“Me too.”
“Come on, then. We’ll heat up the food the bishop’s wife left.”
They were heating their food in the microwave when the doorbell rang. Lexi jumped up from the table. “Must be Tyler.”
“Can’t be.” Savvy smiled at her exuberance. “Remember how long it took to drive here? Even if he flew, there’s no way he could get here so fast. It’s probably someone from the ward.”
Yet when Lexi opened the door, there was Tyler, looking tall and handsome in the light from the setting sun. “Come in,” Lexi said.
Savvy’s mouth dropped open. “That was quick.” She felt the urge to throw herself into his arms, but a sudden shyness overcame her.
He gave them his dimpled grin. “I flew back yesterday. Been staying at that motel down the way.” He reached out a hand to both of them. “I’m so sorry about Derek. I wish I could have been here for you.”
“No.” Savvy shook her head. “It was all right. We were together.” Lexi looked at her and smiled. Savvy’s heart felt a rush of love for her sister. They were together now, and nothing could separate them. “Did the attorney call you about Lexi?” she asked. “Can you believe Derek wanted us to share custody?”
“Nobody called me yet,” he said, “but that’s a great idea.”
“What?” Savvy put her hands on her hips. “Lexi should be with me!”
Tyler held up his hands, his face cracking into another wide grin. “Okay, okay, I surrender! Just don’t look at me like that. And for goodness’ sake, put your hands down.”
Savvy didn’t budge. “You’ll let me have custody?” She wanted this taken care of before anything else.
“Yes. Full custody–I’ll just visit when you let me.” When Savvy relaxed, he added, “Still, it’s a shame for all of Derek’s plans to go awry.”
She was confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it seems to me that Derek was trying to play matchmaker, don’t you think? So now the question is–are we going to disappoint him?”
Savvy opened her mouth to speak, but Tyler held up a hand. “I’ve been a jerk in the past. I know it. But I know where my place is now–with you, Savvy. I meant everything I said to you two days ago and in that letter. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. But look at me here, spilling my guts when I have no idea if you called me because you want to give us a chance, or if you need help with the funeral arrangements. Tell me, I can take it. Either way, I’m sticking around for as long as you need me.”
Savvy had no doubt that he would stick around. He always kept his word. Oh, she’d been so wrong! So afraid. She knew Tyler better than anyone else, and yet she hadn’t permitted herself to see that he was serious–that he really loved her. And there was no way he would say he loved her unless he was sure.
Next to her, Lexi was grinning. When she caught Savvy’s glance, she nodded encouragingly. Savvy squeezed her sister’s arm.
Tyler took a step toward her, reaching out for her hand. “Can you give me another chance? No, actually, that’s not what I want. A chance is not enough.” He went down on one knee, holding tightly to her hand. “Savvy, will you marry me?”
She bit her bottom lip, her hand tingling from his touch. This was the moment of truth. The moment she had to risk everything. But hadn’t she already made the decision when she’d placed that call?
Tyler’s grin faltered at her hesitation. “Hey, I think it’s only the proper thing, us getting married, since neither of us want to give up custody of our new daughter.” He said it lightly, but she knew that he waited with everything on the line.
He wasn’t safe, dependable Chris by a long shot. But Tyler was a good man, and unlike Chris, he made her heart race and her senses zing. He made her laugh at the world. He made her realize how wonderful it was to be alive.
“Well, say okay already!” Lexi danced from one foot to the next with anticipation, her eyes gleaming. “Better yet, say something like”–her face lifted to the ceiling as she struck a pose–‘I acquiesce to your request.’ That’s much more romantic.”
Taking a deep breath, Savvy turned and met Tyler’s emerald gaze. “I, uh, acquiesce. Oh yes, Tyler, I’ll marry you!”
He shot to his feet, and in the next instant she was in his arms. “I love you,” she whispered.
He stared at her so contentedly that she felt compelled to add, “But so help me, if you even so much as look sideways at me when I regain the ten pounds I’ve lost these past weeks–which I fully intend to do, mind you–I’ll make you wish–” Whatever she was going to say was lost as Tyler’s lips met hers. Not a whisper this time but a kiss that completely stole her breath away.
Then he picked her up and spun her around. Happiness burst through her, tingling to the tips of her fingers and toes. “I love you, Savannah Hergarter,” he whispered. “And I promise you, we are going to be the happiest couple in the whole world.”
By Morning Light
By Morning Light
Chapter One
Kerrianne Price sat on her bed with a heavy sigh. Today had been the second worst day of her life. Funny thing was, it was supposed to have been one of the happiest. Seeing her baby brother sealed to the woman he loved and watching them stare at each other with adoration shining so blatantly in their eyes should have warmed her heart. And it had.
For a time.
Except that after Tyler and Savvy had driven away in their Jeep, decorated generously with shaving cream, streamers, and pop cans, her parents and other siblings had gone to their vehicles with their spouses, discussing the day and exchanging special looks that could only be shared by couples in love. Kerrianne didn’t have any special looks cast in her direction.
Normally her big, loud, loving family was the main thing between her and despair. They were good to her, and she certainly didn’t begrudge their happiness. Yet why did it hurt so much that when all was said and done, no matter how good they were to her, the space next to her was empty?
Kerrianne went home alone. Well, not exactly alone. Her three children were in the van—all of them falling asleep. When they were back in Pleasant Grove, eight-year-old Misty roused enough to stumble inside to her bed while Kerrianne carried in the little boys, one at a time.
The house was quiet—too quiet—as she knew it would remain in the late evenings for a long time to come. Tyler wouldn’t be stopping by so often or staying the night as he had in the past. He was married now, and it was right that he spend most of his time with Savvy. But for Kerrianne that meant more hours of silence and loneliness. Oh, he wouldn’t mean to leave her alone, as her other siblings hadn’t, but life took over. Despite her family’s great love for her, not one of them could really comprehend the complete loneliness she felt.
The feeling was with her always. In church, in the grocery story, at the school where she was active in the PTA. After Adam’s death, couples she had once been friends with slowly faded away as though they worried the same loss could touch their own happiness. No longer was she part of a pair but a fifth wheel, not necessarily unwanted but unneeded. But nowhere did she feel as out of place as in her own home in the dead of night when the children were sleeping. In her own big bed where her husband’s pillow lay unused except to soak up her many tears.
She loved Adam intensely. Loved the shape of his head, the blue of his eyes, the smile he had reserved only for her. The way she felt safe in his arms . . . and loved. So loved.
On the worst day of her life, her perfect dream was shattered. Adam had died, his compact car crushed like a tin can by an old truck whose youthful driver had lost control. In a few hours it was over. Hours of suffering, of tears.
Next to the silence, Kerrianne most hated being alone. She hated not feeling Adam’s touch on her face, watching him brush his teeth in the bathroom mirror, and listening to the love songs he sang for her on his guitar. She hated not being able to lay her head on his chest and listen to the beating of his heart.
“Adam
,” she whimpered, blinking back tears. Sometimes, if everything was right, she could feel him like a whisper against her skin. A touch of warmth on her senses. Often in the past years, she’d had the distinct impression that he was looking down on her and the kids. But of late these impressions were coming less and less often. As though to make up for the loss, Kerrianne found herself talking to him more than she probably should.
People told her she needed to go on with her life. Nearly four years. Yes, it had been a long time—seemingly a lifetime—but Kerrianne still felt she was living in limbo . . . waiting. For what?
But she knew.
She was waiting for Adam to come home.
Shaking her head, she impatiently wiped away her tears. Adam wouldn’t like to see her this way; she hoped he wasn’t watching now and seeing how cowardly she was behaving. She knew her lack of faith was showing, too, for she could never deny the comfort she received from the gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowing where Adam was made missing him bearable.
A shadowy movement from the hall caught her attention. She heard feet brush against the carpet. Goose bumps rippled up her spine, and her heart began pounding furiously. Her muscles clenched, ready to defend her family. “Who’s there?” she called.
The shadow stepped forward, becoming Benjamin, her six-year-old son. “Mommy, can I sleep with you?” His big eyes were large in his small face, now threatening tears. In the dim light coming from the window, his hair looked blonder than usual, his skin more translucent.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
He shook his head. “I just want you.”
Kerrianne wasn’t surprised. Since starting first grade, Benjamin had been more clingy and anxious to have her close. During the first few months of school, she had gone every morning before lunch to help in the classroom just so he could see her and feel comforted. Now she only went once or twice a week. “Come on, then.” She patted the bed. “You can stay here until you fall asleep. There’s plenty of room.”
He smiled and climbed up next to her, holding out his arms for a big hug. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too.”
Kerrianne was tucking the covers around him when he spoke again. “Mommy, if you found a daddy, then you wouldn’t have any room for me here, would you?”
Kerrianne forced a strangled laugh. “Where did that come from?”
“I heard two ladies talking. They said Savvy’s dress was too fancy and that you should get married.”
“Who were they?”
She felt him shrug. “Don’t know.”
Kerrianne felt a wave of bitterness, remembering how one woman at Adam’s funeral had told her she should get remarried soon, as though a husband were replaceable, like a car part or a pair of jeans. Aloud, she said, “Well, they shouldn’t have said anything. It isn’t any of their busin—it’s really not up to them.”
“But I wouldn’t mind. I could always bring my blanket and sleep on the floor.” That was Benjamin, accommodating to a fault.
“Don’t worry, honey. You won’t have to sleep on the floor.”
He lay on her left arm and snuggled into her side. After a few minutes she could tell he was asleep, but she didn’t move, savoring the momentary peace. Kerrianne was so grateful for Benjamin, for all her children. Being their mother was enough . . . wasn’t it?
Her right hand stole out to touch Adam’s pillow. The fabric was cold. Fighting tears, Kerrianne took her arm out from under Benjamin and hugged the pillow to her chest. It no longer smelled like him—the pillowcase had been washed many times since his smell had first faded—but it comforted her nonetheless.
After an hour of restless tossing, Kerrianne got up and went outside to the garage where she kept a stash of semisweet baking chocolate in her chest freezer. In the dim light from the single overhead bulb, she inched down the cold cement steps, jabbing her toes against Misty’s bike tire. Stepping over the bike, she opened the lid. With dismay, she saw that she was down to one smallish slab—more than an inch thick but only about the size of her palm. That meant another trip to the store when she thought she’d bought enough to last two weeks. She couldn’t risk being without a stash. Grabbing the chocolate, she let the freezer lid fall and went inside the family room, ripping off the remains of the clear plastic wrapping as she went.
She stopped at the CD player to slip in one of the new CDs her brother Tyler had made of Adam’s taped songs. He’d done a great job, undistinguishable from the original, and she was grateful that with the extra copies and the hard drive backup, she would never have to worry about losing at least this part of her husband. His guitar music had been important to him, and so it was important to her.
She sat on the couch, bringing a foot under her and the chocolate to her mouth. The first bite was difficult to work off with her teeth, but the shards of cold chocolate melted quickly in her mouth. By the time she finished the piece, she felt significantly better. As long as there is chocolate, she thought, women will somehow manage to survive.
* * *
When the morning light angled through Kerrianne’s blinds to wake her at nearly eight-thirty, she was tempted to stay in bed, to put Adam’s pillow over her head and block out the light. After all, everyone deserved to sleep late on Saturday. But if she did that, she wouldn’t be able to get the mail. She was one of the first houses on the postal route, and she hated the idea of letting the mail sit in her box unattended. Not that it was in much danger of being stolen. There had been a rash of mail thefts years ago that had started her morning habit, but there hadn’t been trouble lately.
There could be again. She pushed herself from bed, knowing it was little more than an excuse. The mail gave her purpose, forcing her out of bed on those days that she wanted only to stay in bed forever and drown in her own tears. Days when even the slabs of bulk chocolate in her freezer failed to make her feel better.
Reaching out, she softly stroked Benjamin’s blond hair. She had forgotten to take him to his bed last night, but it really didn’t matter. There was plenty of room here. Of all the children, Benjamin took after Adam the most. Sometimes looking at him brought a swell of pride—as it did right now—but at others it brought a bitter despair.
“I’m being brave, Adam,” she whispered, though she couldn’t feel him near. “I am.”
Resolutely, she pulled on a pair of old sweats. It wouldn’t do to get the mail in her robe if the mailman was still nearby. Passing the family room, she heard the TV on. Apparently Misty and Caleb were already up watching their allotted hour of Saturday cartoons.
Four-year-old Caleb spied her as she peeked in the room. “Mommy!” Immediately, he left the TV and launched himself across the room and into her arms.
“Good morning, sweetie.” She kissed him, enjoying the feel of his plump arms around her neck. His thick hair had darkened to a light brown over the years and was sticking out in all directions as it usually was, unlike Misty, whose hair curled in many ringlets like a porcelain doll, looking beautiful even without a brushing. Or Benjamin’s, whose finer strands knew how to lay obediently flat.
“Getting the mail?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“I’m coming, but first . . .” He wriggled from her grasp and disappeared up the stairs toward the room he shared with Benjamin.
Smiling, Kerrianne went out onto her porch. The November frost was already melting on the lawn from the rays of the sun. She could see the mail truck down the road and watched the mailman reach from the cab to put letters in the boxes. The truck pulled up at her house, and the mailman hesitated when he glanced up and saw her waiting. Kerrianne smiled, unsure if he could see her response. She was surprised when he climbed from his vehicle and started up the walk. He had letters in his hand but not a package, nothing that should evoke such treatment.
He was wearing the blue uniform coat, the blue trousers with the dark stripe down the side, and the heavy boots he always wore in the winter. In the summer it was a blue shirt and long shorts
that showed remarkably fit and tan legs. Kerrianne blushed at the thought. Not that I ever look at his legs, she told herself. Suddenly, she became aware of her stringy hair, unwashed face, and shapeless sweats.
Why would she think about that now?
She shifted her bare feet uncomfortably on the cold welcome mat. The door banged behind her, and Caleb appeared with a large blue ball. He giggled before he threw it at the mailman, who was now only a couple of yards away. Surprised, the man gamely stuck out a hand for the ball, barely missing the catch.
Her son giggled. “You missed!” he sang, dancing from foot to foot on the cold porch.
“Caleb!” Kerrianne scolded, though she couldn’t force too much objection behind the words. He was simply too cute.
The mailman grinned. “That’s okay.”
“I always throw him the ball,” Caleb protested.
Kerrianne blinked. She knew her son often watched for the mail truck as she was getting the other children ready for school but had never dreamed Caleb had been throwing balls at the mailman.
“It’s really okay.” The man bent over for the ball. “I’m just slow this morning. It’s a little cold.”
“I’ll say.” Kerrianne shivered.
“Here’s your mail. Thought I’d save you the trip to the box.” His eyes went to her bare feet, which were becoming quite frozen. He couldn’t have possibly seen from the curb that she was barefoot. How did he know? Did people always dash out to the mailbox without their shoes—even in the winter?
“Thank you.” Kerrianne accepted the letters, meeting his eyes briefly. They were a dark, intense gray, unreadable in his handsome face. His hair, black and curling slightly, was longer in the back than she generally liked to see in a man, but it suited him well. He wore an extremely short beard, as though he’d let the hair grow for only a few weeks, something she hadn’t noticed in all the years he’d been on her route, but it suited him, too.
She felt a strange disappointment when his eyes left hers and went to Caleb. He balanced the ball on the tips of his fingers. “Catch!” He tossed the ball to Caleb in a way that told Kerrianne he had practice with small children. She smiled at the delighted grin on her son’s face when he managed to hang onto the ball.
Huntington Family Series Page 88
