Ladies Listen Up

by Darren Coleman

  “What are you doing here? Trying to get your brother to cover your lies?”

  “I…was…um, bringing him his keys back. That’s all.” I was surprised to hear the lie come off of his lips, though he didn’t sound smooth at all.

  “So, you need to bring your tail on home. Right now. We have some things to discuss.”

  “I’m not ready to come home.”

  When he said this, Nicole’s face twisted so bad that I feared her head was about to spin around. “Who is the bitch?” she yelled. “Who?” She proceeded to march up to him.

  “Listen,” he said. “I’m not going through this in front of my brother. Come on, I’ll go home.”

  “Ride with me,” she ordered. “We’ll come back later for your car.” I couldn’t believe the scene as it unfolded. He didn’t even argue. He locked his car and climbed in with her. She didn’t even so much as mention that he was bleeding and she didn’t seem concerned.

  When they pulled off I stood there in disbelief and hungry. Because my lunch break was nearly over, I turned around and headed back toward the school. As I headed through the doors, I was glad that no one had seen me or my brother pinned down like two criminals. Or so I thought.

  “Yo, Diego, what’s popping?” Grump was standing at the doors of the steps when I breezed in. He had a KFC bag in his hand. “Everything cool?”

  “Yeah, everything’s cool.” If he’d seen me, then he’d have to bring it up. I walked by him and headed up the steps. As I cleared the first flight he yelled up, “You want some chicken? I got enough for Miss Thang, but she said she was having a salad. I can’t stand them salad-eating bitches.”

  “You talking about Lanelle?”

  “Who else? I know you wanna hit that, too.”

  “Nah, I’m chilling right now.”

  “Yeah, right.” He laughed. “So you want some chicken?”

  “Okay, cool.”

  “I’ll have one of the kids run it up. I have to take out my platter.”

  “All right, whatever.”

  As I made my way back to my room I peeked into Mrs. Whitmore’s classroom to see what Lanelle was up to. She had been asked to stay on as a long-term sub. I can’t lie and say I wasn’t happy about it. I was still laying back, not wanting to come off too eager to get all up in her face. Didn’t want to seem like I did that all the time. Workplace romances can get really tricky if you don’t navigate them. They are one situation where a brother has to be friends with a sistah. After the sex, if there’s no continued romance, there has to be somewhere or something to retreat to. The friend zone is that somewhere. Otherwise things tend to get real funky.

  She was at the board writing, trying to stay on top of the lessons that we’d been instructed to give. I watched her for a moment. I realized that I was witnessing a sight that very few men ever got a chance to appreciate. Watching a woman write on a chalkboard, arms extended, back arched, breasts jiggling, and oftentimes ass wiggling back and forth. When she looked out the corner of her eye and saw me, I didn’t even move away. Instead, I just smiled and she smiled back. For a moment, I’d forgotten the ordeal with the police. Then my hunger pains brought it rushing right back.

  When the sixth grader came through the door to my room with the box of KFC, I was all too happy. I had five minutes to eat it. I wolfed it down and got ready for recess. Then I dragged through the rest of the day, thinking about the police and how they’d beat my brother down. I understood that they were in the flow of duty, but the force had been excessive. I was going to call him and urge him to file a report. There might be some money in it, and the more I thought about it, the more traumatized I felt. When the final bell rang and the kids were dismissed, I walked them out of the building then ducked back in my room. I was about to dial Lee when I realized that I’d forgotten to return Jonetta’s call.

  I pulled up her number and hit the send button. She answered and sounded really happy to be hearing from me. “Diego, Diego, Diego, I’ve been waiting for your call.”

  “I’ve had quite a day.”

  “I believe you. Molding young minds is quite a challenge, I assume,” she said.

  “Among other things. But how’s everything going and what is the news you wanted to share with me?”

  “Well, both things are actually related.” She cleared her throat. “You know, Diego, you saved my marriage.”

  I thought back to the night we met and how it ended. “No way.”

  “Yes, you did…and before I go any further, I want to thank you for all you said to me that night. I needed to hear everything you said. I don’t know, you just really spoke to my heart and helped me come to some really good realizations about my attitudes…how detrimental they were to my marriage. I actually went home and found a way to talk to my husband, a way where we were able to receive one another. I humbled myself for the first time in a long time, and because of that he was able to express his fears and still feel like a man. Like you said, I offered him some support instead of tearing him down.”

  I listened to her and tried to remember any of what I’d said. When I couldn’t I just listened some more. “Well, I’m glad I could help you.” I was. After all the home wrecking I’d done, it was good to be on the positive side of that.

  “Well, that’s not the only good news. Last month I took the position as editor in chief of Girl Talk magazine. You’ve heard of it?”

  “Of course, that’s the one where you bash the men like it’s nobody’s business.” I laughed.

  “No, Diego. Not at all. It’s about empowerment and sharing. A lot like Essence, only we take the gloves off a little more and share some of the things that might not get talked about otherwise.”

  “I see. Well, congratulations are in order.”

  “Well, not just for me. For yourself as well.”

  I was puzzled. “Why is that?”

  “Because, sir, you are going to write my brand-new advice column.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Why would I be? Let me tell you this. It’s damn near impossible to get me to take anyone’s advice that I’m not paying one-fifty an hour for, but you, my friend, obviously have a gift.”

  “At what?” I laughed.

  She paused. “Anyone can give advice and be preachy, but, Diego, it takes something special to get the ladies to listen up. I know I’m not the first sistah you’ve moved or wooed with your ability to listen and then say exactly what needs to be said, now, am I?”

  I paused for a second and I thought first of Alicia, then the others. Then it dawned on me, that’s how I’d always gotten them to give me what I wanted. I listened first; they listened second. “I guess not,” I replied.

  “Good, then it’s settled. Give me your info. I’ll send you a contract, and some time in the next few days, you’ll have to come to New York to go over the specifics. We gotta move fast. Shouldn’t take but a day or two. Can you get the time off work at the school?”

  I was taken totally off guard, but I answered, “I guess so.”

  “Great, so you’re okay with this. I want your column to debut in the January 2006 issue. It’s gonna be great. There’s nothing quite like this in any other publication. You know what makes women tick and you also share the deepest secrets and fears that men have. The key is that you give it to them raw.”

  “So, let me ask: Do I get paid for this?”

  “Of course. It pays a little something, maybe a grand a month, but it’ll be great. You’ll get paid for doing something you do for free and do well.”

  “Wow” was all I could say. A column in a national magazine and an extra grand per month on top of my teacher’s salary was all good. I could live with that.

  “So the only question is, what are we going to call the column?” she said, sounding really giddy.

  I paused for a quick second, and as the whole idea of me doing this set in, it came to me just like that.

  16

  Sweet Thing

  Girl Ta
lk magazine sent me a confirmation e-mail that they were going to put me up in the Omni Berkshire Place in midtown. I had no idea where it was exactly, but it sounded really nice. When I at looked the pictures of the hotel on the Internet, I was impressed; when I saw what they charged for a room, I almost shit my pants. One night was almost four hundred dollars, which was close to half the monthly mortgage on my duplex.

  I sat at my desk looking at the e-mail over and over. There was no denying that my chest was poking out. I was finally the somebody I’d longed to be. This huge magazine was actually giving me a column and paying for me to come to the Big Apple. It wasn’t like I didn’t feel rewarded teaching the little ones, or special because of my ability to reach them. But to be honest, I felt ordinary most of the time in that classroom, no matter how many kudos I received from my colleagues and parents.

  My eyes kept going over the screen until finally I was convinced that I was indeed headed for New York City to sign a contract and iron out the particulars of my column. I didn’t even realize that I was smiling at the screen like a maniac until I looked up to see Lanelle almost at my desk. “I hope that’s not porn,” she joked.

  “Hey,” I said. “Nope, not this time.”

  “Hey to you.” She was wearing a grin that showcased her dimples. I noticed the deep bronze lipstick framing her smile. “Listen, I wanted to ask you a question about this huge test that we have to give in two weeks. I got a bulletin about a workshop that they are giving. I was wondering if you think I should enroll so that I’ll know what I’m doing.”

  “Nah, don’t waste your time. I’ll walk you through it. It’s just some more of the residuals of Bush’s No Child Left Behind bullshit. Too much testing, not enough teaching.”

  “Oh, so I see you have an opinion on it.”

  “Hell yeah. You’ll see. Once you’re in here…in the trenches long enough, you’ll get pissed at some of the policies the boards and the bureaucrats hand down. They want big-budget results on no-budget investments. Not a one of ’em could last two days with most of the kids. Being asked to do the shit they think is so easy.”

  “I hear you.”

  “But enough of that. I’m in a good mood. I’m headed to New York City. I got something really big brewing.”

  “Hmm, sounds nice. I love New York.”

  “Really, you should come along. I leave on Sunday, be back Monday.”

  Her face showed surprise either at my invitation or at my nerve for inviting her. But I was on a roll, so I figured what the heck. “If I should go, where would I be staying?”

  “At the Omni Berkshire Place.”

  “And where would you be staying?”

  “The same.”

  “The same hotel, or the same room?”

  I laughed. “I could request a double—or a cot.”

  She frowned. “I don’t think so. Nice try, but usually a guy asks me out on a date first before he tries to get me in a hotel room.”

  I paused for a moment and realized that she just might be interested. I hadn’t even worked my way up to prying into her business, but her response made it obvious to me that she didn’t have a man, or one that she was serious about.

  Even though my life had been hectic enough lately without romance, there were quite a few things about her that made me want to at least get to know her better. She was smart, definitely attractive, and ambitious. Not to mention the walk. The more I saw it, the more I loved it. She was slightly bowlegged but still managed to walk gracefully in her heels.

  I couldn’t say for sure at this point, but she seemed to have some decent morals. I would have loved to show her around New York, though I didn’t know one street from the next. Something about the whole notion of wandering around the greatest city in the world seemed romantic and I could have laughed at myself for even thinking about it in that kind of way, mainly because I’d always been romantically deficient.

  One thing was for sure: I didn’t have the funds to spring for another room, so I came with “Well, I’ll tell you what, Ms. Harris. As soon I get back, how about we hang out and have a drink or get a bite to eat?”

  “I hang out with my homegirls. Is that what you want to do, hang out?”

  Though she’d made what I’m sure she considered a stand, my grin showed nothing but confidence, because if she cared enough to even try, I had her already. “Let me correct myself and be a little more clear. How about I take you out on a date?”

  “Well, I normally don’t go out with anyone I work with. However, since this is a temporary assignment for me, I’ll give it some thought. When you come back from New York, I’ll give you my answer.”

  Playing hard to get almost pissed me off. “Fair enough.” I laughed at her. “You let me know.”

  Jacob sat nervously in the rear of the coffee shop. He looked down at his watch and saw that it was almost seven-fifteen. She was late and he took it as a sign that he should go. He grabbed the cup of cocoa from the table and took what would be his last sip. He stood up, put his Norfolk State baseball cap on, and prepared to head out the door. As if fate was intervening, up to the front door walked a fine sistah, dressed in a purple-and-black, skintight Puma workout suit. She also sported a light jogging jacket that barely covered a third of an award-winning ass, which caught Jacob’s eye. He scanned her up and down quickly before he realized the woman he was looking at he already knew well.

  As they were about to pass each other she smiled. “Jacob, what’s happening?” It was Alicia.

  “Hey, Alicia. How you doin’?”

  “I’m good. Just about to head to the gym.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know you worked out.”

  “Jacob, come on now. I’m fast approaching the big three-oh. If the years don’t get me, gravity will. I gots to keep it tight.”

  Jacob nodded. Some kickboxing lessons might be good as well, he thought as he remembered her getting slapped on her wedding day. “I feel you.”

  “So what are you doing out this way?” she asked.

  “Just stopped in for a quick drink of…and I had to meet someone, but…” At that very second he saw Elise heading toward the entrance. “But it was nice seeing you. I gotta run…tell everyone I said hello…” Then, almost midsentence, he bolted in Elise’s direction.

  “Oh…kay, Jacob. It was nice seeing you,” Alicia said, and then watched intently as he ushered what looked to be an extremely young girl out the door before she could make it in.

  “Change in plans, you have a car, right?”

  Elise was thrown off by the way Jacob was acting. “Yeah, why?”

  “Just follow me,” he said as he headed for his car.

  He pulled off and she began to follow him in her gold Pontiac. He headed down Route 1, wondering were he was going, then down Greenbelt Road. He pulled into the parking lot of a Bennigan’s, but panicked when he saw what looked like a familiar family walking across the parking lot. He needed someplace discreet.

  He looked back and Elise was on his tail as he’d instructed. He thought about the library in Old Greenbelt, but reasoned it was too public. Kids from his school might show up there. Five minutes later, he had found a secluded location. They needed to talk and he couldn’t take any chances on being seen.

  He hit the button on his garage-door opener and signaled for Elise to drive by him and pull her car inside. As she pulled past him she smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

  What the hell am I doing? he asked himself as he parked in front of his garage. He sat in the car for a moment thinking about what could possibly come of the situation. Still, he wanted to hear what she had to say, especially if she had some information that could change his whole life.

  He climbed out of his car and looked around before he slipped into the garage. Once the garage door went down, he opened Elise’s door for her. “Thanks, such a gentleman,” she said, trying to cut the tension that they both felt building.

  “C’mon.” Jacob led her in through the garage door then to the small
rec room behind the garage. There was thick beige carpet and a butterscotch-colored couch and chair in the room. When Jacob offered Elise a seat on the couch, she sank into it and couldn’t help but let out a telling “Ahhhhhhh.”

  “Comfy, right?” Jacob asked.

  “Oh my gawwd, it feels so soft. I love it. Your place is really nice. Who painted?”

  “I did. Actually, a friend of mine helped out, but I didn’t hire anyone.” Jacob’s walls were all toffee-colored except for one wall, which was done in bronze suede paint. “It was time-consuming, but I like it.”

  “Yeah, it’s really nice. I did something similar in my place. I didn’t have anyone to help, though.” She smiled yet sounded as if he should have pitied her.

  “Your place?”

  “Yeah, Mr. Marsh, I have my own place. That’s one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about. I just didn’t have anyone else that I could come to.”

  Jacob took a seat at the opposite end of the couch and looked into Elise’s eyes. “Listen, I want to say something…” He paused.

  “It’s okay, Mr. Marsh…”

  “What’s okay?” He had no idea what she was talking about.

  An understanding look appeared on her face. “Mr. Marsh, I know you want me. It’s okay. It’s normal.”

  “Say what?” Jacob’s heart began to beat faster. Had it been that obvious? Even if it had become obvious, he would have never reacted or told a soul. But now here this young lady was in his house, laying it all out on the table.

  “I may be young, but I’ve seen a lot in my years. You’re a man. I’m a woman. I can feel it and I’m not offended by it and I don’t think you’re a pervert. Without even talking to you, I’ve felt a certain energy between us. Maybe you just wanna fuck me. Then again, maybe you wish you could get to know me better. Maybe you lie awake some nights wishing that I was older or that we’d met under different circumstances.”

  Jacob’s silence affirmed everything she said and he just shook his head and looked down. She reached for his hands. “Mr. Marsh, it’s okay. Seriously. But that’s not what I came to talk about. I’m not trying to complicate your life. Actually, I’m here to help you if I can.”