him learn the hard way.”

  “What happened?”

  “He did some community service, but it didn’t last. I found out one night that he’d been ditching his duties to hang out with his friends again and I confronted him about it. He and I had a horrible fight. I said some terrible things.” He let out a humorless laugh. “When he said he was going out with his friends, I threatened to handcuff him to the banister on the stairs before leaving for my night-shift duties. I wish I had,” James said as he looked at her. “That night he slammed out of the house and I went to work anyway. I should have followed him, made him stay. I should have never let him go. But I didn’t stop him. Two hours later I was called to a scene of a drunk driving accident. There were two fatalities. Danny and his friend who was driving drunk.”

  “Oh, James.” Victoria felt her own heart breaking.

  “He was killed instantly. There was nothing I could do.” James sat up, leaned back on his arms and crossed his ankles. “There was nothing anyone could do.”

  Victoria sat up next to him, and soothed his arm with her palm. “I’m so sorry.”

  James turned to face her and warned, “You should know Victoria. I have no sympathy for anyone who abuses alcohol or the law.”

  “I don’t blame you.” That explained his reaction to the drunk kids driving the boat that night. “So, how did you deal with his loss?”

  “I went through the standard therapies and counseling. None of it helped. I did better throwing myself into the job. From that point on, I was known as the toughest cop in the precinct. Some said I became the job. I worked countless hours but I was never satisfied. I didn’t have much of a personal life.”

  “Are you still a police officer?”

  “No. I moved on after a while.”

  Victoria wondered if he was a handyman full time now. “So, you said you aren’t home much, back in Washington?”

  “No. I travel a lot.”

  “Are you running?”

  “From the past?” James shook his head. “No. I’m not. I deal with it every day of my life.”

  “It was Danny’s choice to go. No matter how much you loved him, you couldn’t live his life for him.”

  “He was my responsibility. His death is on my shoulders.”

  “Would he want you to feel that way?”

  At her question, James stood abruptly and helped her to her feet. “Regardless, it is how I feel. It’s getting late, we should go.” He started to help her onto the main floor of the boat, but before he did he added, “Don’t pity me Vic. It’s the last thing I want from you, or anyone else.”

  Before she responded, he leapt down to the floor of the boat. Sean and Ashley had fallen asleep in each others arms, curled up close under a blanket. Victoria motioned for James to wait before starting the engine that would surely wake them up. “I don’t pity you, James. I just want to help you.”

  “How can you help me? What happened, happened. You can’t change that.”

  “No, I can’t. But, you can’t change it either James. What you can do is forgive the driver, forgive yourself and stop pushing the people who love you away.”

  A Matter Of Trust

  A Matter Of Trust

  Chapter Seven

  The woman got under his skin. With her sweet smile, unending compassion and gentle nature, it was no wonder she wanted to help him. He had known it, but had told her about his past anyway. Now he was in the uncomfortable position of her wanting to fix him, when he didn’t want to be fixed. He felt extremely vulnerable to her now. His guard had slipped because of her and it ticked him off.

  He had declined to go to church this morning. He thought about it, but decided to finish a small job at Victoria’s before she returned home instead of being in the cottage with her later on in the day. He needed a little time to sort things out. He had become too close to her. She had become too close to him. In the end, it would do neither of them any good.

  James stood on a chair in Victoria’s guest bedroom, fixing a flickering light overhead. His foul mood filled up the small room. He had worked too long building up his protective walls to let a young, attractive woman bring her loving concern to chop away and crumble his fortress. Yet, that’s exactly what had happened and he didn’t like it.

  He fixed the loose wire above the light socket and replaced the casing. He jumped down to the floor from the chair and stopped still at the hollow noise that resounded in the room. With a slow, determined movement, he looked down at the rug beneath his work boots. He moved to the left, just one step off the rug and carefully drew the rug back from the floor. He saw a trap door and pulled it open. His heart hammered in his chest and his foul mood turned downright dangerous at what he saw. Anger seeped through his veins as all rational thoughts escaped him.

  She was guilty after all.

  ****

  Victoria said a tearful goodbye to Ashley on Sunday morning right after church. After promising to come back soon, Ashley drove off with her usual flair. With the music blasting and top down, she sped her convertible away attracting every pair of male eyes in the church parking lot. Victoria noticed one pair of eyes in particular.
Sean Gable watched Ashley with the goofiest smile she had ever seen on his face. He was in love with Ashley. Anyone with eyes could see that. She smiled wistfully and knew exactly how Sean felt. She loved James Montgomery. Whether he liked it or not.

  Victoria hurried to catch up to Gramps. They had driven to church together this morning. As she caught up with him, she noticed he was a little jittery. “Gramps, are you okay?”

  “Yes, darlin’, I’m okay. There’s just something I been needin’ to talk to you about,” he began as he started his pickup.

  Victoria climbed into the passenger side. “What is it?” She took one more look around for James, he hadn’t shown up this morning for church. She took a nibble on her longest fingernail as she returned her focus on Gramps.

  “Not here. I…I can’t tell you here at church,” Gramps said sheepishly.

  “After we get home?”

  Gramps took a deep breath. “Yes. After we get home.” His voice was resigned like he had just run out of life giving energy.

  Gramps didn’t speak on the ride home. Tension rode along with her in the passenger seat. Every pot hole and rut in the road exemplified the anxiety she began to feel. She silently wondered if he had bad news about his health. Had he been given some bad report from Dr. Howard? Fear clawed its way from her stomach to her chest. She could taste it in her throat by time they reached the farmhouse.

  “It looks like it’s too late,” Gramps said with remorse. “Montgomery’s here.” Gramps looked over at Victoria as he turned off the ignition and got out.

  “Too late?” Confusion wracked her nerves taught. “Wait!” she cried as she scrambled out of the truck. Victoria came along side him. “Are you sick?”

  Nervous laughter erupted from deep in his throat. “No darlin’, I’m not sick.”

  “Good,” she replied as relief swept her anxiety away.

  She turned her focus to James. Apprehension replaced the sudden jolt of pleasure she felt when she first saw him. He stood beside a black SUV, wearing a suit and tie, alongside another tall man in a suit whose blonde hair was in sharp contrast to James’ much darker hair. They both wore dark sunglasses, along with dire expressions on their faces.