by L. P. Maxa
I felt her little hand squeeze mine. “I’m okay, Mom. I really like it here and I really want to stay. Please don’t make me choose. I don’t want to make you sad…” She was crying now.
I could tell the moment all fight left Amelia’s body. Her shoulders sagged and her eyes filled with tears. I was right. She just needed to know her kid was safe and happy. She needed permission to let go, just like I’d needed permission to hold on tighter. She nodded, her tears spilling out. “Please, I—”
“Emily?” All the knocking and growling had woken up the rest of the house and Smith was now standing in the doorway. “What in the flying fuck are you doing here?”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Jacks
What? How did Smith know who Landry’s mom was? “Emily? Her name is Amelia. You know her?”
Smith nodded. “Yeah, we grew up— Oh my God.” He shook his head, like he didn’t want to believe what was happening. “You’re Landry’s mother. It wasn’t Jared’s baby, it was Jacks’s.”
I was starting to get a headache. “What? When did anyone say that Jared had a kid?” Jared was Smith’s drug-addicted cousin, our former drummer. This was getting weird. Landry didn’t need to hear all of this.
Bryan must have felt the same way. “Come on, sweet girl. Crash is barking like a madman. He probably needs to go potty. Let’s let Uncle Smith and your mom talk for a bit.”
Amelia…Emily made a move to touch Landry. “Baby. Wait, I—”
Bryan shook her head. “I’ll make sure you get to tell her bye before you leave, but she doesn’t need to be here for this conversation.”
I wasn’t so sure why B was being so nice to her mom, but it had seemed to help Landry feel calm. I waited until I heard the backdoor close before I continued. “Now who ever said that Jared had a baby? What is happening right now?” This day just went from fucking infuriating to fucking weird.
Smith’s shoulders slumped. “My family,” he pointed to Landry’s mom, “and Emily all claimed that the baby was mine. But I knew it wasn’t. I hadn’t seen her in years.”
The pieces were all starting to come together now. I went home with Jared once, early on when he was still a good guy and a fun time. We did some charity thing that Smith wanted no part of. We went out afterward, this party… “Wait a fucking minute.” I looked over at him. “The label was paying that chick off, right? The one who said she had your kid?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Money every month, like clockwork. I never put a stop to it because I figured the kid was Jared’s and better off without him.”
I whirled around. “You’ve been getting money monthly from this band for ten fucking years?! Where the hell does it go? None of Landry’s clothes fit; she was malnourished; her shoes had holes in them! Where did the money go? Up your nose? In your fucking veins?!” I took a step toward her. All goodwill I’d felt a few minutes ago was disappearing. I’d never hit a girl in my life. But in that moment, I wanted to. This was the woman who hurt my kid. “How did you even pull that off? My name was on her damn birth certificate.”
She snorted. “You really should fire your label, they never even asked for proof. Just assumed what we said was the truth.”
I took another step toward her, my anger surging.
“We?” Smith put his arm in front of me, trying to get me to back down. “I need to know. I need to know why they said the baby was mine. Please.”
I took a deep breath and looked past Amelia…Emily’s shoulder toward the street. The last thing we needed was to be having any more of this confrontation in the front yard. I opened the door a little wider and motioned for her to come inside. She stayed rooted in place. “Well?”
She peeked up at Smith through her greasy bangs, her eyes bloodshot from all the crying earlier. She nodded and then followed us into the dining room. I didn’t want her at our table. I didn’t want her to sit where my daughter sat. It was almost like her very presence was tainting the room, stealing all of Landry’s joy out of it. She wrung her hands together. I wondered if I was the only one who noticed the tremble in them. “What do you want to know?”
“Why did you say the baby was mine? Jacks and I are in the same band, the same record label. You would’ve gotten your money regardless.” Smith reached out his hand when Dylan walked into the room. He tucked her into his side. He wanted her with him; he always wanted her by his side. I looked toward the backyard. As much as I felt the same way about Bryan, I’d rather her be with Landry.
“At first I didn’t tell anyone anything.” Emily started to chew on her lower lip. “But your dad, he saw me at the grocery store. He grabbed me, lifted my shirt. He always was a sick bastard, wasn’t he?” She shrugged. “He asked whose it was. Told him it was some guy in a band. He asked if it was Jared’s. Guess he thought the same thing you did. I told him no. I told him it was some other guy. But he said I needed to claim the baby was yours, that that was the only way I’d see any money. He said he could sell the story, said he’d split the profits.”
“And you agreed with him? How fucking sick are you? You would rather get into bed with my old man than just tell the truth? Just ask us for help?” Smith was starting to lose it. I felt for him. He hated his father, and it seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape the bullshit that came along with his family.
“I needed money! I had a baby on the way. My parents weren’t going to help me. What was I supposed to do?” She looked down at the table, tracing the grooves in the wood.
I sat down next to her, “Why didn’t you just tell me? Just contact me? You obviously knew she was mine. You put my name on her birth certificate.”
She let out a quick laugh, void of any humor. “We fucked in the bathroom stall of a rundown roadside bar. You didn’t give me a second glance after you were done. You never even asked me my name. So when Smith’s dad handed me an out, I went with the devil I knew.”
“I’m sorry.” My voice cracked on the words. I felt like utter shit. I’d been the worst type of man. “I’m sorry I treated you like that. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t count on me, couldn’t come to me.” I shook my head. “But that doesn’t excuse the way you treated Landry. What happened to the money, Emily?”
Her eyes went to Smith. “His old man took some every month. He said if I didn’t keep giving him a cut that he would tell everyone I’d lied, that I was extorting the band. Smith got out, he got away. I didn’t. I was my own worst nightmare, raising my fatherless child in the trailer park.” She didn’t have to tell us the rest of her story; it was written all over her face, her body. The money went to drugs, to booze, to numb the pain of her life, and Landry was a casualty.
“Don’t you want better for her? Don’t you want more out of life for our daughter?”
She sobbed, “Yes.”
“Then let her stay with me. Don’t fight for custody.” I was pleading with her. I would get on my knees if I had to.
“How will I know if she’s okay? How will I know if she’s safe?”
“Because you can come check on her.” Bryan was standing at the backdoor, Landry’s small hand in hers. “You can call if you want…or come see her…” She looked down at Landry. “But you have to be clean. You have to be sober. We won’t let you come in and let her down. She deserves more than that, and you know it.”
Emily got up and kneeled on the floor at Landry’s feet. “I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry for everything.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “You can stay here with your dad. I won’t make you choose.” Landry let go of B’s hand and threw her arms around her mom’s neck. They held each other for a while before Emily stepped back and placed a kiss on Landry’s forehead. “I love you, baby.”
Chapter Thirty
Bryan
Jacks told Landry’s mom that he wouldn’t tell the label about what happened. He said that as long as she stopped giving money to Smith’s dad and entered in-patient rehab, she could keep her checks. But she would need to prove
both. She called CPS from our living room and Diane came over with paperwork signing away her parental rights. It was hard, and she cried, but in the end she was finally the mother Landry deserved. By giving her up, she got to keep her. I wouldn’t go back on my word. I’d make sure that she’d get to see Landry whenever she wanted, as long as she stayed clean and healthy.
I knew Jacks didn’t fully understand what had happened or why…but he was thrilled to have Landry, no strings attached.
“Hey, what are you still doing up?”
Dylan had walked into the kitchen where I was sitting with my laptop. “I’m hiring movers to box up all my stuff and place it in storage.”
She nodded, grabbing two mugs from a cabinet and putting water in the kettle to boil. “Does Mom know? Mikah?”
“They are actually coming down here in a couple of weeks. I told them a little about what’s been going on and they insisted. They wanted to see us anyway.”
She placed a tea bag in each cup and then leaned her hip against the counter. “I’m not sorry for wanting to protect everyone. But I do feel badly for making this harder on you and Jacks, and Landry.”
I gave her a small smile. “I love them both so much. There isn’t anything you or anyone else could have said to make me change my mind in the end.”
The kettle started to whistle and she took it off the stove, filling each of our cups. She handed me one and then came and sat next to me. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Doll?” We both looked over when Jacks walked in. “You okay?” He came and stood behind me, kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah, just hanging out with my sister.”
He chuckled. “I should have known. I wake up wanting some ass and your sister is down here cock-blocking me.”
Dylan reached out and pinched his arm. “Calm down, pretty soon we’ll be living in separate houses and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”
He frowned. “It’s going to be so strange. Not being with everyone like this.”
I laughed. “The houses are only a couple of acres apart. It’s not like we’ll be living in different neighborhoods.”
“B? Jacks?” A sleepy Landry padded into the room, her hair a mess and her clothes all twisted.
“Hey, Buttercup, what are you doing up? Did you have a nightmare?” Jacks scooped her up and placed her on the island.
“No. Crash was snoring.” We’d conceded and let Crash sleep in Landry’s bed. “And I looked across the hall and you guys were gone.”
I hugged her little waist. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl. We didn’t mean to scare you.”
She shrugged. “I wasn’t scared. I was just wondering if you guys were down here having midnight snack time with Lexi.”
Jacks laughed. “What are you talking about? What’s midnight snack time?” At that moment Lexi came strolling into the kitchen, whistling, completely unaware that we were all watching her. “Can we help you?”
She jumped about a foot in the air. “Holy fudging shit! What is wrong with you guys?! You can’t scare a pregnant chick like that! I could go into labor.” She looked around the kitchen, taking us all in.
Landry smiled. “I guess they wanted to join us for midnight snack time.”
Lexi shook her head. “You are a narc, you know that?” She smacked a kiss on Landry’s cheek. “But you’re adorable, and you’re my niece, so I’ll let it slide.”
Dylan crossed her arms. “How often do you get up and eat at midnight? Which is the worst time to eat by the way.”
Lexi winked at Landry. “Not that often.” She put her hands on her hips. “So what’ll it be tonight? Leftovers? Or we can make some chocolate chip muffins.”
“Chocolate chip muffins.” Landry hopped down off the counter and headed to the pantry while Lexi preheated the oven.
Jacks and I looked at each other, confused. He picked up the package of chocolate chips that Landry sat out. “Uh, I thought you didn’t eat chocolate for breakfast?”
Landry rolled her eyes. “Dad, it’s midnight snack, not breakfast.”
The room went silent. And Landry’s eyes got big and round. You could tell that it had just slipped out and she was nervous about his reaction. He played it cool, even though I’m sure hearing his daughter call him Dad for the first time had sent his emotions into overdrive. It’d done the same to me when she called me Momma. He ruffled her hair. “What’s your deal with that no chocolate for breakfast thing anyway?”
Her smile fell a little. “I don’t know. I heard it on TV once. This mom told her kids that they couldn’t eat chocolate for breakfast. My mom never cared what I ate or when I ate it. So I adopted that rule for myself.”
We were all quiet for a beat, not really sure what to say or how to handle that sad story. This poor little girl was so starved for attention, for guidance, that she started following orders from moms on TV. I reached out and tapped her on the nose. “It’s a good rule, you know. Chocolate is no way to start your day. Slows you down.” I looked over at Jacks. “I think we should all follow it.”
He nodded. “I agree.”
Landry tried to hide her smile, biting her lips together as she set out making chocolate chip muffins in the middle of the night with her aunt. All the commotion must have woken up Dash and Smith because before the goodies were even in the oven they had joined us. And we were all a little shocked when Luke came down the stairs instead of in the front door. Landry was smiling and laughing, surrounded by her family, who would spend the rest of their lives making sure that she never felt alone, or unloved.
Epilogue
Jacks
“Girls! It’s time to go, we’re going to be late!” I checked my watch and muttered to myself, “And then I’ll have to listen to Dash bitch until moving day.” It’d been three weeks since Landry had first called me Dad, in the middle of the night, with the whole family there to share it. And things couldn’t be better. She was thriving in any and everything she did. Drums, swim, school. And her counselor said she was the most resilient little girl he’d ever met. Her mom had entered rehab, and Landry sent her letters every day.
“Calm down, love. We’re ready.” Bryan came down the stairs holding Landry’s little hand. They were both in sundresses, with flip-flops on their feet. They looked beautiful. Today was the day that Dash was going to ask Lexi to marry him. He’d rented out this restaurant overlooking the beach where he was going to propose. We’d all have dinner together afterward. It was simple and it was all of us. Luke was right, she was going to love it.
“I have two of the most beautiful girls in the world.” I opened the front door, ushering them into the car. “Wait. Where is Crash?” That puppy couldn’t be trusted to save his life. He chewed on everything and peed wherever he damn well pleased. It was a good thing he was cute. Plus Lexi swore to me that Dagger was the same way as a puppy.
“He’s in his crate in the kitchen.” Landry strapped herself in.
“Good job.” I put the car in reverse but didn’t take my foot off the brake. “Where is Uncle Luke?” He’d been doing so much better these past few weeks. He’d even helped Dash plan the whole proposal.
“He went to help Uncle Smith set up all the candles.”
“And Aunt Dilly?” Lexi had convinced Landry that Dylan should be Aunt Dilly so they would match. Lexi and Dilly.
“She has Aunt Lexi’s camera ready to take pictures of the whole thing, so she’s somewhere on the beach.” Landry may not be anyone’s blood relation but mine, but she had a little bit of all the girls in her. She was tough like Lexi, watchful. She always knew where everyone was. She was brilliant like Dylan. They played chess together all the time. And just like B, she was beautiful and full of life. And she had me wrapped around her little finger.
I turned to Bryan after I’d safely backed us out of the driveway. “Did you know all that?”
She snorted. “Are you kidding me? I spent all morning chasing that puppy around with a roll of
paper towels while simultaneously talking with the GC about the soundproof studio addition to Landry’s room you just had to add at the last minute.”
I glanced in the rearview mirror, winking at my kid. “She’s a drum prodigy, she needs practice space.”
“Seems kind of reckless to give a beautiful girl sole access to a soundproof room,” Bryan whispered under her breath.
“What are you talking about? Why would we put the practice room across the house? It’s not convenient.”
She turned to me. “Really? You can’t think of any reason that would be a bad idea?”
I shook my head. “No. Why?”
“Picture yourself at sixteen. Now, picture what you would have done with that room.”
I slammed on the brakes. “Call the GC back.” Fucking karma.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
L.P. Maxa lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband, daughter, three rescue dogs, one stray cat, and a fish that keeps dying and she keeps replacing so her toddler doesn’t notice. She loves reading romance novels as much as she loves writing them. She’s new to the writing game but has published four books in her first year alone. Inspiration can come from anywhere: a song lyric, a quote, a weekend with friends. The tiniest things spark amazing stories.
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