Paula studied her for a moment without speaking, the anger seeping from her face. At last, she gave a little sigh. “You really love my cousin, don’t you?”
Amanda lifted one shoulder. “I think so. I don’t know. Regardless, it’s all true—what I said about him taking care of Kevin and Mara.”
“I know Blake takes good care of them. Just like he always took care of me, growing up.” She gave a half smile. “He was two years older, you know, and I think I was half in love with him. Imagine that, my own cousin! He was so . . . so good. So fun. So responsible. I looked up to him. He’s always been there for me. Except now.”
“He’s still there for you.” Amanda’s voice was hoarse with emotion.
Paula shook her head, her smile dying. “I need my kids.”
“I understand.” If the thought of losing Kevin and Mara was so terrible to her, Paula must be in pure torture.
“Maybe,” Paula said softly, holding Amanda with her eyes. “Or maybe you don’t. I gave up a lot for those kids. It hasn’t been easy.”
“I believe that,” Amanda said.
Paula seemed gratified at her response. “Mara’s name came from the Bible, you know. I was reading it when I was pregnant, trying to stop myself from smoking. I’ll always remember that day. There was a lake or something called the waters of Marah with an H on the end. Marah meant bitter. That was how I was feeling then. Anyway, the people couldn’t drink, and they’d been without water for something like three days. Then with God’s help, Moses made the waters sweet—I think he threw a tree or something into the water—and I knew right then that was what would happen to me. Mara would come and the hardships I was having and all the bitterness I felt at my life would go away.”
“And did it?”
Paula’s gaze dropped to the carpet. “For a while,” she whispered. “For a while after she was born healthy, it did.”
“I’m glad.” Amanda stepped past Paula and out onto the cement porch, realizing there was nothing left to say. “I guess you’ll be there to visit them on Monday.” It would be the last supervised visit before the hearing.
“Of course.” Her chin went up defensively. “I only didn’t go last time because my car broke down.”
“Well, thank you for your time.” Amanda turned and went down the few porch stairs.
“I’m still going to fight him on Wednesday,” Paula called.
Amanda nodded. “I know.” She walked to her car. The door to the house slammed as she slid into the relative warmth of her car. She reached to close the door.
“Wait!” shouted a distant voice.
Amanda stood again on the driveway and looked around, wondering who had called out. A neighbor woman to her husband or children perhaps? Sound traveled well on such cold mornings, especially in areas like this where the only trees were new saplings. Then down the street she saw Paula’s roommate and her little boy running toward her. Amanda waited.
The puppy reached her first, shaking all over in delight and licking her shoes. When he jumped up on her, Amanda was glad for her jeans. “Down, boy,” ordered the child.
“Go on up the street a bit,” the woman told him. “Stay where I can see you.” When the boy and dog whirled away, she turned to Amanda, tension on her pale, worn face. “Thanks for waiting.”
“You wanted to talk to me?” Amanda rested her hand on the top edge of the open car door.
She nodded. “I wasn’t going to, but . . .” She shook her head. “You’re here about Paula’s children, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I’m dating her cousin, and I guess you might say I’ve fallen in love with the children. I wanted to tell her how well they’re being cared for.”
“I’m glad.” The woman looked furtively up at the house, as though making sure they weren’t being observed. “The thing is . . . I was trying to help her get them back. That’s why I let her stay here. But . . .” Again the wary glance at the house. “But Paula’s not ready to get them back. She’s not. I know she’s thinking that everything’s going to fall into place, but she doesn’t even have a sitter or money to pay for one. My boy’s in school already, and that’s when I work. I have a couple weeks off now, and she’s asked me if I’d watch her kids until she arranges something. Problem is, I don’t think she will arrange anything. Or at least anything I’ll feel good about. And I have to return to work. I love my boy too much to let anything separate us again. It took me four years to get clean. Four years! And I don’t believe Paula can change so quickly. Many nights she doesn’t even come home. In the past couple of days, I’ve been talking to her friends—ones who’ve known her longer than I have—and it’s always the same story. They got stuck with the kids while Paula partied. As much as I need her rent money, I can’t sign up for that. My life is just barely straight now. I can’t be responsible for Paula’s children.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yes. I told her. She just shrugs me off. She might be planning to quit her job and live off the state. I don’t know. But she’s not at all what I expected when I let her stay. I thought she wanted to turn her whole life around—she said she did. That’s not what I see happening now. She thinks she’s getting custody of her kids and then going back to her old ways. That’s ridiculous! I think it’s going to get a lot worse before she realizes she has to change.”
“Would you be willing to say that in court?”
“Are you kidding?” The woman shook her head. “I’m not that crazy. I’ve seen her when she’s mad. I can’t risk it now. Not with my son in the picture. If you tell anyone about this and it gets back to her, I’ll deny it.” She looked up at the house, and Amanda did, too. The windows stared back at them like watching eyes. “But I’m not testifying for her, either,” the woman added. “I made sure I had something else important planned that day with my own lawyer.”
Amanda smiled “Well, thank you. It does help to know we’re trying to do the right thing. What’s your name, anyway?”
“Kim Harper.”
“I’m Amanda Huntington.” She extended a hand. “Nice to meet you, Kim.”
“You, too. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” Amanda had the feeling she was going to need it.
* * *
Darkness had already fallen as Blake lifted the Christmas tree into the back of his pickup. Amanda was still debating whether or not to tell him of her visit with Paula, as well as Kim’s startling revelation. She didn’t see what good it would do, since they couldn’t make Kim give a statement, and Blake already felt that fighting for Kevin and Mara was the right thing to do. Telling him, Amanda reasoned, would only worry him more. At least the visit and Kim’s words had settled any concern she’d had over keeping Paula from her children.
“There,” Blake announced, dusting his hands on his jeans.
“Oh, yeah!” Kevin bounced up and down with excitement. “We got the biggest one!”
“Well, it might look that way from way down there,” Blake joked, “but it is the best, that’s for sure.”
“Mara likes it, don’t you, Mara?” Kevin said.
In Amanda’s arms, Mara giggled through the hand she had wedged in her mouth. She was much happier this past week since she’d cut her two front top teeth.
“All aboard,” Blake said, ushering them into the truck. Inside on the floor were plastic bags stuffed with toys Blake and Amanda had taken turns buying and putting in the truck while the other had waited in another part of the store with the children. Kevin eyed them with unconcealed excitement.
They drove to Blake’s apartment and spent a happy hour decorating the tree with a box of ornaments Blake brought in from the garage. Mara fell asleep on the carpet by the time they were finished, and Kevin’s eyes were heavy. While Amanda put Mara in bed, Blake helped Kevin brush his teeth and change into his pajamas. Before long the child was fast asleep on the couch, face toward the glittering tree.
Amanda helped Blake wrap the presents. “If they leave, maybe I’ll send the
presents with them,” he said. The sadness in his eyes broke Amanda’s heart.
“You don’t know the judge will decide in her favor.”
“It wouldn’t be bad at all if I knew she was clean,” he said, “or if I knew she’d continue to let me be in their lives. I would feel a lot easier if she had any intention of raising them in the Church—or any church, for that matter! Anything but the world she seems to be in now.”
“We’ll fight. We’ll buy more time.”
His hands paused above a shiny gold bow. “You’re going to be there?”
“Of course.” She smiled. “I promised I’d be there. I’ve told you that five times already. I’ll meet you there at ten to ten, sharp. I’ll just get my substitute started at the school and drive down.”
“I really appreciate it. From what my aunt tells me, my other cousins are going to be there supporting Paula.”
“But not your aunt?”
“No. She’s hopeful, of course, but she says she doesn’t feel good about Paula’s sudden change. She knows Paula too well. So I’ll have my aunt, Doug and Rhonda, and some of their children. And you.” His smile sent warmth to her heart.
Suddenly, she was in his arms, and they were holding each other tightly. “It’s going to be all right,” she murmured.
“I know. Everything has been right since the day I met you. I love you, Amanda. You know that, don’t you?”
Tears started in her eyes for the second time that day. How right it was to be with him, and how bright their future seemed. “I love you, too,” she said.
From the couch, Kevin sighed in his sleep.
Amanda shivered, trying to push aside the odd feeling of fear as she saw for a moment not Kevin’s little boy face but his mother’s.
* * *
On Sunday Blake and the children went to Amanda’s for dinner as they had begun to do more and more often since Thanksgiving. Kevin had taken to saying she was the “bestest cooker in the whole world.” Amanda enjoyed every moment with them but couldn’t help feeling their time was limited, as though somehow she was only borrowing someone else’s life—a life that consisted of a mother, father, and two wonderful, if sometimes cranky and rambunctious, children.
Sunday, Monday, and then Tuesday went by in a blur. Tuesday night Amanda watched the children at her house while Blake was at school. When he picked them up, Mara cried because she was tired and didn’t want to leave Amanda. Blake had to play peek-a-boo with her before she laughed and held out her arms to him. Then she wanted nothing to do with anyone else, burying her tired little face in his shoulder.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Blake told Amanda.
The words were loaded. Tomorrow they would know if the children would stay or leave. Tomorrow they would know if it was okay to complain, at least a little, at the difficulty of taking care of someone else’s children, or if they would be longing for the children and saddened by memories of the days they had complained.
“I’ll be there,” she assured Blake. She kissed Mara’s cheek and bent down to hug Kevin, who was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, despite the nap he’d taken at Kerrianne’s that afternoon. “Bye, Kev,” she said. “Don’t forget your alphabet letters. You know, to stick on the fridge.”
Kevin ran to get them—or stumbled, rather. “They came out of the purse,” he informed Blake.
“How did I know?” Blake opened the door and took Kevin’s hand. “Good night, Amanda.” There was more in his eyes, but now was not the time.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow they would better know where they were heading, what to plan for.
“Good night.” She watched his truck drive into the night.
She slept poorly, tossing and turning with dreams that featured Paula carrying Mara on her hip, a cigarette in her hands, the smoke curling into the baby’s face. Next to her, Kevin wrestled on the floor with a puppy that grew so fast it would soon smother him.
Finally, Amanda left her bed and made herself hot chocolate and toast for breakfast, watching through her window as the sun rose slowly and majestically over the valley. The call came at seven-thirty.
“Manda,” said a strangled cry.
“Kerrianne? What is it? You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“It’s Adam. The police just called. They hit him.” Fresh tears slurred her words. “He was on his way to work, just going up to the district building, and some guys in a truck hit him. Oh, Manda, they say it’s bad. I’ve got to go down there. I have to be with him!”
“Where’re they taking him?”
“To Provo. Utah Valley. They can’t deal with it at the American Fork hospital.” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m so afraid.”
“I’ll be right there. I’ll drive you. Call mom to meet us there.”
Grabbing her purse, Amanda flew out the door, thankful that because of the biting chill it hadn’t snowed and her windshield didn’t need scraping.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Blake looked around for what seemed like the hundredth time. Where was Amanda? Any minute now the hearing would begin. He felt for his cell phone and then remembered—again—that he’d had to turn it off when they entered.
“Where is she?” Erika whispered.
He shook his head, eyes wandering again over the courtroom. Next to him was Erika Solos, the social worker. Doug, Rhonda, their oldest daughter, Catharine, and Aunt Bonny sat behind him. Behind where Paula would be seated were her siblings, Hal and Tracey, with their spouses. Kevin and Mara were in another room being watched by one of Doug’s children.
“Maybe she won’t show up,” he whispered hopefully, eyes watching the door. “She doesn’t usually.”
But today she did.
Blake hardly recognized her. She wore a modest two-piece suit dress that, while slightly large, as though borrowed from somewhere, made her look responsible and confident. Her face wore only the lightest touches of make-up, instead of the heavier colors he was accustomed to seeing on her, and her fingernails were cut short. The biggest surprise was her hair, now a light brown, combed neatly and caught in some kind of a clasp in the back that exposed the heart-shaped face to advantage. Shock reverberated through him. He hadn’t seen her hair this color since junior high. The overall image was very appealing. This was not a woman who used drugs. This was not a woman who needed help with her children.
Paula caught his gaze and smirked at him, as though clearly reading his thoughts. He knew at that moment she was faking everything.
“We have to get more time,” he whispered to Erika, fighting the sinking feeling in his chest. He knew without a doubt that if Paula left here with the children, they’d only be back here in the near future—if she didn’t disappear with the children altogether.
Oh, Amanda! he thought, wishing he could feel her comforting hand in his.
The attorney assigned by the court to be the child advocate entered the room, and the court came to order. Aunt Bonny gave Blake an encouraging smile.
The judge was a short, broad-shouldered man with black hair that was only beginning to show a little gray. His large brown eyes looked even larger behind the wide metal-rimmed glasses. “I’ve read the arguments for both sides,” he said without preamble, “but I’d like to hear brief statements. Miss Simmons, you may begin.”
Paula stood, politely thanking the judge. Without taking another breath, she launched into a sob story of a woman caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. “My children shouldn’t have been taken away from me, Your Honor,” she concluded. “I’m very grateful to my dear cousin for all his help, but I am able to take care of my own children. And he wants that, too. He knows how much I love them.”
The judge turned to Blake. “Is this true?”
Blake stood. “She does love them,” he said, “but I’m not convinced . . . I think she needs more time, that’s all.” He shook his head. “If you could have seen where she left them when she went to jail . . . I’m afraid it might happen again.”
“She’s passed three drug tests,” the judge said, shuffling a few papers. “I do show here, though, that you missed one testing appointment two weeks ago, Miss Simmons.”
“My car broke down,” Paula said.
Blake shook his head. How many times had he heard that excuse over the years?
Erika stood, catching her suit awkwardly on the edge of her briefcase lying on the table. “Your Honor, if I may?”
“Go ahead.”
“Miss Simmons also missed the past two weeks of supervised visits with her children. She has been repeatedly late to the other visits and to counseling sessions.”
The judge looked at Paula. “Well?”
“My car,” she said, hanging her head.
“Your car.” The judge shuffled a few papers. “Is this car trouble going to be ongoing?”
“Oh, no, Your Honor,” Paula said, eyes large and earnest. “The car shop I work for has fixed it up for me now. It’ll be fine. My children will have a ride to wherever they need to go.”
Erika raised a finger. “Yes?” the judge asked.
“We are not disputing that the children should be with their mother sometime in the future. What we ask for is a delay to be sure she is capable of taking care of them. You’ll see in the documents that she has left the older child with Mr. Simmons often in the past for very long periods of time—once for five months. She has also left the children with her mother for extended periods and repeatedly with other friends. Mr. Simmons is the most stable relationship Kevin has. I strongly recommend that the children remain with him until we show for sure that Miss Simmons will act in the best interests of her children. There is the matter of the restraining order to consider.”
Huntington Family Series Page 25
