by L. P. Maxa
“Let’s just say that it was a very happy coincidence that I didn’t feel the need to rectify.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “Lexi is worried about him, we found a way to curb his routine. He enjoys working with Landry and she has a blast playing the drums. Win, win, win.” While Landry was working with John earlier, Lexi and I shared some milk and cookies. She was upset about what Luke was doing to himself. She never came right out and said she felt like it was her fault, but she didn’t need to. It was written all over her face.
“Hey, B?”
“Hmmmm?”
“What Landry said, the other day, about the way you look at me…”
There was no point in lying to him. “You are all my favorite things.”
He smiled. “I’m falling for you, baby doll.”
I just stared into his eyes for so long that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to answer him. I was scared of losing my best friend. I was scared that we would hurt each other and that Landry would get hurt in the process. But for once I wasn’t ready to run, I wasn’t looking for a way out. “I’ve already fallen.”
He beamed. “Have I told you lately how fucking perfect I think you are?”
I snorted. “Yeah, today in the bathroom after I let you nail me on the counter.” I smirked when I saw what my words did to him. I could feel his lean sculpted body start to coil. I grabbed the hem of my—his—shirt and slowly started to drag it up. “Ready for round two?”
He reached up and turned off the lamp beside the bed. He didn’t say a word as he stripped us of our clothes. He didn’t joke or laugh when he slid inside me. Everything he did, every move he made was so full of love. Of reverence. Nothing was rushed, nothing was raw. It was all slow, all sensual. And he stayed true to his word: he didn’t leave my body for hours.
Landry
Seeing my mom was like a nightmare. Everything here in this house was so wonderful, so easy. And now all that was gone. Now I lay awake at night, hugging Ello, just waiting for the doorbell to ring again. Jacks and Bryan kept telling me that she wasn’t coming back. Jacks explained that we would need to go to court, and I’d have to talk to a judge. But that he wouldn’t ever let me go back with my mom. I wanted to believe him…but it was hard. I’d never had so many good days in a row. It seemed only fitting that they would get taken away from me.
They tried to keep me distracted. I was so busy now, and I actually really loved it. My tutor, Mr. John, said that I was really smart. He said that the only reason I would have been behind was because I’d missed so much school. He told Bryan that he didn’t think they should try to put me back in public school until we moved to Texas. My counselor, Mr. Mark, agreed with him. Something about unnecessary stress. Mr. John was going to work with me, even after the school year started, until we moved. Which made Lexi and Dylan super happy, they really liked listening to Mr. John teach me.
Swim was fun. My instructor said I was like a fish. I wanted to be a really good swimmer so that when I was big, I could go to the beach all the time and not have to wear a life vest or anything. But my favorite thing to do? Was play the drums with Uncle Luke. I loved making him smile when I got it right. He didn’t smile enough in the house. But he was really fun when we were in the studio.
Jacks told me that B was now more than his best friend, she was his girlfriend. I said duh, and everyone laughed. I liked making these people laugh and smile. It seemed like all I had to do was say whatever was on my mind and they thought I was hilarious. I’d never been allowed to do that before, tell grown-ups what I was thinking.
My social worker came over the other day. It was one afternoon when Mr. John was here; she seemed to like to listen to him teach me too. She told us that she would be coming back two more times, unannounced, whatever that means. And then we’d be set for the trial. I was really nervous to talk to the judge. I didn’t want to go back with my mom, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to make that happen. Diane told me I just had to tell the truth.
I was so happy here. I didn’t ever want to leave; I didn’t ever want to go back to my old life. And more than anything, I never wanted to see my mom again.
Chapter Twenty-five
Jacks
We were down in the studio. We’d finished five songs and were working on number six when my phone vibrated in my pocket. Landry’s mom hadn’t been back, but Diane had been over for a check, and I knew she’d be back by at some point this week. Her visit had made me a little nervous. With Landry’s mom fighting for custody, the stakes were higher. I asked everyone to act like Amelia wasn’t a problem. We continued on with life like she’d never been here, like Landry had never seen her. I was doing everything in my power to make her feel safe here. I smiled when I saw B’s name across the screen. We both decided it was safer if she texted me instead of coming down here when she needed something. Every time I laid eyes on her, all I wanted to do was take her upstairs and fuck her senseless. It’d been weeks and I still couldn’t get my fill. I swiped my finger across the screen.
B: Landry is meeting with her incredibly British counselor… Wanna come upstairs and counsel me for a little bit?
J: You are giving me a semi… How am I supposed to come up with killer riffs when I have a hard-on that rivals a steel pipe?
B: Well, come upstairs. I’ll take care of that for you real quick.
J: Oh yeah? You ready for me?
B: I’m always ready for you.
J: You alone?
B: Yep. All alone laying in this big bed. Naked. And so damn w—
“Jacks! Put down the fucking phone. You know the rules.” Dash shot me a look that would put Dylan’s to shame.
I’d just gotten in trouble last week for sexting during a Skype call with the label. Told you I wanted her all the time. “B was just telling me that 007 is here for his session with Landry.”
J: Dash is being a shit, I’ll break away as soon as I can. Stay in bed.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket. “Happy?”
“Yeah, I fucking am.”
Smith chuckled. “You know Landry is going to grow up and only be interested in guys with accents, right?”
I scowled. I didn’t want to think about my little girl and dudes. Ever. “I think it’s the other women in this house who have a thing for accents. I swear they whisper in Landry’s ear and tell her to pick these guys.” Not only was her tutor Australian, but her counselor was British.
Smith shook his head. “Landry loves Uncle Luke too. That Texas twang of his has to be part of it.”
Landry enjoyed hanging out with Luke, and she seemed to have knocked off some of his self-destructive tendencies. They were good for each other. I pointed at Smith. “You aren’t her favorite man in this house, and you have an accent too.”
Smith shook his head. “Not to Landry I don’t.”
I laughed. “Are you kidding me? Your drawl is getting worse by the day.”
“Yeah, it is. Because I’m around Landry.” He looked around the room. “Am I the only one who’s noticed this? Landry doesn’t have an accent to me either, because we sound the same. We have the same drawl.”
Luke stood and walked around his drum set, sitting on the couch next to Dash. “For sure, man. Landry sounds like she should be Smith’s kid instead of yours.”
Landry sounded a little like Smith, but I hadn’t really paid all that much attention to it. They both grew up in Louisiana, figured that was why.
Dash leaned back against the cushions. “At first I didn’t hear it, but Smith is right, the more time he spends around Landry the more his accent comes out.”
Smith nodded. “I learned to curb it, tone it down a bit over the years. But being around Landry? Just brings it out.” He looked at me. “Are you sure you don’t remember where you were in Louisiana when she was, uh, conceived?”
“Sorry, dude. No clue.” Did it even matter? He wasn’t a fucking linguistics professor; it’s not like he could pinpoint the location by the sound of Landry�
�s voice.
Dash took a deep breath. “Since we are taking a break here…there is something I want to tell you guys.”
“You grew a vag? And that’s why you’ve been acting like a PMSing chick these last few days?” Dash had been cranky as fuck this week.
He threw the pencil he’d been holding at my head. “No. I didn’t grow a vag.” He glanced at Luke, and then the ground. “I’m going to ask Lexi to marry me.”
We were all quiet. We all knew, but this was the first time Dash had said it out loud, with Luke in the room. The typical response would be to give him shit, or to clap him on the back and tell him congratulations. But this was a sensitive subject. No one quite understood Luke and Lexi’s deal, nor did we understand why he wouldn’t want her to be happy with the father of her child. They were odd, those two.
Luke turned to Dash, his hand extended. “That’s great, man. I’m happy for you.”
Tension officially broken. I smiled, reaching out and slapping him on the knee. “Yeah, bro. Congrats!”
Smith crossed his arms. “You figured out how you’re going to do it?”
He shook his head. “I’ve come up with a few different ideas. Her ring will be ready tomorrow, so I need to figure it out quick. Y’all got anything?” He turned to Luke. “I know this is weird, but you’re her best friend…”
Luke visibly paled but plastered a smile on his face. “No worries, man. I’ll help you come up with something.”
Well, that was awkward as fuck. Luckily my phone vibrated in my pocket again. Saved by the text.
B: Sorry, babe. Rain check. Diane is here.
J: Be up in just a sec
“I gotta head up for a bit, Landry’s social worker is here.” I put my phone back in my pocket and set my guitar to the side.
I closed the door to the studio, hiding my bandmates in the soundproof room. Just in case they did start to rib Dash about proposing. “Diane, it’s nice to see you again.”
“You too, Jacks.” She looked toward the backyard. “Where is little miss Landry?”
Uh, was it wrong that I suddenly had no fucking clue? Hadn’t Bryan just told me…? Counselor? Tutor? I crossed the room and stood next to Bryan.
“Those boys lose all sense of time when they are down there in the studio.” Bryan put her arm around my waist, slapping my chest slightly. “Landry is in the other room, meeting with Mark, the child counselor.”
“Oh, today isn’t a John—I mean, tutoring day?” Diane looked slightly disappointed. Did every woman get horny to the sound of that man’s voice? Holy hell.
Bryan shook her head, smiling. “No. I’m afraid not.”
“Well, while Landry is finishing up, why don’t we have a seat and Jacks can tell me what’s been going on.” Shit. I couldn’t tell her what’s been going on, I’d been in the studio every damn day. I held tight to Bryan’s hand, making sure she was going to come with us. We sat at the dining room table. “How is Landry doing, Jacks? I know you guys have been trying to keep her busy, trying to keep her worry at bay. Which I think is a good call. But I want to know how you’re feeling right now. How are you adjusting to fatherhood?”
I felt like I needed a whiskey drink. “Landry is doing so well, despite the incident with Amelia the other week. She keeps us laughing. She’s a really funny, bright kid.”
“And her schoolwork? What did you decide to do about her starting school in the fall?” Diane looked like everyone’s favorite grandma, but she was on point today. This woman was good at her job.
I squeezed Bryan’s hand under the table. I knew this one, I knew we’d talked about it. Bryan had told me what John and Mark had decided…but… “Um, well, after we talked to both her tutor and her counselor…we, uh…”
Bryan put her hand on my arm. “You know, Jacks, I don’t think I even told you what the final decision was.” She smiled warmly. “They were going back and forth and they certainly wanted Landry’s opinion. It was just decided last night that they thought keeping her out of public school until she moved to Texas was going to be best for her.” Bryan let out a soft chuckle. “Landry is so advanced, and John is really confident that he can have her ready for fifth grade by the time everyone moves.”
Diane looked at me. “And Jacks, you agree?”
I nodded. “One hundred percent. Switching schools like that is never easy.”
“Now, Bryan, I know you are in charge of Landry’s schedule and all the day-to-day activities for her. What is going to happen after the move? Jacks, will you hire a new nanny?”
My heart started to pound. What did I say? Was I allowed to have a girlfriend? Was that frowned upon to have your girlfriend take care of your kid? Were we going to get deductions for this? I had been either in the studio, playing with Landry, or in bed with B for the past two weeks. I thought we had this in the bag. “I, uh, well, actually… Things have changed a little. Bryan and I are, um, dating?”
Diane raised an eyebrow at the question in my voice. “Dating? How long has this been going on?”
I cleared my throat, “A few weeks now. We have been friends for a while and having her here…things have progressed.” I winced. “Is that a problem?”
Diane leaned back in her chair, a wary look on her face. “Is it a problem? Yes and no. I can clearly see how much Landry loves Bryan, so it’s good that she has her. But in the same token, if things were to end between you two? That would be really hard on her.”
I nodded. “We both understand that, and we didn’t enter into this relationship lightly.” I looked over at B. “I don’t know what Landry and I would do without her, and I have no plans for this to end.”
Diane gave me small smile. “To be honest, Jacks, I don’t know what you would do without Bryan either.” She looked toward the door that had just opened. Landry must be done with her session. “Which is part of the problem. The courts don’t like temporary. You and Bryan aren’t married, you aren’t engaged, yet she is like a mother to Landry. That little girl couldn’t take being abandoned again. It would crush her. And if things end between you and Bryan, that’s just what would happen.” She stood. “I need for the two of you to really think about what you are doing here. Think about the future, think about Landry. This isn’t going to be nearly as clear-cut a case as I was thinking. We’ll talk soon.”
***
Neither Bryan nor I knew what to say after Diane left. We thought we were doing great, raising Landry in this unconventional setting. She was relaxed and laughing and thriving. But apparently we were one wrong move away from messing up her life and losing her. The whole family was seated around the dining room table. Without Bryan and I talking, things were more quiet than usual.
Lexi set her fork down. “You two want to share with the rest of the family what the hell has you so bummed and withdrawn? It’s like you have black rain clouds over your heads.”
I glanced over at Landry. She was finished eating and her eyes were darting around the table. “Hey, Buttercup? You want to take Dagger upstairs and put on a movie? You guys can both get in our bed.” She rolled her eyes, getting up and calling Dagger to her side. I turned to Bryan. “When did she start rolling her eyes?”
She huffed out an irritated laugh. “Everyone in this house rolls their eyes. She was bound to pick it up. And she knows when we want to talk about grown-up stuff without her. She is nine, not three.”
Why the hell was I getting Bryan’s attitude? Did I do something wrong? It wasn’t my fault the social worker had decided to drop that bomb on us today. I was just as freaked out as she was. We’d never fought before, not once. Which was probably because I never pushed her on anything. I didn’t try to make her talk about her feelings or the future. I just let it all ride, let it be fun. But the fun was over, Diane had made sure of that.
Lexi crossed her arms over her ever-growing chest, resting them on the top of her huge baby bump. “What the hell is going on with you two? This morning I heard you making out in the pantry and now you won’t even
look at each other.”
I studied my plate, keeping my eyes down. “Diane told us that we need to be very certain about our future, about what we are doing together. The courts ‘don’t like temporary.’ She said that if Bryan and I break up it would be another abandonment for Landry.” It would probably be an even worse abandonment. From what Mark had told us, Landry’s mother was never much of a mother. She didn’t abuse Landry in the physical sense, but she certainly really never took care of her. Or worried about her health, or safety, or happiness. It was a point in our favor with the judge, but it made the fact that Bryan could leave all the more catastrophic. Which was a point against us.
Dylan cleared her throat. “Because Bryan has become a mother to her…and because Bryan could up and leave whenever she felt like it.”
Smith grabbed Dylan’s hand. “Cher, maybe now isn’t the time.”
She ignored him and looked across the table. “Didn’t I tell you that you needed to be careful? That you couldn’t take care of all this for him? Now, she thinks of you like a mom.”
Bryan took a deep steadying breath. “Dylan, please don’t start—”
But she kept on. “You feed her, you make sure she is safe, you run her days, you take care of her, and you’re in charge. But you aren’t permanent.”
“No.” I slammed my fist on the table, making everyone jump. “Landry thinks of Bryan like a mother because she loves her. Because she reads to her at night, because she cuddles with her on the couch, because they laugh and talk and play.” I moved my chair back, turning to Bryan. “Are you bored? Are you ready to run? Because it sure doesn’t seem that way when you fall asleep in my arms every night. We can make them see. We can prove that us together is what’s good for Landry.” I grabbed Bryan’s hand. I kissed her knuckles, then let go. “But you are going to have to stand up for us too. Can you do that? Can you tell them that you aren’t going anywhere?” I wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to never leave us. To stay with me, to be mine forever. But I’d already asked too much of her, she’d already sacrificed so much. She needed to decide what she wanted. Because Diane was right about one thing: if things ended between Bryan and me, it would crush me but it would wreck Landry. And I wouldn’t let that happen to my daughter, not again.
