“Again, again!” Caleb chanted.
“Honey, he has to go.”
“That’s all right. One more time, okay, buddy?” The gray eyes glinted as he said the words.
Caleb tossed the ball and then caught it again. With a smile and a wave the mailman strode toward his Jeep.
“Thank you,” Kerrianne called.
He turned without slowing his gait. “I’ve got a boy his age. I know how they are. Have a good day.”
Kerrianne wished he wouldn’t go. She wished she could talk to him . . . about the weather, the mail route, politics—anything. She groaned. What am I thinking? With a sigh, she opened the door and went inside. Next thing she knew, she’d take up going to fast food restaurants just for some conversation. Or make an extra trip to Macey’s to talk to that friendly checker who liked to chat with customers.
How desperate am I? Kerrianne wondered.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Caleb asked, following her inside.
She crouched down next to him. “I’m fine, honey. I’m just missing Uncle Tyler.”
“But you saw him yesterday.”
“I know. But he’s married now, and we won’t see him as much.”
Caleb frowned. “Oh.” Then he brightened. “So we’ll go see him whenever we want.”
“Good idea. Come on, now. Let’s make breakfast.”
Kerrianne thought longingly of chocolate, but she’d eaten it all. Besides, it wasn’t healthy living on chocolate alone, and she also didn’t want to fight another acne battle. She didn’t care what skin experts said about chocolate not causing blemishes. The only time she ever broke out was after raiding her stash.
* * *
Ryan Oakman whistled as he made his way back to his mail truck. He normally hated working Saturdays, as he liked to spend the day with his children, but they were shorthanded today, so he’d come in, even though he’d already put in his five days that week. He was glad it was a slow mail day; he’d be home by four, maybe earlier if he hurried. That would give him plenty of time to be with the kids before the play that evening, and he could use the overtime with Christmas coming up. Tiger wanted a bicycle and Ria was angling for a video game and a new baseball mitt. Not any baseball mitt, mind you, but the best money could buy. She was serious about her baseball. She was serious about every sport she played.
Ryan frowned as he thought about his daughter. She was a girl, but she didn’t seem to realize it. She dressed like a boy and even cut her hair short. Not like the blonde girl who lived at this house, the one who looked like a dainty porcelain doll. Still, even the blonde girl enjoyed tossing the ball about with her little brothers. He’d usually see her outside several times a week—except this past week when it had become so cold.
Thinking of the boy made him smile. He and Tiger were two of a kind; it was too bad they didn’t live near each other so they could play.
Glancing up at the house, he saw Mrs. Price turn to go inside. She was an interesting sort. In all the years he’d been on the route they’d rarely exchanged more than two words. Yet every morning she was there. In warm weather she often sat on the porch waiting, or she would come out as he drove away from her house. He’d occasionally look back and see her sitting on her porch, holding the mail and lifting her face to the sun.
She was an enigma to him. There was something tragic about her face, something intense, but he had no idea what it meant. All he knew was that she waited each morning for the mail, almost as though her life depended on it. At first he had wondered if she was waiting for a certain letter, but over the years her habits had not changed.
He’d been glad to deliver her mail. He made sure to be on time. None of the others on this route seemed to care what time he came, but she did, and that was enough. Even when his own life was in turmoil and he wondered if he could go on another day, he had forced himself to go to work because she’d be waiting. She’d been a reason for him to get out of bed, when there had been so many other reasons to give up.
Laurie, he thought. Two years had passed since his wife’s death. The thought of her no longer brought the searing pain, but only the terrible ache of loss. He’d gone on with his life for the sake of the children, as Laurie had urged him to do in the weeks before her death. He’d even started dating this past year, and while it felt strange at first, he’d become accustomed to the company of other women. But lately he’d begun doubting that another woman he could connect with on the same level even existed. Perhaps Laurie had been his one and only chance for love. At least he had the promise of eternity with her.
That morning Mrs. Price wasn’t the only one waiting for him on his route. Down two houses, Maxine Madison, a sixty-something widow, was out on her porch and came trotting up to his truck before he even came to a full stop.
Maxine was definitely a striking, noticeable woman. She had a ready smile, piercing eyes that seemed to see everything, and a little bit of attitude. Once she’d told him that she was going to the grave kicking and screaming, and that was why she dyed her hair, exercised every day, and kept her wardrobe updated. “I may be getting up there,” she said, “but I’m far from dead yet.”
Pushing away the memory, he smiled. “Up early, I see.”
She snorted. “Are you kidding? It’s almost nine. I’ve already walked three miles, done all my laundry, answered five e-mails, and read five chapters in my new book. Early, schmurly.”
“Wow, I wish you could have done my route for me. That way I could be home sleeping.” He covered a yawn with his hand.
“I bet you stayed up late last night because of the play, didn’t you?” She paused, but when he didn’t reply, she rolled her eyes. “That’s a hint in case you didn’t recognize it. Goodness, you have to spell out everything for the younger generation these days.”
Ryan stifled a smile. Younger generation. He hadn’t thought of himself that way for many years. To tell the truth, thirty-four didn’t feel all that young. “What are you talking about?”
Maxine’s pale brown eyes narrowed. “Did you forget my tickets?”
“Tickets?” he asked innocently.
“Humph!” She folded her arms and glared at him.
He tilted his head back and laughed. “Don’t worry, Maxine, I got ’em. I know you’ve been waiting.” He pulled the pair from his coat pocket and handed them to her.
Maxine’s face relaxed, and a grin appeared. “You’d better have remembered. I’m taking a friend to your play tonight.”
“Oh, is it that gentleman I saw you with last month?”
Maxine gave a little gasp and glanced heavenward. “Then I wouldn’t have needed the tickets; he’d have been buying. Our generation isn’t like yours at all. The gentleman always pays. No. I’m taking a woman friend with me tonight.”
Ryan imagined two little old ladies watching the play together. He grinned. “I’ll be sure and put on a good show.”
“You always do, dear.” She patted his hand that was braced on the side of the truck. “Now where’s my mail? Come on, I don’t have all day. There’s stuff to do, people to see, so let’s get a move on. I’m not getting any younger, unfortunately.”
Ryan handed her a small bundle, his mouth twitching. “I bet that widower has a hard time keeping up with you.”
“Him? Darn right. He’s lucky to make it to the end of the walk. But he’ll get in shape, you’ll see.”
“Oh, does that mean I hear wedding bells in the future?”
Maxine looked aghast. “Are you kidding? And have to wash his clothes and make dinner every night? No way. I’ve paid my dues. If I was younger, maybe I’d feel differently, but I’m enjoying running my own life. No, getting him in shape is purely for my own good. I don’t enjoy sitting on the porch sipping juice all day. Now if they let us have coffee, it might be worth it.” She looked at him expectantly, but he didn’t react. “I’m kidding, for crying out loud. Vile stuff, coffee, but there’s no reason we can’t make a joke now and again. You have to tell that wife o
f yours to get you out a bit more. It’s plain as the nose on your face that you’re working too hard.”
Ryan’s face froze, though he tried not to let Maxine see. She didn’t know him, not really. For all the years she’d chatted with him at the curb, they hadn’t gotten that far into his personal life. The only reason she knew of his involvement at the community theater was that she’d spotted him there a few months earlier. She certainly didn’t know about Laurie. She didn’t know that this job, the theater, and his kids were the entire extent of his life.
“You okay, Ryan?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” he managed. “Just fine. And you’re right. I’m working too hard. But I won’t be tonight. You’ll enjoy the play. My little girl’s in it, too. Plays a boy, though. She’s the skinny one with the cap that follows Robin Hood around. She’s hilarious. If you have time, come on back and meet her.” His breath was coming easier now, and he was relieved to see the concern leave her face.
“Will do. Bye, now. Thanks for the tickets.” With a little wave, Maxine headed up the walkway.
Ryan pushed on the gas, determined not to stop again. Any more delays like that and he might not make it through this day.
Chapter Two
Kerrianne cleaned the house, though it was already spotless. Then she moved on to the laundry and the inside windows. She even organized the boys’ closet, which was an amazing feat. After she finished, it was still only six o’clock and the evening stretched out before her like an empty hallway leading into another night filled with bitter loneliness.
She thought about calling her sister, but Amanda was five months into her second pregnancy and had problems with swelling feet and finding the motivation to do anything. Well, anything other than the adoption of the two children she and her husband, Blake, had taken custody of shortly before their marriage almost four years ago. Blake’s cousin, the children’s mother, had finally agreed to terminate her parental rights, so at last the children were really theirs. This left Amanda and Blake delirious with joy. They hoped to have the children sealed to them by the end of the year.
Tyler, of course, was on his honeymoon with Savvy. Her brother Mitch would be with his wife, Cory, getting ready to present their newest project to their publisher. Their nonfiction book featuring animals in Australia was bound to be a big hit since even Kerrianne’s breath had been taken away with Cory’s photographs and Mitch’s text—and she didn’t like reading as much as she should. In addition, Mitch and Cory had their hands full with their adopted daughter, EmJay, and with Lexi, Savvy’s teenage half sister. Lexi was staying at their house while Tyler and Savvy, now her guardians, were on their honeymoon.
Even her parents had plans with their friends for the evening. Everyone was busy—except her. Kerrianne couldn’t help feeling sorry for herself. How different her life could have been.
If only . . .
“Hey, it’s your turn, Caleb!” Misty said. She was playing Sorry! with the two boys. Benjamin played well, but Caleb was distracted by everything—this time by a scab on his leg. “Here, I’ll move for you.”
“No!” Caleb screeched.
“Then hurry!”
Kerrianne lay on the couch and squeezed her eyes shut. She’d have to do something for dinner, but maybe leftovers from Thursday would do. The children liked hash browns with hamburger, and she had frozen broccoli that would cook in a few minutes.
She didn’t move, unable to find the motivation. Tears pricked at her eyes. She loved her children, loved watching them and being here for them, but even their presence couldn’t stop the loneliness. When they were in bed, it would be much worse.
Adam, she thought, this isn’t fair. How you would feel if I had left you instead?
She thought about this a lot. Most men remarried within a year of their wife’s death. Though some women also married quickly, many waited as long as five years. Some never remarried. For Kerrianne, even the idea of another man in her life seemed impossible, but would Adam have felt the same way? He had been a devoted, loving husband who had needed her a lot. She had always thought he was the strong one, but maybe she was more up for this challenge of single parenting. That didn’t make doing it any easier.
I love you, Adam Price—but I should have known from your name that loving you would exact a big price from me.
The doorbell rang and the children immediately lost interest in the game. “I’ll get it!” shouted Caleb.
“No, I’ll get it.” Misty followed behind. “You don’t know how to unlock the door.”
Only Benjamin stayed by the game, picking up a card and lying down on the floor to study it.
Kerrianne was glad Misty was old enough to reach the extra lock she’d had her father install on the door. Her head ached, and she felt too exhausted to move. “Ask who it is before you answer,” she called. “If you know who it is, you can answer, but tell them I’m not feeling well.”
“Okay.” Misty’s voice floated back from the entryway.
Kerrianne shut her eyes, wondering when she had become so lax. There had been a time when she would never have permitted her children to answer the door alone—especially in the evening. If only her head didn’t hurt so much.
Voices filtered through the growing pain in her head, but Kerrianne could tell they weren’t threatening. She stopped listening so closely. Maybe in a minute she would get up and heat the food. She might even find the energy to make something the kids loved, like homemade pizza. They always enjoyed that, and it had been one of Adam’s favorites. A whimper escaped her lips.
“Are you really sick?” came a brash voice.
Kerrianne’s eyes flew open. Maxine Madison from two doors down was staring at her skeptically, hands on her hips. Next to her, Misty shrugged her shoulders apologetically and returned to her game with the boys. Kerrianne couldn’t exactly blame her for letting Maxine in. The woman never took no for an answer when she wanted something.
Maxine was wearing a pink pantsuit with black trim on the jacket, a black shirt with pink polka dots, and black strappy heels. Her white-blonde hair curled becomingly around her chin. Was she on her way somewhere? It was hard to tell since Maxine always looked dressed to kill.
Kerrianne forced herself to a sitting position. “I’ve got a terrible headache. I was just lying here thinking what to make for the kids.”
“They haven’t eaten yet? Well, take some aspirin, for crying out loud.” Maxine started toward the kitchen. “Where’s your aspirin? I’ll get it for you. But I tell you, you’re cutting things close. The play starts at seven.”
“Play?” Kerrianne staggered after her. “What are you talking—oh, that play. So you got tickets?”
“Yes, and I figured you might forget so that’s why I’m a little early—to make sure you have time to get ready.” Maxine set her black purse on the counter and reached to open a cupboard. “Are they in here? No? There? Okay, here we go. Now you take this, and tell me what I should heat for the kids while you get ready. Hurry!”
“Look, I’m a mess, I don’t have a sitter, and I don’t feel well. I’m sorry to disappoint you but—”
The doorbell rang, and Kerrianne could hear Misty and Caleb running toward it.
“That will be your sitter.”
“Sitter?” Kerrianne didn’t like the sound of that. She was particular about baby-sitters, and only her siblings and parents usually made the cut.
“Yeah, that cute little girl, sister to your brother’s new wife.”
“Lexi?”
“That’s right, Lexi. I talked to her at the reception last night, and she was glad to come over. Your brother—not Tyler, the other one—promised to drop her off. Oh, and she’s spending the night.”
“But—”
Maxine shook her head. “No buts. You promised me you’d come, and I’m not going to let you get out of it like the last two times. Goodness, I had to take Harold from two streets over last month, and now he thinks we’re practically engaged. Imagine that!”
She sighed with disgust. Then her eyes narrowed. “Besides, we both know it’s an excuse. I bet you’ll find your headache disappears once we get there. Go on now. But wear some makeup, for crying out loud. You look all washed out. And don’t wear sweats. Wear that bright pink blouse you wore at church last week. That’ll help some.”
That was Maxine, bluntly honest to a fault. Kerrianne threw up her hands and disappeared up the stairs without telling Maxine about the hash browns. No doubt she would find them herself. She apparently had everything under control.
Though she wanted to feel resentment toward Maxine, Kerrianne had to admit to being secretly glad for the change in her routine. At least there would be some adult conversation. It might be odd conversation but likely fascinating all the same. Most important, Maxine was a widow, who understood what it was like to lose the love of her life. In the past few months since they began team-teaching a Primary class at church together, Kerrianne had found herself drawn toward the older woman. Maxine reminded her a great deal of her mother, only brasher, more outspoken, and in a more compact form. The woman was a veritable fireball, unafraid to voice her opinions and apparently rarely thinking before she spoke. She’d offended half the neighborhood at one time or another but had won them back the same way.
The children were making excited noises by the door, obviously pleased at Lexi’s appearance. Even Benjamin had made the effort to come to the entryway. While there had once been a time that Kerrianne wouldn’t have dared leave her children with Lexi, the girl had made a lot of changes. Lexi still had challenges, to be sure, but since her baptism last month, the thirteen-year-old had reevaluated her lifestyle. Her many piercings were no longer filled with jewelry, and her revealing shirts and ultra miniskirts had disappeared. Her attitude about what was important in life had seen the most change—a good thing, since Misty adored her and the boys obeyed her every utterance with eagerness.
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