He shrugged. “We’ll get to the bottom of it.”
“We have to help her. I promised.” Savvy felt warmth at his support, yet at the same time she was leery. Tyler liked to solve problems. He liked to research things and discover secrets. But what happened when there were no more secrets?
Savvy pulled her hand out from under his. There was a question in his eyes, but she ignored it. She would have to deal with Tyler later. Now was for Lexi and their father. Father. The word didn’t fit him–at least for herself. He would never really be her father. But maybe they could be friends.
Unless he ordered her to leave again.
Savvy sighed and tried not to think about it. Better to focus on the positive things she’d learned. “Come on,” she said, exiting the Jeep.
Lexi answered their knock. “What took you so long?” she asked. “Dad and I loaded the dishwasher already and washed some plates.” She wrinkled her nose. “He let things pile up while I was gone.”
“You do dishes?” Tyler faked surprise. “I’ll have to remember that.”
“Of course I do dishes.” Lexi grabbed the two large take-out bags from his hands. “Yum! I love Mexican.”
Savvy arched a brow. “You’re looking rather happy all of a sudden. Did your father decide not to move to Minnesota?”
Lexi’s expression froze and her body slumped, as though a tremendous weight had dropped back onto her shoulders. Savvy felt immediately guilty. Why hadn’t she left well enough alone?
“I’m glad to be home,” Lexi said in a small voice. “That’s all.”
Savvy glanced past Lexi to be sure they couldn’t be overheard. “So everything you said about your father–is it true? Or was it all to delay us from coming here?”
“It’s not true,” Lexi whispered. “Well, he won’t let me hang out with Zeke and some of the others, and he doesn’t really take care of the house . . . or me anymore. But that’s not really his fault. He doesn’t . . . you know . . . hurt me.” Her shoulder ticked twice.
Frustration built inside Savvy’s chest. “Then why say he did, Lexi? And what made you run away in the first place? Was it because you didn’t want to move?” Savvy tried to hide her disappointment, but she knew Lexi could feel it by the way the girl avoided her gaze.
Lexi backed away from them, stumbling on the rug, and would have lost her balance if Tyler hadn’t grabbed her arms. “Whoa. Are you okay, Lexi?”
She nodded, though she clutched the food bags to her chest as if she were in pain. “I’m sorry I lied about Daddy,” she said with a sob. “But I do have a reason. I mean . . . if only . . . I . . . oh!” She jerked from Tyler’s grasp and darted away from them. They followed her to the kitchen where she tossed the food onto the table and flew into her father’s arms, her tears bursting into full-fledged sobs.
“Lexi?” Savvy asked, approaching them. She reached out a hand, longing to touch her sister’s hair and soothe her as Derek was doing. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I know you had a reason. Can’t you tell me?”
Lexi’s response was to bury her face into her father’s chest. “Daddy,” she whimpered.
Derek held onto Lexi as though she were the only thing keeping him standing. He looked firmly at Savvy, and for a moment she was sure he was going to shout at her to leave. Her heart pounded in her chest like a drum in a funeral march, each beat painfully slow and filled with torment.
Instead, he sighed, loud and long. “I need to tell you something, Savvy. I didn’t want to, but it looks like I have no choice. There’s no easy way to do it, so I guess I’ll say it straight out.” Derek swallowed hard, and in his arms Lexi gave another whimper. “I’m dying.”
Savvy blinked several times, thinking at first she must have heard wrong. Dying? Well, so what?–everyone in the world was slowly heading toward the grave. But that wasn’t what he meant, of course. Derek was dying. She saw it clearly now, as she had perhaps seen it all along.
“Of what?” she finally managed to ask, her stomach twisting. She reached out to the wall for support but instead found Tyler there. He held her fingers, rubbing them with his own.
“I have cardiomyopathy,” Derek said. Savvy blinked again and waited for him to continue. “Basically, my heart is enlarged, and its ability to pump has diminished. The valves don’t close properly, either, which causes leaks and other problems.”
“When did you–how did you find out?” Tyler asked. He put an arm around Savvy, and she leaned back into him, afraid her knees would give out.
“I had a small stroke last year. Blood from my heart leaked and caused a clot. I was having other symptoms, too–couldn’t catch my breath, tiring easily. I got over the stroke pretty well, but the rest . . .” He shrugged and his hand on Lexi’s hair stopped moving.
“What about surgery?” Savvy asked.
Derek shook his head. “There’s really nothing they can do for me. I have a pacemaker, I’m on the list for a heart transplant, but my liver’s sort of wasted, so I’m not a great candidate for that. I’ve been having other symptoms that show I’m deteriorating more quickly than I’d hoped.”
Lexi lifted her face and turned toward them, tears glistening on her cheeks and in her eyes. “Most people with this disease die within five years. Five years! And who knows how long it’s been bad. He doesn’t take care of himself.”
“I do,” Derek protested. “I’m trying, honey. I’m doing the diet, and I’m getting the rest. I stopped drinking.”
Lexi shook her head and sniffed hard. “You say that, but you’re sending me away to Minnesota so you can die. You’re giving me away so you can die here all alone.”
“Lexi!” Derek’s voice was sharp but tinged by something else Savvy didn’t recognize. Was it fear?
“It’s true. You’re giving me away, just like you did Savvy. I bet you wouldn’t do that if I was Brenton. You’re still mad at me–aren’t you?–for making him die!”
“You didn’t make him die!” Derek pulled her back toward him. “And as for Minnesota. I only want you to be taken care of.”
“I want to be with you! I keep telling you, but you never listen!” Lexi’s words were muffled as she again sobbed into her father’s chest. Derek stood there, confusion on his face. Savvy didn’t blame him. How could any of them comfort her? She’d already lost so much.
“Do they know what caused it?” Tyler asked.
Always the researcher, Savvy thought. Yet she found herself straining to hear the answer.
Relieved at the distraction, Derek looked at Tyler. “No. It can be hereditary, but mine’s not. Drinking can be a factor, but it would have to be heavier drinking than I’ve done. My doctor thinks my condition was caused by a virus of some kind. No idea when.”
“I wish it was hereditary,” Lexi muttered. “Then I could get it.”
“Aw, Pumpkin, you don’t mean that.” Derek rubbed a hand over her back. “Please, Lexi. What about your plan? I thought you were feeling better about everything.”
Lexi sniffed again and didn’t reply.
Derek sighed. “Look, the food is getting cold, and I’m starved.”
“You can’t have it.” Lexi lifted her head and glared at him, eyes rimmed with red. “Remember? It’s not low fat.”
“I’ll have something else, then. I was making some cracked wheat earlier. It might still be edible.” He made a face as he glanced at a pot on one of the stove’s back burners.
“I did get a low-fat order,” Savvy offered. She’d bought it for herself, a vision of Tyler’s skinny girlfriends in her mind, but she wouldn’t mind sacrificing it for Derek. In fact, she’d lost her appetite altogether.
“See, Pumpkin? Come on.” Derek led Lexi to the table. He sank into a seat wearily. Savvy noticed how gray he appeared and how his chest rose with effort for each breath.
He was dying. Even as she looked at him, he was dying.
It explained a lot–his reaction when he first saw her that evening, why he planned to take Lexi to Minnesota, and
most of all why Lexi ran away.
Poor, Lexi, she thought. I want to run away, too.
Of course, she didn’t. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the table and sat down.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The food disappeared, though Savvy didn’t remember eating any of it. How odd, she thought. I’m sitting here calmly eating at this small table when I’ve just learned my birth father is dying. Wasn’t there something more important they should be doing? Shouldn’t they be working out their relationship or maybe discussing plans for Lexi? But the food continued to disappear, Lexi downing most of it.
When the shrill ring of the phone burst through the silence, Lexi leapt to her feet and dived to the counter. “Hello?” she asked. Immediately, a smile spread across her face. “Amber! Yeah, I’m home. No, that’s okay. You did the right thing. Uh-huh.” She walked to the back door, stepping outside for privacy, but in a few minutes she was back again.
“No, I’ll come and see you. Let me ask.” She covered the bottom of the receiver. “Dad, can I go to Amber’s, please? I really need to see her.”
“Not now, Pumpkin.”
“Please, Daddy?”
Derek’s face softened as he regarded Lexi’s pleading eyes. Her face was flushed and her blue eyes bright. “It’s a long way,” he said, and Savvy could tell he was weakening.
“I’ll drive her,” Tyler offered. “And bring her back.” He cast a glance at Savvy that was all too obvious. She knew exactly why he volunteered–to make sure Lexi didn’t disappear again. Or was he trying to give Savvy time alone with Derek?
“Okay, then.” Derek nodded. As Lexi spoke excitedly into the phone, his gaze shifted to Savvy. “You going, too?”
“No. I’ll stay here with you.” Then she hurried to add, “If that’s okay.”
He nodded. He knows, Savvy thought. He knows there are things we need to say. He knows I’m afraid to leave him because there may not be another time. The shock of his announcement had begun to wear off, and now Savvy felt like weeping. How could this be happening? Maybe it was all a dream, and she’d wake up in California, a day of school and teaching ahead of her.
“Are you sure?” Tyler looked at her with concern clearly etched on his features.
Savvy shook her head. “No. I really want to stay here.”
“But–”
Derek snorted. “I’m not going to hurt her or anything.”
“Of course he won’t!” Lexi appeared shocked at the suggestion.
Tyler frowned at Lexi, pushing up his glasses. “Well, if you remember, he wasn’t exactly welcoming when we arrived.”
Savvy wished he’d stop talking and leave. “I’ll be okay. If he acts up, I’ll wrestle him to the ground.” She tried to smile with the words, but Derek’s pallor and his apparent weakness made the words hit too close to home.
“He’s not going to do anything.” Lexi kissed her father’s cheek and then tugged on Tyler’s hand. “Come on. Amber’s waiting.”
Tyler’s eyes didn’t leave hers as Lexi dragged him from the room.
“Kind of overprotective, isn’t he?” Derek commented.
She shrugged. “He likes to be in control.”
“Well. Where do we go from here?” Derek folded his arms on the table and studied her face. Savvy had the acute feeling that he was trying to see the baby she’d once been. Her eyes ran over his face as well. He was foreign to her, a complete stranger. And yet his eyes, his mannerisms . . . somehow she knew him. Too late, of course. There would be no future in which to build any sort of a relationship.
Savvy felt a swift and sudden wave of gratitude that her real father, Jesse Hergarter, was back in Utah, strong and healthy. What would she do if she ever lost him? No wonder Lexi’s such a mess. Savvy’s compassion for her sister increased. How horrible for her to lose everyone.
No, not everyone, Savvy thought. I’m here now.
Derek began gathering up the discarded food wrappers, and Savvy jumped up to help. “Sit down and relax,” she ordered. “Let me do it.”
He smiled. “I’m not going to drop dead this moment.”
She didn’t return the smile. “But you could, couldn’t you?” she said softly. If she understood the disease correctly, that was exactly what would happen–exactly what could have happened yesterday at Lexi’s school. Savvy might have never had the opportunity to meet him.
Like Brenton. Her throat felt painfully dry.
Derek shook his head, eyes holding hers. “Just like your mother. She always called things like they were. Tell me, how is she? Is she happy? I mean, really happy?”
“Yes. She is. Very.” Savvy gathered the used plates into a stack as she spoke. “She has four other children, you know. I have two more sisters and twin brothers a year older than Lexi.”
“Ah, good. Brionney always wanted twins. She used to date this French guy who was a twin.”
“Yeah, she told me.” Savvy threw away the napkins and rinsed the plates in the sink. Derek simply sat, watching her.
“I never thought we’d have this chance,” he said when she returned to the table and sat down. “I know it was ultimately my choice, everything that happened then, but I’ve sometimes wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t made that choice.” His voice had grown gravelly, and he cleared his throat, but the hoarseness continued. “You can’t know how many, many times I’ve thought that. I was a jerk to your mother, and I knew Melinda was a mistake. But there was a point when I knew there was no going back. Believe me, I sure wanted to.” He scrubbed a hand over his scalp. “Oh, how I wanted to. But later there was Brenton, and if not for Melinda, he wouldn’t have existed. After losing you, I couldn’t imagine life without him.”
“And then he died.” Tears pricked Savvy eyes.
Derek paused for a moment, his face frozen, as though he could spare himself the pain by not moving. “Yes. But before he died, Juli came along. When she gave me Lexi, I felt I’d finally been forgiven for my sins toward you and your mother.”
“But you never came back to the Church.”
He shook his head. “I should have. I would have. But at the time I was still too prideful. Then after the accident, it was all we could do to live one day at a time, much less think about eternity.”
Savvy felt a deep sadness at his words. Didn’t he understand that while the gospel didn’t prevent bad things, it did help a person make sense of them?
“Then I got sick with this disease . . .” He held his hands wide as though to show her his wasted body. “It was like the accident all over again. Only worse because this time there would be no one to take care of my little girl.”
“And on top of everything, I show up.”
He nodded, eyes filled with tears. “Until today I felt nothing but despair. There was nothing left inside me but pain, and seeing you after all these years, knowing I have no more time, knowing I’d have to tell you–it would be like losing you all over again. I didn’t want to face that. I didn’t want either of us to face that.”
It was painful–he was right about that, but Savvy wouldn’t change her decision to meet him. “Do you still want me to leave?” she asked, the question coming without her volition.
He shook his head. “I’m starting to believe the Lord sent Lexi to you. I’m glad you came. Please forgive me for how I acted earlier.” His face crumpling, he covered his mouth with a hand, a hand that was far too thin for a man his size. For long moments, he struggled for control. Finally, he dropped his hand. “I’m sorry. So very sorry. I have no excuse except that I’m an idiot.”
And that you’re dying, she thought, forgiving him everything.
“I have only one wish now,” he added, “and that’s to see my two girls happy and taken care of.”
“We are–will be.”
Silence fell for a minute, and then he said, “Well, maybe I have another wish. I’d like to see Juli and Brenton again. I have repenting to do, but I’ve done a lot already.”
Savv
y could believe that. There was nothing like facing death to put things in perspective. But there was one thing she didn’t understand. “You’re not planning to move to Minnesota. You’re sending Lexi away. Why?”
“My condition is worsening.” He looked away from her as he spoke, his eyes lingering on the curtained kitchen window. “I can’t work. I spend most of my days sleeping or watching TV. On days I have to leave the house, I collapse the minute I get home. I can’t take care of Lexi, and she certainly shouldn’t waste her life taking care of me. I don’t want her to see me waste away. Or worse.”
“Worse?” Savvy couldn’t imagine anything worse, except being sent away.
His gaze swung to meet hers, his blue eyes piercing. “Can you imagine it? Her coming home from school one day and finding me lying in here dead? Who would be there to help her face that? No. Sending her to live with her aunt in Minnesota is for her own good.”
More pieces of the puzzle clicked into place for Savvy. This was why Lexi had reacted so strongly to Paula giving up her children to Amanda without a fight. She should fight for them, she’d said. She should be there to make sure they’re okay. She shouldn’t give up. Now it all made sense.
“You’re right,” Savvy said slowly, “but you’re also wrong. Really wrong. You can’t send her away.”
He studied her. “Oh? Give me one good reason.”
“Me,” she said. “I’m proof that sending her away is worse than letting her stay.”
“Why?” His voice was scarcely a whisper.
She sat up a little straighter. “I didn’t lie about having a good life, but there was one thing that could have made it better. One thing that only you could have done.” Her eyes filled again with unbidden tears. “A phone call, a visit, a call, a card, a note, anything to tell me you might be thinking about me. That you”–she swallowed the impossible lump that had risen in her throat–“you cared. I always wondered, you know. Worried what was so wrong with me that you had to give me away.”
“But–”
She held up a hand to still his words. “Oh, I know it wasn’t me. Logically. But a little voice, the child part of me, still wondered. I mean, it wasn’t as though you and Mom were teenagers. You were married; you lived together with me. You’d seen and held me.” She shook her head. “Regardless, sending Lexi away . . . you simply can’t do it. It’s not like giving a baby to a good family, a baby who will never remember you. She’s a teenager, and you’re her whole world. She needs everything you can offer for as long as you’re here.”
Huntington Family Series Page 82
