Involved.
She both loved and hated that word–she’d looked it up in her mini dictionary that she carried everywhere. Involved meant connected, caring. She couldn’t afford either of those now.
The backpack over her shoulder weighed a ton, and her breath burned in her chest. She slowed to a walk. What am I going to do? She kept moving, her feet feeling slow and clumsy against the rough street. The headlights of a car made her jump onto the sidewalk. There was fear in her heart but a little hope, too. Had Savvy come looking for her?
The car sped past. Lexi continued walking, knowing an idea would come to her. She was bright, or so they always said. She’d read more books than any ten book-loving girls her age. Maybe more.
After what seemed like an hour, she entered a commercial area and began looking for a pay phone. She thought about calling home and asking for her brother, but she knew that would be a mistake. She couldn’t forget that he didn’t live there anymore. Her heart ached at the thought. She wished he were there waiting for her.
Spying a convenience store, Lexi dug in her wallet for the calling card she’d bought before leaving Colorado. Her eyes fell on the school ID. Tears sprang to her eyes. Stupid card, she thought. Angrily, she whipped the card out and tossed it into the garbage container that stood a few feet from the phone. It was the only thing she had that linked her to Colorado–she hoped.
Stepping back to the pay phone, she dialed a number she knew by heart–her own cell, the one she had bought six months ago with her dad’s forged signature. “Hi, it’s me,” she said. “Can you talk?”
“Oh my gosh, Lex, where are you?” Amber gushed in her ear. “Is everything all right? I’ve been worried sick!”
Lexi could picture her friend, her brown hair pulled back in a clip and dark eyes looking too big for her freckled face. “I’m fine. I got here okay. No, don’t ask where here is because I won’t tell you. It’s safer.”
“Well,” Amber said, sounding irritated, “I suppose that’s just as well. Your dad called yesterday looking for you.”
Lexi’s heart slammed against her chest. “How’d he get the number?”
“Not your cell phone, my home phone.”
“Oh. What did you tell him?”
“Don’t worry, I covered for you. Told him you were in the shower. But I was scared for a minute. He was really mad. I guess he didn’t see the note you left about staying the night at my house.”
Lexi had been afraid of that. “He’ll get over it,” she said. The ache in her heart was now replaced by an emotion she didn’t want to examine too closely. All she knew was that the pain was worse than when she’d gotten those sixteen stitches in her left leg last year.
“Did you ask him if I could stay the weekend with you?” Lexi added.
“He said okay. But what if he finds out you’re not here and like calls the police or something. Or my parents?”
“He won’t. Look, tomorrow’s one of his busy days, and then he’ll be out of it for a day or two, resting up, so as long as you sneak over and put one of those notes I gave you on the table after school on Monday, it’ll be fine.”
“Should I use one of the ‘Stayed after school for literary club,’ or ‘Have to practice late for the play’?”
“Either one, but don’t forget to mess up my room a little, so he’ll think I was there part of the day. Pull down the covers on the bed. Okay? Don’t throw too many clothes around, though, I don’t keep things that bad.”
“You mean like I do. Look, I’ll do it, but I don’t see how long you think you’re going to keep this up.”
“As long as I need to.” Lexi paused, unwilling to tell Amber how badly everything had gone already. At least she had money; she hadn’t lied to Savvy about that. She wondered if there was a hotel nearby that would accept cash from a minor. She had high heels, sunglasses, and a fake wedding ring in her backpack but wasn’t sure if the disguise would work.
“I saw Zeke today,” Amber said.
Lexi’s heart turned in her chest. Zeke was a boy she had a crush on at school. “You did? How’d he look?”
“Gorgeous as usual.”
“He ask after me?”
“Yeah, actually, he did.” Unconcealed admiration tinged Amber’s voice.
Lexi felt warmth spread through the frozen part of her chest. She hadn’t told anyone besides Amber about her crush on Zeke, and she would never tell anyone else. Well, maybe I’d tell a sister who acted like a sister, she thought. But perhaps she was expecting too much. Maybe if sisters didn’t grow up together, there was never a chance of becoming close.
“Lex, I miss you,” Amber said. “Why don’t you just come home? We’ll work things out somehow. Maybe my parents can help.”
“I can’t. You know my father; he won’t bend. I–I . . .” Lexi trailed off. She wanted to thank Amber, to tell her that she missed her, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I know,” Amber said softly. “Just take care of yourself, okay?”
“I will. Bye now.”
Blindly, Lexi left the pay phone, stumbling once over the sidewalk.
“You okay, girl?” a man called on his way inside the store. Lexi nodded.
Down the street a short way, she found a park next to a library. She wandered through the motionless swings, seeing herself on one as a child, her mother pushing her.
Mother!
Pain burst through Lexi’s heart. But there was a bit of anger, too. If it wasn’t for her mother, she wouldn’t be here now.
Spying a bench next to the swings, Lexi sat down. From the depths of her backpack, she removed a thin blanket, and drawing it around herself, she curled up on the bench and closed her eyes. Tears made a trail down to her temples before splashing silently onto the dry wood.
* * *
Savvy began searching the neighborhood in her old Subaru, her emotions varying from fear for Lexi to anger at her irresponsibility. When I find her I’m going to kill her! she thought more than once, though it wasn’t in the least true. She worried about muggers, about drug dealers, about teenage boys and raging hormones. Lexi was only thirteen, and she shouldn’t be wandering the dark streets alone. She should be safe at home.
Home. Where was her home? Savvy knew she hadn’t tried hard enough to find out. She should have forced her to talk, maybe actually taken her to the police station and asked them to help her find the answers. But she had been too stunned at the turn of events to do anything right. Now she was afraid Lexi would become another runaway statistic.
“You didn’t really want her here in the first place,” she mumbled aloud to the dark. And now she was gone.
Maybe Lexi had gone home. If so, Savvy wondered if she should leave well enough alone. But no. Savvy had learned enough about Lexi to know that she didn’t give up easily. She was somewhere out there regrouping and planning her next move. Savvy had to find her before she made another wrong one. Because Savvy did want Lexi in her life. She wanted to learn all about her, to help her. And somewhere in all that wanting were her mixed-up feelings about her birth father.
Savvy drove up and down the streets in the surrounding residential area. Nothing. When she reached the commercial area, she parked her car and began visiting the few open businesses. Finally, a clerk at a convenience store remembered a young girl making a phone call. She’d been carrying a backpack.
Savvy walked up the street, delving into the shadows with her eyes and praying as hard as she had ever prayed. She also sent out love to her sister and received a strong impression that Lexi was near. Where would I go, if I were her? she wondered. The problem was that she didn’t know Lexi well enough to know where she might go. She knew only that Lexi was smart, independent, well-spoken, and carried a backpack heavier than a dozen thick hardbacks.
Books. Hmm. There was a library nearby, if she remembered correctly. Savvy turned in that direction. She reached a park that bordered the library and craned her neck to see if the library was still open. Most of the light
s were out, and she didn’t see any people. Closed, she thought.
She almost didn’t notice the lump on the park bench. The night was dark, and the area by the bench was made even more so by the trees that blocked the street lights from shining onto the playground. But something made her look–the whisper of the Spirit that said Lexi was nearby.
Cautiously, Savvy approached the bench. What if the lump wasn’t Lexi at all? Yet, she was sure it was. Did this feeling mean Lexi was supposed to be in her life? Did it mean they were destined to become something important to each other? Savvy didn’t know. She only knew that she needed to find Lexi. Now. Tonight. Before it was too late.
Several feet away, she recognized the backpack. Heaving an internal sigh of relief, she quickened her pace. Crossing the last few steps to the bench, she sat down with a sigh. Lexi started, as though she’d been asleep, and pushed herself to a sitting position, blinking her eyes rapidly. Savvy didn’t speak, giving her time to adjust. Now that she was close, there was enough light slanting onto the bench for Savvy to see that Lexi had been crying.
“Why are you here?” Lexi muttered. There was a catch in her voice, but her expression was fierce. Savvy pretended not to notice either. Lexi looked more than ever like a young girl–scared and alone.
Savvy’s heart hurt seeing her this way. She folded her hands in her lap, praying to know what to say. “Why are you here?”
“You obviously don’t want me around, so I left.” Lexi’s voice sounded tough now, but her left shoulder ticked twice nervously.
Savvy stared out over the playground. The swings hung motionless in the eerie dark. Shadows fell in all directions. “But I do want you around,” she said, her voice as soft as the darkness, “and I’m really sorry if I said something to make it seem that I didn’t.”
She reached over to where Lexi’s hand had emerged from the dark blanket she’d wrapped around herself. Lexi didn’t pull away from her touch. “Look, I’m new at this. I’m not very experienced with teenagers. I’m doing the best I can. I just don’t understand why you lied to me about the ID. Was it because you were afraid I would send you home if I knew you were only thirteen? Was it because you don’t want to leave California? Or what? Won’t you tell me? Can you see at least a little bit why I was angry?”
Lexi’s breath came faster. “I can’t,” she muttered.
“Can’t? You can’t see why I was angry, or you can’t tell me why you lied?” Savvy struggled to keep the frustration from her voice, but Lexi wasn’t helping matters. She gently squeezed the thin hand in her own.
Lexi shook her head. “I mean, I can’t fly.”
“You can’t . . .” Then all at once Savvy understood. “You’re afraid of flying.”
Lexi hiccupped, a futile attempt to stave off tears. “I can’t fly. I’d rather die. I mean, I feel like if I go on a plane, I’ll die.” Her tearful gaze lifted to Savvy’s. “My heart pounds so hard just thinking about it–like I’m going to drop dead.” Her shoulder jerked convulsively. Savvy let go of Lexi’s hand and put an arm around her, pulling her close.
What made this child so afraid of flying that she would run away from Savvy when she had barely arrived? Savvy knew there had to be a reason. Lexi was too young to react so violently unless there was a serious cause. Unraveling this mystery might be the first step toward solving everything.
“Lexi,” she whispered, “why are you so afraid of flying?”
Lexi swallowed hard, and then with a deliberate, concentrated effort extracted herself from Savvy’s embrace. She stared down at her lap, where her fingers twisted together. “Five years ago, my mother was on a plane, and it crashed. Everyone died.” The words slipped from her mouth as though they had been said many times before, as though Lexi was accustomed to the taste and smell of them. They hung in the dark air like an invisible, choking cloud.
“Oh, Lexi.” Savvy reached for her again, and at first Lexi resisted, but Savvy didn’t give up. Lexi had been only eight when her mother died; already she had missed too many comforting hugs. Finally, Lexi allowed Savvy to pull her into an embrace. She didn’t cry, though, and Savvy wondered if she had already cried out all those tears.
Somewhere a car door slammed, and Savvy was reminded that it was dark and they were alone in a park. For safety’s sake, they should go home. Still, she was loath to break the mood between them. If she asked now, would Lexi tell her about her home–about their father?
Lexi shifted slightly on the bench. “I . . .” she began, so softly that Savvy struggled to hear the words. “I always wanted a sister.”
“I’m here now,” Savvy whispered. With one hand she stroked Lexi’s bleached-out hair. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
As they arose together from the bench, Savvy vowed to do everything in her power to make sure she was telling Lexi the truth.
Chapter Seven
Early Saturday morning, Tyler was ready to leave for Kerrianne’s when his doorbell rang. He rushed to the door, scraping his foot along the side of the turtle’s shell. “Scram, Tartar,” he said, pausing to move the animal out of the way. He pulled the door wide. “Manda! Good, you’re just in time.”
His sister wasn’t alone. Amanda’s foster children, Kevin and Mara, now eight and four, were with her, as was her nearly two-year-old son, Blakey, named after his father, Blake. With exuberant cries, the children threw themselves at Tyler, who tickled them until they spun away from his grasp, giggling.
“Sorry I’m a little late,” Amanda said. “You wouldn’t believe how long it takes to get everyone out the door. And I didn’t get to do anything to myself.” Her blonde hair was clipped up on her head, her face devoid of makeup. Regardless, Tyler thought she was a striking woman whose features only improved with age. Today she seemed almost glowing.
“I know how it is,” he assured her. “Kids, be careful of Tartar. He was in the middle of the hall a minute ago. Don’t step on him.”
Amanda wrinkled her nose. “What’s that smell?”
Tyler sniffed. “Well, the gerbil cages probably need to be cleaned, but I won’t do that until next week.” He looked closer at her. “You suddenly look green. Is everything okay?”
Without response, Amanda shoved past him on her way to the bathroom, leaving Tyler to stare after her in confusion.
Blond-haired Kevin grinned up at him, his blue eyes looking large in his small face. “Mom’s going to have another baby, you know.”
“She is?”
He nodded. “She told us yesterday.”
“I want a girl,” said Mara. “We already have two boys.” As she spoke, the dark-haired, brown-eyed child gave little Blakey a hug. “I like Blakey a lot, but I want a girl to play dollies with.”
Blakey babbled something that sounded remarkably intelligent, though Tyler couldn’t decipher even one word.
“Blakey says that he plays with dollies,” Kevin translated.
“He did?” Tyler flexed both his hands. “You got all that, huh?”
Nodding, Kevin picked up Blakey. “Can I take him to see the fish?”
“Sure, go ahead.” Tyler motioned down the hall. “I’ll come in a minute when your mom gets out of the bathroom.”
Amanda emerged a couple minutes later, looking shaky and slightly flushed. Tyler grinned. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Amanda’s hand went to her stomach. “Yeah, believe it or not. We’ve been trying for six months. It’s a blessing, but I forgot how sick I get.”
Tyler made a face. “If I’d known, I would have asked Mom to look after the animals while I’m gone.”
“Oh, no.” Amanda waved his concerns aside. “The kids love coming here. Honestly, I don’t mind at all. Now show me the special drops you have to give Lizzy–is it just me, or is that lizard always sick?”
He shrugged. “She keeps getting out, and without her lights she gets cold.”
“And didn’t you have some instructions for the fish?”
“Mitch sent a n
ew food from Australia.” Tyler rolled his eyes. “I’ll be glad when he gets back here to tend them himself.”
Amanda’s face burst into a smile. “Don’t I know it.”
“Come on. I’ll show you where the stuff is.”
“Uh, wait a second.” Amanda put her hand on his arm. “Tyler, I have a big favor to ask.”
Tyler suspected this was the real reason his sister had come this morning. He’d offered to leave the key under the mat, Lizzy Lizzard’s antibiotic drops on top of her cage, and written instructions for the new fish food, but Amanda had insisted on coming so he could run through the animals’ care with her in person. “Sure, what is it?” He hoped it had nothing to do with the paper, seeing as he didn’t work there anymore.
“It’s about Kevin and Mara’s mother.”
“Blake’s cousin–Paula, right?”
“Yeah. I have the last address she gave us in San Francisco, and it doesn’t seem to be too far from Kerrianne’s mother-in-law’s–less than an hour, I think. I was wondering, only if you had time, of course, if maybe you could stop by and see her.”
“You want me to check up on her?” Tyler knew Amanda vacillated between praying for Paula to recover from her addictions and hoping she wouldn’t come back for her children. Blake had raised Kevin almost from birth and Mara from the time she was eight months old. When Amanda had met and married him over three years ago, she’d fallen as hard for the children as she had for him.
“Sort of.” Amanda looked away, her eyes wandering around the tiny living room, pausing on the worn couch that had been a castoff from his parents’ home, its original color so faded as to be indeterminable. After a few moments of silence, she dragged her eyes back to his. “Kevin’s been calling us Mom and Dad for more than two years now. We’d like to make it official. We have custody, but we’d like Paula’s blessing to adopt.”
“You could probably do it without her blessing,” Tyler said. “She’s only visited once in the past three years–that’s abandonment if I ever heard of it. You could have her parental rights terminated.” This wasn’t the first time he’d suggested the action, but Amanda was afraid that such an attempt would bring Paula charging back into the picture.
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