“That might not be long.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Savvy lifted both shoulders for emphasis. She had to work to make her voice remain steady. “And you know what? I think she’s right. You are giving up. You are abandoning her.”
Again the silence, but this time so deep that it felt smothering. “What else can I do?” he said. “I don’t want her to see me this way. She’s suffered enough.”
Savvy shook her head, folding her arms between her stomach and the table. “That’s not for you to say. It’s her choice. She’s the one who has to live with the fact that you sent her away. She’s the one who’ll have to imagine you dying here all alone. And believe me, imagination can be much worse than reality–I know that from all the years I’ve wondered about you. Lexi’ll dream up all sorts of horrors and feel that she failed you by not being here at the end. Please, Derek, think about it. She’s lost everyone else. She blames herself for Brenton’s death. How can you heap more guilt onto the terrible load she’s already carrying?”
Derek put his elbows on the table and rested his chin heavily on his hands. “I didn’t realize,” he said in a wondering, aching voice that threatened to break the fragile hold Savvy had on her emotions. “I didn’t know.”
“Perhaps that’s why I’m here.” She extended a hand toward him.
He smiled and placed a hand over hers. “Thank you for coming . . . my little Savannah.” With the fingertips of his free hand he blotted tears seeping from his left eye.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave Lexi to face this alone. Somehow we’ll work things out.”
“She wants to go to Utah instead of Minnesota.”
Savvy didn’t hide her surprise. “Utah? But I live in California. She’s welcome to live with me . . . you know, when it’s needed.” Of course, they couldn’t leave Derek, no matter how he insisted. Would he be willing to move to California? Probably not. The move itself might be deadly for him. Yet if she gave up her teaching with so little notice and stayed here instead, she doubted that she’d be allowed back. Was she willing to give up her new life there?
Derek shook his head. “It’s not you she’s talking about living with–it’s Tyler. She says his family takes in all kinds of children and that she’d fit right in.”
“But–but . . . we’re family!” Savvy sputtered. She and Lexi hadn’t been getting along well since that night at the church, but why would she choose Tyler instead of her?
Derek’s eyes focused on a point beyond Savvy’s shoulders. “Unfortunately, family isn’t always the best choice when it comes to raising children. Sometimes a person has to give up what they want for the child’s good.”
“Like you did with me.” Savvy kept her voice carefully neutral.
“Like I did with you.” He sighed heavily. “It was the right thing to do, Savannah. But there hasn’t been a day of my life that I haven’t regretted not being able to know you.”
Tears clogged Savvy’s throat. “Would you actually consider signing Lexi over to Tyler? It’s completely inappropriate, don’t you think?”
“I agree.” A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “But I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter who I gave custody to, she’d end up at the same place.”
What was he saying? That Tyler wouldn’t be able to handle Lexi and he’d give her back? Or was Derek somehow implying that she and Tyler would end up together? Had he misinterpreted things when Savvy had held onto Tyler’s hand? Savvy searched his eyes for the answer.
“We’re just friends,” she said.
“Are you really?”
“Uh, of course.” But she stumbled over the words. At the moment she had to admit that she didn’t know what they were. Tyler had said he wanted more, but could she trust him?
Derek shook his head. “He’s come a long way for a simple friend. I’ve seen that look in a man’s eyes before. It might be love.”
The words were like an arrow piercing her heart. “So? You said it yourself, Derek; sometimes love doesn’t mean what you think it does.”
“Yes.” He nodded gravely. “Then again, sometimes it means much, much more.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tyler chatted with Amber’s parents as Lexi and her friend sat in a corner, heads together, whispering and exchanging giggles. Amber’s parents were shocked at the role their daughter had played in Lexi’s absence and apologized repeatedly.
“Believe me, we’re glad Lexi has a friend like Amber,” Tyler said for at least the third time.
The father was a tall, wide, slow-speaking man with a full head of light brown hair. His dark-haired wife was tall, thin, and birdlike in her movements and speech. Their language showed them to be educated, and their manners were impeccable. But Tyler was even more impressed with Lexi’s choice in friends. Amber was a tiny, brown-haired little thing, whose nervous movements mirrored her mother’s, yet it was clear from looking at her that she was a good kid. She didn’t wear too much makeup or immodest clothing, and Tyler doubted she sported a belly button ring. He gave a silent prayer of thanks that somehow these two girls had connected.
His thoughts wandered to Savvy. How was she getting along with Derek? She had turned so pale at Derek’s announcement of his disease that Tyler had worried she’d faint. She hadn’t, though, and her courage at dinner had impressed him. She had taken charge, and all the awkwardness had vanished. Why hadn’t he remembered how courageous she was? She’d always been that way–seeing what was needed and taking care of it. Lighting up the room and easing the feelings of others.
He loved her. He loved her deeply and strongly–more with each passing day. Somehow he had to convince her that she loved him too. Didn’t she?
His focus was dragged back to the conversation when Amber’s mother, whose name Tyler couldn’t remember, sighed loudly and said, “We thought yesterday was the end. I stopped by the hospital when I heard. He looked near death.”
Tyler looked around for Lexi, but she and Amber had disappeared. “Has this happened before?”
“Well, he’s been hospitalized at least four times that I know of. Lexi always stays the night here.”
“Thank you for all you’ve done,” Tyler said.
“We don’t mind,” the woman said. “Though we feel better when Lexi leaves off all that black makeup like she did today. She’s prettier without it.”
Tyler didn’t tell them that she’d started out with her black makeup on in the morning but had cried it off at her house.
Amber’s father folded his hands over his ample stomach. “I know you’re friends with Lexi’s sister, but Lexi told Amber something on the phone earlier about Lexi going to live with you?”
Tyler opened his mouth to deny the claim when Lexi and Amber came into the room, having apparently overhead the last statement. “Yep,” Lexi said. “My dad was going to send me to Minnesota to live with my aunt, but now he’s thinking about sending me to Utah to live with Tyler instead.”
“Really?” Amber’s mother looked surprised, but no more surprised than Tyler himself. There was no way Derek could be considering such a move. Lexi must have misunderstood–or she was telling another one of her stories. Still, he didn’t want to make Lexi out to be a liar in front of her friends, so he stifled his shock.
“Derek and Savvy are still working things out,” he said, standing. “I guess we should get back to the house. They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“We need to call your fiancée,” Lexi said. Before he could protest that he didn’t have a fiancée, she rushed on. “She won’t mind that I’m coming to live with you, will she? We can tell her I’ll help out in the house. I know the rest of your family won’t mind me staying with you.” She turned to Amber. “You should see his family. They’ve got a lot of kids that weren’t even born to them. It’s cool.”
“I think it’s wonderful.” Amber turned her adoring gaze Tyler’s way. She sighed and batted her dark eyes.
Whatever, he thought. A
loud he said, “Come on, Lexi. It’s getting late. I still don’t know where we’re staying tonight.”
“At my house, of course. You can sleep on the couch. Savvy can stay in my room with me.”
Tyler bade farewell to Amber’s family and went out to his Jeep. Darkness had fallen in earnest, and the green paint of the Jeep glistened black. He turned on the engine but didn’t begin to drive. Instead, he turned to Lexi. “What was that all about?”
She looked at him innocently. “What do you mean?”
“Your father didn’t say anything about you coming to live with me.”
“He will. You’ll see. I can’t wait to meet your brother when he comes back from Australia, and your parents. I never really knew any of my own grandparents.” She was so confident that Tyler was starting to get nervous. He liked Lexi a lot, but taking care of her seemed a rather daunting task. Besides, Savvy wouldn’t like it. He’d seen the way she watched Lexi–with the same protective expression his sisters had when looking at their children. No way he wanted to get in the way of that.
“What about Savvy?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t want to live with her.”
“Why?”
Lexi’s mouth squeezed into a tight line. “I just don’t.”
“You’re shutting down on me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
Lexi rolled her eyes. “That’s so adult of you, isn’t it? Arguing with a kid.”
“Hey, you did it, too.”
“But I’m the kid!” Lexi gazed at the window. “So are we going home, or what?”
Tyler blew out a sigh. “Whatever, but this isn’t over.”
Lexi sat with folded arms all the way back to her house. When he pulled up to the curb, she reached over and grabbed his cell phone off his belt.
“Hey!”
“You need to call her. That girl. Ask her if it’s okay.”
He grabbed the phone back. “There is no girl.”
“Yes, there is. I saw her.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean–” He stopped, suddenly understanding. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am.” Lexi’s shoulder jerked once. “Don’t you want me to live with you?”
Her eyes pleaded with him, and he couldn’t say no. Not while her father seemed to be trying so hard to send her away. “Look, I’m sure your father will work something out for you. He’ll want to see what Savvy thinks.”
“I don’t care what Savvy thinks!” Lexi shoved the door open and jumped from the car, slamming the door behind her. Without waiting for him, she ran up the steps to the porch.
Tyler wanted to run after her, to explain that Savvy’s wishes were more important to him than life. That he loved Savvy and wanted to make her happy. “You idiot,” he said to himself, chuckling. “She’s not the one you should be telling.”
Whistling to himself, he went up the walk.
* * *
“We have to talk.” Savvy sat cross-legged at the end of the makeshift bed on the floor of Lexi’s room.
Lexi wished she could cover her ears but suspected that might be going too far. “What?” she said, sitting down on her own bed and looking down on Savvy.
“Well, first off, I talked to your dad.”
“He’s your dad, too.”
Savvy was quiet a moment. “Lexi, my father is the man who raised me.”
“So I suppose I’m not really your sister, either.” Lexi raised her chin a notch.
“Of course you’re my sister, but I won’t be calling Derek my dad. That’s all.”
“Fine.” Lexi laid an arm against her stomach. She did understand, especially after meeting Savvy’s father in Utah. He was nice. On the other hand, she had to steel herself against liking Savvy too much. That would be a mistake.
Savvy shifted her position until she was on her knees, sitting back on her heels. She was almost level with Lexi’s eyes. “Anyway, I talked to Derek, and he’s agreed not to send you to Minnesota. In fact, he’s agreed not to send you away at all until . . . he’s gone.”
Lexi drew in a quick breath, suddenly struggling for air. She blinked rapidly, but the tears came anyway. “You did that? You made him keep me?” The urge to throw her arms around Savvy was overpowering.
“I did nothing of the kind. He always wanted to keep you. But he also wanted to protect you. The only thing I did was to make him see that your place was here with him.”
Lexi could hold in her emotions no longer. She launched herself at Savvy. “Thank you, thank you,” she murmured. “I was so afraid he’d go, and I wouldn’t be here to hold his hand.” Her soft sobs filled the room, coming quickly before each word. “He needs me. He’s just too stubborn to know it.”
“Sounds like a family trait.” Savvy gave her a squeeze.
Lexi blinked and drew back. “What?”
“Never mind.”
“How long do you think, well, that he has left?”
“I don’t know.” Savvy glanced toward the door, but it was closed and held no answers. “But I’m going to be here to help. At least as much as possible. And later, well, we’ll go back to California, okay? Start over.”
Lexi shook her head. “I’m going to live with Tyler. He said I could. You won’t have to worry about me.”
“I want to worry about you.” Savvy reached toward her, but Lexi scrambled backwards over the bed. “And there’s no way your dad’s going to let you live with a single man, not even Tyler.”
Lexi knew that now was the time she’d been waiting for–the time to water the seeds of doubt Savvy always carried in regards to Tyler. “Well, that doesn’t matter because Tyler won’t be single long. You said yourself that he was bound to end up with someone like that girl who came to the house.”
“But they broke up.” Savvy arose slowly, uncertainty radiating from her eyes. “Unless . . . Lexi, do you know something I don’t?”
Lexi shrugged. “They’ve been talking on the phone. I think he still likes her.”
Savvy’s eyes opened wide, and for a moment Lexi wished she could take back the words. But if she did all her efforts would be in vain. Unable to bear the look in her sister’s eyes a second longer, Lexi burrowed under her covers and put her pillow over her head.
After a long minute, she heard Savvy get up and turn off the light.
* * *
Tyler decided that the Roathes had the hardest, lumpiest couch in the history of hard, lumpy couches. He had slept on Kerrianne’s couch, Amanda’s couch, Mitch’s couch, the couch at his parents’, and numerous other couches during his time in college. Never once did he have a problem falling–and staying–asleep. If something wasn’t poking him in the back, it was scratching his leg, or digging into his stomach. He had awakened at least five times and lay there listening to the silence in the house. Once, he’d heard Derek’s hacking cough coming from the bathroom.
Somewhere in the early morning hours, he rolled onto the floor and slept more soundly, though his dreams were dark and filled with odd scenes–his editor at the Deseret Morning News pointing an accusing finger at him, Savvy linking arms with a handsome blond man, Derek collapsing in his arms, and LaNae chasing him with a wedding ring while Lexi shook a bell in her hands.
“Tyler!” The voice came to him from far away. “Tyler, wake up! Your phone is ringing.”
“Uhhhh,” he groaned.
“Tyler, wake up!”
He knew the voice now. Savvy. She needed him. With effort, he fought his way to consciousness. “Savvy?” he said, opening his eyes.
“Your phone is ringing.” Savvy stood over him, though he couldn’t see much of her face because he didn’t have his glasses on. She was framed by the light spilling in from the front window, her hair looking like a halo.
Blinking at the brightness, he felt for his phone, but it wasn’t on his belt where he norma
lly kept it. In fact, he wasn’t wearing a belt but his sweat pants. “Oh, well,” he mumbled. “I have voice mail.”
“What if it’s your girlfriend?” she asked. There was a sharpness to her voice that surprised him.
“My what?” He shook his head. “I told you she and I are–”
“Or maybe it’s someone asking you to come for a job interview.”
That galvanized his sleep-deprived brain into action. Launching himself toward the couch, he fumbled between the cushions. He found nothing but his glasses, which he gratefully put on.
Savvy stood watching him, hands on her hips. Tyler stifled the desire to sigh. Why was she upset? And why did women always put their hands on their hips when they were angry? Why couldn’t they choose another body part–like their calves or something? Then he’d be too busy laughing to be nervous.
She was already dressed, he noticed, in faded jeans and a fitted button-up blouse that exactly matched her blue eyes. Blue eyes he wanted to drown in. Her skin looked soft and smooth, her lips full and inviting. He wondered what she would do if he tried to kiss her.
With a swift motion, she bent over and fished out his phone from beneath the couch. He reached for it just as the ringing stopped. “See?” he said. “They’ll leave a message.” He saw that he’d already missed two calls.
“Why aren’t you up, anyway? It’s almost ten.”
“Ten?” He found that hard to believe.
“Yes. Even Lexi’s already up and gone somewhere with Amber.”
Tyler plopped to the couch, his feet twisting up in his blanket. Freeing himself with a kick, he said, “Savvy, we need to talk.” He patted the seat beside him, but she didn’t sit. Her hands were once again on her hips. What did I do to make her so mad? he wondered.
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