Paula was shaking her head. “Please?” she raised her hand.
“Go ahead,” the judge said. Blake sat down.
“I’m sorry about that. I really am. I was just so desperate to see my kids. It’s been so long now that I’ve been separated from them. Over a month—forty days, to be exact. I recognize that I’ve not always been the best . . . I mean, I’ve not always made the right choices, but I’ve really, really examined myself. I will do what is right for them. I promise.”
Behind Paula, Tracey raised her hand. When the judge nodded, she arose. “I’m Paula’s sister, and I can testify in her behalf. We haven’t talked for ten years, but all that’s changed. Before I would have been with the others on this issue, but I know things are different. I know it.”
Blake jumped to his feet. “With all due respect, Your Honor,” he said, “I don’t see how Tracey can know so much when she lives in Idaho and has only been talking to Paula since Thanksgiving.”
“That’s true!” Aunt Bonny said from her chair. “Don’t let my daughter’s sweet face fool you. I know what Paula’s like, and while I want to believe in her, I’m not convinced this change is permanent.” She twisted toward Paula. “You only came to see the kids a dozen or so times when I had them for all those months. Blakey came more than you did! And when you did come, you only came because you needed money from me. Admit it.”
“I’ve changed, Mother. Can’t you see that?” Paula asked, casting a glance at the judge that pleaded for sympathy.
Aunt Bonny shook her head. “I thought so at first, but now I see only a selfish woman who thinks about herself rather than her children.”
“That’s not true!” Paula buried her face in her hands, apparently too overcome with emotion to speak further.
“Order!” the judge commanded with an ugly frown. “Please talk only when I ask you to do so.”
Blake raised his hand.
“Go ahead, Mr. Simmons.”
“I’d like to ask for a hair drug test before she takes the children and then again next month. That’s all. Please, Your Honor, I can’t—” Blake’s throat choked and he couldn’t speak further.
Paula lifted her tear-streaked face, looking young and innocent. “Your Honor?”
“You may speak.”
“My baby’s growing up without me! She turned nine months last week. She’ll be walking soon. Taking her first steps.” Paula’s blue eyes pleaded with him, with the whole room. “I appreciate all my cousin has done—I do! But he works and goes to school full time. My baby needs more care, a woman’s care. She needs me. Please. I’m ready to be their mother.”
Blake was himself nearly convinced at her performance and had to give the judge credit when he only nodded and began questioning everyone in the room. Doug and Rhonda testified to the excellent care Blake gave to the children, claiming that he spent every free moment with them. Aunt Bonny told how he visited each week when they’d been living with her, spending more time with Kevin than Paula ever had. “He was the only one in the family who was willing to be a father to them,” she added, giving her son, Hal, a pointed look.
Erika mentioned that Blake had a girlfriend who loved the children as well. A girlfriend, she hinted, who might soon become much more than that.
“And where is she?” the judge asked.
Blake shook his head. “She couldn’t be here,” he said, as a little part of him died. How could Amanda do this to him? He felt betrayed. “But, please, Your Honor. I love my cousin—every bit as much as I love her Kevin and Mara. I’d never go against her if I thought for a moment it would be okay. I just don’t know that.” Blake looked at Paula. “Please, Paula. Only a month more. Let’s wait until then and see how you feel.”
Paula shook her head.
Next, the judge questioned Hal, who testified to Paula’s miraculous change. Tracey repeated her earlier statements. Blake wanted to protest that they, who had not been willing to develop a relationship with Kevin and Mara, had no right to have any say in their future.
Finally, the child advocate who represented the children stood at the judge’s request. He said that Kevin appeared to love his mother and seemed happy to see her during their visits. He pointed out that Paula had a good place to live and was holding down a promising job at the auto repair shop. Blake had talked with the attorney only once and wished now that he’d had the opportunity to invite him over to see how well he did with the children. Please don’t let it be too late, he prayed.
The judge destroyed that idea when he began to speak. “There is no question in my mind that Mr. Simmons has provided a healthy and stable environment for the children. You are to be commended. However, Mr. Simmons’s care is not at issue here. What is at issue is whether or not Miss Simmons has the ability to care for the children, as is her right as their mother. I think she does. She has passed drug tests, gone in for counseling, has found work and a good home for the children. She has also shown herself to be an eloquent young woman.”
Paula beamed at the approval, while the ache in Blake’s heart and stomach grew.
“However,” the judge continued, “sometimes everything is not as it appears on the surface. It concerns me that Miss Simmons missed some of her scheduled visitations, and even more so that her own mother does not think her fit, a feeling until quite recently shared by the rest of the family. So, while today I am returning custody of Kevin and Mara to Miss Simmons, I expect her to continue weekly counseling and urine drug tests for the period of two months, after which I will review this case and determine if any further action is necessary. Meanwhile, I sincerely hope, Miss Simmons, that you prove to both your mother and cousin that you really are ready to take on your responsibilities. I also hope you will continue to allow them access to the children since they have been primary caregivers.”
“Oh, I will, Your Honor. Thank you so much!” Paula wiped a tear from her pale cheek.
“Bailiff, when she’s ready, you can take Miss Simmons to her children.” The gavel echoed the pronouncement with a hearty bang.
Blake was stunned. He’d done his best, but Paula had won. He felt Erika touch his arm sympathetically, but his attention turned to Paula. She was smiling at him. Maybe this is right, he thought. Maybe this time will be different. He walked slowly over to where Hal and Tracey and their spouses were congratulating Paula.
“Thanks so much for being here,” Paula was saying to them.
They nodded and murmured politely when Blake approached, before backing away to give him a private moment with Paula. He tried to smile but failed. “I’ll get you their clothes,” he said. “I can come over right now, if you want.”
She glanced at the others and then back to him. “No,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t think so.”
“What? But, Paula, you told the judge—”
“I told him what I had to,” she retorted.
“Then at least let me come next week. I have their Christmas gifts.” Tears sprang from his eyes, but he didn’t care.
“You stole my babies away, Blake,” Paula sneered, her mouth twisting into ugliness. “I won’t forgive you for that. You should have been on my side.”
“I was on their side!” he said through clenched teeth, not wanting to make a scene but having to defend himself.
“Blake, you will never see me or the kids again.” She turned her back on him.
“Paula,” he pleaded.
She whirled on him. “You can say good-bye, and then maybe you’d better go find your girlfriend. Something very serious must have happened to keep her away. I know how she feels about Kevin and Mara.”
“You . . . what? I didn’t know you knew Amanda.”
Paula grinned at his discomfort. “Didn’t she tell you? She came to see me on Saturday. Tried to get me to delay the hearing.”
“I didn’t know that.” Despite his disappointment, Blake began to feel marginally better, knowing Amanda had tried to do something for him.
“Too bad it did
n’t work.” Paula turned away, heading for the bailiff.
“I’m sorry, Blakey.” Aunt Bonny took his hand in hers.
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it—not letting you see the kids,” Doug added.
“You heard that?”
“Yeah,” Rhonda said. “Too bad the judge didn’t.”
“Even Paula wouldn’t be that selfish,” Aunt Bonny said. “It would be too inconvenient.”
Still, Blake doubted she’d let him keep Kevin and Mara for any extended stays. “I’d better go after her.” He took a step toward the door. “I need to tell Kevin.”
Paula was already with the children, making a noisy reunion scene while Tracey and Hal looked on. Mara was enchanted with the attention and began giggling. Kevin smiled when talked to, but his eyes, when they met Blake’s, seemed very old and somber.
“Hey, we’ll stay right in touch,” Blake said, kneeling down in front of him.
“I know,” Kevin murmured.
Blake was touched at his trust.
“Come on, honey,” Paula said to Kevin. “We’re going out to lunch.”
“Can Uncle Blake come?” Kevin asked.
“Bk, Bk,” Mara cooed.
Blake blinked hard.
“No, he has to get back to work,” Paula’s eyes dared him to make her a liar. “Besides, Uncle Hal invited us. He’s paying.”
“Oh.”
Blake hugged Kevin hard, slipping his cell phone into the pocket of Kevin’s coat. “Call me if you need to,” he said. “You remember how to turn it on? And the number?” The battery was newly charged, and while it wouldn’t last forever, it was something until he could be sure Paula was going to let him visit.
“I remember,” Kevin said with a nod of his head.
Blake stood and kissed Mara, who held out her arms to him. Paula pulled her back. “No, Mara. We’re going to eat now. Say bye-bye.”
“Bk!” Mara said, wiggling her fingers for him to take her.
“I’m sure the social worker will be able to tell you the address where you can send their things,” Paula told Blake.
He watched them leave, Mara in Paula’s arms and Kevin sandwiched between her and Tracey. Kevin looked back at Blake and lifted a small hand in farewell. They walked out the glass doors and were gone.
Blake shut his eyes for a moment as the pain rolled through him. Wasn’t it absurd to feel this way? After all, life would go on, and he would see the children as much as possible. Visiting wouldn’t be the same thing, but he would make it be enough. If Paula really was back on the right track—he so wanted to believe that she was!—then everything would be fine.
Help me, Father, he prayed. Warmth spread through him, giving him the strength he needed to leave the courthouse.
He didn’t go back to work—he couldn’t. Instead, he bought some boxes and began packing the children’s things. Tears flowed freely as he folded Mara’s little outfits. When he looked at Kevin’s clothes, he found himself remembering when Kevin’s clothes had been as small as Mara’s. Paula had brought him back before; she probably would again. Why was it so hard this time to let them go?
He thought it might have something to do with Amanda and how together they had made up sort of a family, but he didn’t want to examine that idea right now. He was too angry with her for not supporting him at the hearing. She didn’t even get to say good-bye to the children.
Yet remembering what Paula had said about Amanda’s visit, he called her house, the school, and even Kerrianne’s. Nothing. Not even her cell was picking up. Where could she be? But his thoughts couldn’t focus on this for long. The house was so quiet, so empty. Suddenly, he did remember feeling this way the last few times Paula had taken Kevin. When he had begun suspecting that she was slipping further and further into substance abuse, it had been increasingly difficult to let him go.
Keep them safe, Father, he prayed. Please.
Over the Christmas presents, he paused. No need to pack those. Surely Paula would let him visit the children for Christmas. When four big boxes and a mound of toys piled on the living room floor under the silent Christmas tree seemed to mock his efforts, he called the number Erika had given him. He would ask Paula if he could drop by. She might have changed her mind about his coming already. There was no answer, so he left a message.
He stared into space. Time passed. Thinking again about Amanda, he willed himself to move, but his muscles refused. He sat on the carpet by the boxes—staring, or sometimes touching the plastic toy piano Rhonda had bought for Mara. Maybe he shouldn’t send all the toys and clothes. Maybe they would be back soon. But he didn’t want that, did he? He wanted Paula to love them and care for them as a mother should. As much as he had—did.
The phone rang. His muscles rebelled as he sprang for the phone on the kitchen counter. “Hello?”
“Hi, Uncle Blake.”
“Kevin! Is everything all right?”
“Yes.”
“Did you eat? Was it good?”
“Uh-huh. I got full. But Mara didn’t like it. Her cried. We had to buy her formula.”
“Is she okay now?”
“Her is sleeping.”
“That’s good. Where’s your mom?”
“In the kitchen.”
“Is she . . . okay?”
“Yes. Uncle Hal and Aunt Tracey are talking to her.”
Blake knew that meant at least Paula was sober, not celebrating her victory in her usual manner.
“That’s good. You call me anytime, you hear? When I’m not here, I’ll have the calls forwarded to work. And I’ll send you the charger for the phone when I bring your stuff. I’ll put it inside that box where you keep your sticker collection. Okay? Until then keep the phone off unless you need to call me.” He was grateful now that Kevin had been so curious about his phone and that he had taken the time to explain, to let him practice dialing.
“I want to come home,” Kevin said.
“I know. I’m sorry. But give it a shot, okay? Your mom loves you.”
Kevin sighed. “I know but—”
A protest and the sound of a brief scuffle came through the phone. “Blake, is that you?” Paula sounded furious.
“Yeah. It’s me.”
Paula swore so loudly Blake had to hold his ear away from the phone. “I should have known,” she finished. “You need to leave us alone.”
“I just wanted to talk to you about their clothes.”
“Send them in the mail. If you come near us without my permission, I swear I’ll get a restraining order.”
“Paula, please.”
“Get out of my life, Blake!”
Blake heard Kevin wail before the phone went dead.
“It’s okay,” Blake told himself aloud. “She’s just mad. When she calms down, she’ll know that they need to see me. That is, if she’s really clean.”
That, of course, was the root of the problem. He knew she wasn’t clean.
Blake fell to his knees on the linoleum and began to pray again. He prayed for Kevin, for Mara, and for Paula. He prayed for comfort.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Amanda was living in a nightmare. She wanted to scream and cry at the unfairness of it all, but she had to be strong for Kerrianne, who couldn’t stop crying and who clung to her like a small child.
More than half the bones in Adam’s body had been broken, the heavy truck squishing his car into so much scrap metal. He was lucky to be alive. They had rushed him into surgery and were still working on him when Amanda and Kerrianne arrived at the hospital. Hours passed slowly—agonizingly so.
Their mother took the children home, except the baby who would need to nurse soon. Mitch and their father arrived. Kerrianne continued to weep.
“He’s awake,” a nurse finally reported. “You can see him for a few minutes.” Her serious demeanor told Amanda there was little hope, but Kerrianne gave a sigh of thanks. She jumped to her feet, placed little Caleb in Amanda’s arms, and followed the nurse. Their father and
Mitch went along to give Adam a blessing, to urge him back to health—if that was the Lord’s will. They returned shortly, both looking discouraged.
Amanda watched the clock on the wall. Since they didn’t allow cell phones in the hospital, she used the pay phone to try to call Blake. No answer. What happened at the hearing? she wondered.
Kerrianne was gone exactly twenty-nine minutes. When she returned, her face was devoid of color and wet with tears. She said nothing but sobbed into their father’s shoulder.
Amanda repeatedly blinked back her own tears, but one freed itself and slid down her left cheek. She held Caleb tightly. Next to her, Mitch reached out and touched Caleb’s chubby hand. The baby moved gently in his sleep. Amanda bit her bottom lip hard, until she tasted blood.
Kerrianne’s sobs filled the whole room. And still they waited.
Later, Kerrianne went to see Adam a second time, but he didn’t wake again. At just after five o’clock, he died. Kerrianne’s tears suddenly dried, as though the doctor’s pronouncement had been a bucket of sand thrown on a small trickle of water. Or maybe, Amanda thought painfully, she has cried out all her tears and can’t cry any more until her body makes new ones.
“I want to see him,” Kerrianne said, lifting her chin, daring the doctor to deny her. Of course, he let her—let all of them. Amanda watched as Kerrianne kissed her husband one last time. She didn’t cry. Amanda wondered where she found the strength.
Their father drove Kerrianne home from the hospital. Amanda knew Mitch would go there, too, and their mother with the children. Still stunned and unbelieving, Amanda went home to grab a change of clothes and to call her principal about letting the substitute stay one more day.
Huntington Family Series Page 26
