Big Daddy SEAL

by Mickey Miller

  You can’t get the the time back that’s gone. Always look ahead.

  I went back into the house and I realized something. I fucked up big time. I never made amends with my brother when he was alive.

  That was on me and that was a burden I’ll always have to bear. There was really no good way to frame that one. But on the other hand, my resolution was firm as it had ever been.

  I couldn’t waste the last chance I ever had to make things right with Genny.

  She was the only thing left in the world that mattered to me.

  I pulled out my phone to text her, my fingers hovering over the typepad.

  “Fuck,” I muttered out loud. This wasn’t a texting conversation. This was an in-person revelation.

  As darkness fell onto the town, I headed out the back door, got in the truck, and sped the fuck over her place.

  14

  Genevieve

  “The Copas don’t much care to see you,” the young boy said, eyeing me in front of the staggeringly old Copa estate. He couldn’t have been more than ten, but already had the same dour severity of his grandparents.

  “Well, that’s too damn bad because I’m not leaving here without my shipment of aloe.” I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. “So you’d better run along and get them.”

  “They’re not going to like this.” The boy frowned deeper. After another moment of hesitation, he ran off.

  “I’m past caring about what they like. I’m done doing things their way. This is business,” I said softly to myself, building my steely reserve.

  Don’t let anyone else make that decision for you. Mom’s words still burned in my heart.

  I was done being pushed around.

  I knew they were a million years old, but Aggie and Marshal were taking their sweet time getting out here to meet me. In the meantime, I strolled their parking lot and took in the three large ancient greenhouses. Between all the decaying vehicles, rusted water tank houses, and the fact that their weathered storefront was only open three hours a day on alternating weeks, the entire property had a downtrodden, forgotten-in-time look.

  It was amazing they were able to still function as a farm with so much outdated equipment and old world resistance to updating anything for efficiency. This was probably the least efficient way to keep a farm running.

  How could they not see that?

  I was always looking at ways to evolve and stay relevant. I was willing to look past the present and adapt for the future. Maybe this was what Mom was talking about when she said she was proud of me. The thought of my parents supporting me put a smile on my face.

  Not even the eventual sight of the miserable old couple, slowly walking out from the nearby farmhouse, could tarnish the feeling that my parents gave me.

  “We didn’t say you could clutter our doorstep with your presence,” Aggie grumbled, drying her hands on the apron she wore around her long dress.

  “You best get on out of here. Nothing we can do for the likes of you, deviant.” Marshal was relatively quick to add.

  “That’s not true.” I walked closer so I wouldn’t have to shout over the sporadic bouts of whistling wind. “You could give me my shipment or refund me the money I gave you.”

  There was a long, low rumble of tires on a dirt road behind me. The Copa family farm was out in the middle of nowhere so it was easy to catch the incoming sounds of the truck. My lips pulled taut to the side of my mouth. Some part of me knew who it was, despite everything that had happened, before I glanced to check.

  Damn it, Kade. Not now!

  “Who’s this now?” Marshal squinted against the distance.

  “No one,” I snapped quietly, more at myself than to them.

  Kade came to an eventual stop, parking near me and walking up.

  “Are you that afraid of an elderly couple that you had to call in your thug boyfriend?” Aggie asked, bearing her fake teeth.

  “That’s not what this is,” I said, starting to feel the conversational momentum shift away from me. “I don’t know what he’s doing here-”

  “Because you can call the whole football team if you want and this’ll still end the same way.” Aggie cut me off as confident as she was bitter. “We want you and your boyfriend to git before we go and call the mayor.”

  “Funny thing about political connections!” Kade called out, sidling up next to me. “Genevieve, who’s the governor of Texas?”

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I frowned. Kade was the last person I wanted to see after what he’d done.

  Kade turned to the side and whispered to me. “Trust me.”

  My eyes flashed angrily at him. I turned my back to the Copas and scolded Kade for being such an unrepentant asshole. “Are you fucking kidding me? You chose to run and hide in the military over staying with me twice. I’m done trusting you.”

  “You’re not going to beat these people with logic and reason. Familiar with the term fight fire with fire?”

  I gave him a flat look. I was still unconvinced.

  “I’ve fucked up so many things in my life, but not being here for you when you needed me was by far the worst.” He exhaled, regret and remorse shining in his dark, upturned eyes. “Hate me all you want, but please let me help you. Just this once. Please?”

  Damn it.

  I turned back to the even more irritated Copas and finally played along. I sighed and said, “I have no idea who the governor is for Texas.”

  “Winston Steele,” Aggie snapped. “What’re you gettin’ at? Spit it out, boy. We can’t be wasting our day on whatever spat you’ve got with the harlot.”

  My eyes narrowed at the old woman, but I stayed quiet and let Kade finish.

  God help me, am I really stupid enough to trust the one person who’s screwed me over the most?

  “Poor guy,” Kade said, shaking his head. “He just lost one of his two brothers. I only know that because I’m good friends with that surviving brother. Shared tragedy and all that. Harold Steele is my Commander. Crazy little world, right?”

  Immediately some of the anger diffused from the faces of the Copas as the realization sank in that their far-reaching connections might not be enough this time.

  “Now.” Kade leaned in ever so slightly. “How do you think it’s going to look for your son, the mayor, this election season, if the governor pulls his support?”

  Neither of the Copas had to actually say anything for their thoughts to be read across their features. A hint of worry darkened Marshal’s grizzled brow. Aggie snorted in frustration, the network of hard lines on her face deepened. They were beginning to see the turning of the tide. Their son being mayor was probably the only thing that kept the decrepit farm from being torn down by the board of health and safety.

  “We’re willing to send the remainder of the aloe, but this will be the last shipment you ever receive from us.”

  My face lit up. Kade actually did it! When I began to talk, telling them that I was fine with that, Kade held up a hand to stop me.

  “Nah.” Kade clicked the side of his mouth and shook his head. “That’s not good enough. Not anymore.”

  I raised a worried eyebrow at Kade.

  What the hell are you doing? I screamed at him, but only in my head. We won! Don’t ruin this!

  “Genevieve is going to need the full deposit back,” Kade remarked so casually that it was like he’d just read the weather report.

  “That is completely unacceptable!” Aggie barked. Fire filled her dull eyes. “Do not mistake our generosity with weakness.”

  “We’re willing to honor the original signed agreement,” I interjected before things got too out of hand. “The one you tore up.”

  I couldn’t help but get my own jab in there.

  “Hey that’s fair, right?” Kade smiled wide. He was as handsome as he was patronizing. When he saw neither Aggie or Marshal budge he pulled out his cell phone and started searching for a name in the contacts. He held up Commander Steele’s cell phone nu
mber, hovering his thumb over the dial icon. “If you’re on the fence about it I can call my friend Harold and ask what he thinks.”

  “Fine,” Marshal relented, finally caving to the pressure. Aggie leveled a venomous gaze at him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. They knew that they’d lost.

  With a stiff grip on his wife’s arm, Marshal led the pair back toward the farmhouse.

  “We make a good team.” Kade smiled when they were out of earshot. “Bad cop and slightly less bad cop.”

  “I didn’t need your help.” My eyes flashed angrily.

  “I love you,” Kade blurted like a man who'd suddenly run out of time and didn't have a moment to lose.

  “What?” I was taken aback by the abruptness of the declaration. After a moment to recollect myself I started again, determined not to let him off the hook that easy. “No. You don’t get to just say that. You really hurt me. That doesn’t make-”

  “I’m an idiot. I got into the safe, Genny. The code was on my brother's watch.”

  I stubbornly held onto my anger and tried to downplay my curiosity, but I'd spent so long wondering about that safe myself that I couldn't not be interested. “Well? What was inside? Bonds or whatever?”

  “Something more valuable. Perspective.” Kade offered a weak, but sincere smile. “It was filled with unsent letters, dozens of them. All addressed to me. My brother wasn't the man I thought he was. He'd tried to reach me, tried to make amends, but...” His smile faded. “I wouldn't hear him out and now I-”

  My eyes flashed wide when Kade choked up and couldn't finish the thought. I'd never seen him this vulnerable before.

  Kade cleared his throat and took a deep breath before continuing. “And now I'll never get that chance again. He's gone and...” Kade paused again, fighting the swell of tears and flushness that rushed to his face. All the years of suppressing these painful emotions finally came to a head. I could see it on his face.

  There was no running anymore. Not for Kade.

  “And that's on me.” He finished as strong as he could.

  “Sorry.” The word slipped out almost automatically because I didn't know how to reply to that. For a moment I put myself in his shoes and tried to imagine what that must've felt like.

  We were at opposite ends of the spectrum. He'd lost a potential connection with his brother and I'd just told my sister off.

  “You can’t get the time back that’s gone.” Kade looked off into the distance and snorted as if remembering an inside joke. “Always look ahead.”

  “I didn't come here to blubber about the past.” Kade wiped his eyes and took a step closer. “I took a hard look at the future and, for the first time in my life, I was scared. I mean really scared. You scare the shit out of me, Genny.”

  I narrowed my eyes but said nothing. What was he talking about? How could I possibly frighten a Navy SEAL?

  “The change you represent is terrifying to me. I could be neck deep in blood and bullets and be totally fine.” Kade said. “But you… Being near you this past week made me see myself as something other than a good little soldier. You threaten not only the past eight years of my life, but my whole identity. I don't know who I am around you.”

  “That doesn't make any sense.” A flood of confusing emotions assaulted me on all sides. I didn't really know how I felt anymore. Everything was this haze of pain, heartache, hope, and anger.

  “No, it doesn't.” Kade chuckled darkly. “But it's true. I look at you and Emma and I think I can’t ever have that. That’s impossible. It's not meant for a guy like me. I’m a member of one of the most elite special operations forces. We don’t get those things. And for the longest time, I convinced myself that I didn’t even want them.” Kade dipped his head for a moment. “But now I can’t imagine my future without them.”

  “What are you saying?” My voice was a breathy whisper.

  “That I don't deserve your trust or love,” Kade took my hands, then looked me in the eyes with a fierce determination that made my heart stutter. “But I'll happily spend the rest of my life earning them. I'm done running. I'm staying here.”

  I sucked in a heavy breath, that felt like it was my last, and held it for dear life. That lightning storm of emotions broke and joy and hope poured out like rain. I might be a fool for believing him, but... “I can live with that.”

  “Thank you,” he whispered. An enormous smile split Kade's face and he swept me up in the biggest hug of my life.

  We kissed and cried, and laughed.

  Having him back this week was the best thing that had happened to me in such a long time. I don't think I could've gotten through this hard time without him.

  Exhausted from the emotional gymnastics, we touched foreheads and basked in everything that could be, everything that now would be. I was happier in that moment than the rest of my life combined.

  Until a flash of worry burned across my mind and heart. I pulled away from Kade, urgency, and determination now maring my face. “Emma!”

  Suddenly Kade was gone and only the Navy SEAL remained. “Let's go get our daughter back.”

  15

  Kade

  Later, at my brother’s house, Genny sank into me and we snuggled on the couch. She did a double take when I told her my plan to get Emma back.

  “So you’re going to just call her and ask for the baby back? You already gave her away though?!”

  I nodded and dialed my cousin's number.

  She picked up after two rings.

  “Kade?” She sounded surprised.

  “Hey, Jessica. How are you? How’s everything?” I asked, my tone overly nonchalant.

  Genny leaned her head onto my shoulder as I prepared to ask a very difficult question that was going to require a spin.

  “Everything is good. Emma is great. Wow, she’s a cute baby.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s she been up to?”

  “Uh, well, she’s been doing what babies do. Eating, sleeping and pooping.”

  I cracked up a little bit.

  “I mean, I’m no baby expert but that’s good right?”

  She laughed. “Yeah, so what’s up? What did you call about?”

  “Well,” I started. “There something I wanted to ask you. It’s a little bit out of the ordinary but--” I glanced at Genny, who was intently watching me with her eyes tilted up as she leaned on my shoulder. “So, this is odd I know but, my partner and I are thinking about starting our own family and I’m just wondering if maybe we would able to borrow Emma for like a couple more days to see what it’s like to have a baby.”

  Jessica paused, then cleared her throat.

  “So, you want to just borrow Emma for a little bit? I mean we’re all the way in Austin.”

  “Oh, that’s not a problem. I’ve got my truck. I can come by and I still even have that car seat,” I said with a wink.

  “Why are you winking?” Genny whispered. “You know they can’t see you, right?”

  I gave Genny my best ‘I’ve got this under control’ head nod.

  “You’re killing me Kade,” she said, and I could practically see Jessica rolling her eyes. “I mean, she’s really cute...we’re sort of getting attached to her.”

  “Just one day. I know it’s a weird request. But I’ve gotten back together with a girl and...” I say as I throw my hands up in the air. Not like she can see it anyway.

  She let out an exasperated exhale.

  “So, it’s a matter of love?”

  “You could say that.”

  She takes a long, drawn out pause before she finally speaks. “Fine, but you do realize this is incredibly odd right?”

  I pumped my first, and Genny wrapped her arms around me.

  “Yeah. I got it,” I said. “We just want to have like a run with her. Like a dry run.”

  “Well, we can promise you it won’t be like a dry run. The way Emma’s been pooping and--”

  I cracked up, and Jessica did too. My laughter veiled the relief I was feeling at getting “just
one more day” with Emma.

  If I had my way--I was going to turn that one more day into a decade and beyond. Now that I knew the truth about my brother and how much he tried to be there for me, I wanted to raise Emma as my own. Hell, I needed to. It wasn’t my choice, it was my God-given duty.

  “Me and Genny will make the drive down tomorrow. Sound good?”

  Genny let out a sigh. “Alright then, I will see you tomorrow morning.”

  I hung up, stared at my phone and set it aside, in a sort of shocked state. “Did I really just do that?”

  “You did. And I’m kind of confused,” Genny said, scrunching up her face at me. “I still don’t quite understand how you changed so much so quickly. I’m still processing all of this. And you know--just because you’re staying here doesn’t mean we are going to get married tomorrow or something like that.”

  I pulled her into me for a tender kiss. Her lips were so soft - like pillows. And the way her body pressed into me made my soul feel good.

  Yes. She could touch my soul in a way no one had--and could. Except maybe Emma.

  “This trip has been a whirlwind, psychologically. And I can show you better than I could tell you,” I said, standing up. “Follow me.”

  I led her by the hand to my brother’s office. Taking a knee, I opened the safe and showed her the letters that my brother had written to me.

  “My brother wrote all of these. He tried to mail some, but they never made it. So he just decided to write them and store them here. But they’re all addressed to me. Here.” As she read, Genny’s eyes glossed over.

  “Oh my God,” she exclaimed, her face flushed. She walked up, wrapped her arms around me hard, giving me a hug. “This is crazy right? You two were always at each other’s throats. In high school, all I remember you saying was how much you hated him for abandoning your family.”

  I nodded. “I feel like a total asshole and it made me think, you know? It made me think a lot. After all these years of resenting my brother as the favorite son, it turns out that was a total lie. All of that was built on falsehoods. I lost my relationship with my only brother because I was too bullheaded.” I hesitated, clearing a knot in my throat. She released her hug, but kept her hand wrapped around my forearm. “Look at this one,” I said, handing her another. “It was a letter to me from my brother saying how he used to... Goddamn. I can’t even tell you. Here, just read it.”