by L. P. Maxa
“Oh I watched that too, but no, my obsession was born with the movie.”
I reached out and tapped her shoulder. “You got plans tonight, baby doll?”
She shrugged. “Depends on who’s askin’.”
“I am. I was thinking—” I stopped talking when a black car pulled up to the house. I sat my seat up and watched out the window as Diane got out. My heart jumped into my throat.
Bryan put her hand on my arm. “Who is that?”
“The social worker. She must have the results for the paternity test.” I was suddenly terrified. What if Landry’s mom had lied? What if they tried to take her anyway from me? I couldn’t let that happen. I shouldn’t have requested the stupid test in the first place. I opened my door and got out on shaky legs. “Diane, hi.”
Bryan got out and walked around the car to stand next to me. She held her hand out to Diane. “Hi, I’m Bryan.”
“Nice to meet you, Bryan.” She looked toward the house. “Do you live here too?”
“She’s Dylan’s little sister. I have to work during the day so I asked her to come help me watch Landry.” I don’t know why I jumped in with that. I just felt like I needed to justify bringing one more person into Landry’s life.
Diane nodded. “Well, that is very kind of you, Bryan.” She reached into her bag and handed me a thick manila folder. “I have the results of your paternity test, Jacks.”
I was afraid to touch it. “What does it say?”
She eyed me cautiously. “She’s your daughter.”
I smiled. My first and most honest reaction was to smile. “What does that mean? What if her mom comes back?”
“Well, you’re her biological father, so even if her mom comes back you can fight for custody. As long as you can prove that you can provide a stable home, you stand a good chance at winning too. If that’s what you want.”
“That’s what I want.” I let out a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. I had never been more relieved in my entire life. Even if Landry’s mom showed up, I could still fight for her. I still had a chance at keeping her. Three days. Three days with Landry and she owned my heart and soul. I wrapped an arm around Bryan, pulling her close to me for a second before turning back to Diane. “I want her. I want to keep her. Just tell me what I need to sign, what I need to do, and I’ll do it.”
“Believe me, I wish it was that simple.” Diane smiled. “Landry’s mom has a few days left before her rights are terminated. And in the meantime, I need to come in and observe your home. Observe Landry here. So, I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. But by the looks of it, she’s doing well.”
We all turned, Landry was still sound asleep in her seat. Her cheek resting against Ello and her hands clutching a sandy shovel.
Chapter Twelve
Bryan
Landry was so exhausted from her day at the beach that she only woke up long enough to eat some yogurt, take a bath, and then crawl into bed. She was asleep in a matter of minutes. Jacks was downstairs filling the rest of the family in on the results from the paternity test, so I used that time to take a long hot shower. I had sand in places I didn’t remember putting it. When I got out there was a message on the mirror, written in the fog: MY ROOM with an arrow pointing to the door. I got changed and then went into Jacks’s room instead of mine. “You summoned?”
He was lying on the bed wearing nothing but a low-slung pair of shorts. His hair was wet; he must have showered in Luke’s room. “I did.” He patted the bed next to him and waited for me to climb on. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Okay…”
“The ticket I bought you to fly down here, it’s open-ended and I was thinking—”
My stomach sank. “You’re ready for me to go, aren’t you? I totally understand. You and Landry need some time together, time to get settled.” I was trying to be cool about this, but my heart was hurting. I hadn’t thought about leaving, not once, since I got here.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, baby doll. I’m not ready for you to go. I was actually hoping you’d stay for the rest of the summer.”
“The rest of the summer?” I sure as hell wasn’t ready to leave, but stay the rest of the summer? That was a huge commitment.
“I need to spend some time each day in the studio with the band. I can’t bail on this album. And I don’t want Landry to spend her days alone, or with some stranger. She adores you, and I know you feel the same way about her. I’ll pay you.”
I snorted, slapping his chest. His bare, toned, lickable abs. “You do not need to pay me to watch Landry; that’s ridiculous.”
“I know you usually work during your summers off, plus I’ll be taking time away from you trying to find an actual grown-up job. I already told the social worker you were here to help me take care of Landry.”
“Yeah, why did you do that? Why didn’t you just tell her we were friends?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know the rules here. I thought saying you were here to help me with her, to make sure she was safe when I couldn’t be with her… I thought that sounded good.” He reached out and took my hand in his. “Please, B, you’re the only one I trust with her. I need you.”
There were those words again. I need you. Was it wrong that I would rather hear him say “I want you”? I knew I was developing feelings for Jacks. More than friend feelings. The friendship was still there but now there was an undeniable tension between us too. My core tightened when I watched him play the guitar. I’d wanted him to kiss me on more than one occasion. I got chills when he touched me. We were either playing with fire or on the verge of something really amazing. And with my past? It was most likely fire. I needed to stay strong, for both of us, because I refused to lose him. “Of course I’ll stay.”
I giggled when he threw his arms around me and tackled me on the mattress. He kissed my cheek over and over. “You are the best! Thank you thank you thank you!”
“You’re welcome.”
Jacks pulled back but stayed on top of me. He brushed the hair off my face and rested his hand on my cheek. “I mean it, doll. You are the best thing in my life.” He smiled. “Well, you and Landry.” I closed my eyes as he sweetly kissed my cheek one more time before sitting up and pulling me with him. He pointed the remote at the TV and pressed play.
I started laughing when I realized that he’d found Buffy the movie on Netflix. We watched the whole thing snuggled together in bed. Well, except when I climbed out and did the dance with the characters in the opening present-day scene. Once Buffy climbed on the back of Pike’s bike and they rode off into the sunrise, I sat up and turned to Jacks. “Well? What did you think?”
He let out a deep breath. “I think Kristy Swanson still gives me a boner.” He reached down and adjusted his pants.
“On that note…I’m going to bed.” I stood and picked up my phone from the nightstand. Shep had called twice today. I’d yet to call him back.
Jacks grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. “Do you want to watch another movie? Or we could play a game.”
I checked the time on my phone; it was only 10:30 but I was beat. The sun and the water combined with the fact that I hadn’t really slept all that well last night. “I don’t think I could keep my eyes open long enough to watch another movie.”
“So keep them closed. Just stay in here with me.”
My heart fluttered. Jacks was the only guy who had ever made my heart flutter. “Jacks…” If Dylan caught me sleeping in his bed again, I’d never hear the end of it. “You aren’t going out with Luke tonight?”
“Do you want me to go out with Luke tonight?”
No, I think I want you to stay here and kiss me. I shrugged instead of answering him. Because I was a coward. And because what if he didn’t feel the same way? He’d been on top of me earlier, kissing all over my cheeks. If he’d wanted to, wouldn’t he have made his move then?
He rolled his eyes and scooted down under the covers, holding them out for me. “G
et in. You know you want to.”
I did want to. Which was exactly why I should be walking away, not climbing in beside him and laying my head on his chest. Or smiling like a schoolgirl when he kissed the top of my head.
“B?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you go out with me? Tomorrow night?”
My stupid smile got bigger. Was he asking me out on a date? Or was he asking me out as a friend? I had joked with him in the past about my kick-ass wingman abilities, maybe that’s what he was after? “Was that why you came home last night? Luke’s a bad wingman and you’re looking to replace him?”
He scoffed, “Like I need a wingman. I can get any girl, anytime, anywhere. Just you wait and see.”
Great. Now I was going to have to watch Jacks hit on every girl who walked by. “What about Landry?”
“I figured we could wait to leave until she was in bed and then we can just ask Lex and Dylan to keep an ear out for her.”
“Okay. Sure.” You know maybe this would be good for us, for me. Watching him flirt and paw all over other girls would most likely irritate the hell out of me. Which would make these tingly feelings he kept giving me go away. It would be like a therapeutic night out with a friend.
Chapter Thirteen
Jacks
I woke up with a smile on my face, wrapped around Bryan. I’d lain awake holding her and playing on my PS3. I brushed a soft kiss across B’s forehead and then got out of bed, careful not to wake her. I pulled on a t-shirt and then padded across the hall to check on Landry. She was still asleep, her face resting on Ello, just like in the car yesterday. I had both my girls here with me, and neither one of them was going anywhere. My heart felt…full. Full in a way I’d never thought I wanted.
I was the first one up in the house; I couldn’t tell you the last time that happened. I was sitting in the kitchen, reading some song lyrics the label had over-nighted to us. We usually wrote our own stuff, but they weren’t liking what we were turning in right now. So they sent some “suggestions.” They weren’t bad songs; they were good. But that just wasn’t the direction we were going with this new album. We’d never really been into mellow songs or ballads. But things in our lives were changing. Dash’s world had changed in one night. Smith’s world had changed with one girl. And mine? Mine had taken two. Two beautiful girls and two crazy days. It wasn’t a constant rock star free-for-all anymore. We were growing up, and it was only fitting that our music did too. Dash was going to flip shit when he saw these.
I looked up when I heard the front door open, and then quietly click close. Luke was wearing the clothes he had on last night and his sunglasses. He stumbled into the kitchen and laid his head on the granite island. “Tough night, Lukey?”
He let out an unintelligible groan.
“Yeah. I’ve been there.” And I had. I spent ninety-nine percent of my time on tour drinking, banging, and partying. I was wasted every night and hung over every morning. This past month was the longest I’d ever gone sober. Or celibate. I walked to the fridge and got him a bottle of water, handing it to him. “Go to bed, dude. You look like roadkill and if Lexi sees you coming home like this again? She’s going to go pregnancy postal.”
He stood then grabbed the island to steady himself. “You have any bars?”
I shrugged. “I might. Go look in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom.” He turned toward the stairs. “But be quiet. Landry and Bryan are still sleeping.” He waved his hand over his head, dismissing me. Letting Luke take my Xanax was probably not the best decision I’d made today. But he needed to come down from whatever high he was experiencing and sleep it off. I didn’t want Landry seeing him walk around like a wasted zombie.
Dash came into the kitchen just as Luke cleared the turn at the top of the stairs. “Hey, man, what are you doing up so early?”
“Honestly? I have no idea.”
He chuckled and gestured to the stack of papers resting in front of me. “What are those?”
“Songs.” I took a sip of my coffee. “The label overnighted them.”
Dash picked up the stack and leafed through it. “They are really starting to piss me off.” He shook his head. “We write our own stuff. Or we do collaborations. That’s the way it’s always been. Why are they trying to change it now?”
“We both know why, man.” I watched as Dash took the creamer out of the fridge and doctored up his java before adding, “The label wants the hard-core bad boys of rock and roll. They want smashed guitars and lyrics about hollow sex and cocaine. It’s insane. You’d think they’d be happy that we are on the straight and narrow.”
“Nah. Straight and narrow doesn’t sell out stadiums or incite riots.”
Dash stirred his coffee and then sat his spoon in the sink. “I’m getting tired of selling out stadiums, bro.”
If we were being honest? I was too. “I’ve been thinking about that, since Landry showed up.” On tour with a rock band wasn’t the place for a little girl. And she’d been left alone enough in her short life. Dash had a daughter on the way, Smith’s sobriety wouldn’t survive being away from Dylan, and Luke was on the highway to hell. “Maybe it’s time we made some changes.”
“Slow down a little? Don’t pack the dates in so tight? Play smaller venues?”
I nodded.
He let his head hang a little, clearly tired. “We’re on the same page, man.”
“So what do we do?”
Dash eyed the pages of lyrics and notes. “We send them a demo of one of our songs, maybe the one we worked on yesterday. And if they don’t like it? They can fuck off.”
“And what about these?” I gestured to the stack of papers with my cup.
Dash picked up the stack and tossed them in the trash.
***
We spent all day down in the studio, fine-tuning the demo we were sending the label and coming up with a new and calmer game plan. The Devil’s Share had been going ninety to nothing for ten years straight. It was starting to catch up with all of us. I’d gone upstairs long enough to eat lunch with Bryan and Landry. They’d spent the morning coloring and playing board games and had plans for the park after lunch. I was so damn lucky to have B here to help me with my kid. My kid. Holy hell. If someone would have told me four days ago that I was going to be a dad? I would have grabbed a bottle of whiskey and locked myself in my closet. But loving Landry, wanting what was best for her? It just came natural. I’d called my parents and left them a voicemail asking them to call me as soon as they got home. They had a granddaughter they needed to meet.
“Okay, Buttercup, it’s time for lights out.” Bryan had read her a few more chapters in their book and was now in our bathroom getting ready for our night out, and I was tucking Landry into bed. I wanted to do something nice for Bryan, something to show her how grateful I was to have her support. Of course Dylan had finagled her way into our plans. She said she hadn’t gotten to spend any time with her sister since she’d been here. So Dylan and Smith were tagging along.
“Are you and B leaving?” Landry was surrounded by pillows and stuffed animals with her beautiful dark hair in a pile on the top of her head. She looked so much like Bryan and Dylan with her hair like that. Our mini hot mess, that’s what Smith called her tonight at dinner.
“We are going to go out for a little bit, but Lex and Dash are right downstairs. Okay?” I was nervous to leave her. I didn’t want her to feel alone or scared.
“You’re coming back, right?”
Yep. That’s what I was afraid of. “Of course we’re coming back, we’ll always, always come back.” I tapped the end of her nose. “I told you, it’s you and me now.”
“And B.”
I smiled. “And B.”
“Are you taking her on a date?” She giggled. “Because you think she’s pretty.”
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Good night.”
“Good night…Jacks.”
I hadn’t told Landry yet that she was my daughter, biologically. Last
night she was too tired and I was in the studio all day today. But she needed to know her mom had been honest about one thing at least. “You’re my daughter, Buttercup. Your mom didn’t lie about that.”
Her eyes got wide. “Really?”
“Really, really.” I brushed some hair off her forehead. “Diane came by yesterday while you were sleeping and told me.”
She was quiet for so long, I wasn’t sure she was going to say anything else on the subject. But then, “Do you want to keep me?”
How many times in this life was she going to make me tear up? Was this normal? I felt like Lexi. “Yes. Do you want to keep me?” I figured it was only fair to let her have a choice as well.
She nodded.
I clapped my hands once. “Well that settles it then, doesn’t it? We’ll keep each other. And we’ll keep hanging out with all the crazy people who live in this house and keep playing with Dagger and keep going to the beach.”
She smiled, full of light. “Like a family.”
“Like a family.”
Her voice cracked. “What if my mom comes back?”
Did she know that her mom could still get custody? “Well, if your mom comes back, then she comes back. We’ll figure it out. I’m still not going anywhere.”
I turned off her lamp and headed downstairs with a pep in my step. I had Landry; I had B; I had the band; I had it all.
***
I figured it was useless to try to rush Bryan. I’d just get Smith to make me a drink while I waited. Lexi and Dash were posted up on the couch, a large bowl of popcorn between them. “Lex, should you be eating that much salt?”
She stuck her tongue out at me and Dash answered for her. “Dylan only buys the low sodium kind.”
Smith was in the dining room, standing at the vintage bar cart the house came furnished with. I smiled when he handed me a whiskey on the rocks. “You read my mind, man.” I took a sip and closed my eyes as I swallowed. It’d been forever since I’d had a good drink. Those shots with Luke didn’t count.
“Landry asleep?”
“Probably. She’s usually out as soon as I turn off the light.”
