Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

  Slightly annoyed, I revved the engine harder than I should have and headed home. I needed to go home, grab a beer, and watch some dumb ass action movie―anything to distract me from the pixie blonde, otherwise I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. I had to come down first.

  Walking through the door, I expected the house to be quiet and dark, but the lights were on and the TV was blaring. I hoped Zoe hadn’t waited up for me so she could dig for details about my night. As much as I loved the girl, I had absolutely zero interest in sitting down and gossiping about it with her. I wasn’t a chick. As I rounded the corner though, my eyes fell on her and I swear my breath hitched and suddenly I understood Mia’s reservations.

  Zoe was Zoe. She always would be. She’d never be more. She’d never be less. But she was beautiful, even if she couldn’t see it. Stretched out on the lounge in the shortest shorts known to man, she was all pale, toned legs and soft, smooth skin. Combined with the thin shirt with nothing underneath, I could see her damn nipples poking out at me. Zoe was perfect. All sweetness and innocence. I could see why Mia would be worried. The funny thing was though, as gorgeous as she was, with her eyes closed, her mouth open, snoring softly, she did absolutely nothing for me. My blood didn’t boil. My heart didn’t race. My cock didn’t rise to the occasion. She was just Zoe.

  Grabbing the blanket from the back of the lounge, I covered her up and began switching off the lights. It wasn’t until I clicked off the TV that her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at me for the first time.

  “Hi there, Sleeping Beauty,” I taunted, smiling down at her.

  “What time is it?” she mumbled, as she stretched out like a cat after a long nap.

  “Almost one.”

  “Oh.”

  “Come on. You should go to bed and get some real sleep.” I offered her my hand, which she took without hesitation, and together we walked to her room.

  Without thinking, I walked into her bedroom, pulled back the covers, and watched as she scooted underneath before tucking them tight around her. “Sweet dreams, Pippi.” I kissed her forehead before stepping over the mountain of abandoned clothes as I headed for the door.

  “Hey Derek?”

  “Yeah?” I answered, turning around.

  “Did you have a good time tonight?”

  I felt the smile tug at my lips, the heat fill my cheeks, and I was suddenly thankful for the darkness that encased us. “Yeah, I did. I really did. Thanks, Zoe.”

  Her eyes closed and I heard her sigh as the blankets ruffled. She was obviously tired. Without opening her eyes, Zoe’s voice came out of the darkness, deep and husky, “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy, Derek. Love you.”

  I choked.

  I don’t know if it was on the air I was trying to breathe in. I don’t know if it was on the words that stuck in my throat that I couldn’t get out. Or the deep thoughts in my head that were now bouncing around like toddlers on crack. With her simple, sleepy words, Zoe had torn my cracked heart wide open, and for the first time I felt like I was about to shatter into a million pieces.

  As fast as my legs could carry me, I scurried away from her room, yanking her door shut behind me. A moment later, I found myself in the kitchen cradling the bottle of Jack Daniels I’d kept hidden in the top cupboard for emergencies. I’d bought it months ago for myself, but hadn’t cracked the lid. Just after we’d moved into the new place, Zoe wasn’t doing well, and I was feeling like shit. I couldn’t help her. I could barely help myself. When shit had gotten hard in the past, I’d shown up at Spencer’s and we’d have some beers, talk some crap, and sort it out. But I couldn’t do that anymore. He was gone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and I needed someone. Jack was all I had. But when I’d come home, holding the brown paper bag, I’d spotted Zoe sitting in the chair on the back porch staring at nothing. Instead of taking the swig I’d been salivating for the whole drive home, I’d stashed it away, hoping she’d never find it, and gone out to see her.

  Tonight though, tonight she was tucked away safely in her bed. She didn’t need me. Not right this moment. This moment was mine. Mine alone. I needed it. Grabbing the bottle by the neck, I stepped out onto the patio, slumped into the chair, and broke the plastic seal. It echoed across the yard, and I felt myself holding my breath, waiting for Zoe to come barrelling through the door demanding to know what I was thinking. Why I was being so stupid. Hell, part of me wished she would. Maybe she could make sense of all the bullshit bouncing about my head.

  Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I tipped the bottle and took a healthy gulp. It burnt the whole way down, but it was a good burn. The burn I needed. The burn I craved. Jack was working his magic as only Jack could. Another couple, and I was starting to feel lighter. Or maybe I was starting to not feel at all. And that felt good too. By the time I set the bottle on the ground beside me, a third was already gone. Running my hand over my face, I was stunned when my fingers came away damp. It wasn’t what I’d been expecting, but it was undeniable.

  When my heavy, sleep-crusted eyes opened, I was covered in a layer of cool, damp dew. My head was pounding and it was bright. Too fucking bright. It took a moment for me to figure it out, but once I spied the bottle lying on its side on the ground beside me, I knew the headache and the mouth that tasted like I imagined ass would, were well and truly deserved. I had downed more than two thirds of the bottle. Straight. On my own.

  “Grrr,” I groaned as I rubbed my hands over face, feeling the stubble on my chin.

  “Don’t you look like a ray of sunshine,” a chirpy voice interrupted my pity party.

  “Please don’t. Not today,” I begged pathetically, unable to look at her.

  Zoe stepped in front of me, blocking the sun, and I was able to look up for the first time. She looked fresh as a daisy. Her eyes bright, her hair swept back off her face and her cheeks touched with pink. “Here.” She smiled down at me as she placed a steaming mug in my hand.

  Breathing in the aroma of the elixir of life, I took a huge gulp. It was scalding hot and burnt my tongue, but it was strong and bitter, just the way I liked it.

  “Gonna tell me about it?”

  “Where you headed?”

  I didn’t miss the rolling of Zoe’s eyes as I deliberately dodged her question. I had no desire to have that conversation with her. Especially not this morning.

  “Gym.”

  “Again?”

  “Yeah. That okay?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I’m going to do a Pilates class, then there’s an intermediate self-defence class I want to try.”

  Zoe shrugged like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing. It was something. Something huge. “Zoe, that’s fucking awesome. Are you ready for an intermediate class?” A flash of irritation crossed her face, but as soon as it appeared, it vanished. “Calm down, Pippi! I didn’t mean it like that. I knew you were loving it, I just didn’t know you were ready for intermediate already. That’s all.”

  Her shoulders sagged and her whole demeanour relaxed. “Oh. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I didn’t think so, but Mia…she, she’s teaching it, and she suggested I give it a go.”

  Somehow this girl had the ability to make me feel like shit without any effort at all. It felt like all it took was a few simple misplaced words or even a look, and she dropped me to my knees. Frigging women. Mia and Zoe had my balls in their hands. And if they teamed up, I didn’t stand a chance.

  Putting my mug on the table beside me, I found my feet and grabbed Zoe by the shoulders, forcing her to face me. I needed her to listen to what I was about to say. And not just listen. I needed her to hear me. Really hear me.

  “Zoe, you can do anything you want to do. If you want to go to an intermediate self-defence class, I’m sure as shit glad I’m not the poor bastard you’re practicing on. You know why? ’Cause you’re going to be great.”

  “You really think so?” Her voice wasn’t strong. If anything, it trembled slightly and the uncertainty was readable. At least to anyon
e who knew her. And I knew her well…better than she would have liked.

  Without saying a word, I crushed her against my chest and held her tight. Breathing in her scent, I felt her heartbeat. Some days I forgot how good she felt in my arms. She was home. I kissed the top her head without thinking twice. “No, Zoe, I don’t think.”

  She recoiled away from me like I was toxic.

  “I know so.”

  I winked at her before grabbing my coffee and heading inside.

  Chapter 20

  Mia

  “What did you do?” Zoe spat. She looked like a lioness whose precious cub had just been attacked. Her eyes were wild and unfocused, her hair looked like someone had spent the last half hour dragging their fingers through it, trying to work out the frustration. But it was her fists, balled at her side, that was the telling sign. Her knuckles were white as she clenched them together.

  “Hi Zoe. What’s up?” I tried to ignore the tension. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew it was there. It was staring me in the face.

  “What the fuck did you do to him last night?” she snarled between gritted teeth. If I didn’t have the full story, if Derek hadn’t taken the time to explain, then I’d be worried that the anger written all over Zoe’s face was jealousy. Thankfully I knew better. It still didn’t help that I had no idea what she was on about. “You were supposed to be one of the good ones.”

  Her words hurt. Fuck, they hurt.

  I felt like I’d disappointed her.

  And Zoe wasn’t even the one I was supposed to be dating.

  “I am.” Even I hardly recognized the words. They were barely audible. Glancing down at my laptop, I noticed I only had five minutes before my next class started. I needed this resolved and I needed it sorted now. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

  “Wanna tell me why Derek came home and drank half a bottle of Jack before passing out on the patio?” she countered, her eyes locked with mine.

  I was glad I was sitting down. Even as her words sunk in, they were not what I was expecting. I mean, I know the evening didn’t end how it could have, even I was disappointed in that, but I thought we’d had a good time. My heart sank. Everything inside me suddenly felt heavy. The lightness I’d felt when I’d rolled out of bed early this morning, the smile I’d woken up with, the first I’d woken up with in a long time, suddenly seemed like it was a lifetime ago. And it was all fake.

  “I don’t…understand.”

  “You need to figure it out then. ’Cause he doesn’t deserve to be screwed over.” Zoe huffed and stormed out the door full of anger and animosity.

  Grabbing my water bottle, I took a swig and swallowed it down, but it left a bitter taste. Spying my phone on the corner of my desk, I debated sending a text, but my itchy fingers gripped the towel tighter. I had a class waiting and they deserved my attention. My full attention.

  Forty-five minutes had never felt longer. Every muscle in my body ached. I had no doubt in my mind that tonight I’d be paying for this. Thank god Kenz was in this afternoon. She could cover my afternoon classes. I couldn’t do it. The pain in my shoulder was burning. Stupidly, I’d suggested Zoe try the intermediate class. She’d been doing so well in the beginners’, I wanted to see how she’d do at the next level. I just wished it had been another day. There had been odd numbers, so I’d had to jump in and pair up. As my luck would have it, I ended up paired with the one person today who wanted to beat my ass into the middle of next week.

  Wiping the sweat from my forehead on my sleeve, I looked up. Zoe was in my office. Again. “Zoe, I’m not―”

  “Mia, please.” She moved towards me, her hands extended out in front her. “I just wanted to apologise.”

  “Apologise?”

  “Yeah. What happens between you and Derek is none of my business. I’m sorry for overstepping.”

  She looked genuine.

  She looked exhausted.

  She looked fucked.

  She should.

  She’d just spent the better part of forty-five minutes beating the shit out of me. I hadn’t realized that much strength and determination came in such a small package. It was easy to underestimate her.

  “Thanks, Zoe. I appreciate it.” I stood, stuffing everything in my backpack, getting ready to head home. Zoe turned and looked to be heading out the door. “Hey Zoe?”

  “Yeah?”

  “He really went home and got drunk?”

  She shook her head sadly. I don’t know if it was surprise, frustration, or sadness that passed over her face. “I woke him up on the patio. Slept there all night.”

  I had no words. Instead, I flicked the office light off, pulled the door shut behind me, and headed out. I hadn’t slept well. I stank. My muscles ached. My mind was spinning. A hot bath and a nap was calling me.

  Together we stepped out into the Melbourne weather. It was a bitch. When I’d arrived at work it was bright sunshine, not a cloud in the sky. Now, it was blowing a gale and the sky was filled with ominous, angry thunder clouds rumbling in the distance. Melbourne was renowned for being able to have four seasons in one day, but some days, when it was being particularly bitchy, it could turn on four seasons in an hour.

  I turned to say goodbye to Zoe, but she was already halfway down the street. For a moment I stood there transfixed, watching her walk away. I couldn’t believe she was the same girl who’d basically been dragged into the gym less than a handful of weeks ago. Feeling the smug smile tug at my lips, I zipped up my sweatshirt and headed towards the tram station.

  I closed my eyes and dropped my head back against the cool tiles. My skin was angry and red. I’d walked in the door, relieved when I found the note on the kitchen bench that my parents had gone away for a couple of days to visit an aunt who’d fallen ill, meaning I had the place to myself. Flipping on the stereo and turning it up louder than my dad would have allowed, I grabbed a bottle of water and headed straight for the bathroom before sinking beneath the bubbles.

  For a while I’d tried to read a book, but my mind couldn’t calm enough to focus, so instead I closed my eyes and pretended the world didn’t exist. It was a nice dream, at least for a while. I tried to clear my mind, I really did, but peace wouldn’t come. It pissed me off. I knew what would help, but I didn’t want to resort to that option. Anything but. Another ten minutes and I couldn’t lie there anymore. I wasn’t feeling relaxed. If anything, the agitation was increasing. Climbing from the bath, I wrapped myself in a fluffy pink towel. Yep, I had a pink towel.

  “Fuck!” Grabbing the hairbrush from the sink, I dragged it through my hair, feeling the bristles dig roughly into my scalp.

  I felt the sigh leave my lips. I dropped the brush and looked around the bathroom. It didn’t feel comforting. If anything, it felt stifling. I needed to move out. It was time. Not one thing in this room was me. It was all my mother. From the pink towel with matching bath mat and hand towel to the dish of rose potpourri on the window sill. Even the damn hand soap smelt like roses.

  Unable to stand there a moment longer, I grabbed my phone from the edge of the bath, dropped the towel on the floor, and stomped into my bedroom before flopping onto the edge of my bed. At least this felt like me.

  Mia: Did u really pass out on the patio?

  As soon as I hit send I regretted it. Was I supposed to know that? Was it my fault? I grabbed my phone and switched it off. It was stupid, I know, but I couldn’t think of what else to do. It’s not like I could recall the damn message, no matter how much I wanted to. Pissed off at myself, I smothered my skin in body lotion as Beyoncé came on. I couldn’t help it. My hips seemed to take on a life of their own. It was subtle at first, but before the chorus began I was shaking my naked ass down the hallway headed for the chocolate ice cream I knew was stashed away in the freezer.

  I finished the ice cream and felt like a fat cow. For three hours, I’d stuffed myself and binge watched episodes of Gossip Girl. I mean what girl in her right mind wasn’t in love with Chuck Bass? Rolling over, I saw my p
hone lying on the floor. Taunting me. I knew it wouldn’t matter if I turned it on now or in two hours or two days. I had to turn it on sometime. It was actually pretty irresponsible of me to have turned it off. I mean, what if Kenz needed me? Or Josie? Or my parents?

  “Shit!” I swore at myself as I waited for it to power up.

  It felt like forever while it came back to life, but as soon as it did, the beep came. If I was being honest, it shocked me. I don’t know why. Derek was nothing if not courteous. I couldn’t picture him not replying. As nervous as I was to read it, I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax until I did.

  Derek: You heard about that?

  Mia: Yeah.

  Derek: Zoe has a big mouth.

  Mia: She was worried.

  I could picture him sitting at home, frustrated. He projected this air of strength and a spine of steel, but I saw through his bravado. Even if he didn’t think I could, I knew it was bullshit. When he spoke about Zoe, he softened. He was a marshmallow on the inside.

  Derek: I’m fine.

  Mia: Was it my fault?

  I held my breath. I hated myself in that moment. I sounded like a needy, clingy girl. Something that made me nauseous when I saw it on others. I knew it didn’t suit me. And the longer it took for Derek to reply, the worse I felt.

  Half an hour passed and still nothing.

  I felt sick.

  I wanted to vomit.

  I wanted to drink.

  I wanted to eat everything in sight.

  Yanking back the covers on my bed, I crawled under and tucked it under my chin before clicking off the lamp beside me. “What a fucking day,” I moaned to myself as I wriggled down and squeezed my eyes closed. The sooner this bullshit of a day was over, the better, as far as I was concerned.

  Beyond my window I could hear the wind battering the trees and the rain causing mayhem as it pounded the tin shed in the backyard. It sounded wild out there. I was glad I had no plans to step outside any time soon. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I thought I heard a knock, but dismissed it just as quickly. No one in their right mind would be out in this weather. It was probably just the wind. But a couple of minutes later, the hammering came again.